I Still Choose ＂Mom＂

时间：2015-12-25 04:16:13

（单词翻译:单击）

I watched through blurred2 vision as my husband, Chuck, walked away with his ex-wife.
 
The heaviness in all our hearts was almost unbearable3. Turning back to my stepson"s casket I somehow helped my children pluck a rose from the brother spray to press in their Bibles. With tears streaming down my face, I rested my hand on the son spray. I no longer knew my place.
 
God, I silently screamed, how did I fit in Conan"s life?
 
From the moment I"d met my stepson, I was in awe4 of this angelic little boy whose bright, blond hair seemed to glow with a heavenly radiance. At only a year-and-a-half, he was built like a three-year-old. Solid and stocky, sleeping curled in my lap, his tiny heart beat against mine, and a maternal5 bonding began stirring inside me.
 
Within a year I became a stepmother to Conan and his older sister, Lori. Soon after that, a visit to the doctor revealed some disheartening news.
 
"You have an infertility6 disease," the doctor had said. "You might not ever have children of your own."
 
At twenty-two, that news was shattering. I had
 
always wanted to be a mother. Suddenly, I realized being a stepmother might be as close as I would get, and I became even more involved in their lives.
 
But thankfully, four years later we joyfully7 discovered I was pregnant. Chase was born, then two years later we were blessed with our daughter, Chelsea.
 
I loved being both a mom and a stepmother, but as in any blended family, it had its ups and downs. Chuck"s ex-wife had custody8 of his kids and gave them more freedom than we gave our children. Needing to be consistent with our rules, I"m certain we appeared overly strict to his kids. On their weekend visitations, I usually felt like an old nag9.
 
As a second wife, I was jealous of my stepchildren"s mother. I complained about her and her husband within earshot of my stepkids, and even grumbled10 about buying my stepchildren extras on top of paying child support. Somehow I overlooked the important fact that my stepchildren were the innocent ones thrust into a blended family.
 
Then one day at a gathering11 of my own family, I watched as my mother went up to my stepmother and gave her a hug. I turned and saw my father and stepfather laughing together. Having always appreciated the cooperative relationship my parents and stepparents had, it occurred to me that Chuck"s children longed for the same. So Chuck and I decided12 to work hard at bridging gaps instead of creating them.
 
It wasn"t easy, and changes didn"t come overnight, but they did come. By the time Conan was fifteen, a peace had settled between parents and stepparents. Instead of griping about child-support payments, we voluntarily increased them. And finally Conan"s mom gave us copies of his report cards and football schedules.
 
I was proud of my kids and stepkids. After graduation, my stepdaughter married, and she and her husband built a house together. At seventeen, Conan had become a sensible, intelligent young man. With rugged13 good looks and a deep, baritone voice, I wondered what fortunate girl would snatch him up.
 
But then came that phone call, changing our lives forever - Conan was killed instantly by a drunk driver.
 
Over the years we"d been married, Chuck had reassured14 me that I was a parent to his children, too. He sought my opinion in matters concerning them and relied on me to make their Christmases and birthdays special. I enjoyed doing those things and looked upon myself as their second mother.
 
But in his grief immediately upon Conan"s death, Chuck suddenly stopped seeking my opinion and began turning to his ex-wife. I knew they had to make many final decisions together, and I realized later that he was trying to spare me from the gruesome details, but for the first time, I began to feel like an outsider instead of a parent.
 
I also knew the driver responsible for the accident had to be prosecuted15, which meant Chuck and his ex-wife would have to stay in contact. Those ugly jealousies16 from the past began to resurface when, night after night, he talked to her, seldom discussing their conversations with me.
 
And it stung when friends inquired only about Chuck"s coping, or sent sympathy cards addressed just to him, forgetting about me and even our two children. Some belittled17 my grieving because I was "just" a stepparent. Did anyone realize my loss and pain? I"d had strong maternal feelings for Conan; he considered me his second mother - or did he? As the weeks turned into months, that question haunted me, dominating my thoughts. I became driven to understand just what my role had been.
 
I rummaged18 through boxes of photos and dug out old journals, searching the house for mementos19, even Christmas ornaments20 he had made.
 
