I WAS JUST PASSING THE TIME OF DAY WITH OLD TROY O THE D.M.P. at the corner of Arbour hill there and be damned but a bloody¹ sweep came along and he near drove his gear into my eye. I turned around to let him have the weight of my tongue when who should I see dodging² along Stony³ Batter⁴ only Joe Hynes.
-- Lo, Joe, says I. How are you blowing? Did you see that bloody chimneysweep near shove my eye out with his brush?

-- Soot's luck, says Joe. Who's the old ballocks you were talking to?

-- Old Troy, says I, was in the force. I'm on two minds not to give that fellow in charge for obstructing⁵ the thoroughfare with his brooms and ladders.

-- What are you doing round those parts? says Joe.

-- Devil a much, says I. There is a bloody big foxy thief beyond by the garrison⁶ church at the corner of Chicken Lane - old Troy was just giving me a wrinkle about him - lifted any God's quantity of tea and sugar to pay three bob a week said he had a farm in the county Down off a hop⁸ of my thumb by the name of Moses Herzog over there near Heytesbury street.

-- Circumcised! says Joe.

-- Ay, says I. A bit off the top. An old plumber⁹ named Geraghty. I'm hanging on to his taw now for the past fortnight and I can't get a penny out of him.

-- That the lay you're on now? says Joe.

-- Ay, says I . How are the mighty¹⁰ fallen! Collector of bad and doubtful debts. But that's the most notorious bloody robber you'd meet in a day's walk and the face on him all pockmarks would hold a shower of rain. Tell him, says he, I dare him, says he, and I doubledare him to send you round here again or if he does, says he, I'll have him summonsed up before the court, so will I, for trading without a licence. And he after stuffing himself till he's fit to burst! Jesus, I had to laugh at the little jewy getting his shirt out. He drink me my teas. He eat me my sugars. Because he no pay me my moneys?

For nonperishable goods bought of Moses Herzog, of 13 Saint Kevin's parade, Wood quay¹² ward¹³, merchant, hereinafter called the vendor¹⁵, and sold and delivered to Michael E. Geraghty, Esquire, of 29 Arbour Hill in the city of Dublin, Arran quay ward, gentleman, hereinafter called the purchaser, videlicet, five pounds avoirdupois of first choice tea at three shillings per pound avoirdupois and three stone avoirdupois of sugar, crushed crystal, at three pence per pound avoirdupois, the said purchaser debtor¹⁶ to the said vendor of one pound five shillings and six pence sterling¹⁷ for value received which amount shall be paid by said purchaser to said vendor in weekly instalments every seven calendar days of three shillings and no pence sterling: and the said nonperishable goods shall not be pawned¹⁸ or pledged or sold or otherwise alienated¹⁹ by the said purchaser but shall be and remain and be held to be the sole and exclusive property of the said vendor to be disposed of at his good will and pleasure until the said amount shall have been duly paid by the said purchaser to the said vendor in the manner herein set forth²¹ as this day hereby agreed between the said vendor his heirs, successors, trustees and assigns of the one part and the said purchaser, his heirs, successors, trustees and assigns of the other part.

-- Are you a strict t. t.? says Joe.

-- Not taking anything between drinks, says I.

-- What about paying our respects to our friend? says foe²³.

-- Who? says I. Sure, he's in John of God's off his head, poor man.

-- Drinking his own stuff? says Joe.

-- Ay, says I. Whisky and water on the brain.

-- Come around to Barney Kiernan's, says Joe. I want to see the citizen.

-- Barney mavourneen's be it, says I. Anything strange or wonderful, Joe?

-- Not a word, says Joe. I was up at that meeting in the City Arms.

-- What was that, Joe? says I.

-- Cattle traders, says Joe, about the foot and mouth disease. I want to give the citizen the hard word about it.

So we went around by the Linenhall barracks and the back of the courthouse talking of one thing or another. Decent fellow Joe when he has it but sure like that he never has it. Jesus, I couldn't get over that bloody foxy Geraghty, the daylight robber. For trading without a licence, says he.

In Inisfail the fair there lies a land, the land of holy Michan. There rises a watchtower beheld²⁴ of men afar. There sleep the mighty dead as in life they slept, warriors²⁵ and princes of high renown²⁶. A pleasant land it is in sooth of murmuring waters, fishful streams where sport the gunnard, the plaice, the roach, the halibut, the gibbed haddock, the grilse, the dab²⁸, the brill, the flounder, the mixed coarse fish generally and other denizens³⁰ of the aqueous kingdom too numerous to be enumerated³¹. In the mild breezes of the west and of the east the lofty trees wave in different directions their first class foliage³², the wafty sycamore, the Lebanonian cedar³³, the exalted³⁴ planetree, the eugenic³⁵ eucalyptus³⁶ and other ornaments³⁸ of the arboreal³⁹ world with which that region is thoroughly⁴⁰ well supplied. Lovely maidens⁴¹ sit in close proximity⁴² to the roots of the lovely trees singing the most lovely songs while they play with all kinds of lovely objects as for example golden ingots, silvery fishes, crans of herrings, drafts of eels⁴³, codlings, creels of fingerlings, purple seagems and playful insects. And heroes voyage from afar to woo them, from Elbana to Slievemargy, the peerless princes of unfettered Munster and of Connacht the just and of smooth sleek⁴⁶ Leinster and of Cruachan's land and of Armagh the splendid and of the noble district of Boyle, princes, the sons of kings.

And there rises a shining palace whose crystal glittering roof is seen by mariners⁴⁷ who traverse the extensive sea in barks built expressly for that purpose and thither⁴⁸ come all herds⁴⁹ and fatlings and first fruits of that land for O'Connell Fitzsimon takes toll⁵⁰ of them, a chieftain descended⁵¹ from chieftains. Thither the extremely large wains bring foison of the fields, flaskets of cauliflowers, floats of spinach⁵², pineapple chunks⁵³, Rangoon beans, strikes of tomatoes, drums of figs⁵⁴, drills of Swedes, spherical⁵⁵ potatoes and tallies⁵⁶ of iridescent⁵⁷ kale, York and Savoy, and trays of onions, pearls of the earth, and punnets of mushrooms and custard marrows⁶⁰ and fat vetches and bere and rape⁶² and red green yellow brown russet sweet big bitter ripe pomellated apples and chips of strawberries and sieves⁶⁴ of gooseberries, pulpy⁶⁵ and pelurious, and strawberries fit for princes and raspberries from their canes⁶⁷.

-- I dare him, says he, and I doubledare him. Come out here, Geraghty, you notorious bloody hill and dale robber!

And by that way wend the herds innumerable of bellwethers⁶⁸ and flushed ewes and shearling rams⁷⁰ and lambs and stubble geese and medium steers⁷¹ and roaring mares and polled calves⁷³ and longwools and storesheep and Cuffe's prime springers and culls⁷⁴ and sowpigs and baconhogs and the various different varieties of highly distinguished⁷⁶ swine and Angus heifers and polly bullocks of immaculate pedigree together with prime premiated milchcows and beeves: and there is ever heard a trampling⁷⁷, cackling, roaring, lowing, bleating⁷⁸, bellowing⁷⁹, rumbling⁸⁰, grunting⁸¹, champing, chewing, of sheep and pigs and heavyhooved kine from pasturelands of Lush and Rush and Carrickmines and from the streamy vales of Thomond, from M'Gillicuddy's reeks⁸² the inaccessible⁸³ and lordly Shannon the unfathomable, and from the gentle declivities of the place of the race of Kiar, their udders distended⁸⁴ with superabundance of milk and butts⁸⁶ of butter and rennets of cheese and farmer's firkins and targets of lamb and crannocks of corn and oblong eggs, in great hundreds, various in size, the agate⁸⁷ with the dun.

So we turned into Barney Kiernan's and there sure enough was the citizen up in the corner having a great confab with himself and that bloody mangy mongrel, Garryowen, and he waiting for what the sky would drop in the way of drink.

There he is, says I, in his gloryhole, with his cruiskeen lawn and his load of papers, working for the cause.

The bloody mongrel let a grouse⁸⁸ out of him would give you the creeps. Be a corporal work of mercy if someone would take the life of that bloody dog. I'm told for a fact he ate a good part of the breeches off a constabulary man in Santry that came round one time with a blue paper about a licence.

-- Stand and deliver, says he.

-- That's all right, citizen, says Joe. Friends here.

-- Pass, friends, says he.

Then he rubs his hand in his eye and says he:

-- What's your opinion of the times?

Doing the rapparee and Rory of the hill. But, begob, Joe was equal to the occasion.

-- I think the markets are on a rise, says he, sliding his hand down his fork.

So begob the citizen claps his paw on his knee and he says:

-- Foreign wars is the cause of it.

And says Joe, sticking his thumb in his pocket:

-- It's the Russians wish to tyrannise.

-- Arrah, give over your bloody codding⁸⁹, Joe, says I, I've a thirst on me I wouldn't sell for half a crown.

-- Give it a name, citizen, says Joe.

-- Wine of the country, says he.

-- What's yours? says Joe.

-- Ditto MacAnaspey, says I...

-- Three pints⁹¹, Terry, says Joe. And how's the old heart, citizen? says he.

-- Never better, a chara, says he. What Garry? Are we going to win? Eh?

And with that he took the bloody old towser by the scruff of the neck and, by Jesus, he near throttled⁹² him.

The figure seated on a large boulder⁹³ at the foot of a round tower was that of a broadshouldered deepchested stronglimbed frankeyed redhaired freely freckled⁹⁴ shaggybearded wide-mouthed largenosed longheaded deepvoiced barekneed brawnyhanded hairylegged ruddyfaced sinewyarmed hero. From shoulder to shoulder he measured several ells and his rocklike mountainous knees were covered, as was likewise the rest of his body wherever visible, with a strong growth of tawny⁹⁷ prickly hair in hue⁹⁸ and toughness similar to the mountain gorse (Ulex Europeus). The widewinged nostrils⁹⁹, from which bristles¹⁰⁰ of the same tawny hue projected, were of such capaciousness that within their cavernous obscurity the field-lark¹⁰¹ might easily have lodged¹⁰² her nest. The eyes in which a tear and a smile strove ever for the mastery were of the dimensions of a goodsized cauliflower. A powerful current of warm breath issued at regular intervals¹⁰³ from the profound cavity of his mouth while in rhythmic¹⁰⁴ resonance¹⁰⁵ the loud strong hale reverberations of his formidable heart thundered rumblingly causing the ground, the summit of the lofty tower and the still loftier walls of the cave to vibrate and tremble.

He wore a long unsleeved garment of recently flayed¹⁰⁶ oxhide reaching to the knees in a loose kilt and this was bound about his middle by a girdle of plaited straw and rushes. Beneath this he wore trews of deerskin, roughly stitched with gut¹⁰⁷. His nether¹⁰⁸ extremities¹⁰⁹ were encased in high Balbriggan buskins dyed in lichen¹¹⁰ purple, the feet being shod with brogues of salted cowhide laced with the windpipe of the same beast. From his girdle hung a row of seastones which dangled¹¹² at every movement of his portentous¹¹³ frame and on these were graven with rude yet striking art the tribal¹¹⁴ images of many Irish heroes and heroines of antiquity¹¹⁵, Cuchulin, Conn of hundred battles, Niall of nine hostages, Brian of Kincora, the Ardri Malachi, Art MacMurragh, Shane O'Neill, Father John Murphy, Owen Roe⁴⁵, Patrick Sarsfield, Red Hugh O'Donnell, Red Jim MacDermott, Soggarth Eoghan O'Growney, Michael Dwyer, Francy Higgins, Henry Joy M'Cracken, Goliath, Horace Wheatley, Thomas Conneff, Peg¹¹⁶ Woffington, the Village Blacksmith, Captain Moonlight, Captain Boycott¹¹⁷, Dante Alighieri, Christopher Columbus, S. Fursa, S. Brendan, Marshal Mac-Mahon, Charlemagne, Theobald Wolfe Tone, the Mother of the Maccabees, the Last of the Mohicans, the Rose of Castille, the Man for Galway, The Man that Broke the Bank at Monte Carlo, The Man in the Gap, The Woman Who Didn't, Benjamin Franklin, Napoleon Bonaparte, John L. Sullivan, Cleopatra, Savourneen Deelish, Julius Caesar, Paracelsus, sir Thomas Lipton, William Tell, Michelangelo, Hayes, Muhammad, the Bride of Lammermoor, Peter the Hermit¹¹⁹, Peter the Packer, Dark Rosaleen, Patrick W. Shakespeare, Brian Confucius, Murtagh Gutenberg, Patricio Velasquez, Captain Nemo, Tristan and Isolde, the first Prince of Wales, Thomas Cook and Son, the Bold Soldier Boy, Arrah na Pogue, Dick Turpin, Ludwig Beethoven, the Colleen Bawn, Waddler¹²¹ Healy, Angus the Culdee, Dolly Mount, Sidney Parade, Ben Howth, Valentine Greatrakes, Adam and Eve, Arthur Wellesley, Boss Croker, Herodotus, Jack¹²² the Giantkiller, Gautama Buddha¹²³, Lady Godiva, The Lily of Killarney, Balor of the Evil Eye, the Queen of Sheba, Acky Nagle, Joe Nagle, Alessandro Volta, Jeremiah O'Donovan Rossa, Don Philip O'Sullivan Beare. A couched spear of acuminated granite¹²⁵ rested by him while at his feet reposed¹²⁶ a savage¹²⁷ animal of the canine¹²⁸ tribe whose stertorous¹²⁹ gasps¹³¹ announced that he was sunk in uneasy slumber¹³², a supposition confirmed by hoarse¹³³ growls¹³⁵ and spasmodic movements which his master repressed from time to time by tranquillising blows of a mighty cudgel rudely fashioned out of paleolithic stone.

So anyhow Terry brought the three pints Joe was standing¹³⁷ and begob the sight nearly left my eyes when I saw him land out a quid. O, as true as I'm telling you. A goodlooking sovereign.

-- And there's more where that came from, says he.

-- Were you robbing the poorbox, Joe? says I.

-- Sweat of my brow, says Joe. 'Twas the prudent¹³⁸ member gave me the wheeze¹³⁹.

-- I saw him before I met you, says I, sloping around by Pill lane and Greek street with his cod⁴⁴'s eye counting up all the guts¹⁴⁰ of the fish.

Who comes through Michan's land, bedight in sable¹⁴¹ armour¹⁴²? O'Bloom, the son of Rory: it is he. Impervious¹⁴³ to fear is Rory's son: he of the prudent soul.

-- For the old woman of Prince's street, says the citizen, the subsidised organ. The pledgebound party on the floor of the house. And look at this blasted rag, says he. Look at this, says he. The Irish Independent, if you please, founded by Parnell to be the workingman's friend. Listen to the births and deaths in the Irish all for Ireland Independent and I'll thank you and the marriages.

And he starts reading them out:

-- Gordon, Barnfield Crescent, Exeter; Redmayne of Iffley, Saint Anne's on Sea, the wife of William T. Redmayne, of a son. How's that, eh? Wright and Flint, Vincent and Gillett to Rotha Marion daughter of Rosa and the late George Alfred Gillett, 179 Clapham Road, Stockwell, Playwood and Ridsdale at Saint Jude's Kensington by the very reverend Dr Forrest, Dean of Worcester, eh? Deaths. Bristow, at Whitehall lane, London: Carr, Stoke Newington, of gastritis and heart disease: Cockburn, at the Moat house, Chepstow.

-- I know that fellow, says Joe, from bitter experience.

-- Cockburn. Dimsey, wife of Davie Dimsey, late of the admiralty: Miller¹⁴⁵, Tottenham, aged¹⁴⁶ eightyfive: Welsh, June 12, at 35 Canning Street, Liverpool, Isabella Helen. How's that for a national press, eh, my brown son? How's that for Martin Murphy, the Bantry jobber¹⁴⁷?

-- Ah, well, says Joe, handing round the boose. Thanks be to God they had the start of us. Drink that, citizen.

-- I will, says he, honourable¹⁴⁸ person.

-- Health, Joe, says I. And all down the form.

Ah! Owl¹³⁶! Don't be talking! I was blue mouldy for the want of that pint⁹⁰. Declare to God I could hear it hit the pit of my stomach with a click.

And lo, as they quaffed¹⁴⁹ their cup of joy, a godlike messenger came swiftly in, radiant as the eye of heaven, a comely¹⁵⁰ youth, and behind him there passed an elder of noble gait and countenance¹⁵¹, bearing the sacred scrolls¹⁵³ of law, and with him his lady wife, a dame¹⁵⁴ of peerless lineage, fairest of her race.

Little Alf Bergan popped in round the door and hid behind Barney's snug¹⁵⁵, squeezed up with the laughing, and who was sitting up there in the corner that I hadn't seen snoring drunk, blind to the world, only Bob Doran. I didn't know what was up and Alf kept making signs out of the door. And begob what was it only that bloody old pantaloon Denis Breen in his bath slippers¹⁵⁶ with two bloody big books tucked under his oxter and the wife hotfoot after him, unfortunate wretched woman trotting¹⁵⁸ like a poodle. I thought Alf would split.

-- Look at him, says he. Breen. He's traipsing all round Dublin with a postcard someone sent him with u. p.: up on it to take a li...

And he doubled up.

-- Take a what? says I.

-- Libel action, says he, for ten thousand pounds.

-- O hell! says I.

The bloody mongrel began to growl¹³⁴ that'd put the fear of God in you seeing something was up but the citizen gave him a kick in the ribs¹⁵⁹.

-- Bi i dho husht, says he.

-- Who? says Joe.

-- Breen, says Alf. He was in John Henry Menton's and then he went round to Collis and Ward's and then Tom Rochford met him and sent him round to the subsheriff's for a lark. O God, I've a pain laughing. U. p.: up. The long fellow gave him an eye as good as a process and now the bloody old lunatic is gone round to Green Street to look for a G. man.

-- When is long John going to hang that fellow in Mountjoy? says Joe.

Bergan, says Bob Doran, waking up. Is that Alf Bergan?

-- Yes, says Alf. Hanging? Wait till I show you. Here, Terry, give us a pony¹⁶⁰. That bloody old fool! Ten thousand pounds. You should have seen long John's eye. U. p...

And he started laughing.

-- Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran. Is that Bergan?

-- Hurry up, Terry boy, says Alf.

Terence O'Ryan heard him and straightway brought him a crystal cup full of the foaming¹⁶² ebon ale which the noble twin brothers Bungiveagh and Bungardilaun brew¹⁶³ ever in their divine alevats, cunning as the sons of deathless Leda. For they garner¹⁶⁵ the succulent berries of the hop and mass and sift¹⁶⁶ and bruise¹⁶⁷ and brew them and they mix therewith sour juices and bring the must to the sacred fire and cease not night or day from their toil¹⁶⁸, those cunning brothers, lords of the vat¹⁶⁴.

Then did you, chivalrous¹⁶⁹ Terence, hand forth, as to the manner born, that nectarous beverage¹⁷⁰ and you offered the crystal cup to him that thirsted, the soul of chivalry¹⁷¹, in beauty akin²² to the immortals¹⁷³.

But he, the young chief of the O'Bergan's, could ill brook¹⁷⁴ to be outdone in generous deeds but gave therefor with gracious gesture a testoon of costliest¹⁷⁵ bronze. Thereon embossed in excellent smithwork was seen the image of a queen of regal port, scion¹⁷⁶ of the house of Brunswick, Victoria her name, Her Most Excellent Majesty¹⁷⁷, by grace of God of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland and of the British dominions¹⁷⁸ beyond the sea, queen, defender¹⁸⁰ of the faith, Empress of India, even she, who bore rule, a victress over many peoples, the well-beloved, for they knew and loved her from the rising of the sun to the going down thereof, the pale, the dark, the ruddy and the ethiop.

-- What's that bloody freemason doing, says the citizen, prowling up and down outside?

-- What's that? says Joe.

-- Here you are, says Alf, chucking out the rhino¹⁸¹. Talking about hanging. I'll show you something you never saw. Hangmen's letters. Look at here.

So he took a bundle of wisps of letters and envelopes out of his pocket.

-- Are you codding? says I.

-- Honest injun, says Alf. Read them.

So Joe took up the letters.

-- Who are you laughing at? says Bob Doran.

So I saw there was going to be bit of a dust. Bob's a queer chap when the porter's up in him so says I just to make talk:

-- How's Willy Murray those times, Alf?

-- I don't know, says Alf. I saw him just now in Capel Street with Paddy Dignam. Only I was running after that.

-- You what? says Joe, throwing down the letters. With who?

-- With Dignam, says Alf.

-- Is it Paddy? says Joe.

-- Yes, says Alf. Why?

-- Don't you know he's dead? says Joe.

-- Paddy Dignam dead? says Alf.

-- Ay, says Joe.

-- Sure I'm after seeing him not five minutes ago, says Alf, as plain as a pikestaff.

-- Who's dead? says Bob Doran.

-- You saw his ghost then, says Joe, God between us and harm.

-- What? says Alf. Good Christ, only five... What?... and Willie Murray with him, the two of them there near what-doyoucallhim's... What? Dignam dead?

-- What about Dignam? says Bob Doran. Who's talking about... ?

-- Dead! says Alf. He is no more dead than you are.

-- Maybe so, says Joe. They took the liberty of burying him this morning anyhow.

-- Paddy? says Alf.

-- Ay, says Joe. He paid the debt of nature, God be merciful to him.

-- Good Christ! says Alf.

Begob he was what you might call flabbergasted.

In the darkness spirit hands were felt to flutter and when prayer by tantras had been directed to the proper quarter a faint but increasing luminosity of ruby¹⁸³ light became gradually visible, the apparition¹⁸⁴ of the etheric double being particularly lifelike owing to the discharge of jivic rays from the crown of the head and face. Communication was effected through the pituitary body and also by means of the orangefiery and scarlet¹⁸⁵ rays emanating¹⁸⁶ from the sacral region and solar plexus. Questioned by his earthname as to his whereabouts in the heaven-world he stated that he was now on the path of pralaya or return but was still submitted to trial at the hands of certain bloodthirsty entities¹⁸⁷ on the lower astral levels. In reply to a question as to his first sensations in the great divide beyond he stated that previously¹⁸⁸ he had seen as in a glass darkly but that those who had passed over had summit possibilities of atmic development opened up to them. Interrogated¹⁸⁹ as to whether life there resembled our experience in the flesh he stated that he had heard from more favoured beings now in the spirit that their abodes¹⁹⁰ were equipped with every modern home comfort such as talafana, alavatar, hatakalda, wataklasat and that the highest adepts¹⁹¹ were steeped in waves of volupcy of the very purest nature. Having requested a quart of buttermilk this was brought and evidently afforded relief. Asked if he had any message for the living he exhorted¹⁹² all who were still at the wrong side of Maya to acknowledge the true path for it was reported in devanic circles that Mars and Jupiter were out for mischief¹⁹³ on the eastern angle where the ram⁶⁹ has power. It was then queried¹⁹⁴ whether there were any special desires on the part of the defunct¹⁹⁵ and the reply was: We greet you, friends of earth, who are still in the body. Mind C.K. doesn't pile it on. It was ascertained¹⁹⁶ that the reference was to Mr Cornelius Kelleher, manager of Messrs H.J. O'Neill's popular funeral establishment, a personal friend of the defunct, who had been responsible for the carrying out of the interment arrangements. Before departing he requested that it should be told to his dear son Patsy that the other boot which he had been looking for was at present under the commode in the return room and that the pair should be sent to Cullen's to be soled only as the heels were still good. He stated that this had greatly perturbed¹⁹⁷ his peace of mind in the other region and earnestly requested that his desire should be made known.

Assurances were given that the matter would be attended to and it was intimated that this had given satisfaction.

He is gone from mortal haunts: O'Dignam, sun of our morning. Fleet was his foot on the bracken: Patrick of the beamy brow. Wail¹⁹⁸, Banba, with your wind: and wail, O ocean, with your whirlwind.

-- There he is again, says the citizen, staring out.

-- Who? says I.

-- Bloom, says he. He's on point duty up and down there for the last ten minutes.

And, begob, I saw his physog do a peep in and then slidder off again.

Little Alf was knocked bawways. Faith, he was.

-- Good Christ! says he. I could have sworn it was him.

And says Bob Doran, with the hat on the back of his poll, lowest blackguard in Dublin when he's under the influence:

-- Who said Christ is good?

-- I beg your parsnips, says Alf.

-- Is that a good Christ, says Bob Doran, to take away poor little Willy Dignam?

-- Ah, well, says Alf, trying to pass it off. He's over all his troubles.

But Bob Doran shouts out of him.

-- He's a bloody ruffian I say, to take away poor little Willy Dignam.

Terry came down and tipped him the wink¹⁹⁹ to keep quiet, that they didn't want that kind of talk in a respectable licensed²⁰⁰ premises²⁰¹. And Bob Doran starts doing the weeps about Paddy Dignam, true as you're there.

-- The finest man, says he, snivelling, the finest purest character.

The tear is bloody near your eye. Talking through his bloody hat. Fitter for him to go home to the little sleepwalking bitch he married, Mooney, the bumbailiff's daughter. Mother kept a kip in Hardwicke street that used to be stravaging about the landings Bantam Lyons told me that was stopping there at two in the morning without a stitch on her, exposing her person, open to all comers, fair field and no favour.

-- The noblest, the truest, says he. And he's gone, poor little Willy, poor little Paddy Dignam.

And mournful and with a heavy heart he bewept the extinction²⁰³ of that beam of heaven.

Old Garryowen started growling²⁰⁴ again at Bloom that was skeezing round the door.

-- Come in, come on, he won't eat you, says the citizen.

So Bloom slopes in with his cod's eye on the dog and he asks Terry was Martin Cunningham there.

-- O, Christ M'Keown, says Joe, reading one of the letters. Listen to this, will you?

And he starts reading out one.

7, Hunter Street, Liverpool.
To the High Sheriff of Dublin, Dublin.
Honoured sir i beg to offer my services in the above-mentioned painful case i hanged Joe Gann in Bootle jail on the 12 of February 1900 and i hanged...
-- Show us, Joe, says I.

-- ... private Arthur Chace for fowl²⁰⁵ murder of Jessie Tilsit in Pentonville prison and i was assistant when...

-- Jesus, says I.

-- ... Billington executed the awful murderer Toad²⁰⁶ Smith...

The citizen made a grab at the letter.

-- Hold hard, says Joe, i have a special nack of putting the noose²⁰⁷ once in he can't get out hoping to be favoured i remain, honoured sir' my teas is five ginnese.

H. Rumbold,

Master Barber.

-- And a barbarous bloody barbarian²⁰⁸ he is too, says the citizen.
-- And the dirty scrawl²⁰⁹ of the wretch¹⁵⁷, says Joe. Here, says he, take them to hell out of my sight, Alf. Hello, Bloom, says he, what will you have?

So they started arguing about the point, Bloom saying he wouldn't and couldn't and excuse him no offence and all to that and then he said well he'd just take a cigar. Gob, he's a prudent member and no mistake.

-- Give us one of your prime stinkers, Terry, says Joe.

And Alf was telling us there was one chap sent in a mourning card with a black border round it.

-- They're all barbers, says he, from the black country that would hang their own fathers for five quid down and travelling expenses.

And he was telling us there's two fellows waiting below to pull his heels down when he gets the drop and choke him properly and then they chop up the rope after and sell the bits for a few bob a skull²¹⁰.

In the dark land they bide²¹¹, the vengeful knights²¹² of the razor. Their deadly coil they grasp: yea, and therein they lead to Erebus whatsoever²¹³ wight hath done a deed of blood for I will on nowise suffer it even so saith the Lord.

So they started talking about capital punishment and of course Bloom comes out with the why and the wherefore and all the codology of the business and the old dog smelling him all the time I'm told those Jewies does have a sort of a queer odour coming off them for dogs about I don't know what all deterrent²¹⁴ effect and so forth and so on.

-- There's one thing it hasn't a deterrent effect on, says Alf.

-- What's that? says Joe.

-- The poor bugger's tool that's being hanged, says Alf.

-- That so? says Joe.

-- God's truth, says Alf. I heard that from the head warder that was in Kilmainham when they hanged Joe Brady, the invincible²¹⁵. He told me when they cut him down after the drop it was standing up in their faces like a poker²¹⁶.

-- Ruling passion strong in death, says Joe, as someone said.

-- That can be explained by science, says Bloom. It's only a natural phenomenon, don't you see, because on account of the...

And then he starts with his jawbreakers about phenomenon and science and this phenomenon and the other phenomenon.

The distinguished scientist Herr Professor Luitpold Blumenduft tendered medical evidence to the effect that the instantaneous fracture of the cervical vertebrae and consequent scission of the spinal²¹⁸ cord would, according to the best approved traditions of medical science, be calculated to inevitably²¹⁹ produce in the human subject a violent ganglionic stimulus²²⁰ of the nerve centres, causing the pores of the cobra cavernosa to rapidly dilate²²¹ in such a way as to instantaneously facilitate the flow of blood to that part of the human anatomy²²² known as the penis or male organ resulting in the phenomenon which has been dominated by the faculty²²³ a morbid²²⁴ upwards²²⁵ and outwards²²⁶ philoprogenitive erection in articulo mortis per diminutionem capitis.

So of course the citizen was only waiting for the wink of the word and he starts gassing out of him about the invincibles and the old guard and the men of sixtyseven and who fears to speak of ninetyeight and Joe with him about all the fellows that were hanged, drawn²²⁷ and transported for the cause by drumhead courtmartial and a new Ireland and new this, that and the other. Talking about new Ireland he ought to go and get a new dog so he ought. Mangy ravenous²²⁸ brute²²⁹ sniffling and sneezing all round the place and scratching his scabs and round he goes to Bob Doran that was standing Alf a half one sucking up for what he could get. So of course Bob Doran starts doing the bloody fool with him:

-- Give us the paw! Give the paw, doggy! Good old doggy. Give us the paw here! Give us the paw!

Arrah! bloody end to the paw he'd paw and Alf trying to keep him from tumbling off the bloody stool atop of the bloody old dog and he talking all kinds of drivel about training by kindness and thoroughbred dog and intelligent dog: give you the bloody pip. Then he starts scraping a few bits of old biscuit out of the bottom of a Jacob's tin he told Terry to bring. Gob, he golloped it down like old boots and his tongue hanging out of him a yard long for more. Near ate the tin and all, hungry bloody mongrel.

And the citizen and Bloom having an argument about the point, the brothers Sheares and Wolfe Tone beyond on Arbour Hill and Robert Emmet and die for your country, the Tommy Moore touch about Sara Curran and she's far from the land. And Bloom, of course, with his knockmedown cigar putting on swank with his lardy face. Phenomenon! The fat heap he married is a nice old phenomenon with a back on her like a ballalley. Time they were stopping up in the City Arms Pisser Burke told me there was an old one there with a cracked loodheramaun of a nephew and Bloom trying to get the soft side of her doing the mollycoddle²³¹ playing bézique to come in for a bit of the wampum in her will and not eating meat of a Friday because the old one was always thumping²³² her craw and taking the lout²³³ out for a walk. And one time he led him the rounds of Dublin and, by the holy farmer, he never cried crack till he brought him home as drunk as a boiled owl and he said he did it to teach him the evils of alcohol and by herrings if the three women didn't near roast him it's a queer story, the old one, Bloom's wife and Mrs O'Dowd that kept the hotel. Jesus, I had to laugh at Pisser Burke taking them off chewing the fat and Bloom with his but don't you see? and but on the other hand. And sure, more be token, the lout I'm told was in Power's after, the blender's, round in Cope street going home footless in a cab five times in the week after drinking his way through all the samples in the bloody establishment. Phenomenon!

-- The memory of the dead, says the citizen taking up his pintglass and glaring at Bloom.

-- Ay, ay, says Joe.

-- You don't grasp my point, says Bloom. What I mean is...

-- Sinn Fein! says the citizen. Sinn fein amhain! The friends we love are by our side and the foes²³⁴ we hate before us.

