3. Parental¹ Piety² Is Taken to Extremes The dictionary defines “filial piety” as “a son's or daughter's obedience³ to and respect for parents”。 It is a pity that in reality the implication of this expression has changed in China, a nation so proud of this virtue⁴. It so happened in a department store that an old couple, after careful selection and much hesitation⁵, fumhled 600 yuan from their pockets for a quality down quilt, smiling wi.t.h content when. the package was handed over the counter.“It's so good to see the elderly spend their savings⁶ for their own sake. There aren't many old people who buy expensi.ve commodities for themselves these days,” commented a. aged⁹" target="_blank">middle-aged⁸ paaer-by.
　　“We really should be a bit hedonistic, shouldn't. we？”The old couple's smile froze on hearing the words. “It's actually for my youngest son. He's getting married soon,” sighed the old man. The passer-by nodded understandingly, “Show filial piety to your son, eh？” she said half jokingly. Her words were greeted by a fit of hollow laughter. This role reversal-piety to one' s children-is not uncommon¹⁰, in rural areas and cities alike.
　　Parents save every penny for a child to enter a self-paid college if he or she fails university entrance exams. They empty their pockets for a son or daughter's wedding. They do all the household chores for a child living together with them. Without exaggeration, Chinese parents are the most thoughtful and considerate of parents in the world. Just visit an amusement park on Sunday and you will see how true this statement is.
　　When Chinese parents, or grandparents, accompany their children to amusement parks, rarely do they ride the roller coaster or the wonder wheel； not because they are too timid, but because they are simply too busy queuing up for their children. In much the same way, they would sacrifice their own interests for the happiness of their offspring. A 1990 survey in Bengbu, Anhui Province, found 62 per cent of the younger families owned colour TV sets； compared with 23 per cent in older families. While 61 per cent of younger families possessed¹¹ refrigerators and 80 per cent had washing machines, relevant percentages from the older families were 19 and 35. Apart from the older generation's habitual¹² thriftiness¹³, the survey said the aged spend much income on their children. Their savings were further diminished by entertaining their extended families on holidav.
　　In Tianjin, a survey of 100 newly-weds found expenditure¹⁴ for the occasion averaged 11, 380 yuan （ $ 2, 147 ） . Among them, 93 per cent were “sponsored,？by parents, partiaily or totally. That explains, to a large degree, why the homes of most Chinese parents are rather plain, with furniture bought in the 1950s and 1960s. In sharp contrast, the homes of young couples display matching furniture, video cassettes and audio systems. Therr houses are usually carpeted and decorated with wallpaper.
　　When young people do not have houses of their own upon marriage, their parents readily give up the best space in the house, and retreat to smaller north-facing rooms. When grandchildren are born, many grandparents volunteer to be baby-sitters, caring for and bringing up the third generation without complaint. This “piety” towards sons and daughters is very moving indeed. But I can't help thinking that it is more natural for children to leave their parents and live on their own as is the practice in other countries.In this way, children can better develop the habit of working and living independently. The older generation, on the other hand, can enjoy their later years in a more relaxed way.
　　Occasionally, parents may extend financial help to their children if the latter are really in need of it. But they need not lavish¹⁵ care on their grown-up children. It is the children who should practise the virtue of being filial to their old parents. In this way, society would follow a more healthy path of development.
　　4. Bringing up Children [Extract from an interview.]“One reason why the family unit is crumbling¹⁶ is that parents have relinquished¹⁷ their authority over children. The permissive school of thought says, ”Let the child do what he wants to when he wants to, no matter what it is, don't warp¹⁸ his pecsonality, don't thwart¹⁹ him, you'll ruin him for life.？Because of this we've got a generation of spoilt selfcentred brats²⁰ with no respect for their elders. Children always push to see how much they can get away with； if you give them nothing to push against, there are no moral limits,no moral convictions will develop in the children. We have this in the schools-children have much less respect for their teachers nowadays. “How do you define respect？
　　“Realizing that someone else might have desires also. Respect doesn't mean that when someone in authority says ”jump“ you jump——that's the military approach-but young people today, if they have an opinion that's different from yours, then you re the fool and the re right, even if they don't have enough experience to judge.”How do you feel about children using stwearwords？
　　“I never hear them swear, but I saw one of my daughter's diaries and it was fuil of a word that I'd have spanked²¹ her for if she'd said it aloud. Swearing goes against my sensibilities. It's mental laziness. If people aren't allowed to swear they use their brains to find a better word.”Do you think it's just a matter of convention or do you think there's a deeper moral objection to swearing？
　　“I think it' s not done. It' s taboo²² in nice society. We' ve been taught not to swear, and I think well-brought-up people should avoid it. If I ever hear a woman use ”s-h-i-t“ I think a lot less of her.” （Margaret, 43, American）
　　5. Some Hard-working Dads Miss Seeing Their Kids Grow up Dear Ann Landers： A number of my friends work so many hours that they rarely see their children. When they finally make the time,they discover that their children are grown up and have no time for them. I wrote the following piece and you are welcome to share it with your readers if you think it's good enough. Sign me-Lonely, Anywhere, U.S.A. Dear Lonely： It's excellent. You've zeroed in on one of the principal problems of parenthood in the ,80s. Thanks for tossing it my way.
