You'll Never Regret It—the Essence of Motherly Love　永不后悔——母爱的真谛

　　◎?Dale Hanson Bourke

　　Time is running out for my friend. While we are sitting at lunch she casually¹ mentions she and herhusband are thinking of starting a family. “We’re taking a survey.” she says, half-joking. “Do youthink I should have a baby?”

　　“It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. “I know,” she says, “no moresleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous holidays...”

　　But that’s not what I mean at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her toknow what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds ofchild bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw thatshe will be vulnerable forever.

　　I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without thinking: “What if thathad been my child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she seespictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your childdie. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish² suit and think that no matter howsophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive³ level of a bear protectingher cub⁴.

　　I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will beprofessionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care, but one day she will begoing into an important business meeting, and she will think her baby’s sweet smell. She will haveto use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her child is all right.

　　I want my friend to know that every decision will no longer be routine. That a five-year-old boy’sdesire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at a restaurant will become a majordilemma. The issues of independence and gender⁵ identity will be weighed against the prospect⁶ thata child molester⁷ may be lurking⁸ in the lavatory⁹. However decisive she may be at the office, shewill second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

　　Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the added weightof pregnancy¹⁰, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her own life, now so important,will be of less value to her once she has a child. She would give it up in a moment to save heroffspring, but will also begin to hope for more years—not to accomplish her own dreams—but towatch her children accomplish theirs.

　　I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to hit a ball. I want tocapture for her the belly¹¹ laugh of a baby who is touching¹² the soft fur of a dog for the first time. Iwant her to taste the joy that is so real it hurts.

　　My friend’s look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it.” Isay finally. Then, squeezing my friend’s hand, I offer a prayer for her and me and all of the meremortal women who stumble their way into this holiest of callings.

　　时光荏苒，朋友已经老大不小了。我们吃午饭时，她漫不经心地提起她和她丈夫正考虑要小孩的事。“我们正在作一项调查，”她半开玩笑地说，“你觉得我应该要个小孩吗？”

　　“这会改变你的生活。”我小心翼翼地说道，尽量使语气保持客观。“我知道，”她答道，“周末睡不成懒觉，也不能随心所欲地休假……”

　　但我绝不是那个意思。我看着我的朋友，试图整理一下自己的思绪。我想让她知道她永远不可能在分娩课上学到的东西。我想告诉她：分娩的有形伤疤可以愈合，但是做母亲的情感伤痕却永远如新，她会因此变得十分脆弱，永远都是。

　　我想告诫她，做了母亲后，每当她看报纸时就会情不自禁地想：“如果那件事情发生在我的孩子身上将会怎样啊？”每一次飞机失事、每一场住宅火灾都会让她提心吊胆。看到那些忍饥挨饿的孩子们的照片时，她会思索，世界上还有什么比眼睁睁地看着自己的孩子饿死更惨的事情呢？我打量着她精修细剪的指甲和时尚前卫的衣服，心里想到，不管她打扮多么考究，做了母亲后，她会变得像护崽的母熊那样原始而不修边幅。

　　我觉得自己应该提醒她，不管她在工作上投入了多少年，一旦做了母亲，工作就会脱离常规。她当然可以安排他人照顾孩子，但说不定哪天她要去参加一个非常重要的商务会议，却忍不住想起宝宝身上散发的甜甜乳香。她不得不拼命克制自己，才不致为了看看孩子是否安然无恙而中途跑回家。

　　我想让我的朋友知道，有了孩子后，每一个决定都不再是例行公事。在餐馆，5岁的儿子想进男厕而不愿进女厕，将成为摆在她眼前的一大难题。她将在两个选择之间权衡一番：尊重孩子的独立和性别意识，还是让他进男厕所冒被潜在的儿童性骚扰者侵害的危险。任凭她在办公室多么果断，作为母亲，她仍经常后悔自己当时的决定。

　　看着我这位漂亮迷人的朋友，我想让她明白，她最终会恢复到怀孕前的体重，但是她对自己的感觉已经截然不同。她现在如此看重的生命，将随着孩子的诞生而变得不那么宝贵。

　　为了救自己的孩子，她时刻愿意献出自己的生命。但她也开始希望多活一些年头，不是为了实现自己的梦想，而是为了看着孩子们美梦成真。

　　我想向朋友形容自己看到孩子学会击球时的喜悦。我想让她留意孩子第一次触摸狗的绒毛时的捧腹大笑。我想让她品尝快乐，尽管这快乐是如此真实地令人心痛。

　　朋友的表情让我意识到，自己已经是热泪盈眶。“你永远不会后悔的。”我最后说，然后紧紧地握住朋友的手，为她、为自己，也为每一位艰难跋涉、准备响应母亲这一神圣职业的召唤的平凡女性，献上自己的祈祷。

 

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