by John Hollander

    Now at the turn of the year this coil of clay

    Bites its own tail： a New Year starts to choke

    On the old one's ragged¹ end.  I bite my tongue

    As the end of me——of my rope of stuff and nonsense

    （The nonsense held， it was the stuff that broke），

    Of bones and light， of levity² and crime，

    Of reddish clay and hope——still bides³ its time.

    Each of my pots is quite unusable，

    Even for contemplating⁴ as an object

    Of gross unuse.  In its own mode of being

    Useless， though， each of them remains⁵ unique，

    Subject to nothing， and themselves unseeing，

    Stronger by virtue⁶ of what makes them weak.

    I pound at all my clay.  I pound the air.

    This senseless lump， slapped into something like

    Something， sits bound around by my despair.

    For even as the great Creator's free

    Hand shapes the forms of life， so——what？  This pot，

    Unhollowed solid， too full of itself，

    Runneth over with incapacity.

    I put it with the others on the shelf.

    These tiny cups will each provide one sip⁷

    Of what's inside them， aphoristic⁸ prose

    Unwilling⁹， like full arguments， to make

    Its points， then join them in extended lines

    Like long draughts¹⁰ from the bowl of a deep lake.

    The honey of knowledge， like my milky¹¹ slip，

    Firms slowly up against what merely flows.

    Some of my older pieces bore inscriptions¹²

    That told a story only when you'd learned

    How not to read them： LIVE reverted¹³ to EVIL，

    EROS kept running backwards¹⁴ into SORE.

    Their words， all fired up for truth， got burned.

    I'll not write on weak vessels¹⁵ any more.

    My juvenalia？  I gave them names

    In those days： Hans was all handles and no spout¹⁶；

    Bernie believed the whole world turned about

    Himself alone； Sadie was close to James

    （But Herman touched her bottom when he could）；

    Paul fell to pieces； Peter wore away

    To nothing； Len was never any good；

    Alf was a flat， random¹⁷ pancake， May

    An opened blossom； Bud was an ash-tray.

    Even their names break off， though； Whatsisface，

    That death-mask of Desire， and——you know！——

    The smaller version of that （Oh， what was it？——

    You know . . .）  All of my pots now have to go

    By number only.  Which is no disgrace.

    Begin with being——in an anagram

    Of unending——conclude in some dark den¹⁸；

    This is no matter.  What I've been， I am：

    What I will be is what I make of all

    This clay， this moment. Now begin again . . .

    Poured out of emptiness， drop by slow drop，

    I start up at the quarreling sounds of water.

    Pots cry out silently at me to stop.

    What are we like？ A barrelfull of this

    Oozy¹⁹ wet substance， shadow-crammed， whose smudges

    Of darkness lurk²⁰ within but rise to kiss

    The fingers that disturb the gently edges

    Of their bland²¹ world of shapelessness and bliss²².

    The half-formed cup cries out in agony，

    The lump of clay suffers a silent pain.

    I heard the cup， though， full of feeling， say

    "O clay be true， O clay keep constant to

    Your need to take， again and once again，

    This pounding from your mad creator who

    Only stops hurting when he's hurting you."

    What will I then have left behind me？  Over

    The years I have originated some

    Glazes²³ that wear away at what they cover

    And weep for what they never can become.

    My Deadware， widely imitated； blue

    Skyware of an amazing lightness； tired

    Hopewear that I abandoned for my own

    Good reasons； Hereware； Thereware； ware²⁴ that grew

    Weary of everything that earth desired；

    Hellware that dances while it's being fired，

    Noware that vanishes while being thrown.

    Appearing to be silly， wisdom survives

    Like tribes of superseded²⁵ gods who go

    Hiding in caves of triviality

    From which they laughingly control our lives.

    So with my useless pots： safe from the blow

    Of carelessness， or outrage²⁶ at their flaws，

    They brave time's lion and his smashing paws.

    ——All of which tempts²⁷ intelligence to call

    Pure uselessness one more commodity.

    The Good-for-Nothing once became our Hero，

    But images of him， laid-back， carelessly

    Laughing， were upright statues after all.

    From straight above， each cup adds up to zero.

    Clay to clay： Soon I shall indeed become

    Dumb as these solid cups of hardened mud

    （Dull terra cruda colored like our blood）；

    Meanwhile the slap and thump²⁸ of palm and thumb

    On wet mis-shapenness begins to hum

    With meaning that was silent for so long.

    The words of my wheel's turning come to ring

    Truer than Truth itself does， my great

    Ding Dong-an-sich that echoes everything

    （Against it even lovely bells ring wrong）：

    Its whole voice gathers up the purest parts

    Of all our speech， the vowels²⁹ of the earth，

    The aspirations³⁰ of our hopeful hearts

    Or the prophetic sibilance of song.

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