如何对待耻辱

Humiliation¹. Many of us have experienced it, right? That horrific feeling of just wanting the ground to open up and swallow us. It's an awful sensation when someone decides to belittle² us and make us feel small. But what is humiliation, and how can we move on from it?

 

Humiliation is quite often compared to the feeling of shame. However, the fundamental difference is that we feel shame is deserved, while humiliation is not. It has more in common with bullying³ and harassment⁴. Neel Burton M.D says that humiliation results from undermining claims that you have made, such as “I'm good at my job”, and challenges your authority to make such claims in future.

 

Imagine your colleague shocks you by unfairly calling you out on your work during a meeting with your boss. Or your friend may demean you by questioning your expertise⁵ in a hobby or interest in front of your other friends.  The presence of others is the key factor in humiliation – a public dressing-down. It also has so many forms and uses in society. Public humiliation is often said to act as a crime deterrent⁶, while it also has a place in comedy. You may enjoy watching a celebrity⁷ being roasted: a humiliation designed to highlight faults for comedic effect.

 

So, how can you deal with it? According to psychologist Robert J. Sternberg, there are a few steps you can take. First, you must accept the humiliation and realise you're not the only one who has felt like this – talk to others who have experienced it and move on. Also, don't immediately try and strike back for ‘round 2' – often humiliation isn't personal. 

 

Lastly, resilience seems to be crucial. Some people say: “What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger”. While humiliation probably won't kill you, it can hurt. Why not use the degradation⁸ as motivation to become a better worker or learn more about that hobby or interest? It could be an opportunity to start investing more in doing something you love. That way it may have an unexpected benefit.

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