There were several comforting journal excerpts21, one describing Mother"s Day phone calls from Conan to me, and a beautiful white poinsettia he gave me at Christmas. And I cherished the memories old photos brought back - his loving bear hugs after cooking his favorite meal - or a kiss for simply doing his laundry. As comforting as these things were, they still weren"t enough.
 
One beautiful spring day, almost a year after he died, I was lovingly caressing22 the pressed rose from his grave that I kept in my Bible. Suddenly, I felt compelled to visit his grave alone. I had never done that before, but I desperately23 needed some answers.
 
Arriving at the gravesite, I remembered Chuck mentioning that the permanent headstone had recently arrived. Chuck had told Conan"s mom to select what she wanted. As I looked down on the shiny marble surface, I noticed she had chosen a bronze sports emblem24, along with a picture of Conan that had been permanently25 embedded26 under a thick layer of glass.
 
I bent27 down and lovingly ran my fingers over his engraved28 name and the dates commemorating29 his short life. Through a mist of tears, memories of a rambunctious30, fun-loving little boy filled my heart. The child I"d mothered part-time for so many years may not have come through my body, but I had been chosen by God to provide a maternal influence in his life. Not to take his mother"s place, but to be just a "step" away. I suddenly felt very honored to have been chosen.
 
"It was a privilege to be your stepmother," I whispered out loud, bending to kiss his picture.
 
Finally, a sense of peace was beginning. With a heavy sigh, I got up to leave. But as I turned to walk away, the sun glistened31 on the border of the headstone, causing me to look back.
 
"Oh my gosh! How could I have not noticed it before?"
 
The entire border of the headstone was trimmed in gold shafts32 of wheat . . . exactly like a gold shaft-of-wheat pin Conan had given me years ago. Chills ran up and down my spine33. I hadn"t seen that pin in years.
 
Somehow, I just knew it was the missing link. I had to find that pin.
 
The ride home was a blur1. I was so excited. Finally, I was upstairs in my bedroom tearing apart my jewelry34 box. Where was it? Dumping the contents on the bed, I frantically35 tossed earrings36 and pins to and fro.
 
Nothing.
 
God, this is important. Please help me find it, I prayed.
 
Turning from the bed I felt compelled to search my dresser. Rummaging37 through drawer after drawer proved futile38, until finally, in the last drawer, clear in the back I felt it. It was a small, white box with my name scribbled39 on top in a child"s handwriting. Prying40 it open, I was instantly transported back in time.
 
Conan had been about ten years old, and it was the night before going on vacation to Florida. He was going with us, and I was packing in my room when I heard a knock on my door. Conan stood there, his eyes downcast and his hands behind his back.
 
"What is it, son?" I asked, concerned by this unexpected visit.
 
Shuffling41 his feet, he quickly mumbled42, "I don"t know why I don"t call you "Mom" very often, even though I call my stepdad "Dad.""
 
I hugged him and reassured him he was free to call me whatever he was comfortable with. Then suddenly, with a wry43 smile on his pudgy face, he handed me the small, white box.
 
"You choose," he said, and darted44 from the room.
 
Assuming I"d find two items inside the box, I opened it. Instead, I found the single gold wheat pin he"d bought at a garage sale with his own money.
 
Scribbled inside the lid of the box were the words, "I Love You. To Mom or Connie."
 
That had been almost a decade ago, yet as I pushed the spilled contents of my jewelry box aside and slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, it felt like yesterday.
 
Thank you, God, for finding this pin, and for the closure that comes with it.
 
Wiping the tears from my face, I reflected on an angelic little boy whose heart beat close to mine.
 
I still choose "Mom."

