Amazing Pig

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse¹ to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says "Sure, we can put you up."

The vagrant² washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.

Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks "Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig's neck?"

The farmer says "Sure. It's really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp³ and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted⁴ out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son's life. So, we gave him the medal."

The vagrant is amazed and says "Well, how about that silver medal?"

The farmer says "A few months ago our house caught fire in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping. This pig saw the flames, busted out of his pen and ran into the house, waking us up in time. To show our gratitude⁵ we gave him that silver medal."

The homeless man says "While I'm at it, I might as well ask you about the gold medal."

The farmer says "My wife was attacked by a burglar several weeks ago. This pig heard her cries, busted out of his pen, and chased that man far away. To show my thanks I gave him that gold medal"

The homeless man sits in awe⁶ of the pig, who is blithely⁷ eating his meal with a knife and fork. He asks "What about the wooden leg?"

The farmer says, matter-of-factly, "Well, you don't eat a pig like THAT all at once!"