Light bulb lawyers_司法笑话

Light bulb lawyers

文章来源：文章作者：发布时间：2007-01-24 06:44 字体： [大中小]　进入论坛

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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A0: Three; one to do it and two to sue him for malpractice.

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

A3: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously¹ agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting², elucidation³, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation⁴ at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes⁵.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation⁶ should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized⁷ by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership⁸."

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur⁹, two to research precedents¹⁰, one to dictate¹¹ a letter, one to stipulate¹², five to turn in their time cards, one to depose¹³, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

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收听单词发音

1 previously
adv.以前，先前（地）
参考例句：
The bicycle tyre blew out at a previously damaged point.自行车胎在以前损坏过的地方又爆开了。 Let me digress for a moment and explain what had happened previously.让我岔开一会儿，解释原先发生了什么。

2 lighting
n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光
参考例句：
The gas lamp gradually lost ground to electric lighting.煤气灯逐渐为电灯所代替。 The lighting in that restaurant is soft and romantic.那个餐馆照明柔和而且浪漫。

3 elucidation
n.说明，阐明
参考例句：
The advertising copy is the elucidation text,which must be written according to the formula of AIDA. 文案是说明文，应基本遵照AIDA公式来写作。来自互联网 Fourth, a worm hole, elucidation space-time can stretch, compression, rent, also is deduced time-travel this idea. 第四，有了虫洞，就说明时空可以被拉伸、压缩、撕裂，也就推导出了时空旅行这个想法。来自互联网

4 elevation
n.高度；海拔；高地；上升；提高
参考例句：
The house is at an elevation of 2,000 metres.那幢房子位于海拔两千米的高处。 His elevation to the position of General Manager was announced yesterday.昨天宣布他晋升总经理职位。

5 statutes
成文法( statute的名词复数 )；法令；法规；章程
参考例句：
The numerous existing statutes are complicated and poorly coordinated. 目前繁多的法令既十分复杂又缺乏快调。来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法 Each agency is also restricted by the particular statutes governing its activities. 各个机构的行为也受具体法令限制。来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法

6 rotation
n.旋转；循环，轮流
参考例句：
Crop rotation helps prevent soil erosion.农作物轮作有助于防止水土流失。 The workers in this workshop do day and night shifts in weekly rotation.这个车间的工人上白班和上夜班每周轮换一次。

7 authorized
a.委任的，许可的
参考例句：
An administrative order is valid if authorized by a statute.如果一个行政命令得到一个法规的认可那么这个命令就是有效的。

8 partnership
n.合作关系，伙伴关系
参考例句：
The company has gone into partnership with Swiss Bank Corporation.这家公司已经和瑞士银行公司建立合作关系。 Martin has taken him into general partnership in his company.马丁已让他成为公司的普通合伙人。

9 demur
v．表示异议，反对
参考例句：
Without demur, they joined the party in my rooms. 他们没有推辞就到我的屋里一起聚餐了。 He accepted the criticism without demur. 他毫无异议地接受了批评。

10 precedents
引用单元；范例( precedent的名词复数 )；先前出现的事例；前例；先例
参考例句：
There is no lack of precedents in this connection. 不乏先例。 He copied after bad precedents. 他仿效恶例。

11 dictate
v.口授；(使)听写；指令，指示，命令
参考例句：
It took him a long time to dictate this letter.口述这封信花了他很长时间。 What right have you to dictate to others?你有什么资格向别人发号施令？

12 stipulate
vt.规定，（作为条件）讲定，保证
参考例句：
International rules stipulate the number of foreign entrants.国际规则规定了外国参赛者的人数。 Some manufacturers stipulate the price at which their goods are to be sold.有些制造商规定出售他们生产的商品的价格。

13 depose
vt.免职；宣誓作证
参考例句：
The witness is going to depose.证人即将宣誓做证。 The emperor attempted to depose the Pope.皇帝企图废黜教皇。

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