Chapter 34
Father said, "We'll sail like Columbus!"
We sold the zoo, lock, stock and barrel. To a new country, a new life. Besides assuring our collection of a happy future, the transaction would pay for our immigration and leave us with a good sum to make a fresh start in Canada (though now, when I think of it, the sum is laughable-how blinded we are by money). We could have sold our animals to zoos in India, but American zoos were willing to pay higher prices. CITES, the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species, had just come into effect, and the Window on the trading of captured wild animals had slammed shut. The future of zoos would now lie with other zoos. The Pondicherry Zoo closed shop at just the right time. There was a
scramble3 to buy our animals. The final buyers were a number of zoos, mainly the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago and the soon-to-open Minnesota Zoo, but odd animals were going to Los Angeles, Louisville, Oklahoma City and Cincinnati.
And two animals were being shipped to the Canada Zoo. That's how Ravi and I felt. We did not want to go. We did not want to live in a country of gale-force winds and minus-two-hundred-degree winters. Canada was not on the cricket map. Departure was made easier-as far as getting us used to the idea-by the time it took for all the pre-departure preparations. It took well over a year. I don't mean for us. I mean for the animals. Considering that animals
dispense4 with clothes, footwear,
linen5, furniture, kitchenware, toiletries; that nationality means nothing to them; that they care not a
jot6 for passports, money, employment
prospects7, schools, cost of housing, healthcare facilities-considering, in short, their lightness of being, it's amazing how hard it is to move them. Moving a zoo is like moving a city.
The paperwork was
colossal8. Litres of water used up in the wetting of stamps. Dear Mr. So-and-so written hundreds of times. Offers made. Sighs heard. Doubts expressed.
Haggling9 gone through. Decisions sent higher up for approval. Prices agreed upon. Deals
clinched10. Dotted lines signed. Congratulations given. Certificates of origin sought. Certificates of health sought. Export permits sought. Import permits sought. Quarantine regulations clarified. Transportation organized. A fortune spent on telephone calls. It's a joke in the zoo business, a weary joke, that the paperwork involved in trading a shrew weighs more than an elephant, that the paperwork involved in trading an elephant weighs more than a whale, and that you must never try to trade a whale, never. There seemed to be a single file of nit-picking
bureaucrats11 from Pondicherry to Minneapolis via Delhi and Washington, each with his form, his problem, his
hesitation12.
Shipping13 the animals to the moon couldn't possibly have been more complicated. Father pulled nearly every hair off his head and came close to giving up on a number of occasions.
There were surprises. Most of our birds and
reptiles14, and our lemurs,
rhinos15, orang-utans, mandrills, lion-tailed macaques, giraffes, anteaters, tigers,
leopards16,
cheetahs17,
hyenas18, zebras, Himalayan and
sloth19 bears, Indian elephants and Nilgiri tahrs, among others, were in demand, but others, Elfie for example, were met with silence. "A
cataract20 operation!" Father shouted, waving the letter. "They'll take her if we do a cataract operation on her right eye. On a
hippopotamus21! What next? Nose jobs on the rhinos?" Some of our other animals were considered "too common," the lions and
baboons22, for example. Father
judiciously23 traded these for an extra orang-utan from the Mysore Zoo and a chimpanzee from the Manila Zoo. (As for Elfie, she lived out the rest of her days at the Trivandrum Zoo.) One zoo asked for "an
authentic24 Brahmin cow" for their children's zoo. Father walked out into the urban jungle of Pondicherry and bought a cow with dark wet eyes, a nice fat hump and horns so straight and at such right angles to its head that it looked as if it had licked an electrical
outlet25. Father had its horns painted bright orange and little plastic bells fitted to the tips, for added
authenticity26.
A deputation of three Americans came. I was very curious. I had never seen real live Americans. They were pink, fat, friendly, very competent and sweated
profusely27. They examined our animals. They put most of them to sleep and then
applied28 stethoscopes to hearts, examined urine and feces as if horoscopes, drew blood in syringes and
analyzed29 it, fondled humps and bumps, tapped teeth, blinded eyes with flashlights, pinched skins, stroked and pulled hairs. Poor animals. They must have thought they were being drafted into the U.S. Army. We got big smiles from the Americans and bone-crushing, handshakes.
The result was that the animals, like us, got their working papers. They were future Yankees, and we, future Canucks.
第三十四章
父亲说：“我们要像哥伦布一样航行!”
