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My name is Mary Alice Young.
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When you read this morning's paper, you may come across an article
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about the unusual day I had last week.
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Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life,
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but that all changed last thursday.
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Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first.
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I made breakfast for my family.
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I performed my chores.
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I completed my projects.
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I ran my errands.
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In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day --
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quietly polishing the routine of my life until it gleamed with perfection.
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That's why it was so astonishing when I decided1 to go to my hallway closet
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and retrieve2 a revolver that had never been used.
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My body was discovered by my neighbor mrs. Martha Huber,
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who had been startled by a strange popping sound.
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Her curiosity aroused,
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mrs. Huber tried to think of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced.
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After some initial hesitation3,
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she decided to return the blender she had borrowed from me six months before.
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It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot.
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There's blood everywhere.
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Yes. You've got to send an ambulance. You've got to send one right now.
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And for a moment,
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mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen,
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grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy...
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But only for a moment.
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If there was one thing mrs. Huber was known for,
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it was her ability to look on the bright side.
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I was laid to rest on a monday.
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After the funeral, all the residents of wisteria lane came to pay their respects.
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And, as people do in these situations, they brought food.
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Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken.
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Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken.
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Of course, she didn't cook much while she was moving up the corporate4 ladder.
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She didn't have the time.
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But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant,
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her husband Tom had an idea.
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"Why not quit your job?
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"Kids do better with stay-at-home moms. It would be so much less stressful."
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But this was not the case.
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In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic5,
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she was now forced to get her fried chicken from a fast-food restaurant.
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Lynette would have appreciated the irony6 if she stopped to think about it,
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but she couldn't. She didn't have the time.
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- Stop it !
- But, mom!
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No,
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you are going to behave today.
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I am not going to be humiliated7 in front of the entire neighborhood.
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And just so you know how serious I am...
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