爱，无问西东？

 

对于这个话题，网友们众说纷纭。有人认为，如果暗恋了对方很久，那就赶紧抓住毕业这最后的机会，否则Ta就只能出现在将来你跟儿孙聊天里。

 

Go and just tell. The person is in front of you probably you both can't meet in future again so if you don't confess one day she or he will be just a story and you will find yourself narrating¹ her or his story to your grandchildren.

快去告诉Ta。Ta就在你眼前，毕业后就不知人家去向何方了。如果你现在没表白，将来有一天Ta只会成为你口中的某某某，只会出现在讲给自己的儿孙故事里。

 

表白是很纯粹的一件事情，不需要附加那么多现实层面的考虑。有时候，人得多听从自己的内心而不是大脑。而且，即便表白失败，也能避免“抬头不见低头见”的尴尬。何乐而不为呢？

 

Don't stop yourself. Also listen to your heart. Sometimes we listen to our brain and neglect our true feelings but that's not good for our heart and will make you regret sometimes. You should also listen to your brain depending on the situations. Just take a decision in which you are confident that you'll not regret.

不要约束自己，倾听你的内心。我们常常听从大脑的指挥，有时却忽视了内心的真实感受，让自己伤心甚至后悔。你还需要根据情况理智分析，确保不会后悔自己做的决定。

 

支持表白的人还会说，如果一直隐藏自己的心意，维持友谊的状态，到头来只会让自己内心痛苦。所以，不管最后是什么结果，一定要说出口。

 

If you hide your feelings and continue the friendship your desire and hope increases day by day and it will get you a lot of pain at the end.

如果你隐藏自己的感情，继续以友谊相待，你的渴望和希望就会与日俱增，到头来会给你带来很多痛苦。

 

So, my suggestion is to express your feelings right away and leave everything in the fate.

所以，我的建议是立即表达你的感受，把一切都交给命运。

 

冲动多于爱情?

 

反对毕业季表白的人认为，在毕业的感伤氛围之中，人难免会由于一时冲动，做出自己平日不会做的事情。而毕业季的表白本质上也只是一时“上头”所做出的冲动之举。

 

在问答社交网站Quora上面，有不少人提出“毕业了要不要表白”等类似的问题。其中有一个人分享说，“喜欢一个女同学很久，我到底要不要在毕业前表白呢？还是等到毕业后，这样就不用为失去一段友谊感到难堪了？”

 

他原话是这么问的：

 

Is it ok to tell a girl you had a crush on her throughout high school, before you graduate? Or should I wait till after graduation so it's not weird² and ruin our friendship?

他的疑虑不无道理，头脑发热的表白不一定会让你收获爱情，甚至还可能让你失去一段友情。

 

下面的回答有支持的，也有反对的。但翻了翻大家的回答发现，那些反对表白的声音虽少，但都不简单。

 

比如说下面这条：

 

What's the point of telling her at all? You aren't asking her out, and you aren't doing anything for her by sharing your feelings. Where's the move that would actually lead to something you want?

向她表白有什么意义？你没有约她出去，你也没有为她做任何事，告诉她你的感受。真正能达到目的的行动在哪里？

 

这人上来就反问道，你这样一下子突然跟人家表白有什么意义呢？你都没有约人家出去几次，不了解人家，可能也没搞明白自己的心意，就先别一股脑的去表白了。

 

接着，他说，“不要向暗恋的人敞开心扉（Don't share your feelings with a crush.）”。

 

这听起来令人诧异，但他想要表达的却另有一番道理：喜欢Ta就约人家出去喝喝咖啡，主动去了解人家，也让对方慢慢地接受自己。突然的热烈表白只会增加对方的心理负担，好好的姻缘说不定就跑了……

 

Don't share your feelings with a crush. If you like someone, ask them out. No deep expressions of love or other emotion, as that's just overloading³ a poor girl who hasn't had time to get to know you the same way. She won't be able to process that well, and it will just scare her off. Instead allow her to get to know you in the romantic sense. Ask her to grab coffee or something else casual with as little committment needed on her part beyond guaranteeing that she knows it is a date. The less committment needed, the more likely she’ll say “yes”, and the less she’ll be turning down if she says “no”. “No” to coffee is just turning down coffee, not all of these secret pent up feelings you have.

