If there is one thing in life that we could choose not to experience, it is the death of someone we love. Losing a friend or family member is heartbreaking and hard to accept, but how we deal with it, and how we 'move on', varies from person to person.

 

Death is, of course, inevitable¹, but sometimes we feel the passing of a loved one has come too soon. Our first reaction is to grieve, and even though we may soon be encouraged to accept closure and let go, the grieving can last a while. But grief is a very natural, human response to loss and can take the form of many unexpected emotions, from shock to guilt², anger and disbelief.

 

When someone dies, we may be tempted³ to put on a brave face and hide our feelings. But experts say that this is the time to talk about feelings – even cry and sob⁴ and show people you are suffering. There's nothing wrong with trying to keep the memory of the deceased alive. You can talk to them in your head, write them a letter or share memories with other people who knew them.

 

Some people have chosen to make a more permanent reminder⁵ of someone by getting a memorial tattoo⁶. Dr John Troyer from Bath University told the BBC: "You can have a continuing bond with the dead… I think it's a very important way for people to come to terms that someone's left."

 

Whatever approach you take to grieving and to keeping someone's memory alive, eventually the physical aching and pain caused by the loss of a loved one will subside⁷. But the memories of that person and the times we shared can stay with us forever, and talking about them and expressing your feelings is all part of the healing process. But as singer and songwriter Patti Smith told the BBC: "Loss is something that we never get over."

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