BY and by, when we got up, we turned over the truck the gang had stole off of the wreck¹, and found boots, and blankets, and clothes, and all sorts of other things, and a lot of books, and a spyglass, and three boxes of seegars. We hadn't ever been this rich before in neither of our lives. The seegars was prime. We laid off all the afternoon in the woods talking, and me reading the books, and having a general good time. I told Jim all about what happened inside the wreck and at the ferryboat, and I said these kinds of things was adventures; but he said he didn't want no more adventures. He said that when I went in the texas and he crawled back to get on the raft and found her gone he nearly died, because he judged it was all up with HIM anyway it could be fixed⁴; for if he didn't get saved he would get drownded; and if he did get saved, whoever saved him would send him back home so as to get the reward, and then Miss Watson would sell him South, sure. Well, he was right; he was most always right; he had an uncommon⁵ level head for a nigger.

I read considerable to Jim about kings and dukes and earls and such, and how gaudy⁶ they dressed, and how much style they put on, and called each other your majesty⁷, and your grace, and your lordship, and so on, 'stead of mister; and Jim's eyes bugged⁸ out, and he was interested. He says:

"I didn' know dey was so many un um. I hain't hearn 'bout³ none un um, skasely, but ole King Sollermun, onless you counts dem kings dat's in a pack er k'yards. How much do a king git?"

"Get?" I says; "why, they get a thousand dollars a month if they want it; they can have just as much as they want; everything belongs to them."

"AIN' dat gay? En what dey got to do, Huck?"

"THEY don't do nothing! Why, how you talk! They just set around."

"No; is dat so?"

"Of course it is. They just set around -- except, maybe, when there's a war; then they go to the war. But other times they just lazy around; or go hawking⁹ -- just hawking and sp -- Sh! -- d' you hear a noise?"

We skipped out and looked; but it warn't nothing but the flutter of a steamboat's wheel away down, coming around the point; so we come back.

"Yes," says I, "and other times, when things is dull, they fuss with the parlyment; and if everybody don't go just so he whacks¹¹ their heads off. But mostly they hang round the harem."

"Roun' de which?"

"Harem."

"What's de harem?"

"The place where he keeps his wives. Don't you know about the harem? Solomon had one; he had about a million wives."

"Why, yes, dat's so; I -- I'd done forgot it. A harem's a bo'd'n-house, I reck'n. Mos' likely dey has rackety times in de nussery. En I reck'n de wives quarrels considable; en dat 'crease¹² de racket. Yit dey say Sollermun de wises' man dat ever live'. I doan' take no stock in dat. Bekase why: would a wise man want to live in de mids' er sich a blim-blammin' all de time? No -- 'deed he wouldn't. A wise man 'ud take en buil' a biler-factry; en den¹³ he could shet DOWN de biler-factry when he want to res'."

"Well, but he WAS the wisest man, anyway; because the widow she told me so, her own self."

"I doan k'yer what de widder say, he WARN'T no wise man nuther. He had some er de dad-fetchedes' ways I ever see. Does you know 'bout dat chile dat he 'uz gwyne to chop in two?"

"Yes, the widow told me all about it."

"WELL, den! Warn' dat de beatenes' notion in de worl'? You jes' take en look at it a minute. Dah's de stump¹⁴, dah -- dat's one er de women; heah's you -- dat's de yuther one; I's Sollermun; en dish yer dollar bill's de chile. Bofe un you claims it. What does I do? Does I shin aroun' mongs' de neighbors en fine out which un you de bill DO b'long to, en han' it over to de right one, all safe en soun', de way dat anybody dat had any gumption¹⁵ would? No; I take en whack¹⁰ de bill in TWO, en give half un it to you, en de yuther half to de yuther woman. Dat's de way Sollermun was gwyne to do wid de chile. Now I want to ast you: what's de use er dat half a bill? -- can't buy noth'n wid it. En what use is a half a chile? I wouldn' give a dern for a million un um."

"But hang it, Jim, you've clean missed the point -- blame it, you've missed it a thousand mile."

