摆脱关于幸福的神话

Happiness is a serious moneymaker. People around the world spend hundreds of billions of dollars trying to avoid the tough stuff and feel good about themselves, whether that's through prescription¹ pills, going crazy with dieting and fitness, or that time-tested elixir² of life: alcohol.

 

幸福是棵正儿八经的摇钱树。世界各地的人们花费数千亿美元来躲避难关、寻求快乐，要么服用处方药、疯狂节食和健身，要么求助久经考验的长生不老药——酒精。

 

As a psychotherapist who helps people bump their overall happiness level up a few notches³, I've heard pretty much all of the myths out there about happiness. The worst part is that these myths actually make you unhappy (messed up, right?) – so ditching them is, paradoxically, part of finding happiness.

 

When you achieve [whatever goal you're going after], you'll be happy

 

Land the promotion⁴, the spouse⁵, the Lambo, the goal weight, the condo, whatever it is – you'll finally experience eternal happiness. Hey, it's not your fault for believing this, since you've likely been fed the American dream since the moment you escaped from the womb.

 

But this logic⁶ is flawed. Achievements don't protect you from feeling like crap, and they definitely don't make you superhuman. Multimillionaires still get depressed⁷. People with "perfect" bodies still get dumped. Steady, passive income doesn't protect you from losing someone to cancer. If you can start appreciating where you are, rather than basing your sense of fulfillment on some future accomplishment⁸, you'll be much closer to happiness.

 

When you find the right person, you'll be happy

 

If you think being in a relationship is necessary for happiness, you're going to feel inadequate⁹ and probably anxious when you're single. There's no doubt a strong relationship can make your life better in a lot of ways, but it's certainly not a requirement. In fact, many people feel lonelier and more disconnected in a relationship than outside of one.

 

When you're unhappy, it's natural to blame your relationship status, but try not to – instead of waiting for your "soulmate" to bump into you like your life is a John Cusack movie, see if there are other ways to meet your needs. You know, ways that are in your control.

 

Being happy means you'll never feel like crap

 

It's no coincidence that a lot of these myths are clichés from fairytales, and nowhere is that more evident than humankind's steadfast¹⁰ belief in happy endings. No! Not that kind!

 

The "happily ever after" stuff just isn't real. To be human is to feel, and it's a guarantee that you'll feel disappointment, loss, anger, guilt¹¹, sadness, fear, conflict, embarrassment¹², frustration¹³, and so on and so on. These feelings are universal; happiness is about being able to make space for ALL these shitty emotions, not just the positive ones. They're not a sign of brokenness or pathology. They mean you're not a robot or a psychopath.

 

So, the next time you find yourself seeking happiness, double-check to make sure you're not looking in all these wrong places.

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