H庄园的午餐18

V“But it doesn’t matter, does it?” Elinor said.

She spoke¹ almost pleadingly.

Mr. Seddon had departed.

Roddy’s face twitched² nervously³.

He said:

“You ought to have it. It’s quite right you should. For heaven’s sake, Elinor, don’t get it intoyour head that I grudge⁴ it to you. I don’t want the damned money!”

Elinor said, her voice slightly unsteady:

“We did agree, Roddy, in London that it wouldn’t matter which of us it was, as—as we weregoing to be married…?”

He did not answer. She persisted:

“Don’t you remember saying that, Roddy?”

He said:

“Yes.”

He looked down at his feet. His face was white and sullen⁵, there was pain in the taut⁶ lines of hissensitive mouth.

Elinor said with a sudden gallant⁷ lift of the head:

“It doesn’t matter—if we’re going to be married… But are we, Roddy?”

He said:

“Are we what?”

“Are we going to marry each other?”

“I understood that was the idea.”

His tone was indifferent, with a slight edge to it. He went on:

“Of course, Elinor, if you’ve other ideas now….”

Elinor cried out:

“Oh, Roddy, can’t you be honest?”

He winced⁸.

Then he said in a low, bewildered voice:

“I don’t know what’s happened to me….”

Elinor said in a stifled⁹ voice:

“I do….”

He said quickly:

“Perhaps it’s true, that. I don’t after all, quite like the idea of living on my wife’s money….”

Elinor, her face white, said:

“It’s not that… It’s something else…” She paused, then she said, “It’s—Mary, isn’t it?”

Roddy murmured unhappily:

“I suppose so. How did you know?”

Elinor said, her mouth twisting sideways in a crooked¹⁰ smile:

“It wasn’t difficult… Every time you look at her—it’s there in your face for anyone to read….”

Suddenly his composure broke.

“Oh, Elinor—I don’t know what’s the matter! I think I’m going mad! It happened when I sawher—that first day—in the wood…just her face—it’s—it’s turned everything upside down. Youcan’t understand that….”

Elinor said:

“Yes, I can. Go on.”

Roddy said helplessly:

“I didn’t want to fall in love with her… I was quite happy with you. Oh, Elinor, what a cad Iam, talking like this to you….”

Elinor said:

“Nonsense. Go on. Tell me….”

He said brokenly:

“You’re wonderful… Talking to you helps frightfully. I’m so terribly fond of you, Elinor! Youmust believe that. This other thing is like an enchantment¹¹! It’s upset everything: my conception oflife—and my enjoyment¹² of things—and—all the decent ordered reasonable things….”

Elinor said gently:

“Love—isn’t very reasonable….”

Roddy said miserably¹³:

“No….”

Elinor said, and her voice trembled a little:

“Have you said anything to her?”

Roddy said:

“This morning—like a fool—I lost my head—”

Elinor said:

“Yes?”

Roddy said:

“Of course she—she shut me up at once! She was shocked. Because of Aunt Laura and—of you—”

Elinor drew the diamond ring off her finger. She said:

“You’d better take it back, Roddy.”

Taking it, he murmured without looking at her:

“Elinor, you’ve no idea what a beast I feel.”

Elinor said in her calm voice:

“Do you think she’ll marry you?”

He shook his head.

“I’ve no idea. Not—not for a long time. I don’t think she cares for me now; but she might cometo care….”

Elinor said:

“I think you’re right. You must give her time. Not see her for a bit, and then—start afresh.”

“Darling Elinor! You’re the best friend anyone ever had.” He took her hand suddenly andkissed it. “You know, Elinor, I do love you—just as much as ever! Sometimes Mary seems justlike a dream. I might wake up from it—and find she wasn’t there….”

Elinor said:

“If Mary wasn’t there….”

Roddy said with sudden feeling:

“Sometimes I wish she wasn’t… You and I, Elinor, belong. We do belong, don’t we?”

Slowly she bent¹⁴ her head.

She said:

“Oh, yes—we belong.”

She thought:

“If Mary wasn’t there….”

 

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