Bloopers of children_宗教笑话

Bloopers of children

文章来源：文章作者：发布时间：2007-01-23 07:28 字体： [大中小]　进入论坛

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Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian¹ and Jewish persuasion²:

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated³ the Philistines⁴ with the axe⁵ of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward⁶, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments⁷.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.

The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar⁸. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines⁹.

When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus and the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption.

St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated¹⁰ the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.

He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels¹¹.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted¹² to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

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收听单词发音

1 Christian
adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒
参考例句：
They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。 His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。

2 persuasion
n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派
参考例句：
He decided to leave only after much persuasion.经过多方劝说，他才决定离开。 After a lot of persuasion,she agreed to go.经过多次劝说后，她同意去了。

3 slated
用石板瓦盖( slate的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
Yuki is working up an in-home phonics program slated for Thursdays, and I'm drilling her on English conversation at dinnertime. Yuki每周四还有一次家庭语音课。我在晚餐时训练她的英语口语。 Bromfield was slated to become U.S. Secretary of Agriculture. 布罗姆菲尔德被提名为美国农业部长。

4 philistines
n.市侩，庸人( philistine的名词复数 )；庸夫俗子
参考例句：
He accused those who criticized his work of being philistines. 他指责那些批评他的作品的人是对艺术一窍不通。来自辞典例句 As an intellectual Goebbels looked down on the crude philistines of the leading group in Munich. 戈培尔是个知识分子，看不起慕尼黑领导层不学无术的市侩庸人。来自辞典例句

5 axe
n.斧子；v.用斧头砍，削减
参考例句：
Be careful with that sharp axe.那把斧子很锋利，你要当心。 The edge of this axe has turned.这把斧子卷了刃了。

6 afterward
adv.后来；以后
参考例句：
Let's go to the theatre first and eat afterward. 让我们先去看戏，然后吃饭。 Afterward,the boy became a very famous artist.后来，这男孩成为一个很有名的艺术家。

7 amendments
（法律、文件的）改动( amendment的名词复数 )；修正案；修改；（美国宪法的）修正案
参考例句：
The committee does not adequately consult others when drafting amendments. 委员会在起草修正案时没有充分征求他人的意见。 Please propose amendments and addenda to the first draft of the document. 请对这个文件的初稿提出修改和补充意见。

8 liar
n.说谎的人
参考例句：
I know you for a thief and a liar!我算认识你了，一个又偷又骗的家伙！ She was wrongly labelled a liar.她被错误地扣上说谎者的帽子。

9 porcupines
n.豪猪，箭猪( porcupine的名词复数 )
参考例句：
Porcupines use their spines to protect themselves. 豪猪用身上的刺毛来自卫。 The59 victims so far include an elephant, dromedaries, monkeys and porcupines. 目前为止，死亡的动物包括大象、峰骆驼、子以及豪猪。来自互联网

10 enunciated
v.（清晰地）发音( enunciate的过去式和过去分词 )；确切地说明
参考例句：
She enunciated each word slowly and carefully. 她每个字都念得又慢又仔细。 His voice, cold and perfectly enunciated, switched them like a birch branch. 他的话口气冰冷，一字一板，有如给了他们劈面一鞭。来自辞典例句

11 decibels
n.分贝( decibel的名词复数 )
参考例句：
The typical lawn mower makes about 90 decibels of noise. 典型的割草机发出的声响约为90分贝。来自《简明英汉词典》 A normal conversation reaches 55 decibels. 普通的谈话即可达55分贝。来自《简明英汉词典》

12 cavorted
v.跳跃( cavort的过去式 )
参考例句：
URGELLING, India-He drank wine, cavorted with women and wrote poetry that spoke of life's earthly pleasures. 他喝着酒，和女人跳着舞，写着述说生命最纯美的诗。来自互联网 St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 圣保罗欢闹了基督教。他传讲了圣恶毒，就是婚姻的另一个名字。来自互联网

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