Top ten answers I always wanted to give to women but never have (and had to keep on dealing¹ with an acute sense of repression² of my true nature):
No, we can't be friends, I just want to use you for sex.
The dress doesn't make you look fat, it's all the pizzas and chocolate you eat that make you actually fat.
Of course I'll call you. When I need to have sex again.
No, I wont³ be gentle. Of course you have to swallow.
Well yes, actually, I do this all the time.
After breaking wind) No, I don't like stupid friends.
No, you will never see me again after tonight.
No, I don't care about your feelings.
Foreplay? I don't even know how to spell the word.

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