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点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 blur JtgzC     
n.模糊不清的事物；vt.使模糊，使看不清楚
参考例句：
  • The houses appeared as a blur in the mist.房子在薄雾中隐隐约约看不清。
  • If you move your eyes and your head,the picture will blur.如果你的眼睛或头动了，图像就会变得模糊不清。
2 blurred blurred     
v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离
参考例句：
  • She suffered from dizziness and blurred vision. 她饱受头晕目眩之苦。
  • Their lazy, blurred voices fell pleasantly on his ears. 他们那种慢吞吞、含糊不清的声音在他听起来却很悦耳。 来自《简明英汉词典》
3 unbearable alCwB     
adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的
参考例句：
  • It is unbearable to be always on thorns.老是处于焦虑不安的情况中是受不了的。
  • The more he thought of it the more unbearable it became.他越想越觉得无法忍受。
4 awe WNqzC     
n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧
参考例句：
  • The sight filled us with awe.这景色使我们大为惊叹。
  • The approaching tornado struck awe in our hearts.正在逼近的龙卷风使我们惊恐万分。
5 maternal 57Azi     
adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的
参考例句：
  • He is my maternal uncle.他是我舅舅。
  • The sight of the hopeless little boy aroused her maternal instincts.那个绝望的小男孩的模样唤起了她的母性。
6 infertility 37ExE     
n.不肥沃，不毛；不育
参考例句：
  • It is the Geneva, Switzerland-based Biotech Company's second recombinant infertility drug. 它是瑞士生物技术公司在日内瓦的公司生产的第二种重组治疗不孕症的药。 来自英汉非文学 - 生命科学 - 生物技术制药疫苗
  • Endometritis is a cause of infertility. 子宫内膜炎是不育的原子。 来自辞典例句
7 joyfully joyfully     
adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地
参考例句：
  • She tripped along joyfully as if treading on air. 她高兴地走着，脚底下轻飘飘的。
  • During these first weeks she slaved joyfully. 在最初的几周里，她干得很高兴。
8 custody Qntzd     
n.监护，照看，羁押，拘留
参考例句：
  • He spent a week in custody on remand awaiting sentence.等候判决期间他被还押候审一个星期。
  • He was taken into custody immediately after the robbery.抢劫案发生后，他立即被押了起来。
9 nag i63zW     
v.(对…)不停地唠叨；n.爱唠叨的人
参考例句：
  • Nobody likes to work with a nag.谁也不愿与好唠叨的人一起共事。
  • Don't nag me like an old woman.别像个老太婆似的唠唠叨叨烦我。
10 grumbled ed735a7f7af37489d7db1a9ef3b64f91     
抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 )； 发牢骚； 咕哝； 发哼声
参考例句：
  • He grumbled at the low pay offered to him. 他抱怨给他的工资低。
  • The heat was sweltering, and the men grumbled fiercely over their work. 天热得让人发昏，水手们边干活边发着牢骚。
11 gathering ChmxZ     
n.集会，聚会，聚集
参考例句：
  • He called on Mr. White to speak at the gathering.他请怀特先生在集会上讲话。
  • He is on the wing gathering material for his novels.他正忙于为他的小说收集资料。
12 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的
参考例句：
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
13 rugged yXVxX     
adj.高低不平的，粗糙的，粗壮的，强健的
参考例句：
  • Football players must be rugged.足球运动员必须健壮。
  • The Rocky Mountains have rugged mountains and roads.落基山脉有崇山峻岭和崎岖不平的道路。
14 reassured ff7466d942d18e727fb4d5473e62a235     
adj.使消除疑虑的；使放心的v.再保证，恢复信心( reassure的过去式和过去分词)
参考例句：
  • The captain's confidence during the storm reassured the passengers. 在风暴中船长的信念使旅客们恢复了信心。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • The doctor reassured the old lady. 医生叫那位老妇人放心。 来自《简明英汉词典》
15 prosecuted Wk5zqY     
a.被起诉的
参考例句：
  • The editors are being prosecuted for obscenity. 编辑因刊载污秽文字而被起诉。
  • The company was prosecuted for breaching the Health and Safety Act. 这家公司被控违反《卫生安全条例》。
16 jealousies 6aa2adf449b3e9d3fef22e0763e022a4     
n.妒忌( jealousy的名词复数 )；妒羡
参考例句：
  • They were divided by mutual suspicion and jealousies. 他们因为相互猜疑嫉妒而不和。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • I am tired of all these jealousies and quarrels. 我厌恶这些妒忌和吵架的语言。 来自辞典例句