"Who? Me? Go 'long. Doan' talk to me 'bout yo' pints¹⁷. I reck'n I knows sense when I sees it; en dey ain' no sense in sich doin's as dat. De 'spute warn't 'bout a half a chile, de 'spute was 'bout a whole chile; en de man dat think he kin² settle a 'spute 'bout a whole chile wid a half a chile doan' know enough to come in out'n de rain. Doan' talk to me 'bout Sollermun, Huck, I knows him by de back."

"But I tell you you don't get the point."

"Blame de point! I reck'n I knows what I knows. En mine you, de REAL pint¹⁶ is down furder -- it's down deeper. It lays in de way Sollermun was raised. You take a man dat's got on'y one or two chillen; is dat man gwyne to be waseful o' chillen? No, he ain't; he can't 'ford¹⁸ it. HE know how to value 'em. But you take a man dat's got 'bout five million chillen runnin' roun' de house, en it's diffunt. HE as soon chop a chile in two as a cat. Dey's plenty mo'. A chile er two, mo' er less, warn't no consekens to Sollermun, dad fatch him!"

I never see such a nigger. If he got a notion in his head once, there warn't no getting it out again. He was the most down on Solomon of any nigger I ever see. So I went to talking about other kings, and let Solomon slide. I told about Louis Sixteenth that got his head cut off in France long time ago; and about his little boy the dolphin, that would a been a king, but they took and shut him up in jail, and some say he died there.

"Po' little chap."

"But some says he got out and got away, and come to America."

"Dat's good! But he'll be pooty lonesome -- dey ain' no kings here, is dey, Huck?"

"No."

"Den he cain't git no situation. What he gwyne to do?"

"Well, I don't know. Some of them gets on the police, and some of them learns people how to talk French."

"Why, Huck, doan' de French people talk de same way we does?"

"NO, Jim; you couldn't understand a word they said -- not a single word."

"Well, now, I be ding-busted! How do dat come?"

"I don't know; but it's so. I got some of their jabber²⁰ out of a book. S'pose a man was to come to you and say Polly-voo-franzy -- what would you think?"

"I wouldn' think nuff'n; I'd take en bust¹⁹ him over de head -- dat is, if he warn't white. I wouldn't 'low no nigger to call me dat."

"Shucks, it ain't calling you anything. It's only saying, do you know how to talk French?"

"Well, den, why couldn't he SAY it?"

"Why, he IS a-saying it. That's a Frenchman's WAY of saying it."

"Well, it's a blame ridicklous way, en I doan' want to hear no mo' 'bout it. Dey ain' no sense in it."

"Looky here, Jim; does a cat talk like we do?"

"No, a cat don't."

"Well, does a cow?"

"No, a cow don't, nuther."

"Does a cat talk like a cow, or a cow talk like a cat?"

"No, dey don't."

"It's natural and right for 'em to talk different from each other, ain't it?"

"Course."

"And ain't it natural and right for a cat and a cow to talk different from US?"

"Why, mos' sholy it is."

"Well, then, why ain't it natural and right for a FRENCHMAN to talk different from us? You answer me that."

"Is a cat a man, Huck?"

"No."

"Well, den, dey ain't no sense in a cat talkin' like a man. Is a cow a man? -- er is a cow a cat?"

"No, she ain't either of them."

"Well, den, she ain't got no business to talk like either one er the yuther of 'em. Is a Frenchman a man?"

"Yes."

"WELL, den! Dad blame it, why doan' he TALK like a man? You answer me DAT!"

I see it warn't no use wasting words -- you can't learn a nigger to argue. So I quit.