The last farewell was affecting in the extreme. From the belfries far and near the funereal²³⁵ deathbell tolled²³⁶ unceasingly while all around the gloomy precincts rolled the ominous²³⁷ warning of a hundred muffled²³⁸ drums punctuated²³⁹ by the hollow booming of pieces of ordnance²⁴⁰. The deafening²⁴¹ claps of thunder and the dazzling flashes of lightning which lit up the ghastly scene testified that the artillery²⁴² of heaven had lent its supernatural pomp to the already gruesome spectacle. A torrential rain poured down from the floodgates of the angry heavens upon the bared heads of the assembled multitude which numbered at the lowest computation five hundred thousand persons. A posse of Dublin Metropolitan²⁴⁴ police superintended by the Chief Commissioner²⁴⁵ in person maintained order in the vast throng²⁴⁶ for whom the York Street brass²⁴⁷ and reed band whiled away the intervening time by admirably rendering²⁴⁸ on their black draped instruments the matchless melody endeared to us from the cradle by Speranza's plaintive²⁴⁹ muse²⁵⁰. Special quick excursion trains and upholstered charabancs had been provided for the comfort of our country cousins of whom there were large contingents²⁵¹. Considerable amusement was caused by the favourite Dublin streetsingers L-n-h-n and M-ll-g-n who sang The Night before Larry was stretched in their usual mirth-provoking fashion. Our two inimitable drolls did a roaring trade with their broadsheets among lovers of the comedy element and nobody who has a corner in his heart for real Irish fun without vulgarity will grudge²⁵² them their hardearned pennies. The children of the Male and Female Foundling Hospital who thronged²⁵³ the windows overlooking the scene were delighted with this unexpected addition to the day's entertainment and a word of praise is due to the Little Sisters of the Poor for their excellent idea of affording the poor fatherless and motherless children a genuinely instructive treat. The viceregal houseparty which included many wellknown ladies was chaperoned by Their Excellencies to the most favourable²⁵⁴ positions on the grand stand while the picturesque²⁵⁵ foreign delegation²⁵⁶ known as the Friends of the Emerald Isle²⁵⁷ was accommodated on a tribune directly opposite. The delegation, present in full force, consisted of Commendatore Bacibaci Beninobenone (the semi-paralysed doyen of the party who had to be assisted to his seat by the aid of a powerful steam crane), Monsieur Pierrepaul Petitépatant, the Grandjoker Vladinmire Pokethankertscheff, the Archjoker Leopold Rudolph von Schwanzenbad-Hodenthaler, Countess Marha Virdga Kisászony Putrápesthi, Hiram Y. Bomboost, Count Athanatos Karamelopulos. Ali Baba Backsheesh Rahat Lokum Effendi, Se?or Hidalgo Caballero Don Pecadillo y Palabras y Paternoster de la Malora de la Malaria²⁵⁸, Hokopoko Harakiri, Hi Hung Chang, Olaf Kobberkeddelsen, Mynheer Trik van Trumps²⁵⁹, Pan Poleaxe Paddyrisky, Goosepond Prhklstr Kratchinabritchisitch, Herr Hurhausdirektorprasident Hans Chuechli-Steuerli, Nationalgymnasiummuseumsanato riumandsuspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocentgeneralhistoryspecialprofessordoctor Kriegfried Ueberallgemein. All the delegates without exception expressed themselves in the strongest possible heterogeneous²⁶⁰ terms concerning the nameless barbarity which they had been called upon to witness. An animated²⁶¹ altercation²⁶² (in which all took part) ensued among F.O.T.E.I. as to whether the eighth or the ninth of March was the correct date of the birth of Ireland's patron saint. In the course of the argument cannonballs, scimitars, boomerangs, blunderbusses, stinkpots, meatchoppers, umbrellas, catapults, knuckledusters, sandbags, lumps of pig iron were resorted to and blows were freely exchanged. The baby policeman, Constable²⁶⁵ MacFadden, summoned by special courier from Booterstown, quickly restored order and with lightning promptitude proposed the seventeenth of the month as a solution equally honourable for both contending parties. The readywitted ninefooter's suggestion at once appealed to all and was unanimously accepted. Constable MacFadden was heartily²⁶⁷ congratulated by all the F.O.T.E.I., several of whom were bleeding profusely²⁶⁸. Commendatore Beninobenone having been extricated²⁶⁹ from underneath²⁷⁰ the presidential armchair, It was explained by his legal adviser²⁷¹ Avvocato Pagamimi that the various articles secreted²⁷² in his thirtytwo pockets had been abstracted by him during the affray from the pockets of his Junior colleagues in the hope of bringing them to their senses. The objects (which included several hundred ladies' and gentlemen's gold and silver watches) were promptly²⁷³ restored to their rightful owners and general harmony reigned²⁷⁴ supreme²⁷⁵.

Quietly, unassumingly, Rumbold stepped on to the scaffold in faultless morning dress and wearing his favourite flower the Gladiolus Cruentus. He announced his presence by that gentle Rumboldian cough which so many have tried (unsuccessfully) to imitate - short, painstaking²⁷⁶ yet withal so characteristic of the man. The arrival of the world-renowned headsman was greeted by a roar of acclamation from the huge concourse, the viceregal ladies waving their handkerchiefs in their excitement while the even more excitable foreign delegates cheered vociferously²⁷⁷ in a medley²⁷⁸ of cries, hoch, banzai, eljen, zivio, chinchin, polla kronia, hiphip, vive, Allah, amid which the ringing evviva of the delegate of the land of song (a high double F recalling those piercingly lovely notes with which the eunuch Catalani beglamoured our greatgreatgrandmothers) was easily distinguishable. It was exactly seventeen o'clock. The signal for prayer was then promptly given by megaphone and in an instant all heads were bared, the commendatore's patriarchal sombrero, which has been in the possession of his family since the revolution of Rienzi, being removed by his medical adviser in attendance, Dr Pippi. The learned prelate who administered the last comforts of holy religion to the hero martyr²⁷⁹ when about to pay the death penalty knelt in a most christian²⁸⁰ spirit in a pool of rainwater, his cassock above his hoary²⁸¹ head, and offered up to the throne of grace fervent²⁸² prayers of supplication²⁸³. Hard by the block stood the grim figure of the executioner, his visage being concealed²⁸⁴ in a tengallon pot with two circular perforated apertures²⁸⁶ through which his eyes glowered²⁸⁷ furiously. As he awaited the fatal signal he tested the edge of his horrible weapon by honing it upon his brawny⁹⁵ forearm or decapitated in rapid succession a flock of sheep which had been provided by the admirers of his fell but necessary office. On a handsome mahogany table near him were neatly²⁸⁸ arranged the quartering knife, the various finely tempered disembowelling appliances (specially supplied by the worldfamous firm of cutlers, Messrs John Round and Sons, Sheffield), a terracotta saucepan for the reception of the duodenum, colon²⁸⁹, blind intestine²⁹⁰ and appendix etc when successfully extracted and two commodious²⁹¹ milkjugs destined²⁹² to receive the most precious blood of the most precious victim. The housesteward of the amalgamated²⁹³ cats' and dogs' home was in attendance to convey these vessels²⁹⁴ when replenished²⁹⁵ to that beneficent institution. Quite an excellent repast consisting of rashers and eggs, fried steak and onions, done to a nicety, delicious hot breakfast rolls and invigorating tea had been considerately provided by the authorities for the consumption of the central figure of the tragedy who was in capital spirits when prepared for death and evinced the keenest interest in the proceedings²⁹⁶ from beginning to end but he, with an abnegation rare in these our times, rose nobly to the occasion and expressed the dying wish (immediately acceded²⁹⁸ to) that the meal should be divided in aliquot parts among the members of the sick and indigent²⁹⁹ roomkeeper's association as a token of his regard and esteem³⁰⁰. The nec and non plus ultra of emotion were reached when the blushing bride elect burst her way through the serried³⁰¹ ranks of the bystanders and flung herself upon the muscular bosom³⁰² of him who was about to be launched into eternity³⁰³ for her sake. The hero folded her willowy form in a loving embrace murmuring fondly Sheila, my own. Encouraged by this use of her christian name she kissed passionately³⁰⁵ all the various suitable areas of his person which the decencies of prison garb³⁰⁶ permitted her ardour to reach. She swore to him as they mingled³⁰⁷ the salt streams of their tears that she would cherish his memory, that she would never forget her hero boy who went to his death with a song on his lips as if he were but going to a hurling³⁰⁸ match in Clonturk park. She brought back to his recollection the happy days of blissful childhood together on the banks of Anna Liffey when they had indulged in the innocent pastimes of the young and, oblivious³⁰⁹ of the dreadful present, they both laughed heartily, all the spectators, including the venerable pastor³¹⁰, joining in the general merriment. That monster audience simply rocked with delight. But anon they were overcome with grief and clasped their hands for the last time. A fresh torrent²⁴³ of tears burst from their lachrymal ducts and the vast concourse of people, touched to the inmost core, broke into heartrending sobs³¹¹, not the least affected³¹² being the aged prebendary himself. Big strong men, officers of the peace and genial³¹³ giants of the royal Irish constabulary, were making frank use of their handkerchiefs and it is safe to say that there was not a dry eye in that record assemblage. A most romantic incident occurred when a handsome young Oxford³¹⁴ graduate, noted³¹⁵ for his chivalry towards the fair sex, stepped forward and, presenting his visiting card, bankbook and genealogical tree, solicited³¹⁶ the hand of the hapless young lady, requesting her to name the day, and was accepted on the spot. Every lady in the audience was presented with a tasteful souvenir of the occasion in the shape of a skull and crossbones brooch, a timely and generous act which evoked³¹⁷ a fresh outburst of emotion: and when the gallant³¹⁸ young Oxonian (the bearer, by the way, of one of the most timehonoured names in Albion's history) placed on the finger of his blushing fiancée an expensive engagement ring with emeralds set in the form of a fourleaved shamrock excitement knew no bounds. Nay³¹⁹, even the stern provostmarshal, lieutenantcolonel Tomkin-Maxwell ffrenchmullan Tomlinson, who presided on the sad occasion, he who had blown a considerable number of sepoys from the cannonmouth without flinching³²¹, could not now restrain his natural emotion. With his mailed gauntlet he brushed away a furtive³²² tear and was overheard by those privileged burghers who happened to be in his immediate²⁹⁷ entourage to murmur²⁷ to himself in a faltering³²³ undertone:

-- God blimey if she aint a clinker, that there bleeding tart¹⁴⁴. Blimey it makes me kind of bleeding cry, straight, it does, when I sees her cause I thinks of my old mashtub what's waiting for me down Limehouse way.

So then the citizens begin talking about the Irish language and the corporation meeting and all to that and the shoneens that can't speak their own language and Joe chipping in because he stuck someone for a quid and Bloom putting in his old goo with his twopenny stump³²⁵ that he cadged³²⁶ off Joe and talking about the Gaelic league and the antitreating league and drink, the curse of Ireland. Antitreating is about the size of it. Gob, he'd let you pour all manner of drink down his throat till the Lord would call him before you'd ever see the froth of his pint. And one night I went in with a fellow into one of their musical evenings, song and dance about she could get up on a truss of hay she could my Maureen Lay, and there was a fellow with a Ballyhooly blue ribbon badge spiffing out of him in Irish and a lot of colleen bawns going about with temperance beverages³²⁷ and selling medals and oranges and lemonade and a few old dry buns, gob, flahoolagh entertainment, don't be talking. Ireland sober is Ireland free. And then an old fellow starts blowing into his bagpipes³²⁸ and all the gougers shuffling³²⁹ their feet to the tune³³⁰ the old cow died of. And one or two sky pilots having an eye around that there was no goings on with the females, hitting below the belt.

So howandever, as I was saying, the old dog seeing the tin was empty starts mousing around by Joe and me. I'd train him by kindness, so I would, if he was my dog. Give him a rousing fine kick now and again where it wouldn't blind him.

-- Afraid he'll bite you? says the citizen, sneering³³¹.

-- No, says 1. But he might take my leg for a lampost.

So he calls the old dog over.

-- What's on you, Garry? says he.

Then he starts hauling and mauling and talking to him in Irish and the old towser growling, letting on to answer, like a duet in the opera. Such growling you never heard as they let off between them. Someone that has nothing better to do ought to write a letter pm bono publico to the papers about the muzzling³³² order for a dog the like of that. Growling and grousing³³³ and his eye all bloodshot from the drouth is in it and the hydrophobia dropping out of his jaws³³⁴.

All those who are interested in the spread of human culture among the lower animals (and their name is legion) should make a point of not missing the really marvellous exhibition of cynanthropy given by the famous old Irish red wolfdog setter formerly³³⁵ known by the sobriquet³³⁶ of Garryowen and recently rechristened by his large circle of friends and acquaintances Owen Garry. The exhibition, which is the result of years of training by kindness and a carefully thoughtout dietary system, comprises, among other achievements, the recitation of verse. Our greatest living phonetic³³⁷ expert (wild horses shall not drag it from us!) has left no stone unturned in his efforts to delucidate and compare the verse recited and has found it bears a striking resemblance (the italics are ours) to the ranns of ancient Celtic bards³³⁸. We are not speaking so much of those delightful³³⁹ lovesongs with which the writer who conceals³⁴⁰ his identity under the graceful³⁴¹ pseudonym³⁴² of the Little Sweet Branch has familiarised the bookloving world but rather (as a contributor D. O. C. points out in an interesting communication published by an evening contemporary) of the harsher and more personal note which is found in the satirical effusions of the famous Raftery and of Donald MacConsidine to say nothing of a more modern lyrist at present very much in the public eye. We subjoin a specimen³⁴³ which has been rendered into English by an eminent³⁴⁴ scholar whose name for the moment we are not at liberty to disclose though we believe our readers will find the topical allusion³⁴⁵ rather more than an indication. The metrical system of the canine original, which recalls the intricate alliterative and isosyllabic rules of the Welsh englyn, is infinitely³⁴⁶ more complicated but we believe our readers will agree that the spirit has been well caught. Perhaps it should be added that the effect is greatly increased if Owen's verse be spoken somewhat slowly and indistinctly in a tone suggestive of suppressed rancour.

The curse of my curses
Seven days every day
And seven dry Thursdays
On you, Barney Kiernan,
Has no sup of water
To cool my courage,
And my guts red roaring
After Lowry's lights.
So he told Terry to bring some water for the dog and, gob, you could hear him lapping it up a mile off. And Joe asked him would he have another.
-- I will, says he, a chara, to show there's no ill feeling.

Gob, he's not as green as he's cabbagelooking. Arsing around from one pub to another, leaving it to your own honour, with old Giltrap's dog and getting fed up by the ratepayers and corporators. Entertainment for man and beast. And says Joe:

-- Could you make a hole in another pint?

-- Could a swim duck? says I.

-- Same again, Terry, says Joe. Are you sure you won't have anything in the way of liquid refreshment³⁴⁷? says he.

-- Thank you, no, says Bloom. As a matter of fact I just wanted to meet Martin Cunningham, don't you see, about this insurance of poor Dignam's. Martin asked me to go to the house. You see, he, Dignam, I mean, didn't serve any notice of the assignment on the company at the time and nominally³⁴⁸ under the act the mortgagee can't recover on the policy.

-- Holy Wars, says Joe laughing, that's a good one if old Shylock is landed. So the wife comes out top dog, what?

-- Well, that's a point, says Bloom, for the wife's admirers.

-- Whose admirers? says Joe.

-- The wife's advisers³⁴⁹, I mean, says Bloom.

Then he starts all confused mucking it up about the mortgagor under the act like the lord chancellor³⁵⁰ giving it out on the bench and for the benefit of the wife and that a trust is created but on the other hand that Dignam owed Bridgeman the money and if now the wife or the widow contested the mortgagee's right till he near had the head of me addled³⁵² with his mortgagor under the act. He was bloody safe he wasn't run in himself under the act that time as a rogue¹¹¹ and vagabond only he had a friend in court. Selling bazaar³⁵³ tickets or what do you call it royal Hungarian privileged lottery³⁵⁴. True as you re there. O, commend me to an israelite! Royal and privileged Hungarian robbery.

So Bob Doran comes lurching around asking Bloom to tell Mrs Dignam he was sorry for her trouble and he was very sorry about the funeral and to tell her that he said and everyone who knew him said that there was never a truer, a finer than poor little Willy that's dead to tell her. Choking with bloody foolery. And shaking Bloom's hand doing the tragic³⁵⁵ to tell her that. Shake hands, brother. You're a rogue and I'm another.

-- Let me, said he, so far presume upon our acquaintance which, however slight it may appear if judged by the standard of mere³⁵⁶ time, is founded, as I hope and believe, on a sentiment of mutual³⁵⁷ esteem, as to request of you this favour. But, should I have overstepped the limits of reserve let the sincerity³⁵⁸ of my feelings be the excuse for my boldness.

-- No, rejoined the other, I appreciate to the full the motives³⁵⁹ which actuate your conduct and I shall discharge the office you entrust³⁶⁰ to me consoled by the reflection that, though the errand be one of sorrow, this proof of your confidence sweetens in some measure the bitterness of the cup.

-- Then suffer me to take your hand, said he. The goodness of your heart, I feel sure, will dictate³⁶¹ to you better than my inadequate³⁶² words the expressions which are most suitable to convey an emotion whose poignancy³⁶³, were I to give vent²⁶⁶ to my feelings, would deprive me even of speech.

And off with him and out trying to walk straight. Boosed at five o'clock. Night he was near being lagged only Paddy Leonard knew the bobby, 14 A. Blind to the world up in a shebeen in Bride street after closing time, fornicating with two shawls and a bully³⁶⁴ on guard, drinking porter out of teacups. And calling himself a Frenchy for the shawls, Joseph Manuo, and talking against the catholic religion and he serving mass in Adam and Eve's when he was young with his eyes shut who wrote the new testament³⁶⁵ and the old testament and hugging and snugging³⁶⁶. And the two shawls killed with the laughing, picking his pockets the bloody fool and he spilling the porter all over the bed and the two shawls screeching³⁶⁷ laughing at one another. How is your testament? Have you got an old testament? Only Paddy was passing there, I tell you what. Then see him of a Sunday with his little concubine of a wife, and she wagging her tail up the aisle³⁶⁸ of the chapel³⁶⁹, with her patent boots on her, no less, and her violets, nice as pie, doing the little lady. Jack Mooney's sister. And the old prostitute of a mother procuring³⁷⁰ rooms to street couples. Gob, Jack made him toe the line. Told him if he didn't patch up the pot, Jesus, he'd kick the shite out of him.

So Terry brought the three pints.

-- Here, says Joe, doing the honours. Here, citizen.

-- Slan leat, says he.

-- Fortune, Joe, says I. Good health, citizen.

Gob, he had his mouth half way down the tumbler already. Want a small fortune to keep him in drinks.

-- Who is the long fellow running for the mayoralty, Alf? says Joe.

-- Friend of yours, says Alf.

-- Nannan? says Joe. The mimber?

-- I won't mention any names, says Alf.

-- I thought so, says Joe. I saw him up at that meeting now with William Field, M. P., the cattle traders. -- Hairy Iopas, says the citizen, that exploded volcano, the darling of all countries and the idol³⁷¹ of his own.

So Joe starts telling the citizen about the foot and mouth disease and the cattle traders and taking action in the matter and the citizen sending them all to the rightabout and Bloom coming out with his sheepdip for the scab and a hoose drench³⁷² for coughing calves and the guaranteed remedy for timber tongue. Because he was up one time in a knacker's yard. Walking about with his book and pencil here's my head and my heels are coming till Joe Cuffe gave him the order of the boot for giving lip to a grazier. Mister Knowall. Teach your grandmother how to milk ducks. Pisser Burke was telling me in the hotel the wife used to be in rivers of tears sometimes with Mrs O'Dowd crying her eyes out with her eight inches of fat all over her. Couldn't loosen her farting strings³⁷³ but old cod's eye was waltzing around her showing her how to do it. What's your programme today? Ay. Humane³⁷⁴ methods. Because the poor animals suffer and experts say and the best known remedy that doesn't cause pain to the animal and on the sore spot administer gently. Gob, he'd have a soft hand under a hen.

Ga Ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook. Black Liz is our hen. She lays eggs for us. When she lays her egg she is so glad. Gara. Klook Klook Klook. Then comes good uncle Leo. He puts his hand under black Liz and takes her fresh egg. Ga ga ga ga Gara. Klook Klook Klook.

-- Anyhow, says Joe. Field and Nannetti are going over tonight to London to ask about it on the floor of the House of Commons.

-- Are you sure, says Bloom, the councillor is going? I wanted to see him, as it happens.

-- Well, he's going off by the mailboat, says Joe, tonight.

-- That's too bad, says Bloom. I wanted particularly. Perhaps only Mr Field is going. I couldn't phone. No. You're sure?

-- Nannan's going too, says Joe. The league told him to ask a question tomorrow about the commissioner of police forbidding Irish games in the park. What do you think of that, citizen? The Sluagh na h-Eireann.

Mr Cowe Conacre (Multifarnham. Nat): Arising out of the question of my honourable friend, the member for Shillelagh, may I ask the right honourable gentleman whether the Government has issued orders that these animals shall be slaughtered³⁷⁶ though no medical evidence is forthcoming as to their pathological condition?

Mr Allfours (Tamoshant. Con): Honourable members are already in possession of the evidence produced before a committee of the whole house. I feel I cannot usefully add anything to that. The answer to the honourable member's question is in the affirmative.

Mr Orelli (Montenotte. Nat): Have similar orders been issued for the slaughter³⁷⁵ of human animals who dare to play Irish games in the Phnix park?

Mr Allfours: The answer is in the negative.

Mr Cowe Conacre: Has the right honourable gentleman's famous Mitchelstown telegram inspired the policy of gentlemen on the treasury³⁷⁷ bench? (O! O!)

Mr Allfours: I must have notice of that question.

Mr Staylewit (Buncombe. Ind.): Don't hesitate to shoot.

(Ironical opposition³⁷⁸ cheers.)

The speaker: Order! Order!

(The house rises. Cheers.)

-- There's the man, says Joe, that made the Gaelic sports revival³⁷⁹. There he is sitting there. The man that got away James Stephens. The champion of all Ireland at putting the sixteen pound shot. What was your best throw, citizen?

-- Na bacleis, says the citizen, letting on to be modest. There was a time I was as good as the next fellow anyhow.

-- Put it there, citizen, says Joe. You were and a bloody sight better.

-- Is that really a fact? says Alf.

-- Yes, says Bloom. That's well known. Do you not know that?

So off they started about Irish sport and shoneen games the like of the lawn tennis and about hurley and putting the stone and racy of the soil and building up a nation once again and all of that. And of course Bloom had to have his say too about if a fellow had a rower's heart violent exercise was bad. I declare to my antimacassar if you took up a straw from the bloody floor and if you said to Bloom: Look at, Bloom. Do you see that straw? That's a straw. Declare to my aunt he'd talk about it for an hour so he would and talk steady.

A most interesting discussion took place in the ancient hall of Brian O'Ciarnain's in Sraid na Bretaine Bheag, under the auspices³⁸⁰ of Sluagh na h-Eireann, on the revival of ancient Gaelic sports and the importance of physical culture, as understood in ancient Greece and ancient Rome and ancient Ireland, for the development of the race. The venerable president of this noble order was in the chair and the attendance was of large dimensions. After an instructive discourse³⁸¹ by the chairman, a magnificent oration³²⁴ eloquently³⁸³ and forcibly expressed, a most interesting and instructive discussion of the usual high standard of excellence³⁸⁴ ensued as to the desirability of the revivability of the ancient games and sports of our ancient panceltic forefathers³⁸⁵. The wellknown and highly respected worker in the cause o! our old tongue, Mr Joseph M'Carthy Hynes, made an eloquent³⁸² appeal for the resuscitation³⁸⁶ of the ancient Gaelic sports and pastimes, practised morning and evening by Finn MacCool, as calculated to revive the best traditions of manly³⁸⁷ strength and power handed down to us from ancient ages. L. Bloom, who met with a mixed reception of applause and hisses³⁸⁸, having espoused³⁸⁹ the negative the vocalist chairman brought the discussion to a close, in response to repeated requests and hearty³⁹¹ plaudits from all parts of a bumper³⁹² house, by a remarkably³⁹³ noteworthy rendering of the immortal¹⁷² Thomas Osborne Davis' evergreen³⁹⁵ verses (happily too familiar to need recalling here) A nation once again in the execution of which the veteran patriot³⁹⁶ champion may be said without fear of contradiction to have fairly excelled himself. The Irish Caruso-Garibaldi was in superlative form and his stentorian³⁹⁷ notes were heard to the greatest advantage in the timehonoured anthem³⁹⁸ sung as only our citizen can sing it. His superb highclass vocalism, which by its superquality greatly enchanced his already international reputation, was vociferously applauded by the large audience amongst which were to be noticed many prominent members of the clergy³⁹⁹ as well as representatives of the press and the bar and the other learned professions. The proceedings then terminated.

Amongst the clergy present were the very rev⁹⁶. William Delany, S. J., L. L. D.; the rt rev. Gerald Molloy, D. D.; the rev. P. J. Kavanagh, C. S. Sp.; the rev. T. Waters, C. C.; the rev. John M. Ivers, P. P.; the rev. P. J. Cleary, O. S. F.; the rev. L. J. Hickey, O. P.; the very rev. Fr. Nicholas, O. S. F. C.; the very rev. B. Gorman. O. D. C.; the rev. T. Maher, S. J.; the very rev. James Murphy, S. J.; the rev. John Lavery, V. F.; the very rev. William Doherty, D. D.; the rev. Peter Fagan, O. M.; the rev. T. Brangan, O. S. A.; the rev. J. Flavin, C. C.; the rev. M. A. Hackett, C. C.; the rev. W. Hurley, C. C.; the rt rev. Mgr M'Manus, V. G.; the rev. B. R. Slattery, O. M. I.; the very rev. M. D. Scally, P. P.; the rev. F. T. Purcell, O. P.; the very rev. Timothy canon Gorman, P. P.; the rev. J. Flanagan, C. C. The laity⁴⁰⁰ included P. Fay, T. Quirke, etc., etc.

-- Talking about violent exercise, says Alf, were you at that Keogh-Bennett match?

-- No, says Joe.

-- I heard So and So made a cool hundred quid over it, says Alf.

-- Who? Blazes? says Joe.

And says Bloom:

-- What I meant about tennis, for example, is the agility⁴⁰¹ and training of the eye.

-- Ay, Blazes, says Alf. He let out that Myler was on the beer to run the odds⁴⁰² and he swatting all the time.

-- We know him, says the citizen. The traitor's son. We know what put English gold in his pocket.

-- True for you, says Joe.

And Bloom cuts in again about lawn tennis and the circulation of the blood, asking Alf:

-- Now don't you think, Bergan?

-- Myler dusted the floor with him, says Alf. Heenan and Sayers was only a bloody fool to it. Handed him the father and mother of a beating. See the little kipper not up to his navel and the big fellow swiping. God, he gave him one last puck in the wind. Queensberry rules and all, made him puke what he never ate.

It was a historic and a hefty battle when Myler and Percy were scheduled to don the gloves for the purse of fifty sovereigns. Handicapped as he was by lack of poundage, Dublin's pet lamb made up for it by superlative skill in ringcraft. The final bout⁷ of fireworks was a gruelling for both champions. The welterweight sergeantmajor had tapped some lively claret in the previous mixup during which Keogh had been receivergeneral of rights and lefts, the artilleryman putting in some neat work on the pet's nose, and Myler came on looking groggy⁴⁰³. The soldier got to business leading off with a powerful left jab to which the Irish gladiator retaliated⁴⁰⁴ by shooting out a stiff one flush to the point of Bennett's jaw²¹⁷. The redcoat ducked but the Dubliner lifted him with a left hook, the body punch being a fine one. The men came to handigrips. Myler quickly became busy and got his man under, the bout ending with the bulkier man on the ropes, Myler punishing him. The Englishman, whose right eye was nearly closed, took his corner where he was liberally drenched⁴⁰⁵ with water and, when the bell went, came on gamey and brimful of pluck, confident of knocking out the fistic Eblanite in jigtime. It was a fight to a finish and the best man for it. The two fought like tigers and excitement ran fever high. The referee⁴⁰⁶ twice cautioned Pucking Percy for holding but the pet was tricky⁴⁰⁷ and his footwork a treat to watch. After a brisk exchange of courtesies during which a smart upper cut of the military man brought blood freely from his opponent's mouth the lamb suddenly waded⁴⁰⁸ in all over his man and landed a terrific left to Battling Bennett's stomach, flooring him flat. It was a knockout clean and clever. Amid tense expectation the Portobello bruiser was being counted out when Bennett's second Ole Pfotts Wettstein threw in the towel and the Santry boy was declared victor to the frenzied⁴⁰⁹ cheers of the public who broke through the ringropes and fairly mobbed him with delight.

-- He knows which side his bread is buttered, says Alf. I hear he's running a concert tour now up in the north.

-- He is, says Joe. Isn't he?

-- Who? says Bloom. Ah, yes. That's quite true. Yes, a kind of summer tour, you see. Just a holiday.

-- Mrs B. is the bright particular star, isn't she? says Joe.

-- My wife? says Bloom. She's singing, yes. I think it will be a success too. He's an excellent man to organise⁴¹⁰. Excellent.

Hoho begob, says I to myself, says I. That explains the milk in the cocoanut and absence of hair on the animal's chest. Blazes doing the tootle on the flute⁴¹¹. Concert tour. Dirty Dan the dodger's son off Island bridge that sold the same horses twice over to the government to fight the Boers. Old Whatwhat. I called about the poor and water rate, Mr Boylan. You what? The water rate, Mr Boylan. You whatwhat? That's the bucko that'll organise her, take my tip. 'Twixt me and you Caddereesh.

Pride of Calpe's rocky mount, the ravenhaired daughter of Tweedy. There grew she to peerless beauty where loquat and almond scent⁵⁸ the air. The gardens of Alameda knew her step: the garths of olives knew and bowed. The chaste⁴¹² spouse³⁹⁰ of Leopold is she: Marion of the bountiful bosoms⁴¹³.

And lo, there entered one of the clan⁴¹⁴ of the O'Molloys, a comely hero of white face yet withal somewhat ruddy, his majesty's counsel learned in the law, and with him the prince and heir of the noble line of Lambert.

-- Hello, Ned.

-- Hello, Alf.

-- Hello, Jack.

-- Hello, Joe.

-- God save you, says the citizen.

-- Save you kindly⁴¹⁵, says J. J. What'll it be, Ned?

-- Half one, says Ned.

So J. J. ordered the drinks.

-- Were you round at the court? says Joe.

-- Yes, says J. J. He'll square that, Ned, says he.

-- Hope so, says Ned.

Now what were those two at? J. J. getting him off the grand jury list and the other give him a leg over the stile. With his name in Stubbs's. Playing cards, hobnobbing with flash toffs with a swank glass in their eye, drinking fizz and he half smothered⁴¹⁶ in writs⁴¹⁷ and garnishee orders. Pawning⁴¹⁸ his gold watch in Cummins of Francis street where no-one would know him in the private office when I was there with Pisser releasing his boots out of the pop. What's your name, sir? Dunne, says he. Ay, and done, says I. Gob, ye'll come home by weeping cross one of these days, I'm thinking.

-- Did you see that bloody lunatic Breen round there, says Alf. U. p. up.

-- Yes, says J. J. Looking for a private detective.

-- Ay, says Ned, and he wanted right go wrong to address the court only Corny Kelleher got round him telling him to get the handwriting examined first.

-- Ten thousand pounds, says Alf laughing. God I'd give anything to hear him before a judge and jury.

-- Was it you did it, Alf? says Joe. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Jimmy Johnson.

-- Me? says Alf. Don't cast your nasturtiums on my character.

-- Whatever statement you make, says Joe, will be taken down in evidence against you.

-- Of course an action would lie, says J. J. It implies that he is not compos mentis. U. p. up.