17 belittled 39476f0950667cb112a492d64de54dc2     
使显得微小，轻视，贬低( belittle的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
  • She felt her husband constantly belittled her achievements. 她觉得她的丈夫时常贬低她的成就。
  • A poor but honest man is not to be belittled. 穷而诚实的人是不该让人小看的。
18 rummaged c663802f2e8e229431fff6cdb444b548     
翻找，搜寻( rummage的过去式和过去分词 )； 已经海关检查
参考例句：
  • I rummaged through all the boxes but still could not find it. 几个箱子都翻腾遍了也没有找到。
  • The customs officers rummaged the ship suspected to have contraband goods. 海关人员仔细搜查了一艘有走私嫌疑的海轮。
19 mementos 2cbb9a2d7a7a4ff32a8c9de3c453a3a7     
纪念品，令人回忆的东西( memento的名词复数 )
参考例句：
  • The museum houses a collection of mementos, materials and documents. 博物馆保存着很多回忆录以及文献资料。
  • This meant, however, that no one was able to retrieve irreplaceable family mementos. 然而，这也意味着谁也没能把无可替代的家庭纪念品从火中救出来。
20 ornaments 2bf24c2bab75a8ff45e650a1e4388dec     
n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 )；点缀；装饰品；首饰v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的第三人称单数 )
参考例句：
  • The shelves were chock-a-block with ornaments. 架子上堆满了装饰品。
  • Playing the piano sets up resonance in those glass ornaments. 一弹钢琴那些玻璃饰物就会产生共振。 来自《简明英汉词典》
21 excerpts 2decb803173f2e91acdfb31c501d6725     
n.摘录，摘要( excerpt的名词复数 )；节选（音乐，电影）片段
参考例句：
  • Some excerpts from a Renaissance mass are spatchcocked into Gluck's pallid Don Juan music. 一些文艺复光时期的弥撒的选节被不适当地加入到了格鲁克平淡无味的唐璜音乐中。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He is editing together excerpts of some of his films. 他正在将自己制作的一些电影的片断进行剪辑合成。 来自辞典例句
22 caressing 00dd0b56b758fda4fac8b5d136d391f3     
爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的
参考例句：
  • The spring wind is gentle and caressing. 春风和畅。
  • He sat silent still caressing Tartar, who slobbered with exceeding affection. 他不声不响地坐在那里，不断抚摸着鞑靼，它由于获得超常的爱抚而不淌口水。
23 desperately cu7znp     
adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地
参考例句：
  • He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
  • He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
24 emblem y8jyJ     
n.象征，标志；徽章
参考例句：
  • Her shirt has the company emblem on it.她的衬衫印有公司的标记。
  • The eagle was an emblem of strength and courage.鹰是力量和勇气的象征。
25 permanently KluzuU     
adv.永恒地，永久地，固定不变地
参考例句：
  • The accident left him permanently scarred.那次事故给他留下了永久的伤疤。
  • The ship is now permanently moored on the Thames in London.该船现在永久地停泊在伦敦泰晤士河边。
26 embedded lt9ztS     
a.扎牢的
参考例句：
  • an operation to remove glass that was embedded in his leg 取出扎入他腿部玻璃的手术
  • He has embedded his name in the minds of millions of people. 他的名字铭刻在数百万人民心中。
27 bent QQ8yD     
n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的
参考例句：
  • He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
  • We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。
28 engraved be672d34fc347de7d97da3537d2c3c95     
v.在（硬物）上雕刻（字，画等）( engrave的过去式和过去分词 )；将某事物深深印在（记忆或头脑中）
参考例句：
  • The silver cup was engraved with his name. 银杯上刻有他的名字。
  • It was prettily engraved with flowers on the back. 此件雕刻精美，背面有花饰图案。 来自《简明英汉词典》
29 commemorating c2126128e74c5800f2f2295f86f3989d     
v.纪念，庆祝( commemorate的现在分词 )
参考例句：
  • He was presented with a scroll commemorating his achievements. 他被授予一幅卷轴，以表彰其所做出的成就。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The post office issued a series commemorating famous American entertainers. 邮局发行了一个纪念美国著名演艺人员的系列邮票。 来自互联网
30 rambunctious jTNxf     
adj.喧闹的；粗鲁的
参考例句：
