Happy Father's Day, Dad　爸爸，父亲节快乐

　　Today I was at the shopping mall and I spent a lot of time reading the Father’s Day cards. They allhad a special message that in some way or another reflected how I feel about you. Yet as I selectedand read, and selected and read again, it occurred to me that not a single card said what I reallywant to say to you.

　　You’ll soon be 84 years old, Dad, and you and I will have had 55 Father’s Days together. I haven’talways been with you on Father’s Day nor have I been with you for all of your birthdays. It wasn’tbecause I didn’t want to be with you. I’ve always been with you in my heart but sometimes lifegets in the way.

　　You know, Dad, there was a time when we were not only separated by the generation gap butcompletely polarized by it. You stood on one side of the Great Divide and I on the other, fatherand daughter split apart by age and experience, opinions, hairstyles, cosmetics¹, clothing,music,curfews, and boys.

　　The Father-Daughter Duel² of ‘54 shifted into high gear when you taught me to drive the oldDodge and I decided³ I would drive the ‘54 Chevy whether you liked it or not. The police officerwho escortedme home after you reported the Chevy stolen late one evening was too young tounderstand father-daughter politics and too old to have much tolerance⁴ for a snotty 16 year old.

　　You were so decent about it, Dad, and I think that was probably what made it the worst night ofmy life.

　　Our relationship improved immensely when I married a man you liked, and things really turnedaround when we begin making babies right and left. We didn’t have a television set, you know,and we had to entertain ourselves somehow. I didn’t know what to expect of you and Mom asgrandparents but I didn’t have to wait long to find out. Those babies adored you then just as theyadore you now. When I see you with all your grandchildren, I know you’ve given them the finestgift a grandparent can give. You’ve given them yourself.

　　Somewhere along the line, the generation gap evaporated. Age separates us now and little else. Weagree on most everything, perhaps because we’ve learned there isn’t much worth disagreeingabout. However, I would like to mention that fly fishing isn’t all you’ve cracked it up to be, Dad.

　　You can say what you want about wrist action and stance and blah, blah, blah...

　　I’ve been happily drifting for a lot of years, Dad, and I didn’t see you getting older.

　　I suppose I saw us and our relationship as aging together, rather like a fine wine. Numbers neverseemed important. But the oddest thing happened last week. I was at a stop sign and I watched asyou turned the corner in your car. It didn’t immediately occur to me that it was you because theman driving looked so elderly and fragile behind the wheel of that huge car. It was rather like aslap in the face delivered from out of nowhere. Perhaps I saw your age for the first time that day.

　　Or maybe I saw my own.

　　Fifty years ago this spring we planted kohlrabi together in a garden in Charles City, Iowa.

　　I didn’t know then that I would remember that day for the rest of my life. This week, we’ll plantkohlrabi together again, perhaps for the last time but I hope not. I don’t understand why plantingkohlrabi with you is so important to me but it is. And the funny thing about it is, well, I don’tknow quite how to tell you this, Dad...I don’t even like kohlrabi... but I like planting it with you.

　　I guess what I’m trying to say, Dad, is what every son and daughter wants to say to their Dadtoday. Honoring a Father on Father’s Day is about more than a Dad who brings home a paycheck,shares a dinner table, and attends school functions, graduations, and weddings. It isn’t even somuch about kohlrabi, ‘54 Chevrolets, and fly- fishing. It’s more about unconditionally⁵ lovingchildren who are snotty and stubborn, who know everything and won’t listen to anyone. It’s aboutrespect and sharing and acceptance and tolerance and giving and taking. It’s about loving someonemore than words can say，and it’s wishing that it never had to end.

　　I love you, Dad.

