When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

Answer the door with a bloody¹ knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin² yet."

Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!

Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle³ your own beliefs.

Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.

Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince⁴ a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country

A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered⁵ around...

Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.

Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.

Invite them in to see your fine collection of dinosaur⁶ fossils.

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