A small, rural West Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla¹. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined² the problem, the gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas³ of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators⁴ noticed Ed, a part time, redneck intern⁵, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages.

Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed⁶ ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to fuck the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly⁷, you must never tell anyone about this."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

"Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."