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Beauty 美丽人生
◎ James
There were a sensitivity and a beauty to her that have nothing to do with looks. She was one to
be listened to, whose words were so easy to take to heart.
seemingly ceaseless buzz that is human thought all have in common the need to get at what really is
so. The hope to draw close to and possess the truth of being can be a feverish2 one. In some cases it
can even be fatal, if pleasure is one’s truth and its attainment3 more important than life itself. In other
I used to find notes left in the collection basket, beautiful notes about my homilies and about the
writer’s thoughts on the daily scriptural readings. The person who penned the notes would add
reflections to my thoughts and would always include some quotes from poets and mystics he or she
had read and remembered and loved.
The notes fascinated me. Here was someone immersed in a search for truth and beauty. Words
had been treasured, words that were beautiful. And I felt as if the words somehow delighted in being
now this person was in turn learning the secret of sharing them. Beauty so shines when given away.
The only truth that exists is, in that sense, free.
It was a long time before I met the author of the notes.
One Sunday morning, I was told that someone was waiting for me in the office. The young
person who answered the rectory door said that it was “the woman who said she left all the notes”.
When I saw her I was shocked, since I immediately recognized her from church but had no idea that
it was she who wrote the notes. She was sitting in a chair in the office with her hands folded in her
lap. Her head was bowed and when she raised it to look at me, she could barely smile without pain.
Her face was disfigured, and the skin so tight from surgical6 procedures that smiling or laughing was
very difficult for her. She had suffered terribly from treatment to remove the growths that had so
We chatted for a while that Sunday morning and agreed to meet for lunch later that week.
As it turned out we went to lunch several times, and she always wore a hat during the meal. I
think that treatments of some sort had caused a lot of her hair to fall out. We shared things about our
lives. I told her about my schooling8 and growing up. She told me that she had worked for years for an
insurance company. She never mentioned family, and I did not ask.
I have thought about her often over the years and how she struggled in a society that places an
incredible premium10 on looks, class, wealth and all the other fineries of life. She suffered from a
disfigurement that cannot be made to look attractive. I know that her condition hurt her deeply.
Would her life have been different had she been pretty? Chances are it would have. And yet
there were a sensitivity and a beauty to her that had nothing to do with looks. She was one to be
listened to, whose words were so easy to take to heart. Her words came from a wounded but loving
heart, very much like all hearts, but she had more of a need to be aware of it, to live with it and learn
from it. She possessed11 a fine-tuned sense of beauty. Her only fear in life was the loss of a friend.
How long does it take most of us to reach that level of human growth, if we ever get there? We
get so consumed and diminished, worrying about all the things that need improving, we can easily
forget to cherish those things that last. Friendship, so rare and so good, just needs our care-maybe
even the simple gesture of writing a little note now and then, or the dropping of some beautiful words
in a basket, in the hope that such beauty will be shared and taken to heart.
The truth of her life was a desire to see beyond the surface for a glimpse of what it is that
matters. She found beauty and grace and they befriended her, and showed her what is real.
她有着一种与外表无关的灵气和美丽。她的话语轻而易举地走进了人心,她正是我们要
聆听的声音。
很多人都说人生的真谛是个未知的概念。言辞的诠释、艺术的表现,还有人类那似乎永
无休止的纷繁思考,三者都苦苦追寻人生的真谛。希望走近直至完全把握存在的真谛可以令
人十分狂热。在某些情况下,这甚至是致命的,有些人对真理的追寻比生命本身还重要,于
是就有了舍生取义之举。然而,也有另外的一种人生,他们在寻求真谛的过程中灌溉生命。
过去,我常常在教堂的心意篮里发现一些优美的短文注释,有些是关于我的布道,有些
是作者日常读《圣经》的感想。写这些短文的人不仅对我的一些观点加以反思,同时还会引
用一些他曾经读过的,令他难忘又喜爱的诗人或者神秘主义者的话。
我被这些短文迷住了。我看到了一个沉浸于追寻真与美的人。弥足珍贵的字句,优美动
人。我还感觉到,好像那些字句也乐于让我们发现,它们显然是毫无保留、十分慷慨地被这
无名氏作者借用,而现在轮到这位无名氏来学习与人分享这些美文的奥秘。分享令美愈加闪
耀生辉,在这个意义上说,其实世上唯一的真理是分毫不费的。
过了很久我才见到这些短文的作者。
一个星期天早上,我被告知有人正在办公室等我。帮我应门的年轻人说“是个女人,她说
留言是她放的”。看见她的时候,我大吃一惊,因为我立即认出了她是我教区的信徒,只是我
一直不知道那些短文是她写的。她坐在办公室的一张椅子上,两手摊在大腿上,低垂着头。
在抬头看我的时候,她微笑起来却十分费劲。那是一张破了相的脸,外科手术使她的脸皮绷
得紧紧的,笑对她来说是很困难的。为了去除脸上碍眼的肉瘤,她接受了手术治疗,这令她
吃尽苦头。
那个星期天早上我们聊了一会儿,并决定那个星期再找个时间一起吃午饭。
后来我们不止吃了一顿午饭,而是好几顿。每次一起吃饭,她都戴着一顶帽子。我想可
能是她接受的某种治疗使她掉了不少头发。我们分享了各自生活中的点点滴滴。我跟她讲我
读书和成长的故事,她告诉我她在一家保险公司里已经工作多年了。她从没有提过自己的家
庭,我也没有问。
我们还谈到大家都读过的作家作品,不难发现她非常喜欢看书。
这些年我经常想起她,在这个以外表、地位和财富等虚名浮利挂帅的社会中,她是怎样
挣扎着一路挺过来的呢?毁掉的容颜使她怎么也无法变得迷人。我知道这深深地刺痛着她。
如果她长得漂亮,她的生命轨迹会不会有所不同呢?有可能。可她有种独特的灵气和
美,与外表完全无关。她的话能轻而易举地征服人心,她正是我们要聆听的声音。她的隽语
出于一颗受过伤却充满爱的心,就像所有人的心一样,只不过她比别人更注重对心灵的关
注,更用心去体会生活并从中学习。她拥有一种细腻的美感。她生命里唯一的恐惧就是失去
朋友。
我们究竟要花多长时间,才能达到如此高度的成熟?最终能否达到还是个未知数呢。我
们总是觉得身心疲惫,怀才不遇,只顾为眼前的不足忧心忡忡,却忘了珍视一些历久弥新的
东西。友谊珍贵而美好,只需我们用心呵护——有时候简简单单的表示就足够了,譬如偶尔
写几句话给朋友,或者在篮子里放几张优美动人的字条,希望能与大家共享这美妙的感觉,
记住这美好的时刻。
她生命的真谛就是要透过事物的表面一睹其真正的本质。她发现了美丽与优雅,而它们
也待她如友,为她呈现生命的真谛。
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