Competitive Conversion

A priest, a Southern Baptist preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette .

 

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

 

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided¹ to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

 

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

 

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling², was on crutches³, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of God, he became as gentle as lamb. The bishop⁴ is coming out next week to give him first communion an confirmation⁵."

 

Reverend Billy Bob spoke⁶ next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory⁷, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear.

 

And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle⁸. We wrestled⁹ down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek¹⁰. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

 

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction¹¹ with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

 

The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

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