Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment¹ enough for me.

An escalator never breaks . . . it only becomes stairs




When you get older, lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

What will today's younger generation tell their children they had to do "without"?

If you're doing the speed limit, you're in the way.




18 out of 10 schizophrenics agree

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Bumper² Sticker: Excuse me for driving so closely in front of you.

Today is the last day of your life, so far.





People never grow up; they just learn how to act in public.

One half of the world will never understand the other half and it
doesn't matter which half you're in.

No matter how bad it gets, I'm rich at the dollar store.

The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can't hold it.





The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.

If you want to know more about paranoids, follow them around.

Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.

The reason Las Vegas is so crowded is that no one has the plane fare
to leave.

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