Mom I'm gay

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his
homosexuality and decided¹ to "come out of the closet."

His plan was to tell his mother first, so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew² with a wooden spoon.

Rather nervously³, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay.

Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?"

"Well... yes." Still without looking up.

"Does that mean you suck men`s peni$e$?"

Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer⁴ an
embarrassed affirmative, whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing⁵ the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped, "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!"