ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy¹

 

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion²

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime³

 

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

 

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

 

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

 

PROPENSITY⁵ TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

 

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING⁶ YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking⁷ me in the ribs⁸ and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

点击收听单词发音