Husbands and wives married for a long time don't look at marital problems in the same way. When a marriage has troubles, women worry. They become sad. They get frustrated. For men, it's sheer frustration and not much more. In a new Rutgers and University of Michigan study, published in the Journal of Gerontology: Social Sciences, the sociologist who found that 'A Happy Wife, Means a Happy Life' looked at sadness, worry and frustration - among the most common negative emotions reported by older adults - and discovered that men and women in long-term marriages deal with marriage difficulties differently.

 

"The men don't really want to talk about it or spend too much time thinking about it," said Deborah Carr, a professor in the Department of Sociology, School of Arts and Sciences, who studies marital relationships. "Men often don't want to express vulnerable emotions, while women are much more comfortable expressing sadness or worry."

 

Men and women have very different emotional reactions to the strain and support they experience in marriage, Carr said. While talking about issues and offering support makes the wives - who traditionally feel responsible for sustaining the emotional climate of a marriage -- feel good, this only frustrated the husbands surveyed.

 

"For women, getting a lot of support from their spouse is a positive experience," said Carr. "Older men, however, may feel frustrated receiving lots of support from their wife, especially if it makes them feel helpless or less competent."