-- Compos your eye! says Alf, laughing. Do you know that he's balmy? Look at his head. Do you know that some mornings he has to get his hat on with a shoehorn?

-- Yes, says J. J., but the truth of a libel is no defence to an indictment⁴¹⁹ for publishing it in the eyes of the law.

-- Ha, ha, Alf, says Joe.

-- Still, says Bloom, on account of the poor woman, I mean his wife.

-- Pity about her, says the citizen. Or any other woman marries a half and half.

-- How half and half? says Bloom. Do you mean he.

-- Half and half I mean, says the citizen. A fellow that's neither fish nor flesh.

-- Nor good red herring, says Joe.

-- That what's I mean, says the citizen. A pishogue, if you know what that is.

Begob I saw there was trouble coming. And Bloom explained he meant, on account of it being cruel for the wife having to go round after the old stuttering fool. Cruelty to animals so it is to let that bloody povertystricken Breen out on grass with his beard out tripping him, bringing down the rain. And she with her nose cockahoop after she married him because a cousin of his old fellow's was pew opener to the pope. Picture of him on the wall with his smashall sweeney's moustaches. The signor Brini from Summerhill, the eyetallyano, papal zouave to the Holy Father, has left the quay and gone to Moss⁴²⁰ street. And who was he, tell us? A nobody, two pair back and passages, at seven shillings a week, and he covered with all kinds of breastplates bidding defiance⁴²² to the world.

-- And moreover, says J. J., a postcard is publication. It was held to be sufficient evidence of malice⁴²³ in the testcase Sadgrove v. Hole. In my opinion an action might lie.

Six and eightpence, please. Who wants your opinion? Let us drink our pints in peace. Gob, we won't be let even do that much itself.

-- Well, good health, Jack, says Ned.

-- Good health, Ned, says J. J.

-- There he is again, says Joe.

-- Where? says Alf.

And begob there he was passing the door with his books under his oxter and the wife beside him and Corny Kelleher with his wall eye looking in as they went past, talking to him like a father, trying to sell him a secondhand coffin⁴²⁴.

-- How did that Canada swindle case go off? says Joe.

-- Remanded, says J. J.

One of the bottlenosed fraternity it was went by the name of James Wought alias⁴²⁵ Saphiro alias Spark and Spiro, put an ad in the papers saying he'd give a passage to Canada for twenty bob. What? Do you see any green in the white of my eye? Course it was a bloody barney. What? Swindled them all, skivvies and badhachs from the county Meath, ay, and his own kidney too. J. J. was telling us there was an ancient Hebrew Zaretsky or something weeping in the witnessbox with his hat on him, swearing by the holy Moses he was stuck for two quid.

-- Who tried the case? says Joe.

-- Recorder, says Ned.

-- Poor old sir Frederick, says Alf, you can cod him up to the two eyes.

-- Heart as big as a lion, says Ned. Tell him a tale of woe⁴²⁶ about arrears⁴²⁷ of rent and a sick wife and a squad⁴²⁸ of kids and, faith, he'll dissolve in tears on the bench.

-- Ay, says Alf. Reuben J. was bloody lucky he didn't clap him in the dock the other day for suing poor little Gumley that's minding stones for the corporation there near Butt⁸⁵ bridge.

And he starts taking off the old recorder letting on to cry:

-- A most scandalous thing! This poor hardworking man! How many children? Ten, did you say?

-- Yes, your worship. And my wife has the typhoid!

-- And a wife with typhoid fever! Scandalous! Leave the court immediately, sir. No, sir, I'll make no order for payment. How dare you, sir, come up before me and ask me to make an order! A poor hardworking industrious⁴²⁹ man! I dismiss the case.

And whereas on the sixteenth day of the month of the oxeyed goddess and in the third week after the feastday of the Holy and Undivided Trinity, the daughter of the skies, the virgin⁴³⁰ moon being then in her first quarter, it came to pass that those learned judges repaired them to the halls of law. There master Courtenay, sitting in his own chamber⁴³¹, gave his rede and master Justice Andrews sitting without a jury in the probate court, weighed well and pondered the claims of the first chargeant upon the property in the matter of the will propounded⁴³² and final testamentary disposition⁴³³ in re the real and personal estate of the late lamented⁴³⁴ Jacob Halliday, vintner, deceased versus⁴³⁵ Livingstone, an infant, of unsound mind, and another. And to the solemn court of Green street there came sir Frederick the Falconer. And he sat him there about the hour of five o'clock to administer the law of the brehons at the commission for all that and those parts to be holden in and for the county of the city of Dublin. And there sat with him the high sinhedrim of the twelve tribes of Iar, for every tribe one man, of the tribe of Patrick and of the tribe of Hugh and of the tribe of Owen and of the tribe of Conn and of the tribe of Oscar and of the tribe of Fergus and of the tribe of Finn and of the tribe of Dermot and of the tribe of Cormac and of the tribe of Kevin and of the tribe of Caolte and of the tribe of Ossian, there being in all twelve good men and true. And he conjured⁴³⁶ them by Him who died on rood that they should well and truly try and true delivrance make in the issue joined between their sovereign lord the King and the prisoner at the bar and true verdict give according to the evidence so help them God and kiss the books. And they rose in their seats, those twelve of Iar, and they swore by the name of Him who is from everlasting⁴³⁷ that they would do His rightwiseness. And straightway the minions¹⁷⁹ of the law led forth from their donjon keep one whom the sleuthhounds of justice had apprehended⁴³⁸ in consequence of information received. And they shackled⁴³⁹ him hand and foot and would take of him ne bail²⁰² ne mainprise but preferred a charge against him for he was a malefactor⁴⁴⁰.

-- Those are nice things, says the citizen, coming over here to Ireland filling the country with bugs⁴⁴¹.

So Bloom lets on he heard nothing and he starts talking with Joe telling him he needn't trouble about that little matter till the first but if he would just say a word to Mr Crawford. And so Joe swore high and holy by this and by that he'd do the devil and all.

-- Because you see, says Bloom, for an advertisement you must have repetition. That's the whole secret.

-- Rely on me, says Joe.

-- Swindling the peasants, says the citizen, and the poor of Ireland. We want no more strangers in our house.

-- O I'm sure that will be all right, Hynes, says Bloom. It's just that Keyes you see.

-- Consider that done, says Joe.

-- Very kind of you, says Bloom.

-- The strangers, says the citizen. Our own fault. We let them come in. We brought them. The adulteress and her paramour brought the Saxon robbers here.

-- Decree nisi, says J. J.

And Bloom letting on to be awfully⁴⁴³ deeply interested in nothing, a spider's web in the corner behind the barrel, and the citizen scowling⁴⁴⁴ after him and the old dog at his feet looking up to know who to bite and when.

-- A dishonoured⁴⁴⁵ wife, says the citizen, that's what's the cause of all our misfortunes.

-- And here she is, says Alf, that was giggling⁴⁴⁶ over the Police Gazette with Terry on the counter, in all her warpaint. -- Give us a squint⁴⁴⁷ at her, says I.

And what was it only one of the smutty yankee pictures Terry borrows off of Corny Kelleher. Secrets for enlarging your private parts. Misconduct of society belle⁴⁴⁸. Norman W. Tupper, wealthy Chicago contractor⁴⁴⁹, finds pretty but faithless wife in lap of officer Taylor. Belle in her bloomers misconducting herself and her fancy man feeling for her tickles⁴⁵⁰ and Norman W. Tupper bouncing in with his peashooter just in time to be late after she doing the trick of the loop with officer Taylor.

-- O Jakers, Jenny, says Joe, how short your shirt is!

-- There's hair, Joe, says I. Get a queer old tailend of corned beef off of that one, what?

So anyhow in came John Wyse Nolan and Lenehan with him with a face on him as long as a late breakfast.

-- Well, says the citizen, what's the latest from the scene of action? What did those tinkers in the cityhall at their caucus⁴⁵¹ meeting decide about the Irish language?

O'Nolan, clad in shining armour, low bending made obeisance⁴⁵² to the puissant⁴⁵³ and high and mighty chief of all Erin and did him to wit of that which had befallen, how that the grave elders of the most obedient city, second of the realm, had met them in the tholsel, and there, after due prayers to the gods who dwell in ether supernal⁴⁵⁴, had taken solemn counsel whereby they might, if so be it might be, bring once more into honour among mortal men the winged speech of the seadivided Gael.

-- It's on the march, says the citizen. To hell with the bloody brutal⁴⁵⁵ Sassenachs and their patois⁴⁵⁶.

So J. J. puts in a word doing the toff about one story was good till you heard another and blinking facts and the Nelson policy putting your blind eye to the telescope and drawing up a bill of attainder to impeach⁴⁵⁷ a nation and Bloom trying to back him up moderation and botheration and their colonies and their civilisation⁴⁵⁸.

-- Their syphilisation, you mean, says the citizen. To hell with them! The curse of a goodfornothing God light sideways on the bloody thicklugged sons of whores' gets! No music and no art and no literature worthy³⁹⁴ of the name. Any civilisation they have they stole from us. Tonguetied sons of bastards⁴⁵⁹' ghosts.

-- The European family, says J. J...

-- They're not European, says the citizen. I was in Europe with Kevin Egan of Paris. You wouldn't see a trace of them or their language anywhere in Europe except in a cabinet d'aisance.

And says John Wyse:

-- Full many a flower is born to blush unseen.

And says Lenehan that knows a bit of the lingo⁴⁶⁰:

-- Conspuez les Anglais! Perde Albion!

He said and then lifted he in his rude great brawny strengthy hands the medher of dark strong foamy⁴⁶¹ ale and, uttering his tribal slogan Lamh Dearg Abu, he drank to the undoing⁴⁶² of his foes, a race of mighty valorous heroes, rulers of the waves, who sit on thrones of alabaster⁴⁶³ silent as the deathless gods.

-- What's up with you, says I to Lenehan. You look like a fellow that had lost a bob and found a tanner.

-- Gold cup, says he.

-- Who won, Mr Lenehan? says Terry.

-- Throwaway, says he, at twenty to one. A rank outsider. And the rest nowhere.

-- And Bass's mare⁷²? says Terry.

-- Still running, says he. We're all in a cart. Boylan plunged⁴⁶⁵ two quid on my tip Sceptre for himself and a lady friend.

-- I had half a crown myself, says Terry, on Zinfandel that Mr Flynn gave me. Lord Howard de Walden's.

-- Twenty to one, says Lenehan. Such is life in an outhouse. Throwaway, says he. Takes the biscuit and talking about bunions. Frailty⁴⁶⁶, thy name is Sceptre.

So he went over to the biscuit tin Bob Doran left to see if there was anything he could lift on the nod, the old cur after him backing his luck with his mangy snout up. Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard.

-- Not there, my child, says he.

-- Keep your pecker up, says Joe. She'd have won the money only for the other dog.

And J. J. and the citizen arguing about law and history with Bloom sticking in an odd word. -- Some people, says Bloom, can see the mote⁴⁶⁷ in others' eyes but they can't see the beam in their own.

-- Raimeis, says the citizen. There's no-one as blind as the fellow that won't see, if you know what that means. Where are our missing twenty millions of Irish should be here today instead of four, our lost tribes? And our potteries⁴⁶⁸ and textiles, the finest in the whole world! And our wool that was sold in Rome in the time of Juvenal and our flax and our damask from the looms⁴⁶⁹ of Antrim and our Limerick lace, our tanneries and our white flint glass down there by Ballybough and our Huguenot poplin that we have since Jacquard de Lyon and our woven silk and our Foxford tweeds and ivory raised point from the Carmelite convent in New Ross, nothing like it in the whole wide world! Where are the Greek merchants that came through the pillars of Hercules, the Gibraltar now grabbed by the foe of mankind, with gold and Tyrian purple to sell in Wexford at the fair of Carmen? Read Tacitus and Ptolemy, even Giraldus Cambrensis. Wine, peltries, Connemara marble, silver from Tipperary, second to none, our far-famed horses even today, the Irish hobbies, with king Philip of Spain offering to pay customs duties for the right to fish in our waters. What do the yellowjohns of Anglia owe us for our ruined trade and our ruined hearths⁴⁷⁰? And the beds of the Barrow and Shannon they won't deepen with millions of acres of marsh¹¹⁸ and bog⁴⁷¹ to make us all die of consumption.

-- As treeless as Portugal we'll be soon, says John Wyse, or Heligoland with its one tree if something is not done to reafforest the land. Larches⁴⁷³, firs, all the trees of the conifer family are going fast. I was reading a report of lord Castletown's...

-- Save them, says the citizen, the giant ash of Galway and the chieftain elm of Kildare with a fortyfoot bole and an acre of foliage. Save the trees of Ireland for the future men of Ireland on the fair hills of Eire, O.

-- Europe has its eyes on you, says Lenehan.

The fashionable international world attended en masse this afternoon at the wedding of the chevalier Jean Wyse de Neaulan, grand high chief ranger⁴⁴² of the Irish National Foresters, with Miss Fir Conifer of Pine Valley. Lady Sylvester Elmshade, Mrs Barbara Lovebirch, Mrs Poll Ash, Mrs Holly⁴⁷⁴ Hazeleyes, Miss Daphne Bays, Miss Dorothy Canebrake, Mrs Clyde Twelvetrees, Mrs Rowan Greene, Mrs Helen Vinegadding, Miss Virginia Creeper, Miss Gladys Beech⁴⁷⁵, Miss Olive Garth, Miss Blanche Maple⁴⁷⁶, Mrs Maud Mahogany, Miss Myra Myrtle, Miss Priscilla Elderflower, Miss Bee Honeysuckle, Miss Grace Poplar, Miss O. Mimosa San, Miss Rachel Cedarfrond, the Misses Lilian and Viola Lilac, Miss Timidity Aspenall, Mrs Kitty Dewey-Mosse, Miss May Hawthorne, Mrs Gloriana Palme, Mrs Liana Forrest, Mrs Arabella Blackwood and Mrs Norma Holyoake of Oakholme Regis graced the ceremony by their presence. The bride who was given away by her father, the M'Conifer of the Glands⁴⁷⁷, looked exquisitely⁴⁷⁸ charming in a creation carried out in green mercerised silk, moulded on an underslip of gloaming grey, sashed with a yoke⁴⁷⁹ of broad emerald and finished with a triple flounce of darkerhued fringe, the scheme being relieved by bretelles and hip⁶³ insertions of acorn⁴⁸⁰ bronze. The maids of honour, Miss Larch⁴⁷² Conifer and Miss Spruce Conifer, sisters of the bride, wore very becoming costumes in the same tone, a dainty motif⁴⁸¹ of plume⁴⁸² rose being worked into the pleats in a pinstripe and repeated capriciously in the jadegreen toques in the form of heron feathers of paletinted coral. Senhor Enrique Flor presided at the organ with his wellknown ability and, in addition to the prescribed numbers of the nuptial⁴⁸³ mass, played a new and striking arrangement of Woodman, spare that tree at the conclusion of the service. On leaving the church of Saint Fiacre in Horto after the papal blessing⁴⁸⁴ the happy pair were subjected to a playful crossfire⁴⁸⁵ of hazelnuts, beechmast, bayleaves, catkins of willow³⁰⁴, ivytod, hollyberries, mistletoe sprigs and quicken shoots. Mr and Mrs Wyse Conifer Neaulan will spend a quiet honeymoon⁴⁸⁶ in the Black Forest.

-- And our eyes are on Europe, says the citizen. We had our trade with Spain and the French and with the Flemings before those mongrels were pupped, Spanish ale in Galway, the winebark on the winedark waterway.

-- And will again, says Joe.

-- And with the help of the holy mother of God we will again, says the citizen, clapping his thigh⁴⁸⁷. Our harbours that are empty will be full again, Queenstown, Kinsale, Galway, Blacksod Bay, Ventry in the kingdom of Kerry, Killybegs, the third largest harbour in the wide world with a fleet of masts of the Galway Lynches and the Cavan O'Reillys and the O'Kennedys of Dublin when the earl of Desmond could make a treaty with the emperor Charles the Fifth himself. And will again, says he, when the first Irish battleship is seen breasting the waves with our own flag to the fore¹¹, none of your Henry Tudor's harps⁴⁸⁸, no, the oldest flag afloat, the flag of the province of Desmond and Thomond, three crowns on a blue field, the three sons of Milesius.

And he took the last swig out of the pint, Moya. All wind and piss like a tanyard cat. Cows in Connacht have long horns. As much as his bloody life is worth to go down and address his tall talk to the assembled multitude in Shanagolden where he daren't show his nose with the Molly Maguires looking for him to let daylight through him for grabbing the holding of an evicted⁴⁸⁹ tenant³²⁰.

-- Hear, hear to that, says John Wyse. What will you have?

-- An imperial yeomanry, says Lenehan, to celebrate the occasion.

-- Half one, Terry, says John Wyse, and a hands up. Terry! Are you asleep?

-- Yes, sir, says Terry. Small whisky and bottle of Allsop. Right, sir.

Hanging over the bloody paper with Alf looking for spicy⁴⁹⁰ bits instead of attending to the general public. Picture of a butting⁴⁹¹ match, trying to crack their bloody skulls⁴⁹², one chap going for the other with his head down like a bull at a gate. And another one: Black Beast Burned in Omaha, Ga. A lot of Deadwood Dicks in slouch hats and they firing at a sambo strung up on a tree with his tongue out and a bonfire under him. Gob, they ought to drown him in the sea after and electrocute and crucify him to make sure of their job.

-- But what about the fighting navy, says Ned, that keeps our foes at bay?

-- I'Il tell you what about it, says the citizen. Hell upon earth it is. Read the revelations that's going on in the papers about flogging on the training ships at Portsmouth. A fellow writes that calls himself Disgusted One.

So he starts telling us about corporal punishment and about the crew of tars²⁶⁴ and officers and rearadmirals drawn up in cocked hats and the parson with his protestant bible to witness punishment and a young lad brought out, howling for his ma, and they tie him down on the buttend of a gun.

-- A rump and dozen, says the citizen, was what that old ruffian sir John Beresford called it but the modern God's Englishman calls it caning⁴⁹³ on the breech.

And says John Wyse:

-- 'Tis a custom more honoured in the breach⁴⁹⁴ than in the observance.

Then he was telling us the master at arms comes along with a long cane⁶⁶ and he draws out and he flogs the bloody backside off of the poor lad till he yells meila murder.

-- That's your glorious British navy, says the citizen, that bosses the earth. The fellows that never will be slaves, with the only hereditary⁴⁹⁵ chamber on the face of God's earth and their land in the hands of a dozen gamehogs and cottonball barons⁴⁹⁶. That's the great empire they boast about of drudges⁴⁹⁸ and whipped serfs.

-- On which the sun never rises, says Joe.

-- And the tragedy of it is, says the citizen, they believe it. The unfortunate yahoos believe it.

They believe in rod, the scourger⁴⁹⁹ almighty⁵⁰⁰, creator of hell upon earth and in Jacky Tar⁵⁹, the son of a gun, who was conceived of unholy boast, born of the fighting navy, suffered under rump and dozen, was scarified, flayed and curried⁵⁰¹, yelled like bloody hell, the third day he arose again from the bed, steered⁵⁰² into haven⁵⁰³, sitteth on his beamend till further orders whence he shall come to drudge⁴⁹⁷ for a living and be paid.

But, says Bloom, isn't discipline the same everywhere? I mean wouldn't it be the same here if you put force against force?

Didn't I tell you? As true as I'm drinking this porter if he was at his last gasp¹³⁰ he'd try to downface you that dying was living.

-- We'll put force against force, says the citizen. We have our greater Ireland beyond the sea. They were driven out of house and home in the black 47. Their mudcabins and their shielings by the roadside were laid low by the batteringram and the Times rubbed its hands and told the whitelivered Saxons there would soon be as few Irish in Ireland as redskins in America. Even the grand Turk sent us his piastres. But the Sassenach tried to starve the nation at home while the land was full of crops that the British hyenas⁵⁰⁴ bought and sold in Rio de Janeiro. Ay, they drove out the peasants in hordes⁵⁰⁵. Twenty thousand of them died in the coffinships. But those that came to the land of the free remember the land of bondage⁵⁰⁶. And they will come again and with a vengeance⁵⁰⁷, no cravens, the sons of Granuaile, the champions of Kathleen ni Houlihan.

-- Perfectly⁵⁰⁸ true, says Bloom. But my point was...

-- We are a long time waiting for that day, citizen, says Ned. Since the poor old woman told us that the French were on the sea and landed at Killala.

-- Ay, says John Wyse. We fought for the royal Stuarts that reneged us against the Williamites and they betrayed us. Remember Limerick and the broken treatystone. We gave our best blood to France and Spain, the wild geese. Fontenoy, eh? And Sarsfield and O'Donnell, duke of Tetuan in Spain, and Ulysses Browne of Camus that was fieldmarshal to Maria Teresa. But what did we ever get for it?

-- The French! says the citizen. Set of dancing masters! Do you know what it is? They were never worth a roasted fart to Ireland. Aren't they trying to make an Entente⁵⁰⁹ cordiale now at Tay Pay's dinnerparty with perfidious⁵¹⁰ Albion? Firebrands of Europe and they always were?

-- Conspuez les Fran?ais, says Lenehan, nobbling his beer.

-- And as for the Prooshians and the Hanoverians, says Joe, haven't we had enough of those sausageeating bastards on the throne from George the elector down to the German lad and the flatulent old bitch that's dead?

Jesus, I had to laugh at the way he came out with that about the old one with the winkers on her blind drunk in her royal palace every night of God, old Vic, with her jorum of mountain dew and her coachman carting her up body and bones to roll into bed and she pulling him by the whiskers and singing him old bits of songs about Ehren on the Rhine and come where the boose is cheaper.

-- Well! says J. J. We have Edward the peacemaker now.

-- Tell that to a fool, says the citizen. There's a bloody sight more pox than pax about that boyo. Edward Guelph-Wettin!

-- And what do you think, says Joe, of the holy boys, the priests and bishops⁵¹² of Ireland doing up his room in Maynooth in his Satanic Majesty's racing⁵¹³ colours and sticking up pictures of all the horses his jockeys rode. The earl of Dublin, no less.

-- They ought to have stuck up all the women he rode himself, says little Alf.

And says J. J.:

-- Considerations of space influenced their lordship's decision.

-- Will you try another, citizen? says Joe.

-- Yes, sir, says he, I will.

-- You? says Joe.

-- Beholden to you, Joe, says I. May your shadow never grow less.

-- Repeat that dose, says Joe.

Bloom was talking and talking with John Wyse and he quite excited with his dunducketymudcoloured mug on him and his old plumeyes rolling about.

-- Persecution⁵¹⁴, says he, all the history of the world is full of it. Perpetuating⁵¹⁵ national hatred⁵¹⁶ among nations.

-- But do you know what a nation means? says John Wyse.

-- Yes, says Bloom.

-- What is it? says John Wyse.

-- A nation? says Bloom. A nation is the same people living in the same place.

-- By God, then, says Ned, laughing, if that's so I'm a nation for I'm living in the same place for the past five years.

So of course everyone had a laugh at Bloom and says he, trying to muck out of it:

-- Or also living in different places.

-- That covers my case, says Joe.

-- What is your nation if I may ask, says the citizen.

-- Ireland, says Bloom. I was born here. Ireland.

The citizen said nothing only cleared the spit out of his gullet and, gob, he spat⁵¹⁷ a Red bank oyster⁵¹⁸ out of him right in the corner.

-- After you with the push, Joe, says he, taking out his handkerchief to swab himself dry.

-- Here you are, citizen, says Joe. Take that in your right hand and repeat after me the following words.

The muchtreasured and intricately embroidered⁵¹⁹ ancient Irish facecloth attributed to Solomon of Droma and Manus Tomaltach og MacDonogh, authors of the Book of Ballymote, was then carefully produced and called forth prolonged admiration⁵²⁰. No need to dwell on the legendary⁵²¹ beauty of the cornerpieces, the acme⁵²² of art, wherein one can distinctly discern each of the four evangelists in turn presenting to each of the four masters his evangelical symbol a bogoak sceptre, 8 North American puma⁵²³ (a far nobler king of beasts than the British article, be it said in passing), a Kerry calf⁵²⁴ and a golden eagle from Carrantuohill. The scenes depicted⁵²⁵ on the emunctory field, showing our ancient duns and raths and cromlechs and grianauns and seats of learning and maledictive⁵²⁶ stones, are as wonderfully beautiful and the pigments⁵²⁷ as delicate as when the Sligo illuminators gave free rein¹⁴ to their artistic⁵²⁸ fantasy long long ago in the time of the Barmecides. Glendalough, the lovely lakes of Killarney, the ruins of Clonmacnois, Cong Abbey, Glen Inagh and the Twelve Pins, Ireland's Eye, the Green Hills of Tallaght, Croagh Patrick, the brewery⁵²⁹ of Messrs Arthur Guinness, Son and Company (Limited), Lough Neagh's banks, the vale of Ovoca, Isolde's tower, the Mapas obelisk⁵³⁰, Sir Patrick Dun's hospital, Cape¹⁸² Clear, the glen of Aherlow, Lynch's castle, the Scotch⁵³¹ house, Rathdown Union Workhouse at Loughlinstown, Tullamore jail, Castleconnel rapids, Kilballymacshonakill, the cross at Monasterboice, Jury's Hotel, S. Patrick's Purgatory⁵³², the Salmon⁵³³ Leap, Maynooth college refectory, Curley's hole, the three birthplaces of the first duke of Wellington, the rock of Cashel, the bog of Allen, the Henry Street Warehouse⁵³⁴, Fingal's Cave - all these moving scenes are still there for us today rendered more beautiful still by the waters of sorrow which have passed over them and by the rich incrustations of time. -- Shove us over the drink, says I. Which is which?

-- That's mine, says Joe, as the devil laid to the dead policeman.

-- And I belong to a race too, says Bloom, that is hated and persecuted⁵³⁵. Also now. This very moment. This very instant.

Gob, he near burnt his fingers with the butt of his old cigar.

-- Robbed, says he. Plundered⁵³⁶. Insulted. Persecuted. Taking what belongs to us by right. At this very moment, says he, putting up his fist, sold by auction⁵³⁷ off in Morocco like slaves or cattles.

-- Are you talking about the new Jerusalem? says the citizen.

-- I'm talking about injustice⁵³⁸, says Bloom.

-- Right, says John Wyse. Stand up to it then with force like men.

That's an almanac picture for you. Mark for a softnosed bullet. Old lardyface standing up to the business end of a gun. Gob, he'd adorn⁵³⁹ a sweepingbrush, so he would, if he only had a nurse's apron⁵⁴⁰ on him. And then he collapses⁵⁴¹ all of a sudden, twisting around all the opposite, as limp as a wet rag.

-- But it's no use, says he. Force, hatred, history, all that. That's not life for men and women, insult and hatred. And everybody knows that it's the very opposite of that that is really life.

-- What? says Alf.

-- Love, says Bloom. I mean the opposite of hatred. I must go now, says he to John Wyse. Just round to the court a moment to see if Martin is there. If he comes just say I'll be back in a second. Just a moment.

Who's hindering you? And off he pops like greased lightning.

-- A new apostle to the gentiles, says the citizen. Universal love.

-- Well, says John Wyse, isn't that what we're told? Love your neighbours.

-- That chap? says the citizen. Beggar my neighbour is his motto. Love, Moya! He's a nice pattern of a Romeo and Juliet. Love loves to love love. Nurse loves the new chemist. Constable 14A loves Mary Kelly. Gerty MacDowell loves the boy that has the bicycle. M. B. loves a fair genteman. Li Chi Han lovey up kissy Cha Pu Chow. Jumbo, the elephant, loves Alice, the elephant. Old Mr Verschoyle with the ear trumpet⁵⁴² loves old Mrs Verschoyle with the turnedin eye. The man in the brown macintosh loves a lady who is dead. His Majesty the King loves Her Majesty the Queen. Mrs Norman W. Tupper loves officer Taylor. You love a certain person. And this person loves that other person because everybody loves somebody but

God loves everybody.

-- Well, Joe, says I, your very good health and song. More power, citizen.

-- Hurrah⁵⁴³, there, says Joe.

-- The blessing of God and Mary and Patrick on you, says the citizen.

And he ups with his pint to wet his whistle.

-- We know those canters, says he, preaching and picking your pocket. What about sanctimonious⁵⁴⁴ Cromwell and his ironsides that put the women and children of Drogheda to the sword with the bible text God is love pasted round the mouth of his cannon²⁶³? The bible! Did you read that skit⁵⁴⁵ in the United Irishman today about that Zulu chief that's visiting England?

-- What's that? says Joe.

So the citizen takes up one of his paraphernalia⁵⁴⁶ papers and he starts reading out:

-- A delegation of the chief cotton magnates of Manchester was presented yesterday to His Majesty the Alaki of Abeakuta by Gold Stick in Waiting, Lord Walkup on Eggs, to tender to His Majesty the heartfelt thanks of British traders for the facilities afforded them in his dominions. The delegation partook of luncheon⁵⁴⁷ at the conclusion of which the dusky potentate⁵⁴⁸, in the course of a happy speech, freely translated by the British chaplain, the reverend Ananias Praisegod Barebones, tendered his best thanks to Massa Walkup and emphasised the cordial relations existing between Abeakuta and the British Empire, stating that he treasured as one of his dearest possessions an illuminated⁵⁴⁹ bible, the volume of the word of God and the secret of England's greatness, graciously presented to him by the white chief woman, the great squaw Victoria, with a personal dedication⁵⁵⁰ from the august hand of the Royal Donor⁵⁵¹. The Alaki then drank a lovingcup of firstshot usquebaugh to the toast Black and White from the skull of his immediate predecessor⁵⁵² in the dynasty Kakachakachak, surnamed Forty Warts⁵⁵³, after which he visited the chief factory of Cottonopolis and signed his mark in the visitors' book, subsequently executing an old Abeakutic wardance, in the course of which he swallowed several knives and forks, amid hilarious⁵⁵⁴ applause from the girl hands.

-- Widow woman, says Ned, I wouldn't doubt her. Wonder did he put that bible to the same use as I would.

-- Same only more so, says Lenehan. And thereafter in that fruitful land the broadleaved mango flourished exceedingly.

-- Is that by Griffith? says John Wyse.

-- No, says the citizen. It's not signed Shanganagh. It's only initialled: P.

-- And a very good initial too, says Joe.

-- That's how it's worked, says the citizen. Trade follows the flag.

-- Well, says J. J., if they're any worse than those Belgians in the Congo Free State they must be bad. Did you read that report by a man what's this his name is?

-- Casement⁵⁵⁵, says the citizen. He's an Irishman.

-- Yes, that's the man, says J. J. Raping²³⁰ the women and girls and flogging the natives on the belly⁵⁵⁶ to squeeze all the red rubber they can out of them.

-- I know where he's gone, says Lenehan, cracking his fingers.

-- Who? says I.

-- Bloom, says he, the courthouse is a blind. He had a few bob on Throwaway and he's gone to gather in the shekels.

-- Is it that whiteyed kaffir? says the citizen, that never backed a horse in anger in his life.

-- That's where he's gone, says Lenehan. I met Bantam Lyons going to back that horse only I put him off it and he told me Bloom gave him the tip. Bet you what you like he has a hundred shillings to five on. He's the only man in Dublin has it. A dark horse. -- He's a bloody dark horse himself, says Joe.

-- Mind, Joe, says I. Show us the entrance out.

-- There you are, says Terry.

Goodbye Ireland I'm going to Gort. So I just went round to the back of the yard to pumpship and begob (hundred shillings to five) while I was letting off my (Throwaway twenty to) letting off my load gob says I to myself I knew he was uneasy in his (two pints off of Joe and one in Slattery's off) in his mind to get off the mark to (hundred shillings is five quid) and when they were in the (dark horse) Pisser Burke was telling me card party and letting on the child was sick (gob, must have done about a gallon) flabbyarse of a wife speaking down the tube she's better or she's (ow!) all a plan so he could vamoose with the pool if he won or (Jesus, full up I was) trading without a licence (ow!) Ireland my nation says he (hoik! phthook!) never be up to those bloody (there's the last of it) Jerusalem (ah!) cuckoos.

