Joke: Several Affairs_愚人笑话

Joke: Several Affairs

文章来源：文章作者：发布时间：2007-03-17 06:23 字体： [大中小]　进入论坛

(单词翻译:双击或拖选)

First Affair

There was a middle-aged¹ couple who had two stunningly² beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided³ to try one last time for the son that they always wanted.
After months of trying, the Wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful⁴ father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified⁵ to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said....."Not this time."

Second Affair

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated⁶. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremanted, he discovered the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity⁷." And with that, the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's member.
The coroner stuffed his prize into his briefcase⁸ and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't beleive." he said, and opened his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screamed....."Schwartz is dead!"

Third Affair

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar andasks for a beer.
"Certainly sir, that'll be one cent."
"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy.
The barman replied "Yes."
So the guy glances over at the menu and he asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"
"Certainly sir" replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"4 cents", he replies.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."

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收听单词发音

1 middle-aged
adj.中年的
参考例句：
I noticed two middle-aged passengers.我注意到两个中年乘客。 The new skin balm was welcome by middle-aged women.这种新护肤香膏受到了中年妇女的欢迎。

2 stunningly
ad.令人目瞪口呆地；惊人地
参考例句：
The cooks, seamstresses and other small investors are stunningly vulnerable to reversals. 那些厨师、裁缝及其他的小投资者非常容易受到股市逆转的影响。 The production cost of this huge passenger liner is stunningly high. 这艘船城造价之高令人惊叹。

3 decided
adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的
参考例句：
This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。 There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

4 joyful
adj.欢乐的，令人欢欣的
参考例句：
She was joyful of her good result of the scientific experiments.她为自己的科学实验取得好成果而高兴。 They were singing and dancing to celebrate this joyful occasion.他们唱着、跳着庆祝这令人欢乐的时刻。

5 horrified
a.(表现出)恐惧的
参考例句：
The whole country was horrified by the killings. 全国都对这些凶杀案感到大为震惊。 We were horrified at the conditions prevailing in local prisons. 地方监狱的普遍状况让我们震惊。

6 cremated
v.火葬，火化（尸体）( cremate的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句：
He wants to is cremated, not buried. 他要火葬，不要土葬。来自《简明英汉词典》 The bodies were cremated on the shore. 他们的尸体在海边火化了。来自辞典例句

7 posterity
n.后裔，子孙，后代
参考例句：
Few of his works will go down to posterity.他的作品没有几件会流传到后世。 The names of those who died are recorded for posterity on a tablet at the back of the church.死者姓名都刻在教堂后面的一块石匾上以便后人铭记。

8 briefcase
n.手提箱，公事皮包
参考例句：
He packed a briefcase with what might be required.他把所有可能需要的东西都装进公文包。 He requested the old man to look after the briefcase.他请求那位老人照看这个公事包。

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