On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander.

The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of £100 pound per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice.

The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up.

"I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war.

"Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's £7000."

Secondly¹ a marine² states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched.

"Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's £7500."

Thirdly he asks the explosives expert.

"I'll have measured the tip of my dick to he end of my balls sahr!"

The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls soldier?"

The soldier smiles at him and says, "Falkland Islands sahr!"