So anyhow when I got back they were at it dingdong, John Wyse saying it was Bloom gave the idea for Sinn Fein to Griffith to put in his paper all kinds of jerrymandering, packed juries and swindling the taxes off of the Government and appointing consuls⁵⁵⁷ all over the world to walk about selling Irish industries. Robbing Peter to pay Paul. Gob, that puts the bloody kybosh on it if old sloppy⁵⁵⁸ eyes is mucking up the show. Give us a bloody chance. God save Ireland from the likes of that bloody mouseabout. Mr Bloom with his argol bargol. And his old fellow before him perpetrating frauds, old Methusalem Bloom, the robbing bagman, that poisoned himself with the prussic acid after he swamping the country with his baubles⁵⁵⁹ and his penny diamonds. Loans by post on easy terms. Any amount of money advanced on note of hand. Distance no object. No security. Gob he's like Lanty MacHale's goat that'd go a piece of the road with everyone.

-- Well, it's a fact, says John Wyse. And there's the man now that'll tell you about it, Martin Cunningham.

Sure enough the castle car drove up with Martin on it and Jack Power with him and a fellow named Crofter or Crofton, pensioner⁵⁶⁰ out of the collector general's, an orangeman Blackburn does have on the registration⁵⁶¹ and he drawing his pay or Crawford gallivanting around the country at the king's expense.

Our travellers reached the rustic⁵⁶² hostelry and alighted from their palfreys.

-- Ho, varlet! cried he, who by his mien⁵⁶³ seemed the leader of the party. Saucy⁵⁶⁴ knave⁵⁶⁵! To us!

So saying he knocked loudly with his swordhilt upon the open lattice.

Mine host came forth at the summons girding him with his tabard.

-- Give you good den²⁹, my masters, said he with an obsequious⁵⁶⁶ bow.

-- Bestir thyself, sirrah! cried he who had knocked. Look to our steeds. And for ourselves give us of your best for faith we need it.

-- Lackaday, good masters, said the host, my poor house has but a bare larder⁵⁶⁷. I know not what to offer your lordships.

-- How now, fellow? cried the second of the party, a man of pleasant countenance, so servest thou the king's messengers, Master Taptun?

An instantaneous change overspread the landlord's visage.

-- Cry you mercy, gentlemen, he said humbly⁵⁶⁸. An you be the king's messengers (God shield His Majesty!) you shall not want for aught. The king's friends (God bless His Majesty!) shall not go afasting in my house I warrant me.

-- Then about! cried the traveller who had not spoken, a lusty trencherman by his aspect. Hast aught to give us?

Mine host bowed again as he made answer:

-- What say you, good masters, to a squab pigeon pasty, some collops of venison, a saddle of veal⁵⁶⁹, widgeon with crisp hog's bacon, a boar's head with pistachios, a bason of jolly custard, a medlar tansy and a flagon of old Rhenish?

-- Gadzooks! cried the last speaker. That likes me well. Pistachios!

-- Aha! cried he of the pleasant countenance. A poor house and a bare larder, quotha! 'Tis a merry rogue.

So in comes Martin asking where was Bloom.

-- Where is he? says Lenehan. Defrauding⁵⁷⁰ widows and orphans⁵⁷¹.

-- Isn't that a fact, says John Wyse, what I was telling the citizen about Bloom and the Sinn Fein?

-- That's so, says Martin. Or so they allege⁵⁷².

-- Who made those allegations? says Alf.

-- I, says Joe. I'm the alligator⁵⁷³.

-- And after all, says John Wyse, why can't a jew love his country like the next fellow?

-- Why not? says J. J., when he's quite sure which country it is.

-- Is he a jew or a gentile or a holy Roman or a swaddler or what the hell is he? says Ned. Or who is he? No offence, Crofton.

-- We don't want him, says Crofter the Orangeman or presbyterian.

-- Who is Junius? says J. J.

-- He's a perverted⁵⁷⁴ jew, says Martin, from a place in Hungary and it was he drew up all the plans according to the Hungarian system. We know that in the castle.

-- Isn't he a cousin of Bloom the dentist? says Jack Power.

-- Not at all, says Martin. Only namesakes. His name was Virag. The father's name that poisoned himself. He changed it by deed poll, the father did.

-- That's the new Messiah for Ireland! says the citizen. Island of saints and sages⁴²¹!

-- Well, they're still waiting for their redeemer, says Martin. For that matter so are we.

-- Yes, says J. J., and every male that's born they think it may be their Messiah. And every jew is in a tall state of excitement, I believe, till he knows if he's a father or a mother.

-- Expecting every moment will be his next, says Lenehan.

-- O, by God, says Ned, you should have seen Bloom before that son of his that died was born. I met him one day in the south city markets buying a tin of Neave's food six weeks before the wife was delivered.

-- En ventre sa mere, says J. J.

-- Do you call that a man? says the citizen.

-- I wonder did he ever put it out of sight, says Joe.

-- Well, there were two children born anyhow, says Jack Power.

-- And who does he suspect? says the citizen.

Gob, there's many a true word spoken in jest. One of those mixed middlings he is. Lying up in the hotel Pisser was telling me once a month with headache like a totty with her courses. Do you know what I'm telling you? It'd be an act of God to take a hold of a fellow the like of that and throw him in the bloody sea. Justifiable⁵⁷⁵ homicide, so it would. Then sloping off with his five quid without putting up a pint of stuff like a man. Give us your blessing. Not as much as would blind your eye.

-- Charity to the neighbour, says Martin. But where is he? We can't wait.

-- A wolf in sheep's clothing, says the citizen. That's what he

is. Virag from Hungary! Ahasuerus I call him. Cursed by God.

-- Have you time for a brief libation, Martin? says Ned.

-- Only one, says Martin. We must be quick. J. J. and S.

-- You Jack? Crofton? Three half ones, Terry.

-- Saint Patrick would want to land again at Ballykinlar and convert us, says the citizen, after allowing things like that to contaminate our shores.

-- Well, says Martin, rapping for his glass. God bless all here is my prayer.

-- Amen, says the citizen.

-- And I'm sure he will, says Joe.

And at the sound of the sacring bell, headed by a crucifer with acolytes⁵⁷⁶, thurifers, boatbearers, readers, ostiarii, deacons and subdeacons, the blessed company drew nigh of mitred abbots and priors and guardians⁵⁷⁷ and monks⁵⁷⁸ and friars: the monks of Benedict of Spoleto, Carthusians and Camaldolesi, Cistercians and Olivetans, Oratorians and Vallombrosans, and the friars of Augustine, Brigittines, Premonstratesians, Servi, Trinitarians, and the children of Peter Nolasco: and therewith from Carmel mount the children of Elijah prophet led by Albert bishop⁵¹¹ and by Teresa of Avila, calced and other: and friars brown and grey, sons of poor Francis, capuchins, cordeliers, minimes and observants and the daughters of Clara: and the sons of Dominic, the friars preachers, and the sons of Vincent: and the monks of S. Wolstan: and Ignatius his children: and the confraternity of the christian brothers led by the reverend brother Edmund Ignatius Rice. And after came all saints and martyrs⁵⁷⁹, virgins⁵⁸⁰ and confessors: S. Cyr and S. Isidore Arator and S. James the Less and S. Phocas of Sinope and S. Julian Hospitator and S. Felix de Cantalice and S. Simon Stylites and S. Stephen Protomartyr and S. John of God and S. Ferreol and S. Leugarde and S. Theodotus and S. Vulmar and S. Richard and S. Vincent de Paul and S. Martin of Todi and S. Martin of Tours and S. Alfred and S. Joseph and S. Denis and S. Cornelius and S. Leopold and S. Bernard and S. Terence and S. Edward and S. Owen Caniculus and S. Anonymous⁵⁸¹ and S. Eponymous and S. Pseudonymous and S. Homonymous⁵⁸² and S. Paronymous and S. Synonymous and S. Laurence O'Toole and S. James of Dingle and Compostella and S. Columcille and S. Columba and S. Celestine and S. Colman and S. Kevin and S. Brendan and S. Frigidian and S. Senan and S. Fachtna and S. Columbanus and S. Gall²⁸⁵ and S. Fursey and S. Fintan and S. Fiacre and S. John Nepomuc and S. Thomas Aquinas and S. Ives of Brittany and S. Michan and S. Herman-Joseph and the three patrons of holy youth S. Aloysius Gonzaga and S. Stanislaus Kostka and S. John Berchmans and the saints Gervasius, Servasius and Bonifacius and S. Bride and S. Kieran and S. Canice of Kilkenny and S. Jarlath of Tuam and S. Finbarr and S. Pappin of Ballymun and Brother Aloysius Pacificus and Brother Louis Bellicosus and the saints Rose of Lima and of Viterbo and S. Martha of Bethany and S. Mary of Egypt and S. Lucy and S. Brigid and S. Attracta and S. Dympna and S. Ita and S. Marion Calpensis and the Blessed Sister Teresa of the Child Jesus and S. Barbara and S. Scholastica and S. Ursula with eleven thousand virgins. And all came with nimbi and aureoles and gloriae, bearing palms and harps and swords and olive crowns, in robes whereon were woven the blessed symbols of their efficacies, inkhorns, arrows, loaves, cruses, fetters⁵⁸³, axes, trees, bridges, babes in a bathtub, shells, wallets, shears⁵⁸⁴, keys, dragons, lilies, buckshot, beards, hogs⁷⁵, lamps, bellows⁵⁸⁵, beehives, soupladles, stars, snakes, anvils⁵⁸⁶, boxes of vaseline, bells, crutches⁵⁸⁷, forceps, stags' horns, watertight boots, hawks⁵⁸⁸, millstones, eyes on a dish, wax candles, aspergills, unicorns⁵⁸⁹. And as they wended their way by Nelson's Pillar, Henry Street, Mary Street, Capel Street, Little Britain Street, chanting the introit in Epiphania Domini which beginneth Surge, illuminare and thereafter most sweetly the gradual Omnes which saith de Saba venient they did divers⁵⁹⁰ wonders such as casting out devils, raising the dead to life, multiplying fishes, healing the halt and the blind, discovering various articles which had been mislaid, interpreting and fulfilling the scriptures⁵⁹¹, blessing and prophesying⁵⁹². And last, beneath a canopy⁵⁹³ of cloth of gold came the reverend Father O'Flynn attended by Malachi and Patrick. And when the good fathers had reached the appointed place, the house of Bernard Kiernan and Co, limited, 8,9 and 10 little Britain street, wholesale⁵⁹⁴ grocers, wine and brandy shippers, licensed for the sale of beer, wine and spirits for consumption on the premises, the celebrant blessed the house and censed the mullioned windows and the groynes and the vaults⁵⁹⁵ and the arrises and the capitals and the pediments and the cornices and the engrailed arches and the spires⁵⁹⁶ and the cupolas and sprinkled the lintels thereof with blessed water and prayed that God might bless that house as he had blessed the house of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and make the angels of His light to inhabit therein. And entering he blessed the viands⁵⁹⁷ and the beverages and the company of all the blessed answered his prayers.

-- Adiutorium nostrum⁵⁹⁸ in nomine Domini.

-- Que fecit clum et terram.

-- Dominus vobiscum.

-- Et cum spiritu tuo.

And he laid his hands upon the blessed and gave thanks and he prayed and they all with him prayed:

-- Deus, cuius vet⁶¹ sanctificantur omnia, benedictionem tuam effunde super creaturas istas: et pasta ut quisquis eis secundum legem et voluntatem Tuam cum gratiarum actione usus fuerit per invocationem sanctissimi nominis Tui corporis sanitatem et anima tutelam Te auctore percipiat per Christum Dominum nostrum.

-- And so say all of us, says Jack.

-- Thousand a year, Lambert, says Crofton or Crawford.

-- Right, says Ned, taking up his John Jameson. And butter for fish.

I was just looking round to see who the happy thought would strike when be damned but in he comes again letting on to be in a hell of a hurry.

-- I was just round at the courthouse, says he, looking for you. I hope I'm not...

-- No, says Martin, we're ready.

Courthouse my eye and your pockets hanging down with gold and silver. Mean bloody scut. Stand us a drink itself. Devil a sweet fear! There's a jew for you! All for number one. Cute as a shithouse rat. Hundred to five.

-- Don't tell anyone, says the citizen.

-- Beg your pardon, says he.

-- Come on boys, says Martin, seeing it was looking blue. Come along now.

-- Don't tell anyone, says the citizen, letting a bawl⁵⁹⁹ out of him. It's a secret.

And-he bloody dog woke up and let a growl.

-- Bye bye all, says Martin.

And he got them out as quick as he could, Jack Power and Crofton or whatever you call him and him in the middle of them letting on to be all at sea up with them on the bloody jaunting car.

Off with you, says Martin to the jarvey.

The milkwhite dolphin tossed his mane and, rising in the golden poop, the helmsman spread the bellying⁶⁰⁰ sail upon the wind and stood off forward with all sail set, the spinnaker to larboard. A many comely nymphs drew nigh to starboard and to larboard and, clinging to the sides of the noble bark, they linked their shining forms as doth the cunning wheelwright when he fashions about the heart of his wheel the equidistant rays whereof each one is sister to another and he binds⁶⁰¹ them all with an outer ring and giveth speed to the feet of men whenas they ride to a hosting or contend for the smile of ladies fair. Even so did they come and set them, those willing nymphs, the undying sisters. And they laughed, sporting in a circle of their foam¹⁶¹: and the bark clave the waves.

But begob I was just lowering the heel of the pint when I saw the citizen getting up to waddle¹²⁰ to the door, puffing⁶⁰³ and blowing with the dropsy and he cursing the curse of Cromwell on him, bell, book and candle in Irish, spitting and spatting⁶⁰⁴ out of him and Joe and little Alf round him like a leprechaun trying to peacify him.

-- Let me alone, says he.

And begob he got as far as the door and they holding him and he bawls⁶⁰⁵ out of him:

-- Three cheers for Israel!

Arrah, sit down on the parliamentary side of your arse for Christ' sake and don't be making a public exhibition of yourself. Jesus, there's always some bloody clown or other kicking up a bloody murder about bloody nothing. Gob, it'd turn the porter sour in your guts, so it would.

And all the ragamuffins and sluts of the nation round the door and Martin telling the jarvey to drive ahead and the citizen bawling⁶⁰⁶ and Alf and Joe at him to whisht and he on his high horse about the jews and the loafers calling for a speech and Jack Power trying to get him to sit down on the car and hold his bloody jaw and a loafer with a patch over his eye starts singing If the man in the moon was a jew, jew, jew and a slut shouts out of her:

-- Eh, mister! Your fly is open, mister!

And says he:

-- Mendelssohn was a jew and Karl Marx and Mercadante and Spinoza. And the Saviour⁶⁰⁷ was a jew and his father was a jew. Your God.

-- He had no father, says Martin. That'll do now. Drive ahead.

-- Whose God? says the citizen.

-- Well, his uncle was a jew, says he. Your God was a jew. Christ was a jew like me.

Gob, the citizen made a plunge⁴⁶⁴ back into the shop.

-- By Jesus, says he, I'Il brain that bloody jewman for using the holy name. By Jesus, I'll crucify him so I will. Give us that biscuitbox here.

-- Stop! Stop! says Joe.

A-large and appreciative⁶⁰⁸ gathering⁶⁰⁹ of friends and acquaintances from the metropolis⁶¹⁰ and greater Dublin assembled in their thousands to bid farewell to Nagyaságos uram Lipóti Virag, late of Messrs Alexander Thom's, printers to His Majesty, on the occasion of his departure for the distant clime of Százharminczbrojúgulyás-Dugulás (Meadow of Murmuring Waters). The ceremony which went off with great éclat was characterised by the most affecting cordiality. An illuminated scroll¹⁵² of ancient Irish vellum, the work of Irish artists, was presented to the distinguished phenomenologist on behalf of a large section of the community and was accompanied by the gift of a silver casket, tastefully executed in the style of ancient Celtic ornament³⁷, a work which reflects every credit on the makers⁶¹¹, Messrs Jacob agus Jacob. The departing guest was the recipient⁶¹² of a hearty ovation⁶¹³, many of those who were present being visibly moved when the select orchestra of Irish pipes struck up the wellknown strains of Come back to Erin, followed immediately by Rakoczy's March. Tarbarrels and bonfires were lighted along the coastline of the four seas on the summits of the Hill of Howth, Three Rock Mountain, Sugar-loaf, Bray⁶¹⁴ Head, the mountains of Mourne, the Galtees, the Ox and Donegal and Sperrin peaks, the Nagles and the Bograghs, the Connemara hills, the reeks of M'Gillicuddy, Slieve Aughty, Slieve Bernagh and Slieve Bloom. Amid cheers that rent the welkin, responded to by answering cheers from a big muster⁶¹⁵ of henchmen on the distant Cambrian and Caledonian hills, the mastodontic pleasureship slowly moved away saluted⁶¹⁷ by a final floral tribute from the representatives of the fair sex who were present in large numbers while, as it proceeded down the river, escorted by a flotilla of barges⁶¹⁸, the flags of the Ballast office and Custom House were dipped in salute⁶¹⁶ as were also those of the electrical power station at the Pigeon-house. Visszontlátlására, kedvés baráton! Visszontlátásra! Gone but not forgotten.

Gob, the devil wouldn't stop him till he got hold of the bloody tin anyhow and out with him and little Alf hanging on to his elbow and he shouting like a stuck pig, as good as any bloody play in the Queen's royal theatre.

-- Where is he till I murder him?

And Ned and J. G. paralysed with the laughing.

-- Bloody wars, says I, I'll be in for the last gospel.

But as luck would have it the jarvey got the nag¹²⁴'s head round the other way and off with him.

-- Hold one citizen, says Joe. Stop. Begob he drew his hand and made a swipe and let fly. Mercy of God the sun was in his eyes or he'd have left him for dead. Gob, he near sent it into the county Longford. The bloody nag took fright and the old mongrel after the car like bloody hell and all the populace shouting and laughing and the old tinbox clattering⁶¹⁹ along the street.

The catastrophe⁶²⁰ was terrific and instantaneous in its effect. The observatory⁶²¹ of Dunsink registered in all eleven shocks, all of the fifth grade of Mercalli's scale, and there is no record extant of a similar seismic⁶²² disturbance⁶²³ in our island since the earthquake of 1534, the year of the rebellion of Silken Thomas. The epicentre appears to have been that part of the metropolis which constitutes the Inn's Quay ward and parish of Saint Michan covering a surface of fortyone acres, two roods and one square pole or perch⁶²⁴. All the lordly Tesidences in the vicinity of the palace of justice were demolished⁶²⁵ and that noble edifice⁶²⁶ itself, in which at the time of the catastrophe important legal debates were in progress, is literally⁶²⁷ a mass of ruins beneath which it is to be feared all the occupants have been buried alive. From the reports of eyewitnesses⁶²⁸ it transpires⁶²⁹ that the seismic waves were accompanied by a violent atmospheric⁶³⁰ perturbation of cyclonic⁶³¹ character. An article of headgear since ascertained to belong to the much respected clerk of the crown and peace Mr George Fottrell and a silk umbrella with gold handle with the engraved⁶³² initials, coat of arms and house number of the erudite and worshipful chairman of quarter sessions sir Frederick Falkiner, recorder of Dublin, have been discovered by search parties in remote parts of the island, respectively, the former on the third basaltic ridge³⁵¹ of the giant's causeway, the latter embedded⁶³³ to the extent of one foot three inches in the sandy beach of Holeopen bay near the old head of Kinsale. Other eyewitnesses depose⁶³⁴ that they-observed an incandescent⁶³⁵ object of enormous proportions hurtling through the atmosphere at a terrifying velocity⁶³⁶ in a trajectory⁶³⁷ directed south west by west. Messages of condolence and sympathy are being hourly received from all parts of the different continents and the sovereign pontiff has been graciously pleased to decree that a special missa pro²⁰ defunctis shall be celebrated⁶³⁸ simultaneously⁶³⁹ by the ordinaries of each and every cathedral church of all the episcopal dioceses subject to the spiritual authority of the Holy See in suffrage⁶⁴⁰ of the souls of those faithful departed who have been so unexpectedly called away from our midst. The work of salvage⁶⁴¹, removal of debris⁶⁴² human remains⁶⁴³ etc has been entrusted⁶⁴⁴ to Messrs Michael Meade and Son, 159, Great Brunswick Street and Messrs T. C. Martin, 77, 78, 79 and 80, North Wall, assisted by the men and officers of the Duke of Cornwall's light infantry⁶⁴⁵ under the general supervision⁶⁴⁶ of H. R. H., rear admiral the right honourable sir Hercules Hannibal Habeas Corpus Anderson K.G., K.P., H.T., P.C., K.C.B., M.P., J.P., M.B., D.S.O., S.O.D., M.F.H., M.R.I.A., B.L., Mus. Doc., P.L.G., F.T.C.D., F.R.U.I., F.R.C.P.I. and F.R.C.S.I.

You never saw the like of it in all your born puff⁶⁰². Gob, if he got that lottery ticket on the side of his poll he'd remember the gold cup, he would so, but begob the citizen would have been lagged for assault and battery and Joe for aiding and abetting⁶⁴⁷. The jarvey saved his life by furious driving as sure as God made Moses. What? O, Jesus, he did. And he let a volley of oaths after him.

-- Did I kill him, says he, or what?

And he shouting to the bloody dog:

-- After him, Garry! After him, boy!

And the last we saw was the bloody car rounding the corner and old sheepface on it gesticulating and the bloody mongrel after it with his lugs⁶⁴⁸ back for all he was bloody well worth to tear him limb from limb. Hundred to five! Jesus, he took the value of it out of him, I promise you.

When, lo, there came about them all a great brightness and they beheld the chariot wherein He stood ascend⁶⁴⁹ to heaven. And they beheld Him in the chariot, clothed upon in the glory of the brightness, having raiment as of the sun, fair as the moon and terrible that for awe⁶⁵⁰ they durst not look upon Him. And there came a voice out of heaven, calling: Elijah! Elijah! And he answered with a main cry: Abba! Adonai! And they beheld Him even Him, ben Bloom Elijah, amid clouds of angels ascend to the glory of the brightness at an angle of fortyfive degrees over Donohoe's in Little Green Street like a shot off a shovel⁶⁵¹.

正当我跟首都警察署的老特洛伊在阿伯山[1] 拐角处闲聊的时候，真该死，一个扫烟囱的混蛋走了过来，差点儿把他那家什捅进我的眼睛里。我转过身去， 刚要狠狠地骂他一顿，只见沿着斯托尼·巴特尔街蹒跚踱来的，不是别人， 正是乔·海因斯。

“喂，乔，”我说，“你混得怎么样？你瞧见了吗，那个扫烟囱的混蛋差点儿用他的刷子把我的眼珠子捅出来？”

“煤烟可是个吉祥的东西，”乔说，“你跟他说话的那个老笨蛋是谁呀？”

“老特洛伊呗，”我说，“在军队里呆过。刚才那家伙用扫帚啦、梯子什么的妨碍了交通，我还没拿定主意要不要控告他哩。”

“你在这一带干什么哪？”乔说。

“干不出啥名堂，”我说，“守备队教堂再过去，雏鸡小巷拐角处，有个狡猾透顶的混帐贼--老特洛伊刚才透露给我关于他的一些底细。 他自称在唐郡有座农场，于是就从住在海特斯勃利大街附近一个名叫摩西·赫佐格的侏儒那儿，勒索来大量的茶叶和砂糖。决定要他每星期付三先令。”

“是行过割礼的家伙[2]吧？”乔说。

“对，”我说，“割下一点尖儿。[3]是个老管子工，姓杰拉蒂。两个星期来我一直跟他泡，可是他一个便士也不肯掏。”

“这就是你目前干的行当吗？”乔说。

“唉，”我说，“英雄们竟倒下了！[4]就靠收呆帐和荒帐为业。但是走上一整天也轻易碰不到像他那样声名狼藉的混帐强盗。 他那一脸麻子足盛得下一场阵雨。‘告诉他，’他说：‘我才不怕他呢，’他说，‘他就是再一次派你来，我也一点儿都不怕。要是他派的话，’他说，‘我就让法庭去传讯他。我一定要控告他无执照营业。’然后他吃得肚子都快撑破了。天哪，小个儿犹太佬大发脾气，我忍不住笑起来了。‘他喝的是俺的茶。他吃的是俺的糖。因为他不把欠俺的钱还给俺！对不？”

从都柏林市伍德码头区圣凯文步道十三号的商人摩西·赫佐格（以下称作卖方）那里购入、并出售提交给都柏林市阿伦码头区阿伯斜坡二十九号的绅士迈克尔·E·杰拉蒂[5]（以下称作买方）的耐久商品，计有常衡每磅三先令整的特级茶叶常衡五磅，常衡每磅三便士的结晶粒状砂糖常衡三斯通[6]。作为代价，上述买方应付给上述卖方一镑五先令六便士的货款。此款应按周分期付款，每七天支付三先令整。 经上述卖方及其法定继承人、业务后继者、受托人和受让人为一方， 买方及其法定继承人、业务后继者、受托人和受让人为另一方；在上述买方按照经双方同意， 本日所议定的支付方法将款项准时付清卖方之前， 上述买方不得将上述耐久商品予以典当、抵押、出售或用其他方式转让。上述卖方对这些商品仍然享有独占权， 只能凭借他的信誉和意志来处置。

“你是个严格的戒酒主义者吗？”乔问。

“在两次饮酒之间，一滴也不入。”我说。

“向咱们的朋友表示一下敬意怎么样？”乔说。

“谁呀？”我说，“他疯了，住进了‘天主的约翰’[7] ），可怜的人。”

“喝的是他自己的那种酒吧？”乔说。

“可不是嘛，”我说，“威士忌兑脑水肿[8]。”

“到巴尼·基尔南酒吧去吧，”乔说，“我想去见见‘市民’[9]。”

“就在老相识[10]巴尼那儿吧，”我说，“有什么新奇的或者了不起的事吗，乔？”

“一点儿也没有，”乔说，“我刚刚开完市徽饭店的那个会。”

“什么会呀？”我说。

“牲畜商的聚会[11]，”乔说，“谈的是口蹄疫问题。关于这，我要向‘市民’透露点内幕消息。”

于是我们东拉西扯地闲聊着，沿着亚麻厅营房[12]）和法院后身走去。乔这个人哪，有钱的时候挺大方，可是像他这副样子，确实从来也没有过钱。天哪， 我可不能原谅那个大白天抢劫的强盗，混帐狡猾的杰拉蒂。 他竟然说什么要控告人家无执照营业。

在美丽的伊尼斯费尔[13]有片土地，神圣的迈昌[14]土地。那儿高高耸立着一座望楼[15]，人们从远处就可以望到它。 里面躺着卓绝的死者--将士和煊赫一世的王侯们。他们睡得就像还活着似的。 [16] 那真是一片欢乐的土地，淙淙的溪水，河流里满是嘻戏的鱼：绿鳍鱼、鲽鱼、 石斑鱼、庸蝶、雄黑线鳍[17]、幼鲑、比目鱼、滑菱鲆、鲽形目鱼、绿鳕， 下等杂鱼以及水界的其他不胜枚举的鱼类。在微微的西风和东风中，高耸的树朝四面八方摇摆着它们那优美的茂叶， 飘香的埃及榕、黎巴嫩杉、冲天的法国梧桐、 良种按树以及郁郁葱葱遍布这一地区的其他乔木界瑰宝。可爱的姑娘们紧紧倚着可爱的树木根部，唱着最可爱的歌， 用各种可爱的东西作游戏，诸如金锭、银鱼、成斗的鲱鱼、 一网网的鳝鱼和幼鳕、一篓篓的仔鲑、海里的紫色珍宝以及顽皮的昆虫们。从埃布拉纳至斯利夫马吉[18]， 各地的英雄们远远地飘洋过海来向她们求爱。盖世无双的亲王们来自自由的芒斯特、 正义的康诺特、光滑整洁的伦斯特、克鲁亚昌的领地、辉煌的阿马、博伊尔的崇高地区[19]。 他们是王子，即国王的子嗣[20]。

那里还矗立着一座灿烂的宫殿[21]。它那闪闪发光的水晶屋顶，映人了水手们的眼帘。他们乘着特制的三桅帆船，穿越浩淼的海洋， 把当地所有的牲畜、肥禽和初摘的水果，统统运来。由奥康内尔·菲茨蒙[ 22] 向他们收税。他是一位族长--也是族长的后裔。用一辆辆巨大的敞篷马车载来的是田里丰饶的收获：装在浅筐中的花椰菜、成车的菠菜，大块头的菠萝，仰光豆[23]，多少斯揣克[24]西红柿，盛在一只只圆桶里的无花果，条播的瑞典芜菁，球形土豆，好几捆约克种以及萨沃伊种彩虹色羽衣甘兰，还有盛在一只只浅箱里的大地之珍珠[ 25] --葱头；此外就是一扁篮一扁篮的蘑菇、乳黄色食用葫芦、饱满的大巢莱、大麦和苔苔，红绿黄褐朽叶色的又甜又大又苦又熟又有斑点的苹果，装在一只只薄木匣里的杨梅，一粗筐一粗筐的醋栗。多汁而皮上毛茸茸的，再就是可供王侯吃的草莓和刚摘下的木莓。

我才不怕他呢，那家伙说，一点儿都不怕。滚出来，杰拉蒂，你这臭名远扬的混帐山贼，溪谷里的强盗！

这样，无数牲畜成群地沿着这条路走去。有系了铃铛的阉羊、亢奋的母羊、没有阉过的剪了毛的公羊、羊羔、胡茬鹅[26]、半大不小的食用阉牛、患了喘鸣症的母马、锯了角的牛犊子、长毛羊、为了出售而养肥的羊、卡夫[27]那即将产仔的上好母牛、不够标准的牛羊、割去卵巢的母猪、做熏肉用的阉过的公猪、各类不同品种的优良猪、安格斯小母羊、无斑点的纯种去角阉牛，以及正当年的头等乳牛和肉牛；从拉斯克、拉什和卡里克梅恩斯那一片片牧场，从托蒙德那流水潺潺的山谷，从麦吉利卡迪那难以攀登的山岭和气派十足、深不可测的香农河，[28]从隶属于凯亚[29]族的缓坡地带，不停地传来成群的羊、猪和拖着沉重蹄子的母牛那践踏声，咯咯、吼叫、哞哞、咩洋、喘气、哼哼、磨牙、咀嚼的声音。一只只的乳房几乎涨破了，那过剩的乳汁，一桶桶黄油，一副副内膜[30]中的奶酪，一只只农家小木桶[31]里装满了一块块羊羔颈胸肉，多少克拉诺克[32]的小麦，以及大小不一，或玛瑙色，或焦茶色，成百上千的椭圆形鸡蛋，就这样源源不断地运来。

于是，我们转身走进了巴尼·基尔南酒吧。果不其然，“市民”那家伙正坐在角落里，一会儿喃喃自语，一会儿又跟那只长满癞疮的杂种狗加里欧文[33]大耍贫嘴，等候着天上滴下什么酒来。

“他在那儿呢，”我说，“在他的光荣洞里，跟满满的小坛子[34]和一大堆报纸在一起，正在为主义而工作着。”

那只混帐杂种狗嗷嗷叫的声音使人起鸡皮疙瘩。要是哪位肯把它宰了， 那可是桩肉体上的善行[35]哩。听说当桑特里[36]的宪警去送蓝色文件[37]时，它竟把他的裤子咬掉了一大块，这话千真万确

“站住，交出来，[38]”他说。

“可以啦，‘市民’，”乔说，“这里都是自己人。”

“过去吧，自己人，”他说。

然后他用手揉揉一只眼睛，说：

“你们对时局怎么看？”

