A Windows Recall

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.

The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin¹ is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.

Other features:

• Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
• OK = ats aww-right
• cancel = hail no
• reset² = aw shoot
• yes = shore
• no = Naaaa
• find = hunt-fer it
• go to = over yonder
• back = back yonder
• help = hep me out here
• stop = ternit off
• start = crank it up
• settings = sittins
• programs = stuff at does stuff
• documents = stuff I done done

Also note that WINDERS 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation³ marks. Some programs that are exclusive to WINDERS 98

• tiperiter...................A word processor
• colering book...............a graphics⁴ program
• addin mershene..............calculator
• outhouse paper .............notepad
• jupe-box....................CD Player
• inner-net...................Microsoft Explorer
• pichers.....................A graphics viewer
• IRS.........................M/S accounting⁵ software
• IRS2........................M/S accounting software

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement⁶ version.