March 28, 2007

THE PRESIDENT: Thank you, Brian. Laura and I are happy to be here. I'd like to thank the Radio and TV Correspondents Association for providing dinner tonight. And I'd like to thank Senator Webb for providing security. (Laughter and applause.)

I'm glad to see everybody here is enjoying themselves. Don't think I haven't noticed all the drinking that's been going on. (Laughter.) In my State of the Union address, I said we needed to increase the use of ethanol. (Laughter.)

Well, where should I start? A year ago, my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee¹ for the Supreme² Court had just withdrawn³, and my Vice⁴ President had shot someone. (Laughter and applause.) Ahhh, those were the good old days. (Laughter and applause.) Sorry the Vice President couldn't be here. (Laughter.) He's had a rough few weeks. To be honest, his feelings are kind of hurt. He said he was going on vacation to Afghanistan, where people like him. (Laughter.)

You in the press certainly have had a lot to report lately. Take the current controversy⁵. I have to admit we really blew the way we let those attorneys go. You know you botched it when people sympathize with lawyers. (Laughter and applause.)

Speaking of subpoenas⁶, it's good to see Speaker Pelosi tonight. (Laughter.) Well, some have wondered how the two of us would get along. Some say she's bossy⁷, she's opinionated, she's not to be crossed. Hey, I get along with my mother. (Laughter.)

But between the Congress and the press, there is a lot of scrutiny⁸ in this job. Not a day goes by that I don't get scrutineered one way or the other. (Laughter.) The press is a lot tougher the second term. It's reached the point I sometimes call on Helen Thomas just to hear a friendly voice. (Laughter.)

No matter how tough it gets, however, I have no intention of becoming a lame⁹ duck President -- unless, of course, Cheney accidently shoots me in the leg. (Laughter.) Hey, I have 664 days left in the White House. So technically¹⁰, I'm a temporary guest worker. (Laughter.) Considering what's next -- President Clinton, of course, wrote a very successful presidential memoir¹¹, with 10,000 pages or something. (Laughter.) I'm thinking of something really fun and creative for mine -- you know, maybe a pop-up book. (Laughter and applause.)

I'm considering a number of titles -- which do you like? "How W Got His Groove¹² Back." (Laughter.) "Who Moved My Presidency¹³?" Or, "Tuesdays With Cheney"? (Laughter.)

By the way, I'm not sure whether or not Senator Obama is here -- the last I heard he was not coming to the Radio and TV Correspondents dinner -- not enough press. (Laughter.) People Magazine recently had a photo of the Senator there on the beach in Hawaii, his sleek¹⁴, hairless pecs glistening¹⁵ in the surf. (Laughter.) It shows how biased¹⁶ the press is. Have you ever seen a shot like that of Denny Hastert? (Laughter.)

Before I sit down, I do want to say a couple of things. I'm very happy one person who could not be here last year is here tonight, and that's Bob Woodruff. (Applause.) Bob, we know it hasn't been easy. We admire you all the more for what you've overcome, and what you're still overcoming.

And, Ava and Christine and Nicole Bloom, many of us knew your dad. I know life is hard without him. He was such a fine guy. But one thing we've all seen this evening is that he has fine daughters and I know he would be really proud of you. (Applause.)

Someone who is not here tonight is Tony Snow. (Applause.) When Tony called me and told me the outcome of his surgery, my heart just sank. But I know Tony is a fighter. And, Tony, we're all looking forward to the day when you come back to the White House. (Applause.)

Last week we all heard the news about Elizabeth Edwards, and again, your heart just sinks for what she and her family faces. And so, to Bob Woodruff, the Bloom girls, Elizabeth Edwards, Tony Snow, and of course, our men and women in uniform, Laura and I and millions of other Americans are praying for you and your families.

May God bless you, and thank you very much. (Applause.)

END