他以强人[39]和山中的罗里[40]自居。可是，乔这家伙确实应付得了。

“我认为行情在看涨，”他说着，将一只手滑到胯股那儿。

于是，“市民”这家伙用巴掌拍了拍膝头说：

“这都是外国的战争[41]造成的。”

乔把大拇指戳进兜里，说：

“想称霸的是俄国人哩。”

“荒唐[ 42] ！别胡说八道啦，乔，”我说，“我的喉咙干得厉害，就是喝上它半克朗的酒，也解不了渴。”

“你点吧，‘市民’，”乔说。

“国酒[43]呗，”他说。

“你要点儿什么？”乔说。

“跟马卡纳斯贝一样[44]，”我说。

“来上三品脱，特里，”乔说。“老宝贝儿，好吗，‘市民’？”他说。

“再好不过啦，我的朋友[45]，”他说，“怎么，加利？咱们能得手吗，呃？”

他随说着，随抓住那只讨厌的大狗的颈背。天哪，差点儿把它勒死。

坐在圆形炮塔脚下大圆石上的那个人生得肩宽胸厚，四肢健壮，眼神坦率，红头发，满脸雀斑，胡子拉碴，阔嘴大鼻，长长的头，嗓音深沉，光着膝盖，膂力过人，腿上多毛，面色红润，胳膊发达，一副英雄气概。两肩之间宽达数埃尔[46]。他那如磐石、若山岳的双膝，就像身上其他裸露着的部分一样，全结结实实地长满了黄褐色扎扎乎乎的毛。不论颜色还是那韧劲儿，都像是山荆豆（学名乌列克斯·尤列庇欧斯[47]）。鼻翼宽阔的鼻孔里扎煞着同样是黄褐色的硬毛，容积大如洞穴，可供草地鹨在那幽暗处宽宽绰绰地筑巢。

泪水与微笑不断地争夺主次的那双眼睛[48]，足有一大棵花椰菜那么大。从他那口腔的深窝里，每隔一定时间就吐出一股强烈温暖的气息； 而他那颗坚强的心脏总在响亮、有力而健壮地跳动着，产生有节奏的共鸣， 像雷一般轰隆轰隆的，使大地、高耸的塔顶，以及更高的洞穴的内壁都为之震颤。

他身穿用新近剥下来的公牛皮做的坎肩，长及膝盖，下摆是宽松的苏格兰式百褶短裙。腰间系着用麦秆和灯心草编织的带子。里面穿的是用肠线潦潦草草缝就的鹿皮紧身裤。胫部裹着染成苔紫色的高地巴尔布里艮[49]皮绑腿，脚蹬低跟镂花皮鞋，是用盐腌过的母牛皮制成的，并系着同一牲畜的气管做的鞋带。他的腰带上垂挂着一串海卵石。每当他那可怕的身躯一摆动，就丁当乱响。在这些卵石上，以粗犷而高超的技艺刻着许许多多古代爱尔兰部族的男女英雄的形象：库楚林、百战之康恩、做过九次人质的奈尔[ 50] 、金克拉的布赖恩[51]、玛拉基大王、阿尔特·麦克默拉、沙恩·奥尼尔[52]、约翰·墨菲神父、欧文·罗[ 53] 、帕特里克·萨斯菲尔德[54]、红发休·奥唐奈、红发吉姆·麦克德莫特[55]、索加斯·尤格翰·奥格罗尼[56]、迈克尔·德怀尔、弗朗西斯·希金斯[ 57] 、亨利·乔伊·莫克拉肯[58]、歌利亚[59]、霍勒斯·惠特利[60]、托马斯·康内夫、佩格·沃芬顿[61]、乡村铁匠[62]、穆恩莱特上尉[63]、杯葛上尉[64]、但丁·阿利吉耶里、克里斯托弗·哥伦布、圣弗尔萨[65]、圣布伦丹[66]、麦克马洪[67]元帅、查理曼[68]、西奥博尔德·沃尔夫·托恩[69]、马加比弟兄之母[70]、最后的莫希干人[ 71] 、卡斯蒂利亚的玫瑰[72]、攻克戈尔韦的人[73]、使蒙特卡洛的赌场主破产了的人[74]、把关者[75]、没做的女人[76]、本杰明·富兰克林、拿破仑·波拿巴、约翰·劳·沙利文[77]、克莉奥佩特拉、我忠实的宝贝儿[ 78] 、尤利乌斯·恺撒、帕拉切尔苏斯[79]、托马斯·利普顿爵士[ 80] 、威廉·退尔[81]、 米开朗琪罗·海斯[82]、穆罕默德、拉默穆尔的新娘[83]、隐修士彼得[84]、打包商彼得[85]、黑发罗莎琳[86]、帕特里克·威·莎士比亚[87]、布赖恩·孔子[88]、穆尔塔赫·谷登堡[89]、帕特里西奥·委拉斯开兹[90]、内莫船长[91]、特里斯丹和绮瑟[92]、第一任威尔士亲王[93]、托马斯·库克父子[94]、勇敢的少年兵[95]、 爱吻者[96]、迪克·特平[97]、路德维希·贝多芬、金发少女[98]、摇摆的希利[99]、神仆团团员安格斯[100] 、多利丘、西德尼步道、霍斯山[101] 、 瓦伦丁·格雷特雷克斯[102] 、亚当与夏娃[103] ，阿瑟·韦尔斯利[104] 、领袖克罗克[105]、希罗多德[106] 、杀掉巨人的杰克[107] 、乔答摩·佛陀[108] 、 戈黛娃夫人[109] 、基拉尼的百合[110]、恶毒眼巴洛尔[111] 、示巴女王[112] 、阿基·内格尔[113] 、乔·内格尔[114] 、亚历山德罗·伏打[115] 、 杰里迈亚·奥多诺万·罗萨[116]、堂菲利普·奥沙利文·比尔[117] 。他身旁横着一杆用磨尖了的花岗石做成的矛，他脚下卧着一条属于犬类的野兽。它像打呼噜般地喘着气，表明它已沉入了不安宁的睡眠中。这从它嘶哑的嗥叫和痉挛性的动作得到证实。主人不时地抡起用旧石器时代的石头粗糙地做成的大棍子来敲打，以便镇住并抑制它。

于是，特里总算把乔请客的三品脱端来了。好家伙，当我瞧见他拍出一枚金镑的时候，我这双眼睛差点儿瞎了。啊，真格的，多么玲珑的一镑金币。

“还有的是哪，”他说。

“你是从慈善箱里抢来的吧，乔，”我说。

“这是从我的脑门子淌下来的汗水，”乔说，“是那个谨慎的家伙把信息透露给我的。”[118]

“遇到你之前，我看见他啦，”我说，“正沿着皮尔小巷和希腊街闲荡哪。他那大鳕鱼眼连每根鱼肠子都不放过。”

是谁通身披挂着黑色铠甲，穿过迈昌的土地[119] 前来？是罗里[122] 的儿子奥布卢姆。正是他。罗里的儿子是无所畏惧的。他是个谨慎的人。

“为亲王街的老太婆[121] 工作着吧，”“市民”说，“为那份领着津贴的机关报。因在议会里宣过誓而受到拘束。瞧瞧这该死的破报，”他说，“瞧瞧这个”， 他说，“《爱尔兰独立日报》，你们看多奇怪，竟然是‘巴涅尔所创办，工人之友’ 哩。不妨听听这份一切为了爱尔兰的《爱尔兰独立日报》上所登的出生通知和讣告吧，我得谢谢你们。还有结婚启事呢。”

他就开始朗读起来：

“‘埃克塞特市”[122]巴恩菲尔德·新月街的戈登； 住在滨海圣安妮之艾弗利的雷德梅因，威廉·T。雷德梅因之妻生一子。’这怎么样呢？ ‘赖特和弗林特； 文森特和吉勒特，罗萨与已故乔治·艾尔弗雷德·吉勒特之女罗莎·玛莉恩， 斯托克维尔[123] 克列帕姆路一七九号，普莱伍德和里兹代尔，在肯辛顿的圣朱德教堂举行婚礼，主婚人为武斯特副主教、十分可敬的弗雷斯特博士。’呃？讣告： ‘住在伦敦白厅小巷的布里斯托；住在斯托克·纽因顿[124] 的卡尔，因患胃炎与心脏病；住在切普斯托[125] 莫特馆的科克伯恩……’”

“我晓得那家伙，”乔说，“吃过他的苦头。”

“‘科克伯恩·迪穆赛，已故海军大将大卫·迪穆赛的妻子；住在托特纳姆的米勒，享年八十五；住在利物浦坎宁街三十五号的伊莎贝拉·海伦·威尔士于六月十二日去世。’一份民族的报纸怎么会刊登这佯的玩艺儿呢，呃， 我的褐色小子[126] ？班特里这个假公济私的马丁·墨菲[127] ，搞的是什么名堂呢？”

“啊，喔，”乔说着把酒递过来，“感谢天主，他们赶在咱们头里啦[128] 。喝吧，‘市民’。”

“好的，”他说，“大老爷。”

“祝你健康，乔，”我说，“也祝大家的健康。”

啊！哦！别聊啦！我就想着喝上一品脱，想得发了霉，我敢对上主发誓，我能听见酒在我的胃囊上嘀嗒。

瞧，当他们快活地将那酒一饮而尽时，天神般的使者转眼到来。这是个英俊少年，灿烂如太阳，跟在他后面踱进来的是位雍容高雅的长者。他手执法典圣卷，伴随而来的是他那位门第无比高贵的夫人，女性中的佼佼者。

小个子阿尔夫·柏根踅进门来，藏在巴尼的小单间里，拼命地笑。喝得烂醉如泥，坐在我没看见的角落一个劲儿地打鼾的，不是别人，正是鲍勃·多兰。我并不晓得在发生什么事。阿尔夫一个劲儿地朝门外指指划划。好家伙，原来是那个该死的老丑角丹尼斯·布林。他趿拉着洗澡穿的拖鞋，腋下夹着两部该死的大书。他老婆--一个倒楣可怜的女人--像鬈毛狗那样迈着碎步，紧赶慢赶地跟在后面。我真怕阿尔夫会笑破肚皮。

“瞧他，”他说，“布林。有人给他寄来了一张写着‘万事休矣’的明信片。于是他就在都柏林走街串巷，一门心思去起……”

接着他笑得弯了腰。

“起什么？”我说。

“起诉，控告他诽谤罪，”他说，“要求赔偿一万镑。”

“胡闹！”我说。

那只该死的杂种狗发现出了什么事，嗥叫得令人毛骨悚然，然而“市民”只朝着它的肋骨踹了一脚。

“不许出声！”[129] 他说。

“是谁呀？”乔说。

“布林，”阿尔夫说，“他起先在约翰·亨利·门顿那里，接着又绕到考立斯-沃德事务所去。后来汤姆·罗赤福特碰见了他， 就开玩笑地支使他到副行政司法长官那儿去。噢，天哪，把我肚子都笑疼了。万事休矣：完蛋。那高个儿像是要传讯他似的盯了他一眼，如今那个老疯子到格林街去找警察啦。”

“高个儿约翰究竟什么时候绞死关在蒙乔伊的那个家伙？”[130]乔说。

“柏根，”鲍勃·多兰醒过来说，“那是阿尔夫·柏根吗？”

“是啊，”阿尔夫说，“绞死吗？等着瞧吧。特里，给咱来一小杯。那个该死的老傻瓜！一万镑。你该看看高个儿约翰那双眼睛。万事休矣……”

于是他笑起来了。

“你在笑谁哪？”鲍勃·多兰说，“是柏根吗？”

“快点儿，特里[131] 伙计，”阿尔夫说。

特伦斯·奥赖恩听见这话，立刻端来一只透明的杯子，里面满是冒泡的乌道浓啤酒。这是那对高贵的双胞胎邦吉维和邦加耿朗[132] 在他们那神圣的大桶里酿造的。他们像永生的勒达［133]所生的两个儿子一样精明，贮藏大量的蛇麻子[134] 那多汁的浆果，经过堆积，精选，研碎，酿制，再掺上酸汁，把刚兑好的汁液放在圣火上。这对精明的弟兄称得起是大酒桶之王，夜以继日地操劳着。

那么你，豪侠的特伦斯，便按照熟习的风俗[135] ，用透明的杯子盛上甘美的饮料，端给侠肠义胆、美如神明的口渴的他。

然而他，奥伯甘的年轻族长，论慷慨大度决不甘拜他人之下风，遂宽厚大方地付了一枚铸有头像的最贵重的青铜市[136]。上面， 用精巧的冶金工艺浮雕出仪表堂堂的女王像，她是布伦维克家族[137] 的后裔，名叫维多利亚。承蒙上主的恩宠，至高无上的女工陛下君临大不列颠和爱尔兰联合王国以及海外英国领土。 她是女王，信仰的捍卫者，印度的女皇。就是她，战胜了众邦，受到万人的崇敬， 从日出到日落之地[138] ，苍白、浅黑、微红到黝黑皮肤的人们，都晓得并爱戴她。

“那个该死的共济会会员在干什么哪，”“市民”说，“在外面鬼鬼祟祟地荡来荡去？”

“怎么回事儿？”乔说。

“喏，”阿尔夫边把钱丢过去边说，“谈到绞刑，我要让你们瞧一件你们从来没见过的东西：刽子手亲笔写的信。瞧。”

于是他从兜里掏出一叠装在信封里的信。

“你在作弄我吗？”我说。

“地地道道的真货，”阿尔夫说，“读吧。”

于是，乔拿起了那些信。

“你在笑谁哪？”鲍勃·多兰说。

我看出有点儿闹纠纷的苗头。鲍勃这家伙一喝酒就失态。于是，我就找个话碴儿说：

“威利·默雷[139] 近来怎么样，阿尔夫？”

“不知道，”阿尔夫说，“刚才我在卡佩尔街上瞧见他跟帕狄·迪格纳穆呆在一起。可当时我正在追赶着那个……”

“你什么？”乔丢下那些信说，“跟谁在一起？”

“跟迪格纳穆，”阿尔夫说。

“你指的是帕狄吗？”乔说。

“是呀，”阿尔夫说，“怎么啦？”

“你不晓得他死了吗？”乔说。

“帕狄·迪格纳穆死啦！”阿尔夫说。

“可不，”乔说。

“不到五分钟之前，我确实还曾看见了他，”阿尔夫说，“跟枪柄一样千真万确。”[140]

“谁死啦？”鲍勃·多兰说。

“那么，你瞧见的是他的幽灵呗，”乔说，“天主啊，保佑我们别遭到不幸。”

“怎么？”阿尔夫说，“真是不过五……哦？……而且还有威利·默雷跟他在一起，他们两个人在那个叫什么店号来着……怎么？迪格纳穆死了吗？”

“迪格纳穆怎么啦？”鲍勃·多兰说，“你们在扯些什么呀……？”

“死啦！”阿尔夫说，“他跟你一样，活得欢势着哪。”

“也许是的，”乔说，“横竖今儿早晨他们已经擅自把他埋掉了。”[141] 帕狄吗？”阿尔夫说。

“是啊，”乔说，“他寿终正寝啦，愿天主怜悯他。”

“慈悲的基督啊！”阿尔夫说。

他的确是所谓吓破了胆。

在黑暗中，使人感到幽灵的手在晃动。当按照密宗经咒[142] 作的祷告送至应达处时，一抹微弱然而愈益明亮起来的红宝石光泽逐渐映入眼帘。 从头顶和脸上散发出来的吉瓦光，使得虚灵体格外逼真。[143] 信息交流是脑下垂体以及骶骨部和太阳神经丛所释放出的橙色与鲜红色光线促成的。 问起他生前的名字和现在天界何方，他答以如今正在劫末[144] 或回归途中，但仍在星界低域，某些嗜血者手中经受着磨难。被问以当他越过那浩渺的境界后最初的感想如何， 他回答说：原先他所看见的好比是映在镜子里的模糊不清的影像[145] ，然而已经越境者面前随即揭示出发展“我”[146] 这一至高无上的可能性。及至问起来世的生活是否与有着肉身的我们在现世中的经验相仿佛时，他回答说，那些已进入灵界的受宠者曾告诉他说，在他们的住处，现代化家庭用品一应俱全，诸如塔拉梵那、 阿拉瓦塔尔、哈特阿克尔达、沃特克拉撒特[147] 。无比资深的能手沉浸在最纯粹的逸乐的波浪里。他想要一夸脱脱脂牛奶，立刻就给他端来，他显然解了渴。 问他有没有什么口信捎给生者，他告诫所有那些依然处于摩耶[148] 中的人们：要悟正道，因为天界盛传，马尔斯[149] 和朱庇特[150] 已下降到东方的角落来捣乱，而那是白羊宫[151]的势力范围。这时又问，故人这方面有没有特别的愿望， 回答是：“至今犹活在肉身中的尘世间之凡朋俗友们，吾曹向汝等致意。勿容科·凯牟取暴利。”据悉，这里指的是科尼利厄斯[152] ·凯莱赫。他是死者的私人朋友， 也是有名气的H、J．奥尼尔殡仪馆经理，丧事就是他经办的。 告辞之前他要求转告他的爱子帕齐，说帕齐所要找的那只靴子目前在侧屋[153] 的五斗柜底下。这双靴子的后跟还挺结实，只消送到卡伦鞋店去补一下靴底就成了。他说，在来世，他一直记挂着这件事， 心绪极为不宁。务必请代为转告。

大家向他担保一定照办，他明白表示感到满意。

他离开了尘寰。噢，迪格纳穆，我们的旭日。他踩在欧洲蕨上的脚步是那样迅疾。额头闪闪发光的帕特里克啊。邦芭[154] ，随着你的风悲叹吧。海洋啊，随着你的旋风悲叹吧。

“他又到那儿去了，”“市民”盯着外面说。

“谁？”我说。

“布卢姆”，他说，“他就像是值勤的警察似的在那儿溜达十分钟啦。”

没错儿，我瞧见他伸进脸蛋儿窥伺了一下，随后又偷偷溜掉了。

小个儿阿尔夫吓得腰都直不起来了，一点儿不假。

“大慈大悲的基督啊！我敢发誓，那就是他。”

鲍勃·多兰- 喝醉了，就堕落成整个都柏林最下流的歹徒。他把帽于歪戴在后脑勺上，说：

“谁说基督是大慈大悲的？”

“请你原谅，”阿尔夫说。

“什么大慈大悲的基督！不是他把可怜的小威利·迪格纳穆给带走的吗？”

“啊，喏，”阿尔夫试图搪塞过去，他说，“这下子他再也用不着操劳啦。”

然而鲍勃·多兰咆哮道：

“我说他是个残忍的恶棍，居然把可怜的小威利·迪格纳穆给带走啦。”

特里走过来，向他使了个眼色，让他安静下来，说这可是一家特准卖酒的体面的店哩，请不要谈这类话。于是，鲍勃·多兰就为帕狄·迪格纳穆号起丧来了，哭得真真切切。

“再也没有那么好样儿的人啦，”他抽抽嗒嗒地说，“最好样儿的、最纯真的人。”

“该死的泪水快流到眼边。[155]他说着那该死的大话。还不如回家去找他娶的那个梦游症患者小个子浪女人呢。就是一名小执行吏的闺女穆尼。 [156]她娘在哈德威克街开了个娼家，经常在楼梯平台上转悠。在她那儿住过的班塔姆·莱昂斯告诉我，都凌晨两点了她还一丝不挂、整个儿光着身子呆在那儿，来者不拒，一视同仁。

“这个最正派、最地道的却走了，”他说，“可怜的小威利，可怜的小帕狄·迪格纳穆！”

于是，他满腔悲痛，心情沉重地为那一道天光之熄灭而哭泣。

老狗加里欧文又朝着在门口窥伺的布卢姆狂吠起来。

“进来吧，进来吧，”“市民”说，“它不会把你吃掉的。”

布卢姆就边用那双鳕鱼眼盯着狗，边侧身踅了进来，并且问特里，马丁·坎宁翰在不在那儿。

“噢，天哪，麦基奥[157] ，”乔说，他正在读着那些信中的一封，“听听好不好？”

他就读起一封信来。

亨特街七号

利物浦市

都柏林市都柏林行政司法长官台鉴：

敬启者，敝人曾志愿为执行上述极刑服务。一九00

年二月十二日，敝人曾在布特尔监狱绞死乔·甘恩[158] 。

敝人还绞死过……

“给咱看看，乔，”我说。

……杀害杰西·蒂尔希特的凶手、士兵阿瑟·蔡斯。他是

在彭顿维尔监狱被处绞刑的。敝人还曾任助手……

“天哪。”我说。

……那一次，比林顿[159] 将凶恶的杀人犯托德·史密

斯[160] 处以绞刑……

“市民”想把那封信夺过来。

“等一等，”乔说。

敝人有一窍门：一旦套上绞索，他就休想挣脱开。如

蒙可敬的阁下录用，不胜荣幸。敝人索酬五基尼。

霍·郎博尔德[161] 顿首

高级理发师

“他还是个凶猛、残暴的野蛮人[162] 呢，”“市民”说。

“而且，这混蛋还写一手狗爬字，”乔说，“喏，”他说，“阿尔夫，快把它拿开，我不要看。喂，布卢姆，”他说，“你喝点儿什么？”

于是他们争论起这一点来。布卢姆说他不想喝，也不会喝，请原谅，不要见怪。接着又说，那么就讨一支雪茄烟抽吧。哼，他是个谨慎的会员，这可一点儿也不含糊。

“特里，给咱一支你们店里味道最浓的，”乔说。

这时阿尔夫告诉我们，有个家伙给了一张服丧时用的加黑框的名片。

“那些家伙都是理发师，”他说，“是从黑乡[ 163] 来的。只要给他们五镑钱，并且管旅费，哪怕自己的亲爹他们也肯下手绞死。”

他还告诉我们，把犯人悬空吊起后，等在下面的两个人就拽他的脚后跟， 好让他彻底咽气。然后他们把绞索切成一截一截的，每副头盖骨按多少先令卖掉。[164]

这些恶狠狠的、操利刃的骑士们都住在黑乡。他们紧握着那致命的绳索。 对，不论是谁，凡是杀过人的必然统统给套住，打发到厄瑞勃斯[165] 去。因为上主曾说，我无论如何不能饶恕此等罪行。

于是，大家聊起死刑的事儿来了。布卢姆自然也闲扯起死刑的来龙去脉以及种种无稽之谈。那条老狗不停地嗅着他。 我听说这些犹太佬身上总发散着一股奇怪的气味，能够吸引周围的狗，还能治服什么。

“可是有一样物件它是治服不了的，”阿尔夫说。

“什么物件？”乔说。

“就是被绞死的可怜虫的阳物，”阿尔夫说。

“是吗？”乔说。

“千真万确，”阿尔夫说，“我是听基尔门哈姆监狱的看守长说的。他们绞死‘常胜军’的乔·布雷迪[166] 之后，就发生了这种情形。他告诉我，当他们割断绞索把吊死鬼儿撂下来时，那阳物就像一根拨火棍儿似的戳到他们面前。”

“占主导地位的感情到死还是强烈的，”乔说，“正像某人[167] 说过的那样。”

“这可以用科学来解释，”布卢姆说，“不过是个自然现象，不是吗， 因为由于……”

于是他咬文嚼字地大谈其现象与科学啦，这一现象那一现象什么的。

杰出的科学家卢伊特波尔德·布卢门达夫特[168] 教授先生曾提出下述医学根据加以阐明：按照医学上公认的传统学说，颈椎骨的碎折以及伴随而来的脊髓截断，不可避免地会给予人身神经中枢以强烈刺激，从而引起海绵体的弹性细孔急速膨胀，促使血液瞬时注入在人体解剖学上称为阴茎即男性生殖器的这一部位。其结果是：在颈骨断袭导致死亡的那一瞬间[169] ，诱发出专家称之为“生殖器病态地向前上方多产性勃起”这一现象。[170]

“市民”当然急不可耐地等着插嘴的机会。 接着就高谈阔论起“常胜军”啦，激进分子[171] 啦，六七年那帮人[172] 啦，还有那些怕谈到九八年[173]的人什么的。乔也跟他扯起那些为了事业经临时军事法庭审判而被绞死、开膛或流放的人们，以及新爱尔兰，新这个，新那个什么的。说起新爱尔兰，这家伙倒应该去物色一条新狗，可不是嘛。眼下这条畜生浑身长满癞疮，饥肠辘辘，到处嗅来嗅去，打喷嚏，又搔它那疮痂。接着，这狗就转悠到正请阿尔夫喝半品脱酒的鲍勃·多兰跟前，向他讨点儿什么吃的。于是，鲍勃·多兰当然就干起缺德的傻事儿来了。

“伸爪子！伸爪子，狗儿！乖乖老狗儿！伸过爪子来！伸爪子让咱捏捏！”

荒唐！[ 174] 也甭去捏该死的什么爪子了，他差点儿从该死的凳子上倒栽葱跌到该死的老狗脑袋上。阿尔夫试图扶住他。他嘴里还喋喋不休他说着种种蠢话，什么训练得靠慈爱之心啦，纯种狗啦，聪明的狗啦。该死的真使你感到厌恶。然后他又从叫特里拿来的印着雅各布商标的罐头底儿上掏出几块陈旧碎饼干。狗把它当作旧靴子那样嘎吱嘎吱吞了下去，舌头耷拉出一码长，还想吃。这条饥饿的该死的杂种狗，几乎连罐头都吞下去嘞。

且说“市民”和布卢姆正围绕刚才那个问题争论着呢：被处死于阿伯山的希尔斯弟兄[175] 和沃尔夫·托恩[176] 啦。罗伯特·埃米特[177]为国捐躯啦，汤米·穆尔关于萨拉·柯伦的笔触--她远离故土[178] 啦。满脸脂肪的布卢姆当然装腔作势地叼着一支浓烈得使人昏迷的雪茄。现象！他娶的那位胖墩儿才是个稀奇透顶的老现象哩：她的后背足有滚木球的球道那么宽。精明鬼伯克告诉我，有一阵子这对夫妻住在市徽饭店，里面有位老太婆[179]，带着个疯疯傻傻、令人丢脸[180] 的侄子。布卢姆指望她在遗嘱里赠给自己点儿什么，就试图使她的心肠软下来。于是，就对她百般奉承，和颜悦色地陪她玩比齐克[181]牌戏。 老太婆总是做出一副虔诚的样子，每逢星期五，布卢姆也跟着不吃肉，还带那个蠢才去散步。有一回他领着这个侄子满都柏林转悠。凭着神圣的乡巴佬发誓，布卢姆连一句也没唠叨，直到那家伙醉得像一只炖熟的猫头鹰，这才把他带回来。他说他这么做是为了教给那个侄子酗酒的害处。那个老太婆、布卢姆的老婆和旅店老板娘奥多德太太这三位妇人居然没差点儿把他整个儿烤了，也够不寻常的了。天哪，精明鬼勃克学他们争辩的样儿给我看，我不得不笑。布卢姆说着他那些口头禅，什么“你们不明白吗？要么就是“然而，另一方面”。不瞒您说，我刚刚谈到的那个蠢才从此就成了科普街鲍尔鸡尾酒店的常客：每星期五次，必把那家该死的店里的每一种酒都喝个遍，腰腿瘫软得动弹不了，只好雇马车回去。真是个现象！

“为了纪念死者[182] ，”“市民”举起他那一品脱装的玻璃杯，瞪着布卢姆说。

“好的，好的，”乔说。

“你没抓住我话中的要点，”布卢姆说，“我的意思是……”

“我们自己！”[183]“市民”说，“我们自己就够了！[184] 我们所爱的朋友站在我们这边，我们所憎恨的仇敌在我们对面。[ 185]”

最后的诀别[186]令人感动之至。丧钟从远远近近的钟楼里不停地响着，教堂幽暗的院子周围，一百面声音闷哑的大鼓发出不祥的警告，不时地被大炮那瓮声瓮气的轰鸣所打断。震耳欲聋的雷鸣和映出骇人景象的耀眼闪电，证明天公的炮火给这本来就已令人毛骨悚然的景色，平添了超自然的威势。瀑布般的大雨从愤怒的苍穹的水门倾泻到聚集在那里的据估计起码也不下五十万大众那未戴帽子的光头上。都柏林市警察署武装队在警察署长的亲自指挥下，在庞大的人群中维持着治安。约克街的铜管乐队和簧管乐队用缠了黑纱的乐器出色地演奏出我们从摇篮里就爱上的那支由于斯佩兰扎的哀戚歌词[187]而最为动人的曲调。这样，使群众得以消磨一下大会开始前的这段时间。为了供临时浩浩荡荡赶来参加的那些乡亲们舒适地享用，还准备了特快游览列车和敞篷软座公共马车。都柏林的街头红歌手利×翰和穆×根[188]，像往常那样用诙谐逗乐的腔调唱《拉里被处绞刑的前夕》[189] 。我们这两位无与伦比的小丑在热爱喜剧要素的观众当中兜售刊有歌词的大幅印张，销路极佳。凡是在心灵深处懂得欣赏毫不粗俗的爱尔兰幽默的人，绝不会在乎把自己辛辛苦苦地挣来的几便士掏给他们。男女弃儿医院的娃娃们也挤满一个个窗口俯瞰这一情景，对于出乎意料地添加到今天的游艺中的这一余兴感到欢快。济贫小姊妹会的修女们想出个高明主意：让这些没爹没妈的可怜的娃娃们享受到一次真正富于教育意义的娱乐，值得称赞。来自总督府家宴的宾客包括许多社交界知名淑女，她们在总督伉俪的陪同下，在正面看台的特等席上落座。坐在对面看台上的是衣着鲜艳的外国代表团。通称作绿宝石岛[190]之友。 全体出席的代表团包括骑士团司令官巴奇巴奇·贝尼诺贝诺内[ 191] （这位代表团团长[192] 因半身不遂，只得借助于蒸汽起重机坐下来），皮埃尔保罗·佩蒂特埃珀坦先生[193] ，杰出的滑稽家乌拉基米尔·波克特汉克切夫[194] ，大滑稽家莱奥波尔德·鲁道尔夫·封·施万岑巴德- 赫登塔勒[195] ，玛尔哈·维拉佳·吉萨斯左尼·普特拉佩斯蒂[196]伯爵夫人、海勒姆·Y。邦布斯特、阿塔纳托斯·卡拉梅勒洛斯伯爵[197] 、 阿里巴巴·贝克西西·拉哈特·洛库姆·埃芬迪[198] ，伊达尔戈·卡瓦列罗·堂·佩卡迪洛·伊·帕拉布拉斯·伊·帕特诺斯特·德·拉·马洛拉·德·拉·马拉利亚先生[199] ，赫克波克·哈拉基利[200] ，席鸿章[ 201] 、奥拉夫·克贝尔克德尔森[202] ，特里克·范·特龙普斯先生，[203]，潘·波尔阿克斯·帕迪利斯基[204] ，古斯庞德·普鲁库鲁斯托尔·克拉特奇纳布利奇兹伊奇[205] ， 勃鲁斯·胡平柯夫[206] ，赫尔豪斯迪莱克托尔普莱西登特·汉斯·丘赤里- 斯托伊尔里先生[207] ，国立体育馆博物馆疗养所及悬肌普通无薪俸讲师通史专家教授博士、里格弗里德·于贝尔阿尔杰曼[208] 。所有的代表对他们被请来目睹的难以名状的野蛮行径，都毫无例外地竭力使用最强烈的各自迥异的言词发表了意见。 于是，关于爱尔兰的主保圣人[209] 的诞辰究竟是三月八号还是九号，绿宝石岛之友们开展了热烈的争辩（大家全都参加了）。在争辩的过程中，使用了炮弹、单刃短弯刀、往返飞镖[210]、老式大口径短程霰弹枪、便器、绞肉机、雨伞、弹弓、指关节保护套[ 211] 、沙袋、铣铁块等武器，尽情地相互大打出手。还派信使专程从布特尔斯唐[212]把娃娃警察麦克法登巡警召了来。他很快就恢复了秩序，并火速提出，生日乃是同月十七号[213] 。这一解答使争辩双方都保住了面子。人人欢迎九尺汉子[214] 这个随机应变的建议，全场一致通过。绿宝石岛之友个个都向麦克法登巡警衷心表示谢忱， 而其中几个正大量淌着血。 骑士团司令官贝尼诺贝诺内被人从大会主席的扶手椅底下解救出来，然后他的法律顾问帕格米米律师[ 215] 解释说，藏在他那三十二个兜[216] 里的形形色色的物品，都是他乘乱从资历较浅的同僚兜里掏出来的，以促使他们恢复理智。这些物品（包括几百位淑女绅士的金表和银表）被立即归还给合法的原主。和谐融洽的气氛笼罩全场。