不要与你喜欢的人敞开心扉。如果你喜欢某人，就约Ta出去。不要深沉的爱或其他情感的表达，想让人家短时间内感同身受，只会让那个可怜女孩感到负担。她无法很好地处理这些，反而会被吓跑的。相反，以浪漫的方式让她了解你。请她喝杯咖啡或随便什么，除了确保她知道这是一次约会外，不需要她做出什么承诺。需要的承诺越少，她说“是”的可能性就越大，如果她说“不”，你放弃她的可能性就越小。对咖啡说“不”只是拒绝喝咖啡，而不是拒绝所有这些被你偷偷压抑的感情。

 

的确，表白不仅是一段深情的话、炽热的眼神和紧张到可以听见的心跳。表白不是一种仪式，而是实打实的去追求对方。把甜宠表白的场面留在恋爱泡沫剧里吧，现实中追求自己的幸福可不能太莽撞。尤其在毕业季，机会失去了就失去了。

 

A confession⁴ to a stranger is just a bunch of meaningless words that embarrass you and gets used later by you to prove to yourself that it was always hopeless to go for the girl, when in reality you never really went for her in the first place.

向陌生人表白只是一堆让你难堪的毫无意义的话，后来你会用这些话向自己证明，追求那个女孩总是没有希望的，而实际上，你从一开始就没有真正追求过。

 

聊到这里你或许已经发现了，那些反对的声音不是阻止毕业生去恋爱，而是避免他们因为唐突的表白而毁了一段恋爱。

 

给那些被点燃起来的真情和勇气降降温，多设身处地地为对方着想。

 

Telling someone you've had a crush on them for a long time can come off as very powerful, a big disappointment (for not saying so sooner), or a little icky (if your crush isn't attracted to you). Getting the timing⁵ right here can be tricky⁶, so put yourself in his/her shoes.

告诉某人你已经迷恋他们很长时间了，这可能会让你非常强大、非常失望（因为没有早点说出来），或者有点闹心（如果你的迷恋对象对你没有感觉）。把握时机可能有难度，所以要设身处地为他/她着想。

 

另外，毕业季的大家可能都还不确定自己去向何方、在哪里生活、做什么工作，如果在这充满各种不确定性的时刻表白，即便表白成功，未来也可能会迫于现实而分手。

 

趁着还有时间，谈一段甜甜的校园恋爱，比赶着毕业的尾巴才对人家表白好：

 

No…you should confess to her before school finishes because if you won't confess to her now you will miss the countless⁷ beautiful moments of romance in the school life. The little things like staying in the classroom in the break time and secretly talking when the teacher is teaching. Furthermore you can build a relationship in a better way. If you confess after school is finished she may decline as you both might go separate ways in your life.

不……你应该在毕业前向她表白，因为如果你没有及时表白，你将错过学校生活中无数美好浪漫的事情，比如课间休息时一起待在教室里，上课时偷偷聊天。此外，你可以用更好的方式建立关系。如果你在毕业后才表白，她可能会拒绝，因为你们俩可能会各奔东西。

 

“我要不要表白？”大多数人会鼓励你为爱勇敢冲，但在毕业季这个重要的珍贵时刻，却鲜有人告诉你，时机很重要，方法很重要，别搞砸了。

 

都说恋爱是门玄学。表白了不一定成功，不表白也不代表没有机会。毕业季的情愫会在双方心里埋下一粒种子，可能并不会在当下立即开花结果，但在未来的不经意间，你们会有一段美好的故事。

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