"Alas¹, Monsieur," I said, greatly confused, "I am a poor orphan² not yet fourteen years old and I have already become familiar with every nuance³ of misfortune; I implore⁴ your commiseration⁵, have pity upon me, I beseech⁶ you," and then I told in detail of all my ills, the difficulty I was having to find a place, perhaps I even mentioned how painful it was for me to have to take one, not having been born for a menial's condition. My suffering throughout it all, how I exhausted⁷ the little substance I had... failure to obtain work, my hope he would facilitate matters and help me find the wherewithal to live; in sum, I said everything that is dictated⁸ by the eloquence⁹ of wretchedness, always swift to rise in a sensitive soul.... After having listened to me with many distractions¹¹ and much yawning, Monsieur Dubourg asked whether I had always been well-behaved. "I should be neither so poor nor so embarrassed, Monsieur," I answered him, "had I wished to cease to be."

 

"But," said Dubourg upon hearing that, "but what right have you to expect the wealthy to relieve you if you are in no way useful to them?"

 

"And of what service are you speaking, Monsieur? I asked nothing more than to render those decency¹² and my years will permit me fulfill¹³."

 

"The services of a child like yourself are of no great use in a household," Dubourg replied to me. "You have neither the age nor the appearance to find the place you are seeking. You would be better advised to occupy yourself with giving men pleasure and to labor¹⁴ to discover someone who will consent to take care of you; the virtue¹⁵ whereof you make such a conspicuous¹⁶ display is worthless in this world; in vain will you genuflect¹⁷ before its altars, its ridiculous incense¹⁸ will nourish you not at all. The thing which least flatters men, that which makes the least favorable impression upon them, for which they have the most supreme¹⁹ contempt, is good behavior in your sex; here on earth, my child, nothing but what brings in gain or insures power is accounted; and what does the virtue of women profit us I It is their wantonness which serves and amuses us; but their chastity could not interest us less. When, to be brief, persons of our sort give, it is never except to receive; well, how may a little girl like yourself show gratitude²⁰ for what one does for her if it is not by the most complete surrender of all that is desired of her body!"

 

"Oh, Monsieur," I replied, grown heavy of heart and uttering a sigh, "then uprightness and benevolence²¹ are to be found in man no longer!"

 

"Precious little," Dubourg rejoined. "How can you expect them still to exist after all the wise things that have been said and written about them? We have rid ourselves of this mania²² of obliging others gratuitously²³; it was recognized that charity's pleasures are nothing but sops²⁴ thrown to pride, and we turned our thoughts to stronger sensations; it has been noticed, for example, that with a child like you, it is infinitely²⁵ preferable to extract, by way of dividends²⁶ upon one's investment, all the pleasures lechery²⁷ is able to offer much better these delights than the very insipid²⁸ and futile²⁹ ones said to come of the disinterested³⁰ giving of help; his reputation for being a liberal man, an alms-giving and generous man, is not, even at the instant when he most enjoys it, comparable to the slightest sensual pleasure."

 

"Oh, Monsieur, in the light of such principles the miserable³¹ must therefore perish!"

 

"Does it matter? We have more subjects in France than are needed; given the mechanism's elastic³² capacities for production, the State can easily afford to be burdened by fewer people."

 

"But do you suppose children respect their fathers when they are thus despised by them ?"

 

"And what to a father is the love of the children who are a nuisance to him ?"

 

"Would it then have been better had they been strangled in the cradle ?"

 

"Certainly, such is the practice in numerous countries; it was the custom of the Greeks, it is the custom in China: there, the offspring of the poor are exposed, or are put to death. What is the good of letting those creatures live who, no longer able to count upon their parents' aid either because they are without parents or because they are not wanted or recognized by them, henceforth are useful for nothing and simply weigh upon the State: that much surplus commodity, you see, and the market is glutted³³ already; bastards³⁴, orphans³⁵, malformed infants should be condemned³⁶ to death immediately they are pupped: the first and the second because, no longer having anyone who wishes or who is able to take care of them, they are mere³⁷ dregs which one day can have nothing but an undesirable³⁸ effect upon the society they contaminate; the others because they cannot be of any usefulness to it; the one and the other of these categories are to society what are excrescences to the flesh, battening upon the healthy members' sap, degrading them, enfeebling them; or, if you prefer, they are like those vegetable parasites³⁹ which, attaching themselves to sound plants, cause them to deteriorate⁴⁰ by sucking up their nutritive juices. It's a shocking outrage⁴¹, these alms destined⁴² to feed scum, these most luxuriously⁴³ appointed houses they have the madness to construct quite as if the human species were so rare, so precious one had to preserve it down to its last vile⁴⁴ portion! But enough of politics whereof, my child, you are not likely to understand anything; why lament⁴⁵ your fate? for it is in your power, and yours only, to remedy it."#p#分页标题#e#

 

"Great Heavens! at the price of what!"

 

"At the price of an illusion, of something that has none but the value wherewith your pride invests it. Well," continued this barbarian⁴⁶, getting to his feet and opening the door, "that is all I can do for you; consent to it, or deliver me from your presence; I have no fondness for beggars...."

