No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.

You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

Never hold a cat when someone is about to vaccuum.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli¹ in a glass of milk.

Don't wear polka-dot underwear² under white shorts.

The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap³.