　　亲爱的爸爸：

　　今天我在商场购物的时候，花了好长时间阅读有关“父亲节”的贺卡。那些卡片上的文字很特别，也或多或少地表达出了我对您的感受。我挑选读过一次后，又挑选读了一遍，这才意识到，我想对您说的话，并不是一张贺卡就能表达出来的。

　　爸爸，很快您就要84岁了，您和我也将度过这第55个“父亲节”。“父亲节”的那天，我总是不能和您在一起，连您过生日的时候我也是这样。但这并不是因为我不想陪在您身边。其实，在我心里，我总是和您在一起。不过，有的时候，生活也会有差错。

　　爸爸，您也知道，曾有一段时间，我们父女俩因为代沟不在一起生活，比如年龄、个人阅历、观点、发型、化妆品、服装、音乐、作息时间以及男朋友，因为这些，我们的观点也非常对立。您站在“大分离”的一端，我站在“大分离”的另一端。

　　那时，您教我学开那部道奇旧车，可我却不管您喜不喜欢，执意要开雪佛兰54那辆车。当时，我们父女俩关于雪佛兰汽车的争执也调到了最高挡。可那天晚上，您却报警说雪佛兰车被盗。之后，一个警官护送我回家，可他太年轻了，根本不明白我们父女俩之间的政治斗争，可他也不小了，对一个16岁的流鼻涕的小孩没有足够的宽容心。爸爸，您对这件事倒是处理得很体面，可我却觉得那是我一生中最糟糕的一个夜晚。

　　在我嫁给了一个您喜欢的女婿后，我们俩的关系才缓和了很多。后来，我和您的女婿为了好好生个孩子，就转身离开了，我们之间的那些事情也就结束了。您也知道，我和您女婿没有电视机，就只好自娱自乐了。我不知道作为外公外婆的您和妈妈还有什么可期待的，但是，没过多久我就找到了答案。过去那些孩子崇拜您，现在他们还像以前那样爱慕您。

　　当我看见您和您的外孙在一起的时候，我知道您已经给了他们最好的礼物，您把心都掏给他们了。

　　就是这样，我们之间的代沟慢慢消失了。现在年龄和其他问题的差异把您和我分开，可我们在大多数事情上的看法都是一样的，这可能是因为我们明白了没有什么值得我们争辩吧。无论如何，我想提示一下的是，爸爸，飞蝇钓鱼是您最喜欢的一种钓法，关于手腕动作和站姿您爱怎么说就怎么说，以及那些没用的话什么的……爸爸，虽然我已经漂泊很多年了，但是我很快乐。然而，我发现您没有变老。

　　随着年龄的增长，我认为我们之间的关系慢慢地融洽了好多，像是一瓶美酒，越陈越香。

　　家人看起来好像没有一点意义似的。但是，上周发生了一件最不寻常的事情。我站在停车标志旁，看见您开着车要拐弯。可是我并没有立刻反应过来那是您，因为那个男人开着车，又在那部大车的车轮后面，就显得他岁数很大，身体也很虚弱的样子。可我却感到，仿佛从哪飞来一记耳光重重地打在我脸上。也许，那是我第一次“看见”您的年龄。也许，只有我自己看见罢了。

　　五十年前的一个春天，我们在艾奥瓦州查尔斯市的一个花园一起栽下苤蓝菜。

　　当时我并不知道，我一辈子也不会忘记那一天。这一周，我们还要在一起栽苤蓝菜，这是第二次。也许这是最后一次了，可我并不希望那样。我不明白为什么和您一起栽苤蓝菜让我感到很有意义，但对我来说实在是太重要了。而且，有意思的地方是，我不知道该怎么和您说这事，爸爸……我甚至不喜欢苤蓝菜……但是，我却喜欢和您一起栽苤蓝菜的感觉。

　　爸爸，我想我要说的话，就是每个做儿女的今天想要和他们爸爸说的话。过“父亲节”，尊重一位父亲，决不仅仅是因为爸爸给家里挣多少钱、和家人一起共进晚餐、参加学校活动、参加毕业典礼和婚礼的原因，也不止是一起栽苤蓝菜、开雪佛兰54车和飞蝇钓鱼的事，也不止是您无条件地爱那些流鼻涕又很淘气，而且什么都懂，就是不听话的孩子。这就是尊重对方、分享快乐、接纳和宽容、给予和接受吧。爱一个人是言语表达不了的，希望这些永不终止，从未结束。

　　我也爱您，爸爸。

 

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