How to install a Redneck wireless¹ security system:

Go to a second-hand² store, buy a pair of men's used work boots ... a really big pair.

Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

Put a dog dish beside it ... a really big dish.

Leave a note on your front door that says something like this:

"Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition³ - back in 30 minutes. Don't disturb the pit bulls, they've just been wormed."