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Challenges to a Lasting1 Relationship
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

"Of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and pervasive2 is the belief that falling in love is love or at least one of the manifestations4 of love."  -- M. SCOTT PECK

People who are married or in committed relationships are healthier, wealthier, and happier. So why do more than 60 percent of marriages end in divorce? Why has the national divorce rate climbed more than 200 percent in the last thirty years? And why are fewer people getting married today than ever before?

The answers to these questions are plentiful5, but the main reason is simple. It's easy to "fall" in love, but very few people know how to stay in love. Even though staying in love is our "smartest" choice all the way around! Recent studies on marriage prove it's one of the major ingredients in life-long success for men and women. "

It lengthens6 life, substantially boosts physical and emotional health, and raises income over that of single or divorced people or those who live together," reported an article in the New York Times. Marriage has also been found to boost happiness, reduce the degree of depression, and provide protection from sexually transmitted diseases.

Notepervasive adj. 普遍深入的      manifestation3 n. 显示,表现
ingredient n. 成分,因素        boost v. 推进

So let's wake up, make up, and turn this trend around! One of the most startling pieces of evidence that shows people are not in touch with what's really going on in their partnerships7 is the fact that the majority of people who file for divorce say they didn't think there was a relationship-threatening problem just six months prior to breaking up. Another shocker is that most couples wait six years or more to seek professional help when their relationship is in danger. By the time they do wake up and smell the coffee, it's often too late.

Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship ? whether you're dating or married. Rather than changing partners and ending up this same predicament again, you can learn to have a fabulous8 relationship with the partner you already have! I strongly encourage you to make the relationship you have work, because there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second marriages.

Notestartling adj. 令人吃惊的     in touch with  了解...的情况
file v. 提出申请                    predicament n. 困境

Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem, because half of the "problem" is yours. You can walk out on your marriage, but you can't run away from yourself, no matter how hard you try! Rather than blaming each other, couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through the troubled times and power struggles.

To do this, you must create a "safe" relationship so you can express your needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and conflict. More relationships break up because people don't know how to validate9 each other (that frustration10 escalates11 to become anger) than for any other reason. This is truly a shame, because the skills for "fighting fair" are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience.

One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of expressing ourselves, and different "childhood wounds" that we're trying to heal.

While it may seem like we're from different planets we are actually very much alike when it comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy12. We only behave differently in our quests for closeness. Stop doing what you think is "fair" or "right" and start doing what works! It's not about "working harder" it's about "working smarter".

Notevalidate vt. 使有效,验证      quest n. 追求,探索


1 lasting IpCz02     
  • The lasting war debased the value of the dollar.持久的战争使美元贬值。
  • We hope for a lasting settlement of all these troubles.我们希望这些纠纷能获得永久的解决。
2 pervasive T3zzH     
  • It is the most pervasive compound on earth.它是地球上最普遍的化合物。
  • The adverse health effects of car exhaust are pervasive and difficult to measure.汽车尾气对人类健康所构成的有害影响是普遍的,并且难以估算。
3 manifestation 0RCz6     
  • Her smile is a manifestation of joy.她的微笑是她快乐的表现。
  • What we call mass is only another manifestation of energy.我们称之为质量的东西只是能量的另一种表现形态。
4 manifestations 630b7ac2a729f8638c572ec034f8688f     
  • These were manifestations of the darker side of his character. 这些是他性格阴暗面的表现。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • To be wordly-wise and play safe is one of the manifestations of liberalism. 明哲保身是自由主义的表现之一。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
5 plentiful r2izH     
  • Their family has a plentiful harvest this year.他们家今年又丰收了。
  • Rainfall is plentiful in the area.这个地区雨量充足。
6 lengthens 75eae5d6012f7f4a143f3caa103ace4d     
(时间或空间)延长,伸长( lengthen的第三人称单数 )
  • In summer, the daylight hour lengthens. 夏天,白天的时间长。
  • Summer lengthens (out) into autumn. 夏去秋来。
7 partnerships ce2e6aff420d72bbf56e8077be344bc9     
n.伙伴关系( partnership的名词复数 );合伙人身份;合作关系
  • Partnerships suffer another major disadvantage: decision-making is shared. 合伙企业的另一主要缺点是决定要由大家来作。 来自英汉非文学 - 政府文件
  • It involved selling off limited partnerships. 它涉及到售出有限的合伙权。 来自辞典例句
8 fabulous ch6zI     
  • We had a fabulous time at the party.我们在晚会上玩得很痛快。
  • This is a fabulous sum of money.这是一笔巨款。
9 validate Jiewm     
  • You need an official signature to validate the order.你要有正式的签字,这张汇票才能生效。
  • In order to validate the agreement,both parties sign it.为使协议有效,双方在上面签了字。
10 frustration 4hTxj     
  • He had to fight back tears of frustration.他不得不强忍住失意的泪水。
  • He beat his hands on the steering wheel in frustration.他沮丧地用手打了几下方向盘。
11 escalates 790680411ad69a694a6934c6db897a04     
v.(使)逐步升级( escalate的第三人称单数 );(使)逐步扩大;(使)更高;(使)更大
  • As the challenge escalates, the need for teamwork elevates. 面临的挑战越大,越需要团队协同合作。 来自互联网
  • I cannot understand why a minor disagreement escalates into a fist-fight. 我真不明白为什么一点意见不合就变成了拳头相见。 来自互联网
12 intimacy z4Vxx     
  • His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切,这有点言过其实。
  • I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。