Sleepy captain

When you're on "reserve" with an airline, you fly when they tell you to fly.

Being unable to be contacted is a lesser¹ offense² than refusing or missing an assigned trip.

This captain gets an "A" for his creativity in avoiding an assignment.

When crew scheduling woke him up at 3 A.M. to assign him to a 5 A.M. departure, he passed the phone to his wife and said in a voice loud enough for them to hear on the other end, "Here, darling, I think it's someone calling for your husband."

Crew scheduling omitted the usual question and answer period.