朗博尔德身穿笔挺的常礼服，佩带着一朵他心爱的血迹斑斑的剑兰花[217] ，安详、谦逊地走上断头台。他凭着轻轻的一声朗博尔德派头的咳嗽通知了自己的到来。这种咳嗽多少人想模仿（却学不来）：短促，吃力而富有特色。这位闻名全世界的刽子手到来后，大批围观者报以暴风雨般的欢呼。总督府的贵妇们兴奋得挥着手帕。比她们更容易兴奋的外国使节杂七杂八地喝采着，霍赫、邦在、艾尔珍、吉维奥、钦钦、波拉·克罗尼亚、希普希普、维沃、安拉的叫声混成一片。其中可以清楚地听到歌之国代表那响亮的哎夫维瓦[218] 声（高出两个八度的F音， 令人回忆起阉歌手卡塔拉尼[219] 当年曾经怎样用那尖锐优美的歌声使得我们的高祖母们为之倾倒）。这时已十七点整。扩音器里传出了祈祷的信号。全体与会者立即脱帽，骑士团司令官那顶标志着族长身分的高顶阔边帽（自林齐[220] 那场革命以来，这就归他这一家人所有了），由他身边的侍医皮普[221] 博士摘掉了。当英勇的烈士即将被处死刑之际，一位学识渊博的教长在主持圣教赐与最后慰藉的仪式。本着最崇高的基督教精神，跪在一泓雨水中，将教袍撩到白发苍苍的头上，向慈悲的宝座发出热切恳求的祷告。断头台旁立着绞刑吏那阴森恐怖的身影，脸上罩着一顶可容十加仑的高帽子[222] ，上面钻了两个圆洞，一双眼睛从中炯炯地发出怒火。在等待那致命的信号的当儿，他把凶器的利刃放在筋骨隆隆的手臂上磨砺，要么就迅疾地挨个儿砍掉一群绵羊的头。这是他的仰慕者们为了让他执行这项虽残忍却非完成不可的任务而准备的。他身边的一张漂亮的红木桌上，整整齐齐地排列着肢解用刀、各式各样精工锻成的摘取内脏用的器具（都是举世闻名的、谢菲尔德市约翰·朗德父子公司[223] 刀具制造厂特制的）。还有一只赤土陶制平底锅，成功地把十二指肠、结肠、盲肠、阑尾等摘除后，就装在里面。另外有两个容量可观的牛奶罐：是盛最宝贵的牺牲者那最宝贵的血液用的。猫狗联合收容所[224] 的膳务员也在场。这些容器装满后，就由他运到那家慈善机构去。当局还用意周到地为这场悲剧的中心人物提供了一份丰盛的膳食，包括火腿煎鸡蛋，炸得很好的洋葱配牛排，早餐用热气腾腾的美味面包卷儿，以及提神的茶。他精神抖擞，视死如归，自始至终极其关心这档子事的种种细节。他以当代罕见的克制，不失时机站起来，慷慨激昂地表明了自己临终的一个愿望（并立即得到首肯）：要求将这份膳食平均分配给贫病寄宿者协会的会员们，以表示他对他们的关怀和敬重。当那位被遴选出来的新娘涨红了脸，拨开围观者密集的行列冲过来，投进为了她的缘故而即将被送入永恒世界的那个人壮健的胸脯时，大家的情绪高涨到极点[225] 。英雄深情地搂抱着她那苗条的身子，亲昵地低声说：“希拉，我心爱的。”听到这样称她的教名、她深受鼓舞。于是她就以不至于损害他那身囚衣的体面为度，热情地吻着他身上所有那些适当的部位。当他们二人的眼泪汇成一股咸流时，她向他发誓说，她会永远珍视关于他的记忆，决不会忘怀他

这个英勇的小伙子是怎样嘴里哼着歌儿，就像是到克隆土耳克公园[226] 去打爱尔兰曲棍球那样地走向死亡。她使他回忆起幸福的儿童时代那快乐日子。那时他们一道在安娜·利菲河岸上尽情地做着天真烂漫的幼儿游戏。他们忘却了当前这可怕的现实，一道畅怀大笑。所有在场的人，包括可敬的教士，也参加到弥漫全场的欢快气氛中。怪物般万头攒动的观众简直笑得前仰后合。然而不久他们两个人就又被悲哀所压倒，最后一次紧紧地握了手。从他们的泪腺里再一次滔滔地涌出泪水。众多的围观者打心坎里感动了，悲痛欲绝地哽咽起来，连年迈的受俸教士本人也同样哀伤。膀大腰粗的彪形大汉，在场维持治安的官员以及皇家爱尔兰警察部队那些和蔼的巨人都毫无忌惮地用手绢擦拭着。可以蛮有把握地说，在这规模空前的大集会上，没有一双眼睛不曾被泪水润湿。这时一桩最富于浪漫主义色彩的事情发生了：一个以敬重妇女著称的年轻英俊的牛津大学毕业生[227] 走上前去，递上自己的名片、银行存折和家谱，并向那位不幸的少女求婚，恳请她定下日期。她当场就首肯了。在场的每位太大小姐都接受了一件大方雅致的纪念品：一枚骷髅枯骨图案[228] 的饰针。这一既合时宜慷慨的举动重新激发了众人的情绪。于是，这位善于向妇女献殷勤的年轻的牛津大学毕业生（顺便提一下，他拥有阿尔比安[229] 有史以来最享盛名的姓氏）将一枚用几颗绿宝石镶成四叶白花酢浆草状的名贵的订婚戒指，套在他那忸怩得涨红了脸的未婚妻手指上时，人们感到无比兴奋。甚至连主持这一悲惨场面的面容严峻的宪兵司令，那位陆军中校汤姆金- 马克斯韦尔·弗伦奇马伦·汤姆林森，尽管他曾经毫不犹豫地用炮弹把众多印度兵炸得血肉横飞[230] ，当前也抑制不住感情的自然流露了。他伸出有着锁子甲的防护长手套，悄然抹掉一滴泪。[231] 那些有幸站在他身边的随行人员听见他低声喃喃自语着：

“该死，那个娘儿们可是尤物哩，那个令人心如刀绞的丫头。该死，我一看见她就感到心如刀绞，快要哭出来了。老实说，就是这样。因为她使我想起在利姆豪斯路等待着我的旧酿酒桶。”[232]

于是，“市民”就谈起爱尔兰语啦，市政府会议啦，以及所有那些不会讲本国语言、态度傲慢的自封的绅士啦。乔是由于今天从什么人手里捞到了一镑金币，也来插嘴。布卢姆叼着向乔讨来的值两便士的烟头，探过他那黏乎乎的老脑袋瓜儿，大谈起盖尔语协会啦，反对飨宴联盟[233] 啦，以及爱尔兰的祸害--酗酒。由他来提反对飨宴，倒蛮合适哩。哼，他会让你往他的喉咙里灌各种酒，一直灌到上主把他召走，你也见不到他请的那品脱酒的泡沫儿。有个晚上，我和一个伙伴儿去参加他们的音乐晚会。照例载歌载舞：她能爬上干草堆，她能，我的莫琳·蕾。[234]那儿有个家伙佩带着巴利胡利蓝缓带徽章[235] ，用爱尔兰语唱着绝妙的歌儿。还有好多金发少女[236] 带着不含酒精的饮料到处转悠，兜售纪念章、桔子和柠檬汽水以及一些陈旧发干的小圆面包。哦，丰富多彩的[237] 娱乐，就甭提啦，禁酒的爱尔兰乃是自由的爱尔兰。[238] 接着，一个老家伙吹起风笛来。那些骗子们就都随着老母牛听腻了的曲调[239] 在地上拖曳着脚步，一两个天国的向导四下里监视着，防止人们行为狠亵，对女人动手动脚。

不管怎样，正如我方才说过的，那条老狗瞧见罐头已经空了，就开始围着乔和我转来转去，觅着食。倘若这是我的狗，我就老老实实地教训它一顿，一定的。不时地朝着不会把它弄瞎的部位使劲踢上一脚，好让它打起精神来。

“你怕它咬你一口吗？”“市民”讥笑着问。

“哪儿的话，”我说，“可它兴许会把我的腿当成路灯柱子哩。”

于是，他把那只老狗喊了过去。

“加里，你怎么啦？”他说。

于是，他着手把它拖过来，捉弄了一通，还跟它讲爱尔兰话。老狗咆哮着作为应答，就像歌剧中的二重唱似的。像这样的相互咆哮简直是前所未闻。闲得没事的人应该给报纸写篇《为了公益[240] 》，提出对这样的狗应该下道封口令。这狗又是咆哮，又是呜呜号叫。它喉咙干枯，眼睛挂满了血丝，从口腔里嘀嘀嗒嗒地淌着狂犬症的涎水。

凡是关心对下等动物（它们数目众多[241] ）传播人类文化者，切不可漏掉这条著名的爱尔兰老塞特种红毛狼狗。先前它曾以“加里欧文”这一外号闻名，新近在它那范围很广的熟人朋友的圈子内，又被改名为欧文·加里[242] 了。诚然令人惊异的是此狗所显示的“人化”现象。基于多年慈祥的训练和精心安排的食谱，这次表演的众多成就中，还包括诗歌朗诵。当今我国最伟大的语音学专家（任何野马也不得把他从我们当中拖走！）不遗余力地对它所朗诵的诗加以阐释比较，查明此诗与古代凯尔特吟游诗人的作品有着显著的（重点系我们所加）相似之处。这里说的并非读书界所熟悉的那种悦耳的情歌，原作者真名不详，使用的是“可爱的小枝”[243] 一文雅的笔名；而是（正如署名D、O、C、的撰稿人在当代某晚报上发表的饶有兴味的通信中所指出的那种）更辛辣、更动人的调子。眼下颇孚众望的现代派色彩更浓的抒情诗人自不用说，就连在著名的拉夫特里[244] 和多纳尔·麦科康西丁[245] 的讽刺性漫笔中也可以找到。这里我们添加一首由一位卓越学者译成英文的诗作为范例。眼下我们不便将他的大名公诸于世。不过我们相信，读者准能从主题上得到暗示，而不必指名道姓。狗的这首原诗在韵律上使人联想到威尔士四行诗那错综的头韵法和等音节规律，只是要复杂多了。然而我们相信读者会同意，译文巧妙地捕捉了原诗的神髓。也许还应该补充一句：倘若用缓慢而含糊不清的声调来朗读欧文这首诗，那就更能暗示出被抑制的愤懑，效果会大为增加。

我发出最厉害的咒语，

一周中的每一日，

七个禁酒的星期四，

巴尼·基尔南，诅咒你，

从未让我啜过水一滴，

以平息我这腾腾怒气，

我的肠子火烧火燎地吼哩：

“要把劳里的肺脏吞下去！”[246]

于是，他叫特里给狗拿点水来。说真个的，相隔一英里，你都听得见狗舔水的声音。乔问他要不要再喝一杯。

“好的，”他说，“伙伴[247] ，以表示我对你没有敌意。”

说实在的，他长得虽然土头土脑，可一点儿也不傻。他从一家酒馆喝到另一家，酒帐嘛，一向叫别人付。他带的那条吉尔特拉普老爷爷[248] 的狗，也是靠纳税人和法人[249] 饲养的。人兽都得到款待。于是，乔说：

“你能再喝一品脱吗？”

“水能凫鸭子吗？”我说。

“照样再添一杯，特里，”乔说。“你真的什么饮料都不要吗？”他说。

“谢谢你，不要，”布卢姆说，“说实在的，我只是想见见马丁·坎宁翰。要知道，是为了可怜的迪格纳穆的人寿保险的事儿。马丁叫我到迪格纳穆家去。要知道，他--我指的是迪格纳穆，当初根本没有通知公司办理让与手续的事，所以根据法令，受押人就没有名义去从保险额中领取款项了。”

“好家伙，”乔笑着说，“要是老夏洛克[250] 陷入困境，那可就有趣儿啦。那么，老婆就占上风了吧？”

“那位老婆的仰慕者们所着眼的，”布卢姆说，“正是这一点。”

“谁的仰慕者？”乔说。

“我指的是给那位老婆出主意的人们，”布卢姆说。

接着，他就全都搞混了，胡乱扯起根据法令抵押人什么的，并用大法官在法庭上宣读判决的口吻，说是为了他妻子的利益，已成立信托啦；然而另一方面， 迪格纳穆确实欠了布里奇曼一笔款，倘若现在妻子或遗孀要否定受押人的权利啦， 最后他那根据法令抵押人什么的，几乎把我弄得头昏脑胀了。那回根据法令， 他差点儿就作为无赖或流浪汉被关进去，亏了他在法院有个朋友，这才得以幸免。 售义卖会的入场券，或是匈牙利皇家特许彩票[251] 。这都千真万确。哦，请代我向犹太人致意！匈牙利皇家特许的掠夺。

于是，鲍勃·多兰脚步蹒跚地走过来了。他请布卢姆转告迪格纳穆大太，对她遭到的不幸，他深感悲哀。他未能参加葬礼，也非常遗憾。还请告诉她，他本人以及每一个认识他的人都说，再也没有比已经故去的可怜的小威利更忠实、更正派的人了。他说着这些夸张的蠢话，声音都哽住了。边说请转告她，边以悲剧演员的神态跟布卢姆握手。咱们握手吧，兄弟。你是无赖，我也是一个。

“请您恕我莽撞，”他说，“咱们的交谊如果仅仅拿时间来衡量，好像很浅。尽管如此，我希望并且相信，它是建立在相互尊重的感情上的。所以我才胆敢恳求您帮这个忙。然而，倘若我的恳求不够含蓄，超过了限度，请您务必把我的冒昧看作是感情真挚的流露而加以原谅。”

“哪里的话”，对方回答说，“我充分了解促使你采取这一行动的动机，并会尽力完成您委托我办的事。尽管这是一桩悲哀的使命， 想到您是如此信任我这一事实，这杯苦酒在一定程度上会变甜的。”

“那么，请容许我握握您的手。”他说，“以您心地的善良，我确信您能道出比我这拙劣的言词更为恰当的话语。倘若要我来表达自己强烈的感情，我会连话都讲不出的。”

随后他就走出去了，吃力地想把步子迈得直一些。刚刚五点钟，就已经喝得醉醺醺的了。有一天晚上，他差点儿给抓起来，幸亏帕迪·伦纳德认得甲十四号警察。直到打烊之后，他还在布赖德街的一家非法出售偷税酒的店里，喝得昏天黑地。他让一个拉客的给放哨，一边跟两个“披肩”[252] 调情， 一边用茶杯大喝黑啤酒。他对那两个“披肩”说，自己是名叫约瑟夫·马努奥的法国佬， 并且大骂天主教。扬言自己年轻时在亚当与夏娃教堂当过弥撒的助祭，闭着眼睛也能说出《新约全书》是谁写的，《旧约全书》又是谁写的。于是，他跟她们搂搂抱抱，狎昵调戏。 两个“披肩”一边笑得死去活来，一边把他兜里的钱包摸走了。可这该死的傻瓜呢， 把黑啤酒洒得满床都是。两个“披肩”相互间尖声叫着，笑着。 说什么：“你的《圣经》怎么样啦？你的《旧约》还在吗？”要知道，就在这当儿， 帕迪刚好从那儿走过。每逢星期天，他就跟他那个小妾般的老婆出门。她脚蹬漆皮靴子， 胸前插着一束可爱的紫罗兰，扭着屁股穿过教堂的甬道，严然一副娇小贵夫人的派头。 那是杰克·穆尼的妹妹。母亲是个老婊子，给露水夫妻提供房间。 哼，杰克管束着那家伙。告诉他，如果不把锅锔上[253] ，他妈的就连屎都给他踢出来。

这当儿，特里端来了那三品脱酒。

“干杯，”乔作为东道主说，“干杯，‘市民’。”

“祝你健康，[254]” 他说。

“好运道，乔，”我说，“祝你健康，‘市民’。”

好家伙，他已灌下半杯啦。要想供他喝酒，可得一份家产哩。

“阿尔夫，那个高个子在市长竞选中帮谁跑哪？”乔说。

“你的一位朋友，”阿尔夫说。

“是南南[255] 吗？”乔说，“那个议员吗？”

“我不想说出名字，”阿尔夫说。

“我猜到了，”乔说，“我曾看见他跟下院议员威廉·菲尔德[256]一道去参加牲畜商的集会。”

“长发艾奥帕斯[257] ，”“市民”说，“那座喷火山，各国的宝贝儿，本国的偶像。”

于是，乔对“市民”讲起口蹄疫啦，牲畜商啦，对这些采取的措施啦。“市民”一味唱对台戏。布卢姆也聊起治疥癣用的洗羊液、供牛犊子止咳用的线虫灌服药水，以及牛舌炎的特效药。这是由于他一度曾在废牲畜屠宰场工作过嘛。他手执帐簿和铅笔踱来踱去，光动脑子，五体不勤。到头来由于顶撞了一位畜牧业者，被乔·卡夫解雇拉倒。这是个“万事通”先生，还想向自己的奶奶传授怎样挤鸭奶呢。精明鬼伯克告诉我，住在旅店里那阵子，那个老婆由于浑身长满了八英寸厚的脂肪，往往朝着奥多德太太几乎把眼睛都哭出来了，泪水流成了河。她解不开放屁带[258]，“老鳕鱼眼”却边围着她跳华尔兹舞，边教她该怎么解。 今天你有何方案？是啊，要用人道的方式。因为可怜的动物会感到痛苦的。专家们说，不使动物疼痛的最佳治疗方法就是轻轻地处理患部。哼， 大概把手伸到母鸡[259]的下腹去时也那么柔和吧。

嘎嘎嘎啦。喀噜呵，喀噜呵，喀噜呵。黑丽泽是咱们的母鸡。 她为咱们下蛋。下了蛋。她好快活啊。嘎啦。喀噜呵，喀噜呵，喀噜呵。随后好叔叔利奥来啦。他把手伸到黑丽泽下身，拿走那个刚下的蛋。嘎嘎嘎嘎，嘎啦。喀噜呵，喀噜呵，喀噜呵。

“横竖，”乔说，“菲尔德和南尼蒂今天晚上动身去伦敦，在下院议席上对此事提出质询。”

“你对市参议员要去的事有把握吗？”布卢姆说，“我刚好想见见他哩。”

“喏，他搭乘邮船去，”乔说，“今天晚上动身。”

“那可糟啦，”布卢姆说，“我特别想见见他。也许光是菲尔德先生一个人去吧？我又不能打电话。不能打。他一准去吗？”

“南南也去，”乔说， “关于警察署署长禁止在公园里举行爱尔兰国技比赛的事，协会[260] 要他明天提出质询。‘市民’，你对这有什么看法？爱尔兰军[261]。”

考维·科纳克勒先生（马尔提法纳姆。民。）：关于希利拉格[ 262] 选区的议员--尊敬的朋友提出的问题，请允许我向阁下质问一下：政府是否已下令，即便从医学上对这些动物的病理状态提不出任何证据，也要一律予以屠宰呢？

奥尔福斯先生（塔莫尚特。保。[263]）：尊敬的议员们已经掌握了提交给全院委员会的证据。我感到自己没有什么可补充的材料。对尊敬的议员所提出的问题，回答是肯定的。

奥尔利·奥赖利先生（蒙特诺特[264] 。民。）：是否下达了同样的命令，要把那些胆敢在凤凰公园举行爱尔兰国技比赛的人类这种动物也予以屠宰？

奥尔福斯先生：回答是否定的。

考维·科纳克勒先生：内阁大臣们的政策是否受到了阁下那封著名的米切尔斯镇电报[265] 的启发呢，（一片噢噢声。）

奥尔福斯先生：这个问题我预先没有得到通知。[266]

斯忒勒维特先生（邦库姆。独。[267]）：要毫不犹豫地射击。[ 268] （在野党讥讽地喝倒彩。）

会议主席：请安静！请安静！（散会。喝彩。）

“正是那个人，”乔说，“使盖尔族的体育复兴了。他就坐在那儿呢。是他把詹姆斯·斯蒂芬斯[269] 放跑了。他是掷十六磅铅球的全爱尔兰冠军。你掷铅球的最高纪录是多少，‘市民’？”

“不值得一提[270]，”“市民”故作谦虚地说，“当年我可比谁也不差。”

“可以这么说，‘市民’，”乔说，“你的表演更有瞧头哩。”

“真是这样吗？”阿尔夫说。

“是啊，”布卢姆说，“人人都知道。难道你不晓得吗？”

于是他们聊起爱尔兰体育运动来了，谈起绅士派的游戏--草地网球，爱尔兰曲棍球，投掷石头，谈到地地道道的本土风味以及重建国家[271] 等话题。 当然，布卢姆也搬一搬他那一套：说即便一个家伙有着赛船划手那样结实的心脏，激烈的运动也还是有害的。我凭着椅背套断言：倘若你从该死的地板上拾起一根稻草，对布卢姆说：“瞧啊，布卢姆。你看见这根稻草了吗？这是一根稻草哩。”我凭着姑妈敢说：他能就此谈上一个钟头，并且从从容容地继续谈下去。

在爱尔兰军[272]主持下，于小不列颠街[273]的布赖恩·奥西亚楠[274] 。座古色古香大厅里进行了一场极为有趣的讨论：谈到古代盖尔体育运动的复兴，谈到古希腊罗马以及古代爱尔兰的人们怎样懂得体育文化对振兴民族的重要性。这一高尚集会由可敬的主席主持，与会者来自各界。主席做了一番富于启发性的开场白--那是以雄辩有力的辞藻发表的一篇精采有力的演说。接着又以通常那种优良的高水平，针对着复兴我们古代泛凯尔特祖先那历史悠久的竞技和运动之可取性，进行了一场饶有兴趣而富有启发性的讨论。然后我们古代语运动的著名而备受尊敬的学者约瑟夫·麦卡锡·海因斯先生就复兴古代盖尔族的运动和游戏问题，做了雄辩的演说。这些竞技是当年芬恩·麦库尔[275]所朝朝暮暮操练的， 旨在复兴自古以来的无与伦比的尚武传统。利·布卢姆因为站在反对论调的一边，人们对他的发言毁誉参半。身为声乐家的主席，经会众一再要求，并在全场鼓掌声中，极其出色地唱了不朽的托马斯·奥斯本·戴维斯[276]那首永远清新的诗《重建国家》 （幸而它家喻户晓，用不着在此重复了），这样就结束了这场院讨论。说这位资深的爱国斗士演唱得完全超过他平素的水平，无人会有异言。 这位爱尔兰的卡鲁索-加哩波第[277]处于最佳状态。 当他用洪亮声腔高唱那首只有我们的公民才能演唱的久负盛名的国歌时，发挥得真是淋漓尽致。他那卓越高超的嗓音，以其不同凡响的音色大大提高了本来已饮誉全球的声望。会众报以热烈的掌声。听众当中可以看到许多杰出的神职人员和新闻界、律师界以及学术文化界人士。会议就这样结束了。与会的神职人员包括耶稣会法学博士威廉·德拉尼教长；神学博士杰拉尔德·莫洛伊主教；圣神修士团的帕·菲·卡瓦纳神父[278]；本堂神父T.沃特斯； 教区神父约翰·M·艾弗斯；圣方济各修道会的P.J．克利里神父[279]； 布道兄弟会的L.J．希基神父；圣方济各托钵修道会的尼古拉斯教长； 赤脚加尔默罗会的B.戈尔曼教长[280]；那稣会的T.马尔神父；那稣会的詹姆斯·墨菲教长；地方主教代理约翰·莱弗里神父[281]；神学博士威廉·多尔蒂教长；主母会的彼得·费根神父； 圣奥古斯丁隐修会的T.布兰甘神父[282]；本堂神父J．弗莱文； 本堂神父马·A·哈克特；本堂神父W.赫尔利[283]；至尊的主教总代理麦克马纳斯阁下； 无原罪圣母奉献会的B.R.斯莱特里神父；教区司 铎迈.D.斯卡利教长[284]；布道兄弟会的托·F·珀塞尔神父[285]；十分可敬的教区蒙席蒂莫西·戈尔曼；本堂神父约·弗拉纳根[286]。在俗人士P·费伊、托·奎克[267]等等。

“提起激烈的运动，”阿尔夫说，“基奥和贝内特之间的那场拳赛[288]，你们去看了吗？”

“没有，”乔说。

“我听说某某人在那场拳赛中，足足赚了一百金镑，”阿尔夫说。

“谁？布莱泽斯吗？”乔说。

于是布卢姆说：

“譬如说到网球，我指的就是动作要敏捷，眼力得有训练。”

“对，布莱泽斯，”阿尔夫说，“为了增加迈勒获胜的机会，他到处散布说，迈勒成天酗啤酒。其实迈勒总在埋头练着拳。”

“我们了解他，”“市民”说，“叛徒[289]的儿子。我们晓得他是怎样把英国金币捞到自己兜里去的。”

“你说得对，”乔说。

布卢姆又插嘴谈起草地网球和血液循环，并且问阿尔夫：

“喂，柏根，你不这么认为吗？”

“迈勒用对方的身子擦了地板，”阿尔夫说，“相形之下希南和塞耶斯的[290]拳赛不过瞎胡闹。简直像爹妈管教儿子那样把他揍个痛快。那小个子连对方的肚脐眼儿都够不着，大个子净扑空了。天哪，他终于朝着对方的心窝给了一拳。什么昆斯伯里规则[291]统统置诸不顾，弄得对方把从未吃进去的东西都吐出来了。”

迈勒和珀西[292]为了争夺五十金镑奖金所展开的是一场具有历史意义的戴手套的重量级拳击。都柏林的羔羊凭着他那杰出的技巧，弥补了体重的不足。最后的信号打响后，两个斗士都遭到重创。在上一次的厮斗中，次中量级军士长[293]狠狠地左右开弓，基奥只能当个接收大员。这位炮手[294]朝着宠儿的鼻子利利索索地饱以老拳，使他鼻孔出血。迈勒看上去已晕头转向了。军人[295]以挥起左拳猛击为开端，拿出看家本领来了。迎战的爱尔兰斗士作为回击，就对准贝内特的下巴颏尖儿猛地打过去。红衣兵[296]赶忙弯下腰去闪开了。然而那个都柏林人用左肘弯将对方的身子朝上一顶，这一着打得煞是漂亮。双方开始厮拼了。迈勒立即发动攻势，压倒了对方，这个回合以迈勒把那个彪形大汉逼到围栏索跟前惩罚一顿而告终。那个英国人的右眼几乎给揍瞎了。他回到自己那个角落，被浇以大量冷水。铃一响，他就又斗志昂扬、浑身是胆地上场了，充满了立即击倒那个埃布拉尼[297]拳手的信心。这是一场一决胜负的殊死战。两个人像老虎般猛烈拼搏，观众兴奋不已。裁判员两次警告调皮蛋珀西因搂人犯了规，然而这位宠儿非常灵巧，他那脚技真有看头。双方经过短短几个回合，军人来个猛烈的上手拳，致使对方的嘴巴鲜血淋漓。这时，羔羊抽冷子从正面进攻，一记凶狠的左拳落在好斗的贝内特腹部使他栽了个大马爬。这一击利落痛快地把对方彻底打垮了。在紧张的期待中，当迈勒的助手奥利·弗特斯·韦茨坦[298]把毛巾丢过去的时候，贝洛港的职业拳击家败局已定。桑特里[299]的小伙子被宣判为胜者。观众狂热地喝彩，冲过围栏索，欢喜若狂地将他团团围起。

“他[300]晓得面包的哪一面涂着黄油，”阿尔夫说，“我听说他正在组织一次去北方的巡回演出呢。”

“没错儿，”乔说，“对吧？”

“谁？”布卢姆说，“呃，对。一点儿不假。对，要知道，是一次消夏旅行。不过是去度假罢了。”

“布太太是一颗格外灿烂的明星[301] ，对不？”乔说。

“我内人吗？”布卢姆说，“对，她会去唱的，而且我估计会获得成功。他是一位很好的组织者。挺有本事。”

我对自己说，我说：[302]嗬，原来如此！ 这就明白了椰子壳里为啥有汁液，动物的胸脯上为啥没毛。布莱泽斯轻轻地吹奏笛子。[303]巡回演出。跟布尔人打仗[304]的时候，住在岛桥[305]那一边的骗子手、贪心鬼丹， 把同一群马卖给政府两次。布莱泽斯就是丹的儿子。那老爷子成天把“什么”挂在嘴上。我登门拜访，并且说：“博伊兰先生，我讨济贫费和水费来啦。”“你什么？”“水费，博伊兰先生。”“你什么，什么呀？”听我的劝告吧，那个花花公子早晚会把那个娘儿们组织到手的。这只是我你之间说的私话。怎么，又来了吗？[306]

卡尔普[307]岩山的骄做。特威迪这位头发像乌鸦般油黑的女儿。她在那弥漫着枇杷和杏子芬芳的土地上，出落成一位绝世美女。阿拉梅达诸园[308]熟悉她的脚步声。橄榄园认识她并向她弯腰鞠躬。她就是利奥波德的贞洁配偶，有着一对丰满乳房的玛莉恩。

看哪，奥莫洛伊家族的一名成员[309]走进来了，他面颊白里透红，是位容貌清秀的英雄。他精通法典，任国王陛下的顾问官。跟他一道来的是继承伦巴德家高贵门第的公子和后嗣。[310]

“你好，内德。”

“你好，阿尔夫。”

“你好，杰克。”
“你好，乔。”

“天主保佑你，”“市民”说。

“仁慈地保佑你，”杰·杰说，“喝多少，内德？”

“半下子，”内德说。

于是，杰·杰叫了酒。

“你到法院去过了吗？”乔说。

“去过啦，”杰·杰说，“那档子事他会妥善处理的，内德。”

“但愿如此，”内德说。

眼下这两个人究竟企图干些什么？杰·杰的名字从大陪审团的名单[311]上被勾掉了，另外一位想帮他一把。他的大名刊登在斯塔布斯[312]上。玩纸牌，跟那些戴着时髦的单片眼镜、华而不实的纨袴子弟一道开怀对酌，痛饮香槟酒。其实，传票和扣押令纷至沓来，几乎使他窒息。他赴弗朗西斯街的卡明斯当铺，把金表典当出去。进的是内部办公室，那儿谁都不认得他。当时正碰上我陪着精明鬼到那里去，赎他典当的一双长筒靴子。“先生，你叫什么名字？” “邓恩[313]”他说。“哎，而且这下子完啦[314]，”我说。我寻思，迟早有一天，他会弄得寸步难行。

“你在附近遇到那个该死的疯于布林了吗？”阿尔夫说，“万事休矣，完蛋啦。”

“遇见啦，”杰·杰说，“正在物色一名私人侦探。”

“是啊，”内德说，“他不顾一切地要立即告到法庭上去。不过科尼·凯莱赫说服了他，叫他先请人去鉴定一下笔迹。”

“一万镑，”阿尔夫笑着说，“我不惜一切代价也想听听他在法官和陪审团面前怎样说法。”

“是你干的吗，阿尔夫？”乔说，“请吉米·约翰逊帮助你，说实话，全部是实话，只有实话[315]”

“我？”阿尔夫说，“不要污蔑我的人格。”

“不论你怎样陈述，”乔说，“都会被作为对你不利的证言记录下来。”