醒来以后，我们把破船上那帮家伙偷来的东西翻了一遍，发现有靴子、毯子、衣服和各
式各样东西。还有一些书，一架望远镜，三盒雪茄烟。在这以前，在我们两人一生中，谁也
没有这么富足过。雪茄烟是头等的。整整一个下午，我们躺在林子里聊天。我还读读这些
书。着实快活了一番。我把破船上和渡轮上发生的一切全都讲给了杰姆听。我说，这种种的
事便是历险。不过他说，他可不要再历什么险了。他说，当我爬进破船的顶舱的时候，以及
他往回爬，想寻觅木筏子却发现木筏子已不翼而飞的时候，他差一点儿死了过去。因为他断
定，这一切都是冲着他来的。反正他这下子是完了。因为要是没有人来搭救他，他就会给淹
死；而且，要是他被救，他就会被救他的人送回家，以便得到那笔悬赏，华珍小姐又肯定会
把他卖到南方去。是啊，他是对的，他往往总是对的。
    对一个黑奴来说，他的脑袋可不简单。
    我把书上说的那些事读给杰姆听：什么国王啊，公爵啊，伯爵啊，等等的。还有他们穿
着多么华贵，他们那个派头又何等了得；彼此称呼起来，总是陛下啊，大人啊，阁下啊，等
等的，并非只是先生而已。杰姆听了，眼睛鼓得大大的，听得入了神。他说：
    “我还不知道他们有这么笃（多）啊。除了老王所罗门以外，我还从不曾听说过别的国
王啦。除非你把扑克牌上的国王都算上。一个国王能挣多少全（钱）啊？”
    “挣？”我说，“啊，他们啊，只要他们高兴，他们一个月可得一千块大洋，他们要多
少便会有多少，什么东西都是归他们所有。”
    “多快活，不是么？他们又得干些什么呢，哈克？”
    “他们什么都不干。看你说的。他们只是这儿坐坐，那儿坐坐。”
    “不吧——真是这样么？”
    “当然是的。他们就只是四处坐坐。除非发生了战争，他们就去参加战争。不过别的时
候呢，就是到处懒洋洋地那么样，或者托着鹰去打猎——就光是打猎——嘘，——你听到了
一个什么声音了么？”
    我们跳将起来，四下里张望了一下，不过没有发现什么，除了一只轮船轮子在水下搅动
的声音，这只轮船正从下游绕过河湾开过来。我们便走了回来。
    “是啊，”我说，“有些时候，闷得无聊，他们便和议会无事生非。要是有人不安分，
他就砍掉他们的脑袋。不过，他们多半的时间耽在后宫里。”
    “那是什么啊？”
    “后宫。”
    “后宫又是什么？”
    “那是他把他的那些老婆放在那里的地方。你不知道后宫么？所罗门王就有一个，他有
一百万个老婆。”
    “啊，是的，确有其事。我——我可没有把这个忘了。我看啊，后宫是个管吃管住的大
房子。在托儿室里，他们准是热闹非反（凡）的吧。我看啊，那些老婆准是吵架吵个不停，
那就更热闹了。人家说，所罗门王是自古到今世上最聪明的人，我可不新（信）这一套。因
为什么呢：难道一个聪明人愿意从早到晚老耽在那么个乱糟糟的鬼地方？不——他才不会
呢。一个聪明人会造一座古（锅）炉厂。等到他想歇一歇的时候，把厂子乖（关）掉就是
了。”
    ‘嗯，不过他反正是最最聪明的人，因为是寡妇亲口对我说的。”
    “我才不管寡妇是怎么说的。总之，他不是个聪明人。他尽干些我从没听说过的荒糖
（唐）事。你知道他要把一个孩子一匹（劈）两半的事么？”①   

