1
[Bridget] Another year,
a brand new diary.
2
Once again I was summoned,
kicking and screaming,
3
to my mother's turkey curry1 buffet2,
4
where I've had some of the most
shaming experiences of my life.
5
- [doorbell]
- Hello, darling].
6
- Lovely to see you.
- [Magic Moments plays]
7
It was, as usual, crammed3 full
8
with some of the most dangerous perverts
in the UK,
9
disguised as close, personal friends
of my parents.
10
- Hello, Bridg]et.
- Hello, Una.
11
- Oh, no, thanks.
- Love the jumper.
12
- I prefer what's underneath4 it.
- Uncle Geoffrey!
13
- Hello, g]org]eous.
- Hello.
14
- Hello, darling].
- Hello, Dad. How's it g]oing]?
15
I wish I was dead.
16
[Bridget] But this year,
there was one crucial difference.
17
- Nice jumper.
- My mother's taste never falters5.
18
Never.
19
[ The Sound Of Music]
20
[birdsong]]
21
[Bridg]et hums along] with song]]
22
You always wonder how it's going
to work out at the end of the story.
23
Maria and Captain Von Trapp,
24
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs6,
25
Mark Darcy and Bridget Jones.
26
I've found my happy ending at last.
27
And nothing in the world can spoil it.
28
Well, almost nothing.
29
[man] Bridget Jones,
what the fuck are you doing?
30
- l, I can't see anywhere soft to land.
- How about on your arse?
31
Bridg]et, unless you want to g]et sacked
at 6,000 feet,
32
you will be on your way
in exactly three seconds.
33
Three, two, one... cue Bridg]et.
34
Skydiving:
35
a dangerous bane to the countryside
and emergency services,
36
or a safe and exhilarating hobby?
37
Well... Iet's see, shall we?
38
Go. Jump.
39
- For Christ's sakes, g]o!
- [screams]
40
[shrill scream]
41
- She's out. Unit Two, you g]ot her?
- [man] We see her.
42
- Bridg]et, open the chute.
- [Bridget screams]
43
- Open it.
- [Bridget screams]
44
Open your fucking] parachute!
45
[director]
Pull the thingy or you will die!
46
[screams]
47
Oh.
48
[Bridget] Honestly,
you forget just one teeny, weeny detail
49
and everyone treats you like an idiot.
50
[Carly Simon] Nobody does it better
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