“他希望能发现印度。"我生气地指出。
我们卖了动物园，卖了所有家当。到一个新的国家去，开始新的生活。除了能保证我们有一个幸福的未来，这笔买卖还能支付我们的移民费用，并且还能节余一大笔钱，让我们可以在加拿大有一个崭新的开始（尽管现在回想起来，这笔钱少得可笑——钱让我们变得多么盲目啊）。我们可以把动物卖给印度的动物园，但是美洲的动物园愿意出更高的价钱。CITES，也就是“国际濒危动物交易公约”，刚刚生效，交易捕获的野生动物的窗口被砰地关上了。现在，动物园的未来就取决于其他动物园了。本地治里动物园恰好在合适的时候关了门。很多动物园都抢着要买我们的动物。最后的买家有几家动物园，主要是芝加哥的林肯公园动物园和即将开门的明尼苏达动物园，但是剩下来的动物会被卖到洛杉矶、路易维尔、俄克拉何马城和辛辛那提。
还有两只动物正被运往加拿大动物园。这就是拉维和我的感觉。我们不想去。我们不想住在一个刮大风、冬天的温度在零下200度的国家。板球世界的地图上没有加拿大。出发前的准备工作要花很多时间，这使离别变得容易——就让我们习惯离别这个概念而言。我们花了一年多的时间做准备。我不是说为我们自己。我足说为动物。考虑到动物没有衣服、鞋袜、亚麻床单、家具、厨房用品、化妆品也能过；考虑到国籍对它们毫无意义；考虑到它们一点儿也不在乎护照、钱、就业前景、学校、住房的费用、健康设施——简短地说，考虑到它们的生活如此轻松，而要搬动它们却如此困难，真是令人惊讶。搬动一座动物园就像搬动一座城市。
书面工作十分繁重。贴邮票用去了好几升水。“亲爱的某某先生”写了好几百遍。有人给出了报价。听见叹息。表示疑惑。经过讨价还价的过程。决定被呈报上去，让上面做决定。双方同意了一个价格。交易敲定了。在虚线处签了名。接受祝贺。开了血统证明。开了健康证明。开了出口许可证。开了进口许可证。弄清了检疫隔离规定。安排好了运输。打电话花了一大笔钱。买卖一只嗣睹需要的文件比一头大象还重，买卖一头大象所需要的文件比一条鲸鱼还重，你永远都不要试图去买卖一条鲸鱼，永远不要。这在动物园经营行业真是一个笑话，一个令人疲倦的笑话。似乎有一队吹毛求疵的官僚从本地治里排到德里，再到华盛顿，最后到明尼苏达，每个官僚都有表格，有问题，有犹豫。把动物运到月球上也不会比这更复杂了。父亲几乎把头上的每一根头发都扯了下来，而且很多次都差点儿要放弃。
还有令人意想不到的事。我们大多数的鸟类和爬行动物，还有我们的狐猴、犀牛、猩猩、山魈、狮尾弥猴、长颈鹿、食蚁动物、老虎、豹子、猎豹、鬣狗、斑马、喜玛拉雅猫和懒熊、印度大象和尼尔吉里塔尔羊，以及其他一些动物，都有人要，但是另一些动物，例如艾尔菲，却遇到了沉默。“白内障手术！”父亲挥舞着信叫道。“如果我们给它的右眼做白内障手术他们就要它。给河马做白内障手术！下面会是什么？给犀牛做鼻子手术？”我们的另一些劫物被认为“太普通”，例如狮子和狒狒。父亲很有见地，用它们从迈索尔动物园多换了一只猩猩，从马尼拉动物园换了一只黑猩猩。（至于艾尔菲，它在特里凡得琅动物园度过了余生。）有一座动物园想为他们的儿童动物园要一只“纯正的贵族出身的奶牛”。父亲走进本地治里的城市丛林，买了一头奶牛，它长着一双水灵灵的黑眼睛，可爱的肥厚的脊背，笔直的角和头之间的角度恰恰好，看上去就像它刚舔了电源插座。父
亲把它的角漆成鲜艳的橘黄色，在角尖挂上塑料小铃铛，以增加它的纯正性。
一个由三个美国人组成的代表团来了。我很好奇。我从没有见过真正的活生生的美国人。他们的皮肤是粉红色的，身体肥胖，待人友好，非常能干，很容易出汗。他们检查了我们的动物。他们让大多数动物睡觉，然后用听诊器听心脏，像查星象一样查小便和大便，用注射器抽血化验，摸摸脊背和头盖骨，敲敲牙齿，用电筒照照眼睛，照得它们眼花缭乱，捏捏皮，摸摸又拽拽毛。可怜的动物。它们一定以为自己正被征召进美国海军呢。美国人对我们咧着嘴微笑，用力和我们握手，把我们的骨头都要握碎了。
结果是动物们，和我们一样，有了雇用证明。他们是未来的美国佬，而我们，是未来的枫叶国度的居民。
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