It was one week before high school graduation when I found the note. I didn’t know it then, but by the end of that week, my life would be changed forever.

 

I had been cleaning out my locker¹, looking through old papers and taking down all the pictures I had taped to the door. Everything seemed to hold memories from the past year, so I was careful not to throw away anything with sentimental² value. I found the note on the top shelf of my locker, laying on top of my biology book. It had my name , Marly, printed neatly³ at the top, and though I didn’t recognize the handwriting, I thought that it was probably from one of my friends. But as I read it, I realized that it couldn't be. It was signed, 'from a secret admirer.' I knew I shouldn't take it seriously, but I couldn't stop my heart from beating fast or my face from turning red.

 

I kept thinking that it was just a prank⁴. But who could've written something so sweet and touching⁵ just for a good laugh? I heard laughter from the end of the hall, but when I looked down there I saw that those laughing were paying no attention to me.

 

That evening I kept replaying the words of the note in my head. I reread it so many times during my last hour class, I almost had it memorized.

 

We never spent any time together, it said, but in my mind we did... In my mind we shared so much... from our first kiss to popcorn⁶ at the movie theater on our first date. We laughed at inside jokes that no one else got, you taught me how to dance in my backyard. Of course, none of those things really happened... I only imagined them. Outside of my mind we never existed as a couple, you never even knew my true feelings for you. And I'm afraid you never will if I don't tell you now. Please meet me Friday night after the prom, in the park.

 

I spent that entire evening thinking about the note and who could've written it. It wasn't every day I got a note from someone who had been admiring me from afar.

 

The next day at school, I showed the note to my best friend, Christy. We sat down by our lockers⁷, musing⁸ over who the mysterious person could be. Every time a boy walked by I contemplated⁹ the question: Could it be him? I tried to act like it wasn't important to me. After all, it could just be a cruel joke someone was playing on me and I would look stupid if I made a big deal out of it.

 

By the end of third hour, everyone knew about the note I had received. At noon, a crowd had gathered around my locker. Some wanted to see the note but I was cautious¹⁰ of who I let read it. I guarded it as if it were some great treasure, and to me, it was.

 

"What if its him?" Diane Johansen said, pointing in his direction and laughing. She started doing a dead-on impersonation of Jimmy. I couldn't help but laugh as Diane talked with a stutter and shook, as Jimmy often did. I instantly regretted it. I looked at him. I didn't see love or admiration¹¹ in his eyes, I saw pain.

 

Throughout the rest of the day I kept thinking about Jimmy. He had lived across the street from me for years, yet I knew so little about him. I remembered my mother telling me to be nice to him when I was younger. She said that he needed a friend. When I asked her why he acted so different, she told me that his mother had done bad things when she was pregnant¹² with him. It wasn't until I was older that I really understood this. I would occasionally wave at him on the street, but not if my friends were with me. I tried to make myself feel better by thinking that I had at least treated him better than others had.

 

Jimmy was pleasantly interesting. Sometimes I could see in his room through his window as I passed by. He was often playing his guitar, or sitting at his desk writing. After I got the note, I wondered if he had been writing things for me. From then on I tried to see Jimmy through the window. It was my only way of looking into his world. I wondered if my admirer had ever done the same.

 

One evening, I got a call from Christy.

 

"I think I know who your admirer is!" she shrieked¹³.

 

My heart pounded. "Who?"

 

"You're not going to believe this, but I think its Russell Moore! At church I overheard¹⁴ him say you were cute! Can you believe it?"

 

There was a long silence.

 

"Well, aren't you excited?" she asked.

 

"I guess," I said.

 

"Who do you want it to be?" she asked.

 

I couldn't think of anyone but Jimmy so I said that I didn't know.

 

Later that evening, I considered writing Jimmy a letter. I thought I could be an 'admirer' myself. He thinks I hate him. He thinks I’m like everyone else. What if I don't get the chance to tell him different? But I decided¹⁵ against it. I guess I wasn't as brave as my secret admirer was. It was strange. I wondered if I was falling in love with him. All of a sudden I wanted to see him, talk to him, hear his voice. I wondered why I felt that way.

 

The next day was the day of the prom. I woke up that morning feeling nervous. I could've cared less about the dance, it was where I was going afterwards that I was thinking of.

 

The decorations at the dance were beautiful. The music was great. But I couldn't enjoy myself. I was restless up until I left at 11:45. I began walking towards the park. Although it was May, it was a cool evening. A breeze stirred the branches of the trees. I wrapped my jacket tight around me. Then I spotted¹⁶ a small park bench where I decided to wait.

 

Thirty minutes passed and he still hadn't arrived. Maybe no one was coming in the first place, I thought, maybe he doesn't exist. I let a few tears slip out, then told myself I wouldn’t cry.

 

Just then I got a call on my cell phone from Christy. She sounded upset.

 

"Marly!" she shouted, "Jimmy McAllister was in an accident by the school! He's hurt really bad!"

 

"Oh my God!" I exclaimed choking on tears. "I'll be right there."

 

I tried to run, blinded by tears. I tripped a few times but finally made it back to the school. I saw that his truck had slid into a ditch alongside¹⁷ the school. They were carrying Jimmy into the ambulance on a stretcher. I don't know what made me do it, but I looked inside his badly damaged truck. Laying on the seat was a red rose. Attached to the rose was a card that read, 'for Marly.'

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