December Substitute

Our substitute is strange because
he looks a lot like Santa Claus.
In fact, the moment he walked in
we thought that he was Santa's twin.
We wouldn't think it quite so weird1,
if it was just his snowy beard.
But also he has big, black boots
and wears these fuzzy bright red suits.
He's got a rather rounded gut2
that's like a bowl of you-know-what.
And when he laughs, it's deep and low
and sounds a lot like "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
He asks us all if we've been good
and sleeping when we know we should.
He talks of reindeers, sleighs and elves,
and tells us to behave ourselves.
And when it's time for us to go
he dashes out into the snow.
But yesterday we figured out
just what our sub is all about.
We know just why he leaves so quick,
and why he's dressed like Old Saint3 Nick
in hat and coat and boots and all:
He's working evenings at the mall.