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What I Have Lived For 我为何而生
◎ Bertrand Russell
the search for knowledge, and unbearable2 pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great
I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy—ecstasy so great that I would have sacrificed
all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness—
that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim6 of the world into cold
unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it, finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a
mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is
what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what—at last—I have found.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men, I
Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always
pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberated9 in my heart. Children in famine,
victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a hated burden to their sons, and the whole world
of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate10 the
evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.
This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and I would gladly live it again if the chance
were offered to me.
三种简单却无比强烈的激情左右了我的一生：对爱的渴望，对知识的追求，以及对人类
苦难的痛彻肺腑的怜悯之心。这三种激情，犹如一阵阵飓风，任意地将我吹得飘来荡去，越
过痛苦的深海，抵达绝望的边缘。
我寻找爱，首先，因为它令人心醉神迷，这种沉醉是如此美妙，以至于我愿意牺牲余生
来换取那几个小时的欣喜。我寻求爱，其次是因为它会减轻可怕的孤独——置身于那种可怕
的孤独中，颤抖的灵魂在世界的边缘，看到冰冷的无底深渊。我寻找爱，还因为在爱水乳交
融时，在一个神秘的缩影中，我见到了先贤和诗人们所想象的、构想的那一片天堂。这就是
我所追求的，尽管对于凡人来说可能太完美，好像是一种奢望，但这是我最终找到了的。
我曾以同样的激情来探索知识。我希望能理解人类的心灵，希望能知道群星为何会闪烁
发光。我也曾经试图领悟毕达哥拉斯学派的理论，他们认为数字力量主载着万物的此消彼
长。我了解了一点知识，但是不多。
爱和知识，可以最大可能地将人带入天堂。可是，怜悯总是将我带回尘世。痛苦呼喊的
回声在我心中久久回荡。那些饥荒中的孩子，被压迫者摧残的受害者，被儿女视为可憎的负
担的无助老人，以及那无处不在的孤单、贫穷和无助都在讽刺着人类本应有的生活。我渴望
能够消除人世间的邪恶，可是我无能为力，而且我自己也在忍受它们的折磨。
这就是我的一生。我觉得活一场是值得的。如果给我机会的话，我乐意开心地再活一
次。
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