女人 women

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman

如果你亲她, 那你就没有绅士风度

If you don't, you are not a man

可是如果你不亲她, 那你就不算男子汉!

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying

如果你赞美她, 她会认为你只是在奉承她

If you don't, you are good for nothing

但要是你不赞美她, 那你就一无是处了!

If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp¹

如果你完全同她的话, 那你真无能。

If you don't, you are not understanding

要是你不同意, 那就表示你根本不了解。

If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'

假如你把气氛控制的很浪漫, 你就一定是情场老手。

If you don't you are half a man

如果不是, 那你根本还不够成熟。

If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring

如果你太常去找她, 她会觉得烦腻。

If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing

但是如果你不去找她, 她会责备你欺骗她的感情。

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy

你要是穿的帅一点, 她会说你是花花公子。

If you don't, you are a dull boy

穿的破烂点, 那你又是笨头笨脑的家伙。

If you are jealous, she says it's bad

如果你吃醋, 她会说这样是不对的。

If you don't , she thinks you do not love her

可是如果你完全不吃醋, 她又会认为你根本不爱她。

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her

你如你试图对她调情, 她会认为你不尊重她。

If you don't, she thinks you do not like her

但要是你一直规规矩矩的, 她又会觉得你不喜欢她。

If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait

你若是迟到一分钟, 她会抱怨等的多累多苦。

If she is late, she says that's a girl's way

要是她自己迟到了, 她会说女孩子约会迟到是理所当然的。

If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"

如果你去找你的朋友, 她说你乱花时间。

If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"

如果是她, 她会说 "喔, 这很自然啊, 女孩子都是这样。

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes² you are cold

如果你偶而才吻她一下, 她会到处说你这人很冷漠。

If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage

如果你经常吻她, 她会大叫说你吃她豆腐。

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics³

如果你过马路的时候没有照顾她, 那你这人缺乏道德。

If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction

要是你小心照顾她过马路, 她又会说这是男人的花招。

If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting⁴

你若是凝视某个女人, 她会指责你是到处对女生调情。

If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring

如果是其他男人瞪着她看, 她会说他们只是欣赏而已。

If you talk, she wants you to listen

如果你跟她说话, 她希望你只要听就好。

If you listen, she wants you to talk

如果你只倾听, 她又要你和她说话。

Oh God! you created those creature called "WOMAN'

上天啊, 你创照了这些叫做女人的生物。

So simple, yet so complex

既简单又复杂。

So weak, yet so powerful

如此柔弱, 却又如此强悍。

So confusing, yet so desirable

让人又恼又爱。

So damning, yet so wonderful...

真伤人又奇妙。

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