IV
Presently I roused myself. I washed and shaved and changed. I went downto dinner. I behaved, I fancy, in quite a normal manner. Nobody seemedto notice anything amiss.
Once or twice I saw Judith flash a curious glance at me. She must havebeen puzzled, I think, by the way I was able to appear quite like my usualself.
And all the time, underneath, I was growing more and more determ-ined.
All that I needed was courage – courage and brains. After dinner wewent outside, looked up at the sky, commented on the closeness of the at-mosphere, prophesied rain – thunder – a storm.
Out of the tail of my eye I saw Judith disappear round the corner of thehouse. Presently Allerton strolled in the same direction.
I finished what I was saying to Boyd Carrington and wandered that waymyself.
Norton, I think, tried to stop me. He took my arm. He tried, I think, tosuggest walking up to the rose garden. I took no notice.
He was still with me as I turned the corner of the house.
They were there. I saw Judith’s upturned face, saw Allerton’s bent downover it, saw how he took her in his arms and the kiss that followed.
Then they broke away quickly. I took a step forward. Almost by mainforce, Norton hauled me back and round the corner. He said: ‘Look here,you can’t –’
I interrupted him. I said forcefully: ‘I can. And I will.’
‘It’s no good, my dear fellow. It’s all very distressing but all it comes to isthat there’s nothing you can do.’
I was silent. He might think that that was so, but I knew better.
Norton went on: ‘I know how ineffectual and maddened one feels, butthe only thing to do is to admit defeat. Accept it, man!’
I didn’t contradict him. I waited, allowing him to talk. Then I wentfirmly round the corner of the house again.
The two of them had disappeared now, but I had a shrewd idea ofwhere they might be. There was a summer-house concealed in a grove oflilac trees not far away.
I went towards it. I think Norton was still with me, but I’m not sure.
As I got nearer I heard voices and stopped. It was Allerton’s voice Iheard.
‘Well, then, my dear girl, that’s settled. Don’t make any more objections.
You go up to town tomorrow. I’ll say I’m running over to Ipswich to staywith a pal for a night or two. You wire from London that you can’t getback. And who’s to know of that charming little dinner at my flat? Youwon’t regret it, I can promise you.’
I felt Norton tugging at me, and suddenly, meekly, I turned. I almostlaughed at the sight of his worried anxious face. I let him drag me back tothe house. I pretended to give in because I knew, at that moment, exactlywhat I was going to do …
I said to him clearly and distinctly: ‘Don’t worry, old chap. It’s all nogood – I see that now. You can’t control your children’s lives. I’m through.’
He was ridiculously relieved.
Shortly afterwards, I told him I was going to bed early. I’d got a bit of aheadache, I said.
He had no suspicions at all of what I was going to do.
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