Joke: The Wild, Wild West

The young dude in the Old West wanted to be the fastest gunfighter alive.

Sitting in a saloon one night, he spotted¹ an old graybeard who had the reputation of having been the greatest gunslinger of his day. The kid went up to the old man and told him of his dream. The ancient legend looked him up and down and said, "I got a suggestion that's sure to help."

"Tell me, Tell me!" said the young dude.

"Tie the bottom of your holster lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"You damn betcha," said the old man.

The kid did as he was told, drew his gun, and neatly² shot the bow tie off the piano player. "Wow, that really helped! Got any more suggestions?"

"Yeah - If'n you cut a notch³ in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun'll slide out a lot smoother."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"You damn betcha."

The dude did as he was told, then drew his gun, and lightning quick, shot a cufflink off the piano player. "This is really helping⁴ me out! Is there anything else you can share with me?"

"One more thing," said the old timer. "Get that can of axle grease over there in the corner and rub it all over your gun."

The fellow didn't hesitate and immediately started smearing⁵ the grease on the gun barrel.

"No, no, the whole gun," said the graybeard. "Handle and everything."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"Not likely, boy. But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that bar piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass⁶ and this way it won't hurt so much."