Joke: Modern Day Love Letters

时间：2007-07-17 08:04:36

（单词翻译:单击）

Things on the love landscape sure have changed over the years...

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dearest Samantha,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective1 lover. Our love affair would be on probation2 for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal3 schemes leading up to promotion4 from lover to spouse5. The expenses incurred6 for coffee and entertainment would initially7 be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly8 respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Thanking you in anticipation9.

Yours sincerely, Max


MODERN REPLY TO MODERN LOVE LETTER

Dear Max,

Please refer to your letter dated today. I am pleased to inform you that I hope to accept your proposal for romance.

However, you should be informed that there are certain conditions of acceptance. Promotional prospects10 are to my satisfaction. However, please enlighten me as to your retirement11 benefits. Gratuity12 should be generous.

I also need to be assured that there is sufficient security with regards to this commitment. If there is any chance at all of retrenchment13 or consequent disinterest on your part, then I should receive monetary14 compensation according to union standards.

Due to the nature of my position, I am sure you will agree that an expense account should be arranged for my access in light of the 'VIP'. I shall be entertaining. In addition, housing and transport allowances should be in order and nothing less than a Jaguar15 is in order.

Please also note that there should be no moonlighting restrictions16 placed on myself. If you are still interested in the relationship, please reply on an urgent basis as other prospective lovers have sent indications of interest.

Please also note that my sister is happily employed.

Yours perhaps, Samantha!
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1 prospective oR7xB     
adj.预期的，未来的，前瞻性的
参考例句：
  • The story should act as a warning to other prospective buyers.这篇报道应该对其他潜在的购买者起到警示作用。
  • They have all these great activities for prospective freshmen.这会举办各种各样的活动来招待未来的新人。
2 probation 41zzM     
n.缓刑(期)，(以观后效的)察看；试用(期)
参考例句：
  • The judge did not jail the young man,but put him on probation for a year.法官没有把那个年轻人关进监狱，而且将他缓刑察看一年。
  • His salary was raised by 800 yuan after his probation.试用期满以后，他的工资增加了800元。
3 appraisal hvFzt     
n.对…作出的评价；评价，鉴定，评估
参考例句：
  • What's your appraisal of the situation?你对局势是如何评估的？
  • We need to make a proper appraisal of his work.对于他的工作我们需要做出适当的评价。
4 promotion eRLxn     
n.提升，晋级；促销，宣传
参考例句：
  • The teacher conferred with the principal about Dick's promotion.教师与校长商谈了迪克的升级问题。
  • The clerk was given a promotion and an increase in salary.那个职员升了级，加了薪。
5 spouse Ah6yK     
n.配偶(指夫或妻)
参考例句：
  • Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
  • What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？
6 incurred a782097e79bccb0f289640bab05f0f6c     
[医]招致的，遭受的； incur的过去式
参考例句：
  • She had incurred the wrath of her father by marrying without his consent 她未经父亲同意就结婚，使父亲震怒。
  • We will reimburse any expenses incurred. 我们将付还所有相关费用。
7 initially 273xZ     
adv.最初，开始
参考例句：
  • The ban was initially opposed by the US.这一禁令首先遭到美国的反对。
  • Feathers initially developed from insect scales.羽毛最初由昆虫的翅瓣演化而来。
8 kindly tpUzhQ     
adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地
参考例句：
  • Her neighbours spoke of her as kindly and hospitable.她的邻居都说她和蔼可亲、热情好客。
  • A shadow passed over the kindly face of the old woman.一道阴影掠过老太太慈祥的面孔。
9 anticipation iMTyh     
n.预期，预料，期望
参考例句：
  • We waited at the station in anticipation of her arrival.我们在车站等着，期待她的到来。
  • The animals grew restless as if in anticipation of an earthquake.各种动物都变得焦躁不安，像是感到了地震即将发生。
10 prospects fkVzpY     
n.希望，前途(恒为复数)
参考例句：
  • There is a mood of pessimism in the company about future job prospects. 公司中有一种对工作前景悲观的情绪。
  • They are less sanguine about the company's long-term prospects. 他们对公司的远景不那么乐观。
11 retirement TWoxH     
n.退休，退职
参考例句：
  • She wanted to enjoy her retirement without being beset by financial worries.她想享受退休生活而不必为金钱担忧。
  • I have to put everything away for my retirement.我必须把一切都积蓄起来以便退休后用。
12 gratuity Hecz4     
n.赏钱，小费
参考例句：
  • The porter expects a gratuity.行李员想要小费。
  • Gratuity is customary in this money-mad metropolis.在这个金钱至上的大都市里，给小费是司空见惯的。
13 retrenchment b9930aac13e3f66539d6a4166b438a4a     
n.节省，删除
参考例句：
  • Retrenchment will be necessary. 有必要进行紧缩。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • Defense planners predict an extended period of retrenchment. 国防规划人员预计开支紧缩期会延长。 来自辞典例句
14 monetary pEkxb     
adj.货币的，钱的；通货的；金融的；财政的
参考例句：
  • The monetary system of some countries used to be based on gold.过去有些国家的货币制度是金本位制的。
  • Education in the wilderness is not a matter of monetary means.荒凉地区的教育不是钱财问题。
15 jaguar JaPz8     
n.美洲虎
参考例句：
  • He was green with envy when he saw my new Jaguar car.看见我那辆美洲虎牌新车，他非常妒忌。
  • Should you meet a jaguar in the jungle,just turn slowly,walk away.But slowly,never look back.你在丛林中若碰上美洲虎，就慢慢转身走开，可一定要慢，切莫回头看。
16 restrictions 81e12dac658cfd4c590486dd6f7523cf     
约束( restriction的名词复数 )； 管制； 制约因素； 带限制性的条件（或规则）
参考例句：
  • I found the restrictions irksome. 我对那些限制感到很烦。
  • a snaggle of restrictions 杂乱无章的种种限制

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