  • Their rambunctious son always got into trouble.他们那个不受管束的儿子老是惹麻烦。
  • It's not the chirping,rambunctious play that they did when they first arrived.他们现在已经不像刚开始见面那会儿，总是冲着对方乱叫，或者在玩耍时动作粗暴。
31 glistened 17ff939f38e2a303f5df0353cf21b300     
v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
  • Pearls of dew glistened on the grass. 草地上珠露晶莹。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • Her eyes glistened with tears. 她的眼里闪着泪花。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
32 shafts 8a8cb796b94a20edda1c592a21399c6b     
n.轴( shaft的名词复数 )；（箭、高尔夫球棒等的）杆；通风井；一阵（疼痛、害怕等）
参考例句：
  • He deliberately jerked the shafts to rock him a bit. 他故意的上下颠动车把，摇这个老猴子几下。 来自汉英文学 - 骆驼祥子
  • Shafts were sunk, with tunnels dug laterally. 竖井已经打下，并且挖有横向矿道。 来自辞典例句
33 spine lFQzT     
n.脊柱，脊椎；(动植物的)刺；书脊
参考例句：
  • He broke his spine in a fall from a horse.他从马上跌下摔断了脊梁骨。
  • His spine developed a slight curve.他的脊柱有点弯曲。
34 jewelry 0auz1     
n.（jewllery）（总称）珠宝
参考例句：
  • The burglars walked off with all my jewelry.夜盗偷走了我的全部珠宝。
  • Jewelry and lace are mostly feminine belongings.珠宝和花边多数是女性用品。
35 frantically ui9xL     
ad.发狂地, 发疯地
参考例句：
  • He dashed frantically across the road. 他疯狂地跑过马路。
  • She bid frantically for the old chair. 她发狂地喊出高价要买那把古老的椅子。
36 earrings 9ukzSs     
n.耳环( earring的名词复数 )；耳坠子
参考例句：
  • a pair of earrings 一对耳环
  • These earrings snap on with special fastener. 这付耳环是用特制的按扣扣上去的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
37 rummaging e9756cfbffcc07d7dc85f4b9eea73897     
翻找，搜寻( rummage的现在分词 )； 海关检查
参考例句：
  • She was rummaging around in her bag for her keys. 她在自己的包里翻来翻去找钥匙。
  • Who's been rummaging through my papers? 谁乱翻我的文件来着？
38 futile vfTz2     
adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的
参考例句：
  • They were killed,to the last man,in a futile attack.因为进攻失败，他们全部被杀，无一幸免。
  • Their efforts to revive him were futile.他们对他抢救无效。
39 scribbled de374a2e21876e209006cd3e9a90c01b     
v.潦草的书写( scribble的过去式和过去分词 )；乱画；草草地写；匆匆记下
参考例句：
  • She scribbled his phone number on a scrap of paper. 她把他的电话号码匆匆写在一张小纸片上。
  • He scribbled a note to his sister before leaving. 临行前，他给妹妹草草写了一封短信。
40 prying a63afacc70963cb0fda72f623793f578     
adj.爱打听的v.打听，刺探（他人的私事）( pry的现在分词 )；撬开
参考例句：
  • I'm sick of you prying into my personal life! 我讨厌你刺探我的私生活！
  • She is always prying into other people's affairs. 她总是打听别人的私事。 来自《简明英汉词典》
41 shuffling 03b785186d0322e5a1a31c105fc534ee     
adj. 慢慢移动的, 滑移的 动词shuffle的现在分词形式
参考例句：
  • Don't go shuffling along as if you were dead. 别像个死人似地拖着脚走。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
  • Some one was shuffling by on the sidewalk. 外面的人行道上有人拖着脚走过。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
42 mumbled 3855fd60b1f055fa928ebec8bcf3f539     
含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
  • He mumbled something to me which I did not quite catch. 他对我叽咕了几句话，可我没太听清楚。
  • George mumbled incoherently to himself. 乔治语无伦次地喃喃自语。
43 wry hMQzK     
adj.讽刺的；扭曲的
参考例句：
  • He made a wry face and attempted to wash the taste away with coffee.他做了个鬼脸，打算用咖啡把那怪味地冲下去。
  • Bethune released Tung's horse and made a wry mouth.白求恩放开了董的马，噘了噘嘴。
44 darted d83f9716cd75da6af48046d29f4dd248     
v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔
参考例句：
  • The lizard darted out its tongue at the insect. 蜥蜴伸出舌头去吃小昆虫。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The old man was displeased and darted an angry look at me. 老人不高兴了，瞪了我一眼。 来自《简明英汉词典》

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