Valentine's Love

Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and
I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like corn silk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas².

You move like the bass³, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant⁴ as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,
well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed⁵ by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,
to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel⁶ shirt,
you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt .

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion⁷, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,
we go together like a skunk⁸ goes with stank⁹.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day
from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea¹ market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave¹⁰ and couth.

But for this man, honey, these won't do.
Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odor,
more useful than diamonds...... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!!

Luv, from yor romeo.