　　①诺顿版注：见《圣经·旧约·列王纪》第三章，１６——２７节。

    “知道，寡妇把这事一五一十都给我说了。”
“那么好啦！那还不是世界上最狠毒的心计？你只要好好想一想。听我说，这棵树桩就
算是其中的一个妇女——那边是另一个妇女，我算是所罗门王。这张一块钱的吵（钞）票就
算是那个孩子。你们两人都说孩子是自己的。我怎么办呢？我有没有到街坊邻居去走一走，
调查清楚这张吵（钞）票究竟是谁的，然后太太平平地物归原主，这不是有点豆（头）脑的
人都会这么办的么？可是不——我把这张票子，一撕撕成了两半，一半给你，另一半给另一
个妇女。所罗门王正是这么对待那个孩子的。现在我要问你：这半张吵（钞）票有什么用？
——能用来买东西么？那匹（劈）成了两半的孩子又有什么用？你就是给我一百万个匹
（劈）成两半的孩子，我也不西（稀）罕。”
“可是，该死的是，杰姆，你根本没有抓住要害——真该死，你把问题看歪了十万八千
里啦！”
“谁？我？滚你的。别跟我说什么要害。我看啊，有理没理，我一看就明白。他们这样
干，就是没理。争的不在于半个孩子，是在乎一个活蹦活跳的孩子。可有人以为可以用半个
孩子来判定一个活孩子的争吵，这就仿佛明明站在雨里头也不知道进来躲一躲。别跟我讲所
罗门王了，哈克，就瞧一眼他的半（背）影就知道他是个什么人了。”
“不过我跟你说，你没有抓住问题要害。”
“什么该死的问题要害！我看啊，我看明白的事，我自己心里有数。你可要知道，真正
的问题要害，还埋在里边——还埋在深处，在于所罗门是怎样成长的。譬如说，有一个人，
家里只有一两个孩子，这样的人会胡乱糟塌孩子么？不会，他不会。他糟塌不起。他准会知
道怎样宝贝孩子。可是如果另外的一个人，家里有五百万个孩子在跳来跳去，那当然就不一
样啰。他会把孩子匹（劈）成两半，就象对付一只猫一样。他还有的是啊。一个孩子，还是
两个孩子，多一点，或是少一点，对所罗门王来说，那根本无所谓，那个混帐东西！”
这样的黑奴，我可从没有见到过。只要他脑袋里有了一个想法，就再也不会打消。在黑
奴里面，这么瞧不起所罗们的，他可说是第一个了。因此，我就把话题转到了别的国王身
上，把所罗门给撇在了一边。我讲到了路易十六，就是那个好久以前被砍掉了脑袋的法国国
王。还讲到了他的小孩——那个皇太子①。他本该继位为国王的，可人家把他给逮了起来，
关在大牢里，后来有一天便死在牢里。    

　　①诺顿版注：皇太子路易·查理（１７８５—１７９５），继其父路易十六在１７
９３年上断头台后，死在狱中。哈克有关他后来逃亡的说法，乃是人们误传的，这样的传
说，在民间流传颇广。比较十九章里有关所谓“国王”（以及“公爵”）的谱系的胡话。

    “可怜的小家伙。”
“可是也有人说，他逃出了牢，逃离了法国，来到了美国。”
“这很好！不过他会孤孤单单的——他们在这里并没有国王，是这样么，哈克？”
“没有。”
“那么他找不到差事了吧？他打算干些什么呢？”
“啊，这我可不知道了。有些法国人去干上了警察这个行当，有些人教法语。”
“怎么啦？哈克，法国人讲起话来不跟我们一样么？”
“不。他们讲的话，你一个字也听不懂——一个字也听不懂。
“啊，可真要命！怎么会这样？”
“不知道，事实便是如此。我从一本书上学了他们的几句怪声怪气的话。譬如说，有一
个人来找你，对你说，‘巴赫符——佛朗赛’，你觉得怎么样？”
“我不会觉得怎么样。我会冲他的脑袋一权（拳）打过去。这是说，如果不是白人的
话。对黑奴，我可不准他这样叫我。”
“去你的吧，他并没有叫你什么啊。这只是在说，‘你会说法国话么？”
“啊，那么，为什么他不能那么说呢？”
“怎么啦，他不是正在这么说了么？法国人就是这么说的。”
“嘿，这他妈的好滑稽。我再也不愿听了。根本没有什么意思。”
“听我说，杰姆，一只猫说起话来跟我们一个样么？”
“不，猫不一样。”
“好，一条牛呢？”
“不，牛也不一样。”
“猫说起话来跟牛一样么？或者牛说起话来跟猫一样么？”
“不，它们都不一样。”
“它们说的各个不一样，这是自然而然的，理所当然的，是吧？”
“那当然。”
“那么，一只猫，一条牛，说起话来自然跟我们不一样，是吧？”
“那是当然的啰。”
“那么，一个法国人说起话来跟我们不一样，不也是自自然然、理所当然的么？你回答
我这个问题。”
“一只猫是一个人么，哈克？”
“不是。”
“好，那么要一只猫象一个人那样说话，这是胡闹。一条牛是一个人么？——或者说，
一头牛是一只猫么？”
“不。都不是的。”
“那就好了，它就没有理由跟人或是猫一样说话。一个法国人是不是人？”
“是的。”
“那就好了！那他妈的，他为什么不说人话呢？你回答我这个问题。”
我知道，这样白费口舌，一点儿用处也没有——你根本没有法子跟一个黑奴展开辩论。
因此我就没有把话再说下去。