 

My tears flowed fast, I was unable to check them; would you believe it, Madame? they irritated rather than melted this man. He shut the door and, seizing my dress at the shoulder, he said most brutally⁴⁷ he was going to force from me what I would not accord him voluntarily. At this cruel moment my misery⁴⁸ endowed me with courage; I freed myself from his grasp and rushed toward the door:

"Odious⁴⁹ man," said I as I fled from him, "may the Heaven you have so grievously offended some day punish your execrable heartlessness as it merits to be. You are worthy⁵⁰ neither of the riches you have put to such vile use, nor of the very air you breathe in a world you defile⁵¹ with your barbarities."

 

I lost no time telling my hostess of the reception given me by the person to whom she had sent me; but what was my astonishment⁵² to have this wretch¹⁰ belabor⁵³ me with reproaches rather than share my sorrow.

 

"You idiotic⁵⁴ chit!" said she in a great rage, "do you imagine men are such great dupes as to dole⁵⁵ out alms to little girls such as you without requiring something for their money? Monsieur Dubourg's behavior was far too gentle; in his place I should not have allowed you to leave without having had satisfaction from you. But since you do not care to profit from the aid I offer you, make your own arrangements as you please; you owe me money: pay it tomorrow; otherwise, it's to jail."

 

"Madame, have pity!"

 

"Yes, yes, pity; one need only have pity and one starves to death."

 

"But what would you have me do ?"

 

"You must go back to Dubourg; you must appease⁵⁶ him; you must bring home money to me; I will visit him, I will give him notice; if I am able, I'll repair the damage your stupidity has caused; I will convey your apologies, but keep it in mind, you had better improve your conduct."

 

Ashamed, desperate, knowing not which way to turn, seeing myself savagely⁵⁷ repulsed⁵⁸ by everyone, I told Madame Desroches (that was my landlady's name) that I had decided⁵⁹ to do whatever had to be done to satisfy her. She went to the financier's house and upon her return advised me that she had found him in a very irritable⁶⁰ mood, that it had not been without an effort she had managed to incline him in my favor, that by dint⁶¹ of supplications she had at least persuaded him to see me again the following morning, but that I would have to keep a strict watch over my behavior, because, were I to take it into my head to disobey him again, he himself would see to it I was imprisoned⁶² forever.

 

All atremble, I arrived; Dubourg was alone and in a state yet more indecent than on the previous day. Brutality⁶³, libertinage⁶⁴, all the characteristics of the debauchee glittered in his cunning glances.

 

"Thank Desroches," he said harshly, "for it is as a favor to her I intend to show you an instant's kindness; you must surely be aware how little you deserve it after your performance yesterday. Undress yourself and if you once again manifest the least resistance to my desires, two men, waiting for you in the next room, will conduct you to a place whence you will never emerge alive."

 

"Oh Monsieur," say I, weeping, clutching the wicked man's knees, "unbend, I beseech you; be so generous as to relieve me without requiring what would be so costly⁶⁵ I should rather offer you my life than submit to it.... Yes, I prefer to die a thousand times over than violate the principles I received in my childhood.... Monsieur, Monsieur, constrain⁶⁶ me not, I entreat⁶⁷ you; can you conceive of gleaning⁶⁸ happiness in the depths of tears and disgust? Dare you suspect pleasure where you see naught⁶⁹ but loathing⁷⁰? No sooner shall you have consummated⁷¹ your crime than my despair will overwhelm you with remorse⁷²...."

 

But the infamies⁷³ to which Dubourg abandoned himself prevented me from continuing; that I was able to have believed myself capable of touching⁷⁴ a man who was already finding, in the very spectacle of my suffering, one further vehicle for his horrible passions! Would you believe it, Madame? becoming inflamed⁷⁵ by the shrill⁷⁶ accents of my pleadings, savoring⁷⁷ them inhumanly⁷⁸, the wretch disposed himself for his criminal attempts! He gets up, and exhibiting himself to me in a state over which reason is seldom triumphant⁷⁹, and wherein the opposition⁸⁰ of the object which causes reason's downfall is but an additional ailment⁸¹ to delirium⁸², he seizes me brutally, impetuously snatches away the veils which still conceal⁸³ what he burns to enjoy; he caresses⁸⁴ me.... Oh! what a picture, Great God I What unheard-of mingling⁸⁵ of harshness... and lewdness⁸⁶! It seemed that the Supreme Being wished, in that first of my encounters, to imprint⁸⁷ forever in me all the horror I was to have for a kind of crime whence there was to be born the torrent⁸⁸ of evils that have beset⁸⁹ me since. But must I complain of them? No, needless to say; to his excesses I owe my salvation⁹⁰; had there been less debauchery in him, I were a ruined girl; Dubourg's flames were extinguished in the fury of his enterprises, Heaven intervened in my behalf against the monster before he could commit the offenses⁹¹ he was readying for, and the loss of his powers, before the sacrifice could occur, preserved me from being its victim.#p#分页标题#e#

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