THE ALGORE VIRUS:
Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting.

THE CLINTON VIRUS:
Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.

THE BOB DOLE¹ VIRUS (as the VIAGRA VIRUS):
Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy².

THE LEWINSKY VIRUS:
Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did.

THE JESSE JACKSON TROJAN:
Generates a new file while claiming to clean the Clinton Virus, then hides for 18 months.

THE RONALD REAGAN VIRUS:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

THE MIKE TYSON VIRUS:
Quits after two bytes.

THE OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS:
Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb.

THE JACK³ KEVORKIAN VIRUS:
Deletes all old files.

THE ELLEN DEGENERES VIRUS:
Rejects the insertion of any disks.

THE PROZAC VIRUS:
Totally screws up your RAM⁴, but your processor doesn't care.

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS:
Only attacks minor⁵ files.

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS:
Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

and ...

THE LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS:
Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

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