1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating¹ a plan to rob the food bank.

4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic² bond with Abe Lincoln.

5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore.

5. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. Your rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

7. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

8. You think of a lottery³ ticket as an investment.

9. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

10. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments⁴.

11. At communion you go back for seconds.

12. You wash your toilet paper.

13. You have to save up to be poor.

14. You're in college.

15. On thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of a thanksgiving meal.

16. You owe yourself money.

17. You are sterilizing⁵ your urine for reconsumption.

18. Your imaginary friend has more money than you.

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