　　Where Did the Years Go？
　　I remember talking to my friend a number of years ago about our children. Mine were 5 and 7 then, just the ages when their daddy means everything to them. I wished that I could have spent more time with my kids but I was too busy working. After all, I wanted to give them all the things I never had when I was growing up. I loved the idea of coming home and having them sit on my lap and tell me about their day. Unfortunately, most days I came home so late that I was only able to kiss them good night after they had gone to sleep.
　　It is amazing how fast kids grow. Before I knew it, they were 9 and 11. I missed seeing them in school plays. Everyone said they were terrific, but the plays always seemed to go on when I was traveling for business or tied up in a special conference. The kids never complained, but I could see the disappointment in their eyes. I kept promising²³ that I would have more time “next year？ But the higher up the corporate²⁴ ladder I climbed, the less time there seemed to be.
　　Suddenly they were no longer 9 and 11. They were 14 and 16. Teenagers. I didn't see my daughter the night she went out on her first date or my son's championship basketball game. Mom made excuses and I managed to telephone and talk to them before they left the house. I could hear the disappointment in their voices, but I explained as best I could.
　　Don't ask where the years have gone. Those little kids are 19 and 21 now and in college. I can't believe it. My job is less demanding and I finally have time for them. But they have their own interests and there is no time for me. To be perfectly²⁵ honest, I'm a little hurt. It seems like yesterday that they were 5 and 7. I'd give anything to live those years over. You can bet your life I'd do it differently. But they are gone now, and so is my chance to be a real dad. 6. Parents Go back to School to Teach Children Better Having abandoned cl.asses²⁶ for more than 10 years, many citizens in Beijing have returned to school only because they have become parents. They seek help to tackle a thorny²⁷ problem： the education of their “only child”。 Some people call these children the “little emperors of China” .“Many parents, either doting²⁸ on their children or behaving badly towards hem⁷, know little about home education and thus make errors, ” said Ding Rong, a teacher from the Fourth Middle School of Beijing.
　　After a pupil was beaten to death by his mother Last year in Northwest hina's Qinghai Province, a survey was made in a Beijing primary school. Of the 36 parents surveyed, everybody knew of the incident yet none were aware of any defects in their system of home education. Surprisingly, some said they would follow suit if their children failed to study properly.“In this sense, parents' schools are badly needed, ” said Zhen Yan, deputy general-secretary of Beijing Research Association of Home Education, which is in charge of more than 3, 500 parents' schools in the city.
　　The purpose of the schools, she said, was to help parents to establish proper position for their children in a family and society and treat them in a more enlightened way. The schools provided a series of lectures on “how to educate your child properly？ advice given by experts and ”Fumu Bidu“ （”How to become good parents“） and a monthly magazine published in Beijing with a circulation of 600, 000.”I never thought I would re-enter school, ？said Xiao Chengjun, a 40-year-old woman worker, “I was taken aback when I was first asked the question 'Do you really know your child？'”
　　Jiang Bo, her 14-year-old son, was a second-year student of Hujialou Middle School in Beijing's Chaoyang District. Of six courses, he failed three of his first term exams. Xiao got angry and beat him, but he showed no improvement. It was not until she took courses in a parents' school that she realized beating is pointless. The following term, Jiang Bo succeeded in all his lessons and helped teach his mother English.
　　“Children are easily affected,” said Ding Rong, “the disharmony, and often the disputes in a family places the child in an awkward position. ”Parents, who are the first teachers of their children, need not only to instruct, but to.be educated, even by their children, said an expert. One pupil complained in a composition that his father, a chain smoker²⁹, always left the smell of smoke in the living room and he could not do his homework there. Another wrote that his father often played mahjong and the noise kept him awake most of the night.
　　“It's the father's fault not to educate his son himself,” is an old saying. “But, it's also the father' s fault if he sets his son a bad example, ” said Zhen Yan. Since China pursues the policy of “one child for one couple”, many parents are expecting too much from their children. In Taoranting Primary School, Beijing , s Xuanwu District, 423 parents, over 87 per cent of the total surveyed, wanted their children to become university students. About half of them threaiened to punish their children if they did not pass their exams.
　　A parents' school set up by the First Experimental Primary School suggested that parents allow their children to take over some household duties on Sundays to build up their sense of responsibility. Some parents admitted they ignored the physiological³⁰ and psychological changes in their children and thus treated them with beatings and scoldings. A parent said, “After attending the class, I know more about my child and she also understands me more. ”

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