完美范文:美国雅思老师的雅思范文及点评
文章来源: 文章作者: 发布时间:2008-01-14 06:37 字体: [ ]  进入论坛
(单词翻译:双击或拖选)
中国人写的雅思作文有结构但语言不够地道;外国人写的文章够地道,但又不符合雅思的标准,因此,市面上总找不到“完美”的雅思例文。如今,这里有一篇研究和教授雅思的美国老师写的一篇雅思作文范文,大家不妨来学习分享一下。
  Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
  Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the‘real world’when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties . The implications and veracity1 of this argument seem self-evident, but in fact require closer examination.
  点评:1+ 1 ‘模式,即最后 1 句为主题句。此段的主题句稍微有点特殊,它的确否定了前面所提到的观点,从而表达出了自己的观点,此外还引出了下文。特别是最后半句,感觉是在抛砖引玉。
  The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck2, and are thus naturally better suited to stretching money when times get tough in adulthood3. Inversely4, the children of wealthy families, thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths, are believed to be completely ignorant of the value of money, having had everything provided for them in their youth and oftentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in adulthood. They are believed to be prone5 to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief, though logical, overlooks one key point which is , of course, education.
  点评: 1 ‘+3 模式,第 1 句是主题句。从此段的内容来看,这是个让步段(即分析自己并不赞成的观点)。虽然 4 段论的作文的主体段是两面讨论,但是本人还是喜欢这样的写作,即主体段的观点还是有侧重的,把让步段放在前面,最后一句话引出下一段,这样过渡很自然,而且自己的观点也比较明确。
  The basis of this argument is, of course, knowing the value of money, and the idea that children of the poor know this, and those of the wealthy do not . Who though, is in a better position to teach their children the value of money; someone skilled in earning and keeping it, the wealthy parent, or someone who can not seem to acquire it, the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money, whether it is formal, or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education. (101words)
  点评:这段的内容感觉写得不够直接,还是在分析对方观点的漏洞。前面让步段已经这么写过了,那么这一段最好是正面地论证自己的观点。此外,需要说明的是,作者的内容还是有一定深度,但是这是要有一定的英语功底才行的。如果英语功底不行的话,建议内容不要写太深,因为那样容易造成考官看不懂你在说什么。
  A poor child may believe that one can get along, if not as easily, without wealth. A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management; the key to developing this skill is education.
  点评:最后一段有点像是提出解决这个问题的办法,即 education. 它没有像传统的结尾段那样简单的重申自己的观点。
  总结:作者很明显是不赞成题目的说法,但是作者自己是更偏向穷人家的孩子呢,还是富人家的孩子呢?根据文章来看,作者是中立,他所看重的是他们所接受的教育。整篇文章是一个中立的写法。在雅思考试中,这种写法经常使用,还是非常实用的,大家可以学习一下。此外,文章中有很多好词好句,特别是长句,值得模仿一下。


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 veracity AHwyC     
n.诚实
参考例句:
  • I can testify to this man's veracity and good character.我可以作证,此人诚实可靠品德良好。
  • There is no reason to doubt the veracity of the evidence.没有理由怀疑证据的真实性。
2 buck ESky8     
n.雄鹿,雄兔;v.马离地跳跃
参考例句:
  • The boy bent curiously to the skeleton of the buck.这个男孩好奇地弯下身去看鹿的骸骨。
  • The female deer attracts the buck with high-pitched sounds.雌鹿以尖声吸引雄鹿。
3 adulthood vKsyr     
n.成年,成人期
参考例句:
  • Some infantile actions survive into adulthood.某些婴儿期的行为一直保持到成年期。
  • Few people nowadays are able to maintain friendships into adulthood.如今很少有人能将友谊维持到成年。
4 inversely t4Sx6     
adj.相反的
参考例句:
  • Pressure varies directly with temperature and inversely with volume. 压力随温度成正比例变化,与容积成反比例变化。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The amount of force needed is inversely proportional to the rigidity of the material. 需要的力度与材料的硬度成反比。 来自《简明英汉词典》
5 prone 50bzu     
adj.(to)易于…的,很可能…的;俯卧的
参考例句:
  • Some people are prone to jump to hasty conclusions.有些人往往作出轻率的结论。
  • He is prone to lose his temper when people disagree with him.人家一不同意他的意见,他就发脾气。
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