HAVING obtained an audience of the King an Ingenious Patriot¹ pulled
a paper from his pocket, saying:

  "May it please your Majesty², I have here a formula for constructing
armour³-plating which no gun can pierce.  If these plates are
adopted in the Royal Navy our warships⁴ will be invulnerable, and
therefore invincible⁵.  Here, also, are reports of your Majesty's
Ministers, attesting⁶ the value of the invention.  I will part with
my right in it for a million tumtums."

  After examining the papers, the King put them away and promised him
an order on the Lord High Treasurer⁷ of the Extortion Department for
a million tumtums.

  "And here," said the Ingenious Patriot, pulling another paper from
another pocket, "are the working plans of a gun that I have
invented, which will pierce that armour.  Your Majesty's Royal
Brother, the Emperor of Bang, is anxious to purchase it, but
loyalty⁸ to your Majesty's throne and person constrains⁹ me to offer
it first to your Majesty.  The price is one million tumtums."

  Having received the promise of another check, he thrust his hand
into still another pocket, remarking:

  "The price of the irresistible¹⁰ gun would have been much greater,
your Majesty, but for the fact that its missiles can be so
effectively averted¹¹ by my peculiar¹² method of treating the armour
plates with a new- "

  The King signed to the Great Head Factotum¹³ to approach.

  "Search this man," he said, "and report how many pockets he has."

  "Forty-three, Sire," said the Great Head Factotum, completing the
scrutiny¹⁴.

  "May it please your Majesty," cried the Ingenious Patriot, in
terror, "one of them contains tobacco."

  "Hold him up by the ankles and shake him," said the King; "then
give him a check for forty-two million tumtums and put him to
death.  Let a decree issue declaring ingenuity¹⁵ a capital offence."

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