离婚建议：从容对待

时间：2011-09-22 03:48:45

（单词翻译:单击）

Divorce is tough, for just about everyone. But some people move through a breakup without overwhelming distress1, even if they're sad or worried about money, while others get stuck in the bad feelings and can't seem to climb out. What accounts for the difference? Self-compassion, says an upcoming study in Psychological Science, a journal published by the Association for Psychological Science. Self-compassion -- a combination of kindness toward oneself, recognition of common humanity, and the ability to let painful emotions pass -- "can promote resilience and positive outcomes in the face of divorce," says psychologist David A. Sbarra, who conducted the study with University of Arizona colleagues Hillary L. Smith and Matthias R. Mehl. Independent of other personality traits, that one capacity predicts better adjustment shortly after divorce and up to nine months later.

 
The findings have implications for helping2 people learn to weather breakups in better health and better spirits.
 
"We're not interested in the basic statement, 'People who are coping better today do better nine months from now.' That doesn't help anybody," says Sbarra. "The surprising part here is that when we look at a bunch of positive characteristics" -- such as self-esteem, resistance to depression, optimism, or ease with relationships -- "this one characteristic -- self-compassion -- uniquely predicts good outcomes."
 
The study involved 105 people, 38 men and 67 women, whose mean age was about 40; they'd been married over 13 years and divorced an average of three to four months. On the first visit, participants were asked to think about their former partner for 30 seconds, then talk for four minutes about their feelings and thoughts related to the separation.
 
Four trained coders listened to the audio files and rated the participants' levels of self-compassion, using a standard measure of the construct. The participants also were assessed for other psychological traits, such as depression and their "relationship style." At the initial visit, three months later, and then after either six or nine months participants reported on their adjustment to the divorce, including the frequency with which they experienced intrusive3 thoughts and emotions about the separation and their ex-partner.
 
As expected, the people with high levels of self-compassion at the start both recovered faster and were doing better after a period of months.
 
How can these data help people going through divorce? Sbarra's friends, knowing what he studies, often ask for such advice.
 
"It's not easy to say, 'Be less anxious.' You can't change your personality so easily. We also know that women do better than men. But you can't change your sex. What you can change is your stance with respect to（关于，至于） your experience." Understanding your loss as part of bigger human experience helps assuage4 feelings of isolation5, he says. Mindfulness -- noting jealousy6 or anger without judgment7 or rumination8（沉思，反刍） -- lets you turn your mind to life in the present without getting stuck in the past.
 
Can all this be taught? The researchers are unsure but optimistic. Says Sbarra: "This study opens a window for how we can potentially cultivate self-compassion among recently separated adults" and help smooth the journey through one of life's most difficult experiences.

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1 distress 3llzX     
n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛
参考例句：
  • Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。
  • Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。
2 helping 2rGzDc     
n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的
参考例句：
  • The poor children regularly pony up for a second helping of my hamburger. 那些可怜的孩子们总是要求我把我的汉堡包再给他们一份。
  • By doing this, they may at times be helping to restore competition. 这样一来, 他在某些时候,有助于竞争的加强。
3 intrusive Palzu     
adj.打搅的；侵扰的
参考例句：
  • The cameras were not an intrusive presence.那些摄像机的存在并不令人反感。
  • Staffs are courteous but never intrusive.员工谦恭有礼却从不让人感到唐突。
4 assuage OvZzP     
v.缓和，减轻，镇定
参考例句：
  • The medicine is used to assuage pain.这种药用来止痛。
  • Your messages of cheer should assuage her suffering.你带来的这些振奋人心的消息一定能减轻她的痛苦。
5 isolation 7qMzTS     
n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离
参考例句：
  • The millionaire lived in complete isolation from the outside world.这位富翁过着与世隔绝的生活。
  • He retired and lived in relative isolation.他退休后，生活比较孤寂。
6 jealousy WaRz6     
n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌
参考例句：
  • Some women have a disposition to jealousy.有些女人生性爱妒忌。
  • I can't support your jealousy any longer.我再也无法忍受你的嫉妒了。
7 judgment e3xxC     
n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见
参考例句：
  • The chairman flatters himself on his judgment of people.主席自认为他审视人比别人高明。
  • He's a man of excellent judgment.他眼力过人。
8 rumination 24f6e2f9ef911fa311fa96206523fde1     
n.反刍，沉思
参考例句：
  • EA is the theory of rumination about human EA conception. 生态美学是对人类生态审美观念反思的理论。 来自互联网
  • The rumination and distress catalyze the growth process, Dr. 这种反复思考和哀伤反而促进了成长的过程。 来自互联网

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