“当然喽，这场诉讼是会被受理的，”杰·杰说，“这意味着他并非神经健全[316]）。万事休矣，完蛋啦。”

“你得有一双健全[317]的眼睛！”阿尔夫笑着说，“你不知道他低能吗？瞧瞧他的脑袋。你知道吗，有些早晨他得用鞋拔子才能把帽子戴上去。”

“我知道，”杰·杰说，“倘若你由于公布了某件事而被控以诽谤罪，即使那是确凿的，从法律观点看，还是无可开脱。”

“唔，唔，阿尔夫，”乔说。

“不过，”布卢姆说，“由于那个可怜的女人——我指的是那人的妻子。”

“她是怪可怜的，”“市民”说，“或是任何其他嫁给半调子的女人。”

“怎么个半调子法儿？”布卢姆说，“难道你的意思是说，他……”

“半调子指的是，”“市民”说，“一个非鱼非肉的家伙。”

“更不是一条好样的红鲱鱼，”乔说。

“我就是这个意思，”“市民”说，“邪魔附体，[318]这么说你就能明白了吧。”

我确实看出要惹麻烦来了。布卢姆还在解释说，他指的是由于做老婆的不得不追在那个口吃的老傻瓜后面跑跑颠颠，这太残酷了。 将该死的穷鬼布林撒到野外，几乎能被自己的胡子绊倒。老天爷看了都会哭上一场。 残酷得就跟虐待动物一样。嫁给他之后，她一度得意洋洋，鼻孔朝天，因为她公公的一个堂弟在罗马教廷担任教堂领座人。墙上挂着他的一幅肖像，留着斯马沙尔·斯威尼[ 319] 般的小胡子。这位萨默希尔[320] 出生的布利尼先生[ 321] ，意大利人，[322] 教皇手下的祖亚沃兵，[323] 从码头区搬到莫斯街[3 24]去了。告诉咱，他究竟是个什么人？一个无名小卒，住的是两层楼梯带廊子的后屋，房租每周七先令。然而他全身披挂，向世人进行挑战。

“况且，”杰·杰说，“寄了明信片，就等于把事情公布出去了。 萨德格罗夫对霍尔的判例中，明信片就被认为对怀有恶意[325] 这一点提供了充分的证据。依我看，诉讼是能够成立的。”

请付六先令八便士。[326] 谁也不要听你的意见。咱们消消停停地喝酒吧。妈的，连这一点都挺不容易的。

“喏，为你的健康干杯，杰克，”内德说。

“为健康干杯，”杰·杰说。

“他又出现啦，”乔说。

“在哪儿？”阿尔夫说。

果然，他腋下夹着书，同老婆并肩从门前走过。科尼。凯莱赫也和他们在一起，路过时还翻着白眼朝门里面窥伺，并且想卖给他一副二手货棺材。他说话时口吻严然像个老子。

“加拿大那档子诈骗案[327] 怎样啦？”乔说。

“收审啦，”杰·杰说。

一个叫作詹姆斯·沃特，又名萨菲洛，又名斯帕克与斯皮罗的酒糟鼻联谊会[328] 成员在报纸上登广告说，只消出二十先令，他就售给一张赴加拿大的船票。什么？你以为我容易受骗吗，当然，这是一场该死的骗局。哦？米斯郡的老妈子和乡巴佬[329]啦，跟他同一个联谊会的啦，统统上当了。杰·杰告诉我们， 有个叫扎列兹基还是什么名字的犹大老头儿，戴着帽子[330] 在证人席上哭哭啼啼，他以圣摩西的名字发誓说，自己被骗去两镑。

“这案子是谁审理的？”乔说。

“市记录法官，”内德说。

“可怜的老弗雷德里克爵士[331] ，”阿尔夫说，“你可以让他眼睁睁地受骗上当。”

“他的度量像狮子一般大，”阿尔夫说，“只要向他编一套悲惨的故事，什么拖欠了多少房租啦，老婆生病啦，一大帮孩子啦，管保他就在法官席上泪流满面。”

“可不，”阿尔夫说，“前些日子，当吕便·杰控告那个在巴特桥[332] 附近替公司看守石料的可怜的小个子冈姆利的时候， 他本人没给押到被告席上就算他妈的万幸啦。”

于是，他模仿起年迈的市记录法官的哭哭啼啼的腔调说：

“这简直是再可耻不过了！你是个勤勤恳恳干活的穷人嘛！有几个娃娃？你说的是十个吗？”

“是啊，大老爷。俺娘儿们还害着伤寒病哪。”

“老婆还害着伤寒病！可耻！请你马上退出法庭。不，先生，本法官决不下令要被告付款。先生，你怎么敢到我这里要我勒令他付款！这是个勤劳苦干的穷人呀！本法官拒绝受理。”

牛眼女神月[333] 的十六日，适值神圣不可分的三位一体节日[334] 后的第三周。这时，处女月——苍穹的女儿正当上弦，学识渊博的审判官们恰好来到司法大厅里。助理法官考特尼[335]坐在自己的办公室里发表意见。首席法官安德鲁斯[336] 在不设陪审团的情况下开庭，检验遗嘱。在该遗嘱中，被深切哀悼的已故葡萄酒商雅各布·哈利戴留给了神经不正常的未成年人利文斯通和另一个人各一份动产与不动产。关于[337] 第一债权人对这份呈交上来以供检验其合法性、并最终确定如何予以执行的遗嘱中记载的财产所提出的要求，他正在慎重衡量并深思熟虑。不久，驯鹰者弗雷德里克[338]爵士到格林街这座庄严的法庭上来了。他于五点钟左右人座，以便在都柏林市郡以及所属各地区实施布里恩法律[339]的职权。列席者为由爱阿尔的十二族组成最高评议会，每族限一名。帕特里克族、休族、欧文族、康恩族、奥斯卡族、弗格斯族、芬恩族、德莫特族、科麦克族、凯文族、卡奥尔特族、莪相族[340] ——共计十二名正直而善良的人。他以死在十字架上的上主之名，恳求他们说，要慎重而真实地进行审议，在至高无上的君主——国王陛下与站在法庭上的囚犯之间的诉讼中，做公允的评决，凭着证据，做出正确的判决。他祈求上主庇佑他们，并请他们吻《圣经》。他们这十二名爱阿尔，个个从席位上起立，并以从亘古就存在的上主[341]之名发誓说，他们将为主主持正义。于是，狱卒们立即把严正执法、行动敏捷的侦探们根据密告所逮捕并拘留在主楼里的犯人押出，给他上了手铐脚镣，不准许保释。他们就是要指控他，因为他是个犯罪分子。[342]

“这些家伙倒也不赖，”“市民”说，“他们大批地涌进爱尔兰，弄得全国都是臭虫。”

布卢姆装作什么也没听见。他和乔攀谈起来，说小小不言的事儿，在下月一号之前不用放在心上。然而要是跟克劳福德先生讲一声就好了。于是，乔指着各路神袛发誓说，打下手的活儿他都包下了。

“因为，你要知道，”布卢姆说，“广告就靠反复登，再也没有旁的诀窍了。”

“交给我办吧，”乔说。

“受骗的是爱尔兰的庄稼汉，”“市民”说，“以及穷人。再也不要放陌生人进咱们家啦。[343]”

“噢，我敢说那样就成了，海因斯，”布卢姆说，“要知道，就是凯斯那档子事儿。”

“你就只当事情已经定下来了就是啦，”乔说。

“谢谢你的好意，”布卢姆说。

“陌生人嘛，”“市民”说，“都怪咱们自己。是咱们放他们进来的，咱们引他们进来的，奸妇和她的姘夫[344] 把萨克森强盗们带到这儿来了。”

“附有条件的离婚判决书[345] ，”杰·杰说。

于是，布卢姆做出一副对酒桶后的角落里那张蜘蛛网——一个毫不起眼的东西——极感兴趣的样子。“市民”从背后满面怒容地瞪着布卢姆，他脚下那只老狗仰头望着他，在打量该咬谁以及什么时候下口。

“一个不守贞操的老婆，”“市民”说，“这就是咱们一切不幸的根源。”

“她就在这儿哪，”正跟特里一道在柜台上对着一份《警察时报》[346] 咯咯笑着的阿尔夫说，“打扮得花里胡哨的。”

“让咱瞧一眼，”我说。

那不过是特里向科尼·凯莱赫借来的美国佬黄色照片中的一张。放大阴部的秘诀。社交界美女的丑闻。芝加哥的一位富有的承包人诺曼·W·塔珀， 发现自己那位漂亮然而不贞的妻子，坐在泰勒军官的腿上。那位穿着灯笼裤的美人儿可不正经，正让情夫抚摩她那痒处呢。诺曼·W·塔琅带着小口径枪蹦进去时，迟了一步， 她刚刚跟泰勒军官干完套环游戏[347]。

“哦，好的，天哪，”乔说，“你的衬衫多短呀！”

“瞧那头发[348] ，乔，”我说，“从那罐头咸牛肉上弄下一截怪味儿的老尾巴尖儿，对不？”

这时，约翰·怀思·诺兰和利内翰进来了，后者的脸耷拉得老长，活像一顿没完没了的早餐。

“喏，”“市民”说，“现场有什么最新消息？关于爱尔兰语，那些锯锅匠们在市政厅召开的秘密会议上都做了什么决定？”

穿戴锃亮铠甲的奥诺兰朝着全爱琳这个位高势大的首领深打一躬，禀明了事情的原委。这座无比忠顺的城市，国内第二大都会的神情肃穆的元老们聚集在索尔塞尔[349] ，照例对天界的神明们祷告一番后，关于该采取何等措施俾能让一衣带水的盖尔族[355]那崇高的语言得以光采地在世间复兴，严肃地进行了审议。

“正进展着哪，”“市民”说，“该死而野蛮的撒克逊佬[ 351] 和他们的土音[352] ，统统都下地狱去吧。”

于是，杰·杰就摆出嘣士派头插嘴说， 光听片面之词可弄不清楚事实的真相，那是照纳尔逊的做法，用瞎了的那只眼睛对着望远镜[353] ，并谈起制定褫夺公权法以弹劾国家[ 354] 。布卢姆尽力支持他，同时讲着做事不可过火， 以免招来麻烦，还说到他们的属地和文明等等。

“你说的是他们的梅毒文明[355] 喽！”“市民”说，“让那跟他们一道下地狱去吧！让那不中用的上帝发出的咒诅， 斜落在那些婊子养的厚耳朵混蛋崽子身上吧，活该！音乐，美术，文学全谈不上，简直没有值得一提的。 他们的任何文明都是从咱们这儿偷去的。鬼模鬼样的私生子那些短舌头的崽子们。”

“欧洲民族，”杰·杰说……

“他们才不是欧洲民族呢，”“市民”说，“我跟巴黎的凯文·伊根一道在欧洲呆过。欧洲虽广，除了在厕所[356] 里，你一点儿也看不到他们或他们的语言的痕迹。”

于是约翰·怀思说：

“多少朵花生得嫣红，怎奈无人知晓。[357] ”

懂得一点外语皮毛的利内翰说：

“打倒英国人！背信弃义的英国！[358] ”

说罢，他就用那双粗壮、结实、强有力的大手，举起一大木杯[359] 正在冒泡的烈性黑色浓啤酒，吆喝着本族口号“红手迎胜利[360] ”， 祈求敌族——那宛若永生的众神一般默然坐在雪花石膏宝座上的刚毅勇猛的英雄们，海洋上的霸主[361] ——彻底毁灭。

“你怎么啦？”我对利内翰说，“你这家伙就像是丢了一先令只找到了一枚六便士硬币似的。”

“金质奖杯，”他说。

“哪匹马赢啦，利内翰先生？”特里说。

“‘丢掉’[362] ，他说，“以二十博一。原是一匹冷门儿马。其余的全不在话下。”[363]

“巴斯那匹母马[364] 呢？”特里说。

“还跑着哪，”他说，“我们统统惨败啦。博伊兰那小子，在我透露消息给他的‘权杖’身上，为他自己和一位女友下了两镑赌注。”

“我也下了半克朗，”特里说，“根据弗林先生出的点子，把赌注下在‘馨香葡萄酒’身上了。那是霍华德·德沃尔登勋爵[365] 的马。”

“以二十博一，”利内翰说。“马房的生活就是如此。‘丢掉，做了让人失望的事[366] ，”他说，“还闲扯些什么拇趾囊肿胀。脆弱啊，你的名字就是‘权杖，[367]”

于是，他走到鲍勃·多兰留下的饼干罐那儿去，瞧瞧能不能捞到点儿什么。那只老杂种狗为了撞撞运气，抬起生满疥癣的大鼻子跟在后面。所谓“老嬷嬷哈伯德，走向食橱”[368]。

“这儿没有哩，我的乖，”他说。

“打起精神来，”乔说，“要是没有另外那匹劣马，它原是会赢的嘛。”

杰·杰和“市民”就法律和历史争论起来，布卢姆也不时地插进一些妙论。

“有些人，”布卢姆说，“只看见旁人眼中的木屑，却不管自己眼中的大梁。”[369]

“胡说，”，“市民”说，“再也没有比视而不见的人更盲目的了——也不知道你懂不懂得我的意思。咱们这里本来应该有两千万爱尔兰人，如今却只有四百万。咱们失去了的部族都哪儿去啦？[370]还有咱们那全世界最美的陶器和纺织品！ 还有尤维纳利斯[371]那个时代在罗马出售的咱们的羊毛， 咱们的亚麻布和那在安特里姆的织布机织出来的花锻，以及咱们的利默里克花边[372]呢？ 咱们的鞣皮厂和远处的巴利布[373]附近所生产的白色火石玻璃呢？ 打从里昂的雅克以来咱们就拥有的胡格诺府绸[374]，咱们的丝织品，咱们的福克斯福特花呢[375]， 新罗斯的加尔默罗隐修院所生产的举世无双的象牙针绣[376]呢？当年， 希腊商人从赫刺克勒斯的两根柱子[377]——也就是如今已被人类公敌霸占了的直布罗陀—— 之间穿行前来，以便在韦克斯福德的卡曼集市上出售他们带来的黄金和推罗紫[378]， 如今安在？读读塔西佗[379]、托勒密[380]，以至吉拉德斯·卡姆布伦希斯[381]吧。 葡萄酒、皮货、康尼马拉大理石[382]、蒂珀雷里所产上好银子[383]。咱们那至今远近驰名的骏马——爱尔兰小马。西班牙的菲利普， 为了取得在咱们领海上的捕渔权，还提出要付关税。[384]在咱们的贸易和家园毁于一旦这一点上， 那些卑鄙的英国佬们欠下了咱们多大的一笔债啊！他们不肯把巴罗河和香农河[385] 的河床挖深，以致好几百万英亩良田都成为沼泽和泥炭地，足以害得咱们大家全部死于肺病。”

“咱们这儿很快就会像葡萄牙那样，连棵树都没有啦，”约翰·怀思说，“或者像黑尔戈兰[386] 那样，只剩下一棵树，除非采取措施来重新植树造林。落叶松啦，冷杉啦，所有的针叶树正在迅速走向毁灭。我读卡斯尔顿勋爵的报告书[387] 来着……”

“救救这些树木吧，”“市民”说，“戈尔韦的巨梣[388] ，以及那棵树干有四十英尺、枝叶茂盛达一英亩的基尔代尔首领榆。啊，为了爱利那秀丽山丘[389] 上的未来的爱尔兰人，救救爱尔兰的树木吧。”

“整个欧洲都在盯着你哪，”利内翰说。

今天下午，众多[390] 国际社交界人士莅临参加爱尔兰国民林务员的高级林务主任琼·怀斯·德诺兰[391] 骑士与松谷的冷杉·针叶树[392]小姐的婚礼， 给爱尔兰增添了光采。贵宾有：西尔威斯特[393]·榆荫夫人、芭芭拉·爱桦太太、 波尔·梣[394] 太太、冬青·榛眼太太[395] 、瑞香·月桂树小姐、多萝西。竹丛小姐、克莱德·十二棵树太太、山揪·格林[396] 太太、海伦·藤蔓生[397] 太太、五叶地锦[ 398] 小姐、格拉迪斯·毕奇小姐[399] 、橄榄·花园小姐、白枫[400]小姐、莫德·红木小姐、迈拉·常春花小姐、 普丽西拉·接骨木花小姐、[401]蜜蜂·忍冬[402]小姐、格蕾丝·白杨小姐、哦·含羞草小姐[403]、蕾切尔·雪松叶[404]小姐、莉莲和薇奥拉·丁香花[405]小姐、羞怯·白杨奥尔[406]小姐、基蒂·杜威一莫斯[407]小姐、五月·山楂[408]小姐、格罗丽亚娜·帕默[409]太太、 莉亚娜·福雷斯特[410]太太、阿拉贝拉[411]·金合欢太太以及奥克霍姆·里吉斯的诺马·圣栎[412]。新娘由她父亲格兰的麦克针叶树[413]挽臂送到新郎跟前。她穿着款式新颖的绿丝光绸长衫，跟里面那件素淡的灰衬衣一样可身。腰系翠绿宽饰带，下摆上镶着颜色更浓郁的三道荷叶边。在这样的底色上，衬托以近似橡子的褐色吊带和臀饰。看上去无比姣好。两位伴娘落叶松·针叶树和云杉·针叶树是新娘的妹妹，穿戴着同一色调非常得体的服饰。 褶子上用极细的线条绣出图案[414]精巧的羽毛状玫瑰。翡翠色的无檐女帽上，也别出心裁地插着淡珊瑚色苍鹭羽毛，与之配衬。 恩里克·弗洛先生[415]以遐迩闻名的技艺奏起风琴：除了婚礼弥撤中所规定的一些乐章外， 仪式结束后还奏了一支动人心弦的新曲调《伐木者，莫砍那棵树》[416]。接受了教皇的祝福[417]，临离开庭园内的圣菲亚克[418]教堂时，人们开玩笑地将榛子、椈子、月桂叶、柳絮、繁茂的常春藤叶、冬青果、檞寄生小枝和花揪的嫩条像密集的炮火一般撒在这对幸福的新人身上。怀恩·针叶树·诺兰先生和夫人将到黑森林里去度幽静的蜜月。[419]

“然而，咱们用眼睛盯着欧洲，”“市民”说，“那些杂种还没呱呱落地之前，咱们就跟西班牙人、法国人和佛兰芒人搞起贸易来了[420]。戈尔韦有了西班牙浓啤酒，葡萄紫的大海[421] 上泊满了运酒船。”

“还会那样的，”乔说。

“在天主圣母的帮助下，咱们会振作起来的，”“市民”拍着他的大腿说，“咱们那些空空荡荡的港口又会变得满满当当。王后镇，金塞尔，黑草地湾，凯里王国的文特里[422] 。还有基利贝格斯。那是广阔世界上第三大港[423] ， 当年德斯蒙德伯爵能够和查理五世皇帝本人直接签订条约[424] 的时候，从港内一眼可以望到戈尔韦的林奇家、卡文的奥赖利家以及都柏林的奥肯尼迪家[425] 那足有一个舰队那么多的桅杆。还会振作起来的，”他说，“到那时， 咱们将会看到第一艘爱尔兰军舰乘风破浪而来，舰头飘着咱们自己的旗子。才不是你亨利·都铎的竖琴[426] 呢。绝不是，那是在船上挂过的最古老的旗子，德斯蒙德和索门德省的旗子， 蓝地上三个王冠、米列修斯[ 427] 的三个儿子。”

于是，他把杯中剩下的一饮而尽。倒挺像那么回事儿的[428] 。 犹如制革厂的猫似的又是放屁又是撤尿[ 429 ] 。康诺特的母牛犄角长。[430] 尽管他势头这么冲，狗命要紧，他才不会到沙那戈尔登[ 431] 去向聚集的群众吹牛呢。由于他抢夺了退租的佃户的家当[432]，摩莉·马奎斯们[433] 正在寻找他，要在他身上戳个洞，弄得他简直不敢在那儿露面。

“听，听这套话，”约翰·怀思说，“你喝点儿啥？”

“来杯‘帝国义勇骑兵’[434] ，”利内翰说，“庆祝一番嘛。”

“半下子，特里，”约翰·怀思说，“再要一瓶‘举手’[ 435] 。特里！你睡着了吗？”

“好的，先生，”特里说，“小杯威士忌，还要一瓶奥尔索普。好的。先生。”

不去服侍公众，却寻求下流的刺激，跟阿尔夫一道读那该死的报纸来过瘾。一幅是顶头比赛，低下脑袋，就像公牛撞门似的相互撞去，要撞得使该死的对方开瓢儿。另一幅是《黑兽被焚烧于佐治亚奥马哈》[436]：一大群歪戴帽子的戴德伍德·迪克[437]朝吊在树上的黑鬼[438]开火。他伸出舌头，身子底下燃着篝火。让他坐完电椅并将他钉在十字架上之后，还应该把他丢到大海里。 这样才有把握置他于死地。

“关于善战的海军，你怎么看？”内德说，“它阻止了敌人前进[439]。”

“你听我说，”“市民”说，“那是座人间地狱。你去读读几家报纸关于朴次茅斯的练习舰上滥施苔刑所做的那些揭露吧。是个自称感到厌恶[440] 的人写的。”

于是，他开始对我们讲起体罚啦，舰上那些排成一列头戴三角帽的水手、军官、海军少将啦，以及那位手持新教《圣经》为这场刑罚作证的牧师啦。还谈到一个年轻小伙子被押上来，嚎叫着“妈！”他们把他捆绑在大炮的后座上。

“臀部着十二杖，”“市民”说，“这是老恶棍约翰·贝雷斯福德[441] 爵士的喊法。然而，现代化的上帝的英国人喊鞭打屁股。”

约翰·怀思说：

“这种习俗还不如把它破坏了，倒比遵守它还体面些。”[442]

然后他告诉我们，纠察长手里拿着一根长长的笞杖走了过来，抡起它，对准可怜的小伙子的后屁股就狠抽一通，直到他喊出一千声[443] “杀人啦！”

“这就是你们那称霸世界的光荣的英国海军，”“市民”说，“这些永远不做奴隶的人们[444] 有着天主的地球上唯一世袭的议院[445] ，国上掌握在一打赌徒和装腔作势的贵族手里。这就是他们所夸耀的那个苦役和被鞭打的农奴的伟大帝国。”

“在那上面，太阳是永远不升的，”[446]乔说。

“悲剧在于，”“市民”说，“他们相信这个。那些不幸的雅胡[447]们相信这个。”

他们相信笞杖：全能的惩罚者——人间地狱的创造者；亦信大炮之子水手；他因邪恶的夸耀降孕，生于好战的海军。其臀部着十二杖，供作牺牲，活剥皮，制成革，鬼哭狼嚎，犹如该死的地狱。第三日自床上爬起，驶进港口，坐于船梁末端，等待下一道命令，以便为糊口而做苦役，关一份饷。[448]

“可是，”布卢姆说，“走遍天下，惩罚不都是一样的吗？我的意思是，要是你们以暴力对抗暴力，在这儿[449] 不也一样吗？”

我不是告诉你了吗？就像我此刻饮着道啤酒那样真确，即使在他弥留之际，他也会试图让你相信，死去就是活着。

“我们将以暴力对抗暴力，”“市民”说， “在大洋彼岸，我们有更大的爱尔兰[450] 。在黑色的四七年[451] ， 他们被赶出了家园。他们的土屋和路旁那些牧羊窝棚被大槌砸坍后， 《泰晤士报》搓着双手告诉那些胆小鬼萨克逊人说： 爱尔兰的爱尔兰人很快就会减到像美国的红皮肤人那么稀少。[452] 甚至连土耳其大公都送来他的比塞塔[453] 。然而撤克逊的混蛋们处心积虑地要把本国老百姓饿死。 当时遍地都是粮食，贪婪的英国人买下来，卖到里约热内卢去。[454] 哎， 他们把庄稼人成群地赶出去。两万名死在棺材船[455] 里。然而抵达自由国土[456] 的人们，对那片被奴役之地[457] 记忆犹新。他们会怀着报复之心回来的。他们不是胆小鬼，而是葛拉纽爱尔[458] 的儿子们，豁牙子凯思林[459] 的斗士们。”

“千真万确，”布卢姆说，“然而，我指的是……”

“我们盼望已久了，‘市民’，”内德说，“打从那个可怜的穷老太太告诉我们法国人在海上，并且在基拉拉上了岸的那一天起。”[460]

“哎，”约翰·怀思说，“我们为斯图尔特王室战斗过，他们却在威廉那一派面前变了节，背叛了我们。[461] 记住利默里克和那块记载着被撕毁了的条约的石头。[462] 我们那些‘野鹅，为法国和西班牙流尽了最宝贵的血。[463] 丰特努瓦[464] 怎么样？还有萨斯菲尔德[465] 和西班牙的得土安公爵奥唐奈，[466] 以及做过玛丽亚·特蕾莎的陆军元帅的、卡穆的尤利西斯·布朗[467] 。可我们究竟得到了什么？”

“法国人！”“市民”说，“不过是一帮教跳舞的！你晓得那是什么玩艺儿吗？对爱尔兰来说，他们从来连个屁也不值。眼下他们不是正试图在泰·佩[468] 的晚餐会上跟背信弃义的英国达成真诚的谅解[469] 吗？他们从来就是欧洲的纵火犯。”

“打倒法国人！”[470]利内翰边啜啤酒边说。

“还有普鲁士王室和汉诺威王室那帮家伙，”乔说，“从汉诺威选侯乔治到那个日耳曼小伙子以及那个已故自负的老婊子[471]， 难道坐到咱们王位上吃香肠的私生子还少了吗？”

天哪，听他描述那个戴遮眼罩的老家伙的事，我不禁笑出声来。老维克每晚在皇宫里大杯大杯地喝苏格兰威士忌酒，灌得烂醉。她的车夫[472] 把她整个儿抱起，往床上一滚。她一把抓住他的络腮胡子，为他唱起《莱茵河畔的埃伦》[473] 和《到酒更便宜的地方去》[474]中她所熟悉的片段。

“喏，”杰·杰说，“如今和平缔造者爱德华[475] 上了台。”

“那是讲给傻瓜听的，”“市民”说，“那位花花公子所缔造的该死的梅毒倒比和平来得多些。爱德华·圭尔夫- 韦亭！”[476]

“你们怎么看，”乔说，“教会里的那帮家伙——爱尔兰的神父主教们，竟然把他在梅努斯[477] 下榻的那间屋子涂成魔鬼陛下的骑装的颜色，还将他那些骑师们骑过的马匹的照片统统贴在那里。而且连都柏林伯爵[478] 的照片也在内。”

“他们还应该把他本人骑过的女人的照片统统贴上去，”小阿尔夫说。

于是，杰·杰说：

“考虑到地方不够，那些大人们拿不定主意。”

“想再来一杯吗，‘市民’？”乔说。

“好的，先生，”他说，“来吧。”

“你呢？”乔说。

“多谢啦，乔，”我说，“但愿你的影子永远不会淡下去。”[479]

“照原样儿再开一剂，”乔说。

布卢姆和约翰·怀思一个劲儿地聊，兴奋得脸上泛着暗灰褐泥色，一双熟透了的李子般的眼睛滴溜溜直转。

“那叫作迫害，”他说，“世界历史上充满了这种迫害，使各民族之间永远存在仇恨。”

“可你晓得什么叫作民族吗？”约翰·怀思说。

“晓得，”布卢姆说。

“它是什么？”约翰·怀思说。

“民族？”布卢姆说，“民族指的就是同一批人住在同一个地方。”

“天哪，那么，”内德笑道，“要是这样的话，我就是一个民族了。因为过去五年来，我一直住在同一个地方。”

这样，大家当然嘲笑了布卢姆一通。他试图摆脱困境，就说:

“另外也指住在不同地方的人。”

“我的情况就属于这一种，”乔说。

“请问你是哪个民族的？”“市民”问。

“爱尔兰，”布卢姆说，“我是生在这儿的。爱尔兰。”

“市民”什么也没说，只从喉咙里清出一口痰；而且，好家伙，嗖的一下吐到屋角去的竟是一只红沙洲餐厅的牡蛎[480]。

“我随大溜儿，乔。”他说着掏出手绢，把嘴边揩干。

“喏，‘市民’，”乔说，“用右手拿着它，跟着我重复下面这段话。”

这时，极为珍贵、精心刺绣的古代爱尔兰面中被小心翼翼地取出来，使观者赞赏不已。据传它出自《巴利莫特书》[481] 的著者德罗马的所罗门和马努斯之手，是在托马尔塔赤·麦克多诺格家完成的。至于堪称艺术顶峰的四个角落的旷世之美，就毋庸赘述了。观者足以清清楚楚地辨认出，四部福音书的作者分别向四位大师[482] 赠送福音的象征：一根用泥炭栎木制成的权杖，一头北美洲狮（附带说一句， 它是比英国所产高贵得多的百兽之王），一头凯里小牛以及一只卡朗突奥山[483] 的金鹰。绣在排泄面上的图像，显示出我们的古代山寨、土寨、环列巨石柱群、 古堡的日光间[484]、寺院和咒石堆[485] 。古老的巴米塞德时代[486] 斯莱戈那些书册装饰家们奔放地发挥艺术幻想所描绘的景物还是那样奇妙绚丽，色彩也是那么柔和。二湖谷，基拉尼那些可爱的湖泊，克朗麦克诺伊斯[487] 的废墟，康大寺院，衣纳格峡谷和十二山丘，爱尔兰之眼[ 488] ，塔拉特的绿色丘陵， 克罗阿·帕特里克山[489] ，阿瑟·吉尼斯父子（股份有限）公司的酿酒厂，拉夫·尼格湖畔，奥沃卡峡谷[490] ，伊索德塔，玛帕斯方尖塔[491] ，圣帕特里克·邓恩爵士医院[492] ，克利尔岬角，阿赫尔罗峡谷[493] ，林奇城堡，苏格兰屋， 拉夫林斯顿的拉思唐联合贫民习艺所[494] ，图拉莫尔监狱，卡斯尔克尼尔瀑布，[495]市镇树林约翰之子教堂[496] ，莫纳斯特尔勃衣斯的十字架，朱里饭店，圣帕特里克的炼狱，[497] 鲑鱼飞跃，梅努斯学院饭厅，柯利洞穴，[ 498] 第一任威灵顿公爵的三个诞生地，卡舍尔岩石，[499] 艾伦沼泽，亨利街批发庄，芬戈尔洞[500]——所有这一切动人的[501]情景今天依然为我们而存在。历经忧伤之流的冲刷， 以及随着时光的推移逐渐形成的丰富积累，使它们越发绮丽多姿了。

“把酒递过来。”我说，“哪一杯是哪个的？”

“这是我的，”乔就像魔鬼跟一命呜呼的警察说话那样斩钉截铁他说。

“我还属于一个被仇视、受迫害的民族，”布卢姆说，“现在也是这样。就在此刻。这一瞬间。”

嘿，那陈旧的雪前烟蒂差点儿烧了他的手指。

“被盗劫，”他说，“被掠夺。受凌辱。被迫害。把根据正当权力属于我们的财产拿走。就在此刻，”他伸出拳头来说， “还在摩洛哥[502]当作奴隶或牲畜那么地被拍卖。”

“你谈的是新耶路撒冷[503]吗？”“市民”说。

“我谈的是不公正，”布卢姆说。

“知道了，”约翰·怀思说，“那么，有种的就站起来，用暴力来对抗好啦。”

就像是印在月份牌上的一幅图画似的。不啻是个软头子弹的活靶子。一张老迈、满是脂肪的脸蛋儿迎着那执行职务的枪口扬起来， 嘿，只要系上一条保姆的围裙，他最适宜配上一把扫帚了，然后他就会蓦地垮下来，转过身，把脊背掉向敌人，软瘫如一块湿抹布。

“然而这什么用也没有，”他说，“暴力，仇恨，历史，所有这一切。对男人和女人来说，侮辱和仇恨并不是生命。每一个人都晓得真正的生命同那是恰恰相反的。”

