A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.

A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit¹. The spotted² handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."

The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: "Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."

The man is really furious now, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint.

A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup⁴. Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your head, stick your wooden leg up your ass³ - go as a toffee apple."

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