“那么是什么呢？”阿尔夫说。

“是爱，”布卢姆说。“我指的是恨的反面。现在我得走啦，”他对约翰·怀思说，“我要到法院去看看马丁在不在那儿。要是他来了，告诉他我马上就回来。只去一会儿。”

谁也没拦住你呀！他宛如注了油的闪电，一溜烟儿就跑掉了。

“来到异邦人当中的新使徒，”“市民”说，“普遍的爱。”

“喏，”约翰·怀思说，“还不就是咱们听过的吗：‘要爱你的邻居’。[504]”

“那家伙吗？”“市民”说，“他的座右铭是：‘抢光我的邻居。’[505]好个爱[506]！他倒是罗密欧与朱丽叶的好模子。”

爱情思恋着去爱慕爱情。[507]护士爱新来的药剂师。甲十四号警察爱玛丽·凯里。格蒂·麦克道维尔爱那个有辆自行车的男孩子。摩·布爱一位金发绅士。 礼记汉爱吻茶蒲州[508]。大象江勃爱大象艾丽思[509]。 耳朵上装了号筒[509]的弗斯科伊尔老先生爱长了一双斗鸡眼的弗斯科伊尔老太太。 身穿棕色胶布雨衣的人爱一位已故的夫人。[511]国王陛下爱女王陛下。 诺曼·w·塔珀大太爱泰勒军官。你爱某人，而这个人又爱另一个人。每个人都爱某一个人，但是天主爱所有的人。

“喏，乔，”我说，“为了你的健康和歌儿，再来杯鲍尔威士忌，‘市民’。”

“好哇，来吧，”乔说。

“天主、玛利亚和帕特里克祝福你，”“市民”说。

于是，他举起那一品脱酒，把胡子都沾湿了。

“我们晓得那些伪善者[512] ，”他说，“一面讲道，一面摸你的包。假虔诚的克伦威尔和他的‘铁甲军，怎么样呢？在德罗赫达他们一面残杀妇孺，[513] 一面又把《圣经》里的‘上帝是爱，这句话贴在炮口上。《圣经》！ 你读没读今天的《爱尔兰人联合报》上关于正在访问英国的祖鲁酋长那篇讽刺文章？”[ 514]

“谈了些什么？”乔说。

于是，“市民”掏出一张他随身携带的报纸朗读起来：

“昨日曼彻斯特棉纱业巨头一行， 在金杖侍卫沃尔克普·翁·埃各斯”[515]的沃尔克普勋爵陪同下，前往谒见阿贝库塔的阿拉基[516]陛下， 并为在陛下之领土上对英国商贾所提供之便利，致以衷心谢悃。代表团与陛下共进午餐。 此皮肤微黑之君主于午宴即将结束时，发表愉快的演说，由英国牧师、 可敬的亚拿尼亚·普列斯夏德·贝尔本[517]流畅地译出。陛下对沃尔克普先生[518]深表谢忱。强调阿贝库塔与大英帝国之间的友好关系，并谓承蒙白人女酋长、 伟大而具男子气概之维多利亚女王馈赠插图本《圣经》，彼将珍藏，视为至宝。 书中载有神之宝训以及英国伟大的奥秘，并亲手题以献辞。[519] 随后， 阿拉基高举爱杯（系用卡卡察卡察克王朝先王、绰号四十瘊子之头盖骨做成），痛饮浓烈之‘黑与白’威士忌。[ 520] 然后前往棉都[521] 各主要工厂访问，并在来宾留言簿上签名。最后， 以贵宾表演婀娜多姿之古代阿贝库塔出征舞收尾，其间，舞者当众吞下刀叉数把， 博得少女之狂热喝彩。”

“孀居女人，”内德说，“她干得出来。我倒想知道她会不会给它派上跟我一样的用场[ 522] 。”

“岂止一样，用的次数还更多哩，”利内翰说，“自那以后，在那片丰饶的土地上，宽叶芒果一直长得非常茂盛。”

“这是格里菲思写的吗？”约翰，怀思说。

“不是，”“市民”说，“署名不是尚戛纳霍。只有P这么个首字。”[523]

“这个首字很好哩，”乔说。

“都是这么进行的，”“市民”说，“贸易总是跟在国旗后边。”

“喏，”杰·杰说，“只要他们比刚果自由邦的比利时人再坏一点儿，他们就准是坏人。你读过那个人的报告了吗，他叫什么来着？”

“凯斯门特[524]，”“市民”说，“是个爱尔兰人。”

“对，就是他，”杰·杰说，“强奸妇女和姑娘们，鞭打土著的肚皮，尽量从他们那里榨取红橡胶。”

“我知道他到哪儿去了，”利内翰用手指打着榧子说。

“谁？”我说。

“布卢姆，”他说，“法院不过是个遮掩。他在‘丢掉，身上下了几先令的赌注，这会子收他那几个钱去啦。”

“那个白眼卡菲尔吗[525] ？”“市民”说，“他可一辈子从来也没下狠心在马身上赌过。”

“他正是到那儿去啦，”利内翰说，“我碰见了正要往那匹马身上下赌注的班塔姆·莱昂斯。我就劝阻他，他告诉我说是布卢姆给他出的点子。下五先令赌注，管保他会赚上一百先令。全都柏林他是唯一这么做的人。一匹‘黑马，。”

“他自己就是一匹该死的‘黑马’，”乔说。

“喂，乔，”我说，“告诉咱出口在哪儿？”

“就在那儿，”特里说。

再见吧，爱尔兰，我要到戈尔特去。[ 526] 于是，我绕到后院去撒尿。 他妈的（五先令赢回了一百），一边排泄（“丢掉”，以二十博一），卸下重担， 一边对自己说：我晓得他心里（乔请的一品脱酒钱有了，在斯莱特里[527] 喝的一品脱也有了），他心里不安，想转移目标溜掉（一百先令就是五镑哩）。精明鬼伯克告诉我， 当他们在（“黑马”）家赌纸牌的时候，他也假装孩子生病啦（嘿，准足足撤了约莫一加仑）。那个屁股松垮的老婆从楼上通过管道传话说：“她好一点儿啦”或是：“她……”（噢！）其实，这都是花招：要是他赌赢了一大笔，就可以揣着赢头溜之乎也。（哎呀，憋了这么一大泡！）无执照营业。（噢！）他说什么爱尔兰是我的民族。（呜！哎呀！）千万别接近那些该死的（完啦）耶路撒冷（啊！）杜鹃们。[528]

当我好歹回去时，他们正吵得不亦乐乎。约翰·怀思说，正是布卢姆给格里菲思出了个新芬党的主意，让他在自己那份报纸上出各种各样的褐子：什么任意改划选区以谋取私利啦，买通陪审团啦，偷税漏税啦，往世界各地派领事以便兜售爱尔兰工业品啦。反正是抢了彼得再给保罗。呸，要是那双又老又脏的眼睛有意拆我们的台，那就他妈的彻底告吹啦，他妈的给咱个机会吧。天主，把爱尔兰从那帮该死的耗子般的家伙手里拯救出来吧。喜欢抬杠的布卢姆先生，还有上一代那个老诈骗师，老玛土撒拉[ 529]·布卢姆，巧取豪夺的行商。他那些骗钱货和假钻石把全国都坑遍了，然后服上一剂氢氰酸[530] 自杀了事。凭邮贷款，条件优厚。亲笔借据，金额不限。遐迩不拘。无需抵押。嘿，他就像是兰蒂·麦克黑尔的山羊[ 531] ，乐意跟任何人结为旅伴。

“喏，反正是事实，”约翰·怀思说，“刚好来了一个能够告诉你们详细情况的人——马丁·坎宁翰。”

果然城堡的马车赶过来了，马丁和杰克·鲍尔坐在上面，还有个姓克罗夫特尔或克罗夫顿[532] 的橙带党人，他在关税局长那里领着津贴，又在布莱克本那儿登了记，也关着一份饷，还用国王的费用游遍全国。此人也许姓克劳福德。

我们的旅客们抵达了这座乡村客栈，纵身跳下坐骑。[ 533]

“来呀，小崽子！”这一行人中一个首领模样的汉子大吼道，“鲁莽小厮！伺候！”

他边说边用刀柄大声敲打敞着的格子窗。

店家披上粗呢宽外衣，应声而出。

“各位老爷们，晚上好，”他低三下四地深打一躬说。

“别磨磨蹭蹭的，老头儿！”方才敲打的那人嚷道，“仔细照料我们的马匹。把店里好饭好菜赶紧给我们端来。因为大家饿得很哪。”

“大老爷们，这可如何是好！”店家说，“小店食品仓里空空的，也不知该给各位官人吃点啥好。”

“咋的，这厮？”来客中又一人嚷道。此人倒还和颜悦色，“塔普同掌柜，难道你就如此怠慢国王差来的御使吗？”

店家闻听此言，神色顿改。

“请各位老爷们宽恕，”他恭顺他说，“老爷们既是国王差来的御使（天主保佑国王陛下！）那就悉听吩咐。敢向御使诸公保证，（天主祝福国王陛下！）既蒙光临小店，就决不会让各位饿着肚子走。”

“那就赶快！”一位迄未做声而看来食欲颇旺的来客大声叫道，“有啥可给我们吃的？”

老板又深打一躬，回答说：

“现在开几样菜码，请老爷们酌定。油酥面雏鸽馅饼，薄鹿肉片，小牛里脊，配上酥脆熏猪肉的赤颈鬼，配上阿月浑子籽儿的公猪头肉；一盘令人赏心悦目的乳蛋糕，配上欧楂的艾菊，再来一壶陈莱茵白葡萄酒，不知老爷们意下如何？”

“嘿嘿！”最后开口的那人大声说，“能这么就满意了。来点阿月浑子籽儿还差不多。”

“啊哈！”那位神情愉快的人叫唤道，“还说什么小店食品仓里空空的哩！好个逗乐的骗子！”[534]

这时马丁走了进来，打听布卢姆到哪儿去了。

“他哪儿去啦？”利内翰说，“欺诈孤儿寡妇去啦。”

“关于布卢姆和新芬党，”约翰·怀思说，“我告诉‘市民’的那档子事儿不是真的吗？”

“是真的，”马丁说，“至少他们都斩钉截铁地这么说。”

“是谁这么断定的？”阿尔夫说。

“是我，”乔说，“我像鳄鱼一样一口咬定了。”

“无论怎么说，”约翰·怀思说，“犹太人为什么就不能像旁人那样爱自己的国家呢？”

“没什么不能爱的，”杰·杰说，“可得弄准了自己国家是哪一个。”

“他究竟是犹太人还是非犹太人呢？究竟是神圣罗马，还是襁褓儿[535]，或是什么玩艺儿呢？”内德说，“他究竟是谁呢？我无意惹你生气，克罗夫顿。”

“朱尼厄斯[536] 是何许人？”杰·杰说。

“我们才不要他呢，”橙带党人或长老会教友克罗夫特尔说。

“他是个脾气乖张的犹太人，”马丁说，“是从匈牙利什么地方来的。就是他，按照匈牙利制度拟定了所有那些计划。[537]我们城堡当局对此都一清二楚。”

“他不是牙医布卢姆的堂兄弟[538]吗？”杰克·鲍尔说。

“根本不是，”马丁说，“不过是同姓而已。他原来姓维拉格[ 539] ，是他那个服毒自杀的父亲的姓。他父亲凭着一纸单独盖章的证书就把姓改了。”

“这正是爱尔兰的新救世主！”“市民”说，“圣者和贤人的岛屿[540] ！”

“喏，他们至今还在等待着救世主，”马丁说，“就这一点而论，咱们何尝不是这样。”

“是呀，”杰·杰说，“每生一个男孩儿，他们就认为那可能是他们的弥赛亚[541] 。而且我相信，每一个犹太人都总是处于高度亢奋状态，直到他晓得那是个父亲还是母亲[ 542] 。”

“每一分钟都在企盼着，以为这一回该是了，”利内翰说。

“哦，天哪，”内德说，“真应该让你瞧瞧他那个夭折了的儿子出生之前布卢姆那副神态。早在他老婆分娩六星期之前的一天，我就在南边的公共市场碰见他在购买尼夫罐头食品[ 543] 了。”

“它已经在母亲的肚子里了，”[544]杰·杰说。

“你们还能管他叫作男人吗？”“市民”说。

“我怀疑他可曾把它搁进去过，”“市民”说。

“喏，反正已经养了两个娃娃啦，”杰克·鲍尔说。

“他猜疑谁呢？”[545] “市民”说。

嘿，笑话里包含着不少实话。他就是个两性掺在一起的中性人。精明鬼告诉过我，住在旅馆里的时候，每个月他都患一次头疼，就像女孩子来月经似的。你晓得我在跟你说什么吗？要是把这么个家伙抓住，丢到该死的大海里，倒不失为天主的作为呢！那将是正当的杀人。身上有五镑，然后却连一品脱的酒钱也不付就溜掉了，简直丢尽男子汉的脸。祝福我们吧。可也别让我们盲目起来。

“对邻居要宽厚，”马丁说，“可是他在哪儿？咱们不能再等下去啦。”

“披着羊皮的狼，”“市民”说，“这就是他。从匈牙利来的维拉格！我管他叫作亚哈随鲁[546] 。受到天主的咒诅。”

“你能抽空儿很快地喝上一杯吗，马丁？”内德说。

“只能喝一杯，”马丁说，“我们不能耽误。我要‘约·詹’[547] 和S。”

“杰克，你呢？克罗夫顿呢？要三杯半品脱的，特里。”

“在听任那帮家玷污了咱们的海岸之后，”“市民”说，“圣帕特里克恨不得再在巴利金拉尔[548] 登一次陆，好让咱们改邪归正。”

“喏，”马丁边敲打桌子催促他那杯酒边说，“天主祝福所有在场的人——这就是我的祷告。”

“啊们，”“市民”说。

“而且我相信上主会倾听你的祷告，”乔说。

随着圣餐铃的丁零声[549] ，由捧持十字架者领先，辅祭、提香炉的、捧香盒的、诵经的、司阍、执事、副执事以及被祝福的一行人走了过来。 这边是头戴主教冠的大修道院院长、小修道院院长、方济各会修道院院长、修士、托钵修士； 斯波莱托[550] 的本笃会修士、加尔都西会和卡马尔多利会的修士、[551] 西多会和奥利维坦会的修士、[ 552] 奥拉托利会和瓦隆布罗萨会的修士[553] ， 以及奥古斯丁会修士、布里吉特会修女[554] ；普雷蒙特雷修会、圣仆会[555] 和圣三一赎奴会修士，彼得·诺拉斯科的孩子们[556] ；还有先知以利亚的孩子们也在主教艾伯特和阿维拉的德肋撒的引导下从加尔默山下来了，穿鞋的和另一派[557] ；褐衣和灰衣托钵修士们，安贫方济各的儿子们[558] ；嘉布遣会[559] 修士们， 科德利埃会修士们，小兄弟会修士们和遵规派修士们[560] ；克拉蕾的女儿们[ 561] ， 还有多明我会的儿子们，托钵传教士们，以及遣使会[562] 的儿子们。 再就是圣沃尔斯坦[563] 的修士们，依纳爵的弟子们[564] ，以及可敬的在俗修士埃德蒙·依纳爵·赖斯率领下的圣教学校兄弟会会员们[565]。 随后来的是所有那些圣徒和殉教者们，童贞修女们和忏悔师们。包括圣西尔、圣伊西多勒·阿拉托尔[566] 、 圣小詹姆斯[567]、锡诺普的圣佛卡斯、殷勤的圣朱利安、圣菲利克斯·德坎塔里斯[568]、 柱头修士圣西门、第一个殉教者圣斯蒂芬、天主的圣约翰、[569]、圣费雷欧尔、圣勒加德、圣西奥多图斯、[570] 圣沃尔玛尔、圣理查、 圣味增爵·德保罗[571] 、托迪的圣马丁、图尔的圣马丁[ 572] 、圣阿尔弗烈德、圣约瑟[573] 、圣但尼、圣科尔内留斯、圣利奥波德[ 574] 、圣伯尔纳、圣特伦斯、圣爱德华[575] 、圣欧文·卡尼库鲁斯[ 576] 、圣匿名、圣祖名、圣伪名、圣同名、圣同语源、 圣同义语、圣劳伦斯·奥图尔、丁格尔和科穆帕斯帖拉的圣詹姆斯[577] 、圣科拉姆西尔和圣科伦巴、圣切莱斯廷[578] 、圣科尔曼[579] 、 圣凯文[580] 、圣布伦丹、 圣弗里吉迪安、圣瑟南[581] 、圣法契特纳、圣高隆班、圣加尔、圣弗尔萨[582]、圣芬坦、圣菲亚克、圣约翰·内波玛克、圣托马斯·阿奎那[ 583]、不列塔尼的圣艾夫斯、圣麦昌、圣赫尔曼- 约瑟[584] 、 三个圣青年的主保圣人——圣阿洛伊苏斯·贡萨加、圣斯坦尼斯劳斯·科斯塔卡、圣约翰·勃赤曼斯[585] 、热尔瓦修斯、瑟瓦修斯、博尼费斯[586]等圣徒、圣女布赖德、圣基兰、基尔肯尼的圣卡尼克[587] 、蒂尤厄姆的圣贾拉斯、圣芬巴尔、巴利曼的圣帕平[588] 、 阿洛伊修斯·帕西费 库斯修士、路易斯·贝利克苏斯修士[589] 、利马和维泰博的二位圣女萝丝[590]、伯大尼的圣女玛莎、埃及的圣女玛丽、圣女露西、圣女布里奇特[591] 、圣女阿特拉克塔、圣女迪姆普娜[592] 、 圣女艾塔、圣女玛莉恩·卡尔彭西斯[593] 、 小耶稣的圣修女德肋撒、圣女芭巴拉、圣女斯科拉丝蒂卡，还有圣女乌尔苏拉以及她那一万一千名童贞女[ 594] 。所有这些人都跟光环、后光与光轮一道出现了。 他们手执棕榈叶、竖琴、剑、橄榄冠， 袍子上织出了他们的职能的神圣象征： 角制墨水瓶[595] 、箭、 面包、坛子、脚镣、斧子、树木、桥梁、 浴槽里的娃娃们、 贝壳、行囊[596] 、大剪刀、钥匙、龙[ 597]、百合花、鹿弹、胡须、猪、灯、风箱、蜂窝、长柄杓、星星、蛇[598] 、铁砧、一盒盒的凡士林、钟、 丁字拐、镊子、 鹿角、防水胶靴、老鹰、磨石、盘子上的一双眼球[599] 、蜡烛、洒圣水器、独角兽[600] 。他们一边沿着纳尔逊圆柱、亨利街、玛利街、卡佩尔街、 小不列颠街透迤而行，一边吟唱以“起来吧。发光”[601] 为首句的“将祭经” 《上主显现》，[ 602] 接着又无比甜美地唱着圣歌“示巴的众人”[603]。 他们行着各种神迹：诸如驱逐污灵，使死者复活，使鱼变多，治好跛子和盲人。[604]还找到了种种遗失物品，阐释并应验《圣经》中的话，祝福并做预言。最后， 由玛拉基和帕特里克陪伴着，可敬的奥弗林神父[605]在金布华盖的遮荫下出现了。这几位好神父抵达了指定地点，小布列颠街八、九、十号的伯纳德·基尔南股份有限公司的店堂；这是食品杂货批发商，葡萄酒和白兰地装运商；特准在店内零售啤酒、葡萄酒和烈酒。司仪神父祝福了店堂，焚香熏了那装有直棂的窗户、交叉拱、拱顶、棱、柱头、山墙、上楣、锯齿状拱门、尖顶和圆顶阁，把圣水撒在过梁上，祈求天主祝福这座房舍，一如曾经祝福过亚伯拉罕、以撒和雅各的房舍那样，并且让天主的光明天使们住在里面。神父一面往里走，一面祝福食品与饮料。所有那些被祝福的会众，都应答着他的祷词。

因主之名，济佑我等。

上天下地，皆主所造。

主与尔偕焉。

亦与尔灵偕焉。[606]

于是他将双手放在他所祝福的东西上面，念感谢经，并做祷告，众人也随之祷告。

主啊，万物因尔之言而圣洁，俯垂护佑尔所创造之生灵。

凡感谢尔之恩宠，恪遵规诫，服从尔旨者，俯允其颂扬尔

圣名，俾使肉身健康，灵魂平安。因基利斯督我等主。[607]

“咱们大家都念同样的经，”杰克说。

“每年收入一千镑[608] ，兰伯特，”克罗夫顿或姓克劳福德的说。

“对，”内德拿起他那杯“约翰·詹姆森”[609]说，“鱼肉不能缺黄油，”［610]

我正挨个儿看他们的脸，琢磨着到底谁能出个好主意，刚巧该死的他又十万火急地闯进来了。

“我刚才到法院兜了一圈找你去啦，”他说，“但愿我没有……”

“哪里的话，”马丁说，“我们准备好了。”

法院？天晓得！金币和银市塞得你的衣兜裤兜都往下坠了吧。

该死的抠门儿鬼。叫你请我们每人喝一杯哪。真见鬼，他简直吓得要死！地地道道的犹太佬！只顾自己合适。跟茅坑里的老鼠一样狡猾。以一百博五。

“谁也不要告诉，”“市民”说。

“请问，你指的是什么？”他说。

“来吧，伙计们，”马丁发现形势不妙，就说，“马上就去吧。”

“跟谁也别说，”“市民”大嚷大叫地说，“这可是个秘密。”

那条该死的狗也醒了过来，低声怒吼着。

“大家伙儿再见喽，”马丁说。

他就尽快地催他们出去了——杰克·鲍尔和克罗夫顿——或随便你叫他什么吧，把那家伙夹在中间，假装出一副茫然的样子，挤上了那辆该死的二轮轻便马车。

“快走，”马丁对车夫说。

乳白色的海豚蓦地甩了一下鬃毛，舵手在金色船尾站起来，顶着风扯开帆，使它兜满了风。左舷张起大三角帆，所有的帆都张开，船便向大海航去。众多俊美的宁芙[611] 忽而挨近右舷，忽而凑近左舷，依依不舍地跟在华贵的三桅帆船两侧。她们将闪闪发光的身子盘绕在一起，犹如灵巧的轮匠在车轮的轴心周围嵌上互为姐妹的等距离的轮辐，并从外面将所有一切都用轮辋把她们统统箍住。这样就加快了男人们奔赴沙场或为博得淑女嫣然一笑而争相赶路的步伐。这些殷勤的宁芙们，这些长生不老的姐妹们欣然而来。船破浪前进，她们一路欢笑，在水泡环中嬉戏着。[ 612]

然而，天哪，我正要把杯中残酒一饮而尽时，只见“市民”腾地站起来，因患水肿病呼呼大喘，踉踉跄跄走向门口，用爱尔兰语的“钟、《圣经》与蜡烛”[613]，对那家伙发出克伦威尔的诅咒[ 614] ，还呸呸地吐着唾沫。乔和小阿尔夫像小妖精般地围着他，试图使他息怒。

“别管我，”他说。

嘿，当他走到门口，两个人把他拽住时，那家伙大吼了一声：

“为以色列三呼万岁！”

哎呀，为了基督的缘故，像在议会里那样庄重地一屁股坐下，别在大庭广众之下丑态毕露啦。哼，一向都有一些该死的小丑什么的，无缘无故地干出骇人听闻的勾当。呸，照这样下去，黑啤酒会在你肠肚里发馊的，一定的。

于是，全国的邋遢汉和婊子们都聚到门口来了。马丁叫车把式快赶起来：“市民”乱吼一气，阿尔夫和乔叫他住口[615]。那家伙呢，趾高气扬地大谈其犹太人。二流子们起哄要他发表演说，杰克·鲍尔试图叫他在马车里坐下来，让他闭上该死的嘴巴。有个一只眼睛上蒙着眼罩的二流子，扯着喉咙唱开了：倘若月亮里那个男子是个犹太人，犹太人，犹太人[616] ；有个婊子大喊道：

“哎，老爷！你的裤钮儿开啦，喏，老爷！”

于是他说：

“门德尔松[617] 是个犹太人，还有卡尔·马克思、梅尔卡丹特和斯宾诺莎。[618] 救世主也是个犹大人，他爹就是个犹太人。你们的天主。”

“他没有爹，”马丁说，“成啦。往前赶吧。”

“谁的天主？”“市民”说。

“喏，他舅舅是个犹太人”他说，“你们的天主是个犹太人。耶稣是个犹太人，跟我一样。”

嗬，“市民”一个箭步蹿回到店堂里去。

“耶稣在上，”他说，“我要让那个该死的犹太佬开瓢儿，他竟然敢滥用那个神圣的名字。哦，我非把他钉上十字架不可。把那个饼干罐儿递给我。”

“住手！住手！”乔说。

从首都都柏林及其郊区拥来好几千名满怀赞赏之情的朋友知己们，为曾任皇家印刷厂亚历山大·汤姆公司职员的纳吉亚撒葛斯·乌拉姆·利波蒂·维拉格[619] 送行。他要前往远方的地区撒兹哈明兹布洛尤古里亚斯-都古拉斯[620] 《潺潺流水的牧场》。在大声喝采[621] 声中举行的仪式以洋溢着无比温暖的友爱之情为特征。一幅出自爱尔兰艺术家之手的爱尔兰古代犊皮纸彩饰真迹卷轴，被赠送给这位杰出的现象学家，聊表社会上很大一部分市民之心意。附带还送了一只银匣，是按古代凯尔特风格制成的雅致大方的装饰品，足以反映厂家雅各布与雅各布先生们[622] 的盛誉。启程的旅客受到热烈的欢送。经过选拔的爱尔兰风笛奏起家喻户晓的曲调回到爱琳来》[623] ，紧接着就是《拉科齐进行曲》[624] 。在场的众人显然大受感动。柏油桶和篝火沿着四海[625] 的海岸，在霍斯山、三岩山、糖锥山[626] 布莱岬角、莫恩山、加尔蒂山脉[627] 、牛山、多尼戈尔、斯佩林山岭、纳格尔和博格拉、[ 628] 康尼马拉山、麦吉利卡迪[629] 的雾霭、奥蒂山、贝尔纳山和布卢姆山[630] 燃起。远处，聚集在康布利亚和卡利多尼亚[631] 群山上的众多支持者，对那响彻云霄的喝彩声报以欢呼。最后，在场的众多女性的代表向巨象般的游览船献花表示敬意，接着它便缓缓驶去。它由彩船队护卫着顺流而下时，港务总局、海关、鸽房水电站以及普尔贝格灯塔[632] 都向它点旗致敬。

再见吧，我亲爱的朋友！再见吧！[634] 离去了，但是不曾被遗忘。

他好歹抓住那只该死的罐头飞奔出去，小阿尔夫吊在他的胳膊上。哼！连魔鬼也不会去阻拦。他就像是被刺穿了的猪那样嘶叫着，精采得可以同皇家剧场上演的任何一出该死的戏媲美。

“他在哪儿？我非宰了他不可！”

内德和杰·杰都笑瘫啦。

“一场血腥的战斗，”我说，“我能赶上最后一段福音[634] 。”

运气还不错，车把式将驽马的头掉转过去，一溜烟儿疾驰而去。

“别这样，‘市民’，”乔说，“住手！”

他妈的，他把手朝后一抡。竭尽全力抛出去。天主保佑，阳光晃了他的两眼，否则对方会一命呜呼的。哼，凭着那势头，他差点儿把它甩到朗福德郡[635] 去。该死的驽马吓惊了，那条老杂种狗宛如该死的地狱一般追在马车后边。乌合之众大叫大笑，那老马口铁罐头沿街咯嗒咯嗒滚去。

这场灾祸立即造成可怕的后果。根据邓辛克气象台[636] 记录，一共震动了十一次。照梅尔卡利的仪器[637] 记算，统统达到了震级的第五级。五三四年——也就是绢骑士托马斯[638] 起义那一年的地震以来，我岛现存的记录中还没有过如此剧烈的地壳运动。震中好像在首都的客栈码头区至圣麦昌教区一带，面积达四十一英亩二路德一平方杆（或波尔赤）[639] 。司法宫左近的巍峨建筑一古脑儿坍塌了；就连灾变之际正在进行法律方面的重要辩论的那座富丽堂皇的大厦，也全部彻底地化为一片废墟，在场的人恐怕一个不漏地都被活埋了。据目击者报告说，震波伴随着狂暴的旋风性大气变动。搜查队在本岛的偏僻地区发现了一顶帽子，已查明系属于那位备受尊重的法庭书记乔治·弗特里尔[640] 先生；还有一把绸面雨伞——金柄上镌刻着都柏林市记录法官[641] 博学可敬的季审法院院长弗雷德里克·福基纳爵士姓名的首字、盾形纹章以及住宅号码。也就是说，前者位于巨人堤道[642]第三玄武岩埂上；后者埋在古老的金塞尔海岬[643] 附近霍尔奥彭湾的沙滩深达一英尺三英寸的地方。其他目击者还作证说，他们瞥见一颗发白热光的庞然大物，以骇人的速度沿着抛射体的轨道朝西南偏西方向腾空而去。每个钟头都有吊唁及慰问的函电从各大洲各个地方纷至沓来。罗马教皇慨然恩准颁布教令：为了安慰那些从我们当中如此出乎意料地被召唤而去的虔诚的故人之灵，凡是隶属于教廷精神权威的主教管辖区，每座大教堂都应在同一时刻，由教区主教亲自专门举行一场追思已亡日弥撒。一切救助工作，被毁物[644] 及遗体等等的搬运，均托付给大布伦斯威克街一五九号的迈克尔·米德父子公司以及北沃尔街七十七、七十八、七十九和八十号的T与C。马丁公司办理，并由康沃尔公爵麾下轻步兵团的军官和士兵们在海军少将阁下赫尔克里斯·汉尼拔·哈比亚斯·科尔普斯[645] ·安德森爵士殿下的指挥下予以协助。殿下的头衔包括：嘉德勋位爵士、圣帕特里克修会勋位爵士、圣殿骑士团骑士、枢密院顾问官、巴斯高级骑士、下院议员、治安推事、医学士、杰出服务勋位获得者、鸡奸者[646] 、猎狐犬管理官、爱尔兰皇家学会院士、法学士、音乐博士、济贫会委员、都柏林三一学院院士、爱尔兰皇家大学院士、爱尔兰皇家内科医师学会会员和爱尔兰皇家外科医师学会会员。

自从呱呱落地以来，你绝没有见过这样的场面。呸，要是这骰子击中了他的脑袋，连他也会想起金质奖杯的事，准会的；可是他妈的“市民”就会以暴行殴打、乔则以教唆帮凶的罪名被逮捕。车把式拼死拼活地赶着车，就像天主创造了摩西那样地有把握，遂救了那家伙一命。什么？啊，天哪，可不是嘛。他从后面向那家伙发出连珠炮般的咒骂。

“我杀死他了吗，”他说，“还是怎么的？”

接着又对他那只该死的狗嚷道：

“追呀，加利！追呀，小子！”

我们最后看到的是：该死的马车拐过弯去，坐在车上的那张怯生生的老脸在打着手势。那只该死的杂种狗穷迫不舍，耳朵贴在后面，恨不得把他撕成八瓣儿！以一百博五！天哪，我敢担保，它可把那家伙得到的好处都给搞掉了。

此刻，看哪，他们所有的人都为极其明亮的光辉所笼罩。他们望到他站在里面的那辆战车升上天去。[647] 于是他们瞅见他在战车里，身披灿烂的光辉，穿着宛若太阳般的衣服，洁白如月亮，是那样地骇人，他们出于敬畏，简直不敢仰望。[648] 这时，天空中发出“以利亚！以利亚！”的呼唤声，他铿锵有力地回答道：“阿爸！阿多尼。”[649]于是他们望到了他——确实是他，儿子布卢姆·以利亚，在众天使簇拥下，于小格林街多诺霍亭上空，以四十五度的斜角，像用铁锹甩起来的土块一